As the Left goes further Left (i.e. insane), their grasp on reality gets looser than the slots at the world’s least profitable casino. And also the sluts at the aforementioned casinos. Not that I know anything about either, mind you…
This week, the Left found themselves having to explain away crime rates in Washington, DC, after President Donald “the J Stands for Jenius” Trump authorized the federal takeover of Washington, DC’s police department. Whether this was a good idea or a letting-Adam-Kinzinger-teach-you-about-how-to-be-a-man-level bad idea is subject to debate. But it allows us to take a closer look at our nation’s capital and crack a few jokes in the process, so it’s all good on my side!
Washington, DC
What the Left thinks it means – the seat of our government and a well-run and safe city
What it really means – a wretched hive of scum and villainy that makes Mos Eisley look like Amish Country
Washington, DC’s history begins in part with the history of our nation. With the reading, writing, and ratification of the US Constitution, we finally had a seat of government, thanks to Article I, Section 8, Clause 17:
To exercise exclusive Legislation in all Cases whatsoever, over such District (not exceeding ten Miles square) as may, by Cession of particular States, and the Acceptance of Congress, become the Seat of Government of the United States, and to exercise like Authority over all Places purchased by the Consent of the Legislature of the State in which the Same shall be, for the Erection of Forts, Magazines, Arsenals, dock-Yards, and other needful Buildings;–And
And things went downhill from there.
Wait, that’s not exactly fair. There were a few good years in there, and then things went downhill. Today, the capital city is a mixture of Beverly Hills and Belfast after an IRA bender. Depending on who you ask, crime is either the biggest problem there or not a problem at all.
The latter position is the one the Left is going with, by the way.
So, what is the truth? Let’s just say Belfast after an IRA bender is looking a lot like Club Med at times. According to the Department of Justice under President Brick Tamland, crime in DC is at a 30 year low. Others outside of the Leftist hivemind say DC is a dangerous city. But the ones who are often closest to the problem (i.e. the citizens) give a less-than-rosy picture.
From fatal beatings of cancer patients to violent crime victims not being tended to by the police department to a handful of unsolved homicide cases just this year, it’s clear there is a crime problem in Washington, DC. Even those who think DC is safe admit there are shootings.
Wait. Didn’t Washington, DC, have some of the strictest gun laws in the country? Why, yes, yes they did. So surely the people who are concerned about shootings in DC are wrong, right?
Not according to one of the Left’s favorite gun confiscation…I mean control organizations, Everytown for Gun Safety. Their statistics show DC had the 6th highest rate of gun deaths in the entire country.
But surely, those have to be the worst of the criminal activity there, right? Well, unless you count carjacking, which spiked in DC in 2023 and is still an ongoing problem to this day.
The Left is correct to a point about crime declining since 2023. Where they’re not quite telling the truth is omitting a longer time frame for us to study. If we look at numbers beyond 2023, many crimes skyrocketed while few declined. And when you consider the multitude of victim services organizations designed to help people affected by criminal behavior, the logic that Washington, DC, is safe isn’t logicing.
Most of this can be chalked up to political bullshit. Democrats like Chuck Schumer say the crime situation isn’t that bad. Of course, when you’re behind armed security, it’s easy to feel safe or even think you’re a badass. Then again, Leftists think Eric “Fang Fang’s Bitch” Swalwell is a badass, so take that for what you will.
As bad at all of this is, there’s no way it could get any worse, right? I mean, the only way it could get worse would be if a DC Police commander got accused of fudging the numbers to make them appear better.
Oh, wait…
Even if the allegations prove to be more of a nothingburger than having “Kamala Harris speech writer” on your resume, the fact remains DC citizens aren’t buying the spin because it doesn’t match their lived experience. You know, that thing Leftists like to drag out to justify their bullshit social/racial/gender/sexual orientation/whatever justice ideas they want to turn into a scam…I mean a money laundering…I mean a project.
Anyway, the point is the “lowest crime rate since 2023” is this year’s “the flaming dumpster fire of an economy really isn’t that bad” that worked out so well for Queen Kamala the Appointed and her sidekick Tim “No Balls to the” Walz last year.
And for you Leftists reading this right now, it didn’t work. Sorry you had to hear it from me, but better it from me than out on the streets. Or BlueSky, for that matter.
What the Left has to contend with right now is convincing people living in Washington, DC, that what they’re experiencing isn’t what’s really going on. This is some Matrix-level shit right here. The problem isn’t going to be solved by taking a red or blue pill, but it may have something to do with changing from blue politicians to red politicians. Since 1975, the city has had 7 Democrat Mayors and…no Republican Mayors. And if you want to find the last Republican in any meaningful leadership role in the city, you have to go back to 1961, over 60 years ago.
Now, what conclusions can we draw about the safety of Washington, DC, and who has been running the city constantly since the early 60s? I mean, it’s not like someone has compiled crime statistics from the 60s onward, right?
Oh, wait…
Even if you’re not big on making a direct correlation between the aforementioned factors, you don’t have to do that to see what one-party rule of a city has done as it pertains to quality of life. Every major city has crime, but not every major city is in the top ten of violent crime rates, and our nation’s capital came in at number 7 with a bullet. Or a lot of them as the case may be.
You don’t have to be Stevie Wonder to see it may be time for a change of leadership in Washington, DC. Where that gets complicated is in the nature of the District of Columbia itself. Since it’s not a state (not that the Left hasn’t tried to make it one), there is no state-level government to step in. It goes from city leadership to federal leadership, and right now that federal leadership is under the purview of one…Donald J. Trump.
And hilarity ensues.
And by hilarity, I mean Leftists losing their shit, which can be hilarious, so…samesies, I guess?
To be fair, I’m not that keen on any military or National Guard presence on the streets of any community to uphold order because it can lead to a police state very easily. Or at the very least, cries of a police state from Leftists, which is pretty much a given anytime Trump applies even a little pressure on the Leftist hivemind.
This is why I urge caution to anyone who supports Trump’s actions in Washington, DC. You own what happens, good and bad. If you take out a street gang, do it by the book, not by what you wish would happen to them. If you find and detain illegal immigrants, always assume the world is watching and leave zero wiggle room for the critics to complain
And if people could act like they should all the time, DC wouldn’t have a crime problem that the Left could deny.
Regardless, watch your six because you never know who will be there to catch you in a momentary lapse of reason (or some other Pink Floyd album for that matter).
To the Leftists out there who say Washington, DC, is safe, show us by going into some of the rougher neighborhoods with a camera crew and documenting everything you see via live video. Then, we can see for ourselves.
Of course, that’s as likely as Hunter Biden learning how to paint a still life, so I guess we’re fucked there.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Remember the old saying, “Everything’s bigger in Texas”? This week, we saw that was true of political theater.
In a rare mid-decade move, Texas Republicans drew up a redistricting plan that would result in 5 new Republican districts. And because he’s Trump, the President also weighed in, which only added fuel to the fire. As a result of all of this and to prevent a quorum, Texas Democrats took their balls (yes, even the women) and went home. And by home, I mean Illinois.
Because the Left can’t stop bringing up race, Texas Democrats and their national counterparts called this redistricting proposal into gerrymandering that will negatively affect…wait for it…minorities! And since the Left brought it up, we’re going to have to revisit gerrymandering for no other reason than to see the Left have fewer legs to stand on than the unluckiest pirate ever.
gerrymandering
What the Left thinks it means – the only way Republicans can win elections: dishonestly
What it really means – the only way Leftists can win elections: drawing districts like a toddler with a marker and a sugar rush
The concept of gerrymandering isn’t all that new and it started where good ideas and bad execution (i.e. the Big Dig, Ted Kennedy’s driving, the Boston Red Sox, etc.) sometimes go, Massachusetts. Back in the 19th Century, then-Governor Elbridge Gerry signed a bill in 1812 approving a radical redistricting plan for state senate. One Boston Gazette blurb later, and we have a term that’s still being used (or misused, as the case may be) to this very day.
Now, let’s deal with the elephant (and the donkey) in the room. In recent years, any redistricting meets the literal definition of a gerrymander, which is to redraw district lines to maximize the likelihood of one party overpowering all others. That’s part and parcel of modern politics because both major parties want to fuck each other almost as much as they love to fuck the rest of us. And nowhere is that more evident than in the legislative branch. Not so much in the Senate or the state-level equivalents of the Senate because of the way they’re structured, but with the other side?
It’s Fuck-You-Palooza.
If there’s a science to drawing Congressional districts, it’s closer to the Al Gore/Michael Mann “hockey stick graph” variety because the way they’re drawn makes no sense. But there is one thing that cannot be denied: it bears no resemblance to actually representing people in the best possible way.
And leading the way on this front are…Democrats. I know! I never saw this coming!
For decades, Democrats have been drawing districts to have more blacks in Congress because they believe only blacks can represent other blacks. Well, except if the candidate is a black Republican, that is. Then, apparently blacks can only be represented by white Leftists.
Anyway, the point is Leftist redistricting is a nightmare that makes it impossible for any Republican to get so much as a toehold, let alone a foothold, in any Democrat-run district. That makes it pretty much a hereditary kingdom where the leaders get to stay in power as long as they’re breathing, and sometimes even beyond.
That’s why the Texas Democrats running to Illinois to prevent a quorum falls flat for me. Their side has been doing this shit for decades without so much as a twitter (or is it X?) of concern. You see, when they do it, it’s perfectly fine, but when it’s Republicans doing it, it’s the end of democracy as we know it.
Of course, we don’t have a democracy to end, but that’s not the point. The point is Democrats have a double standard, which should surprise no one outside of the Leftist hivemind. This is evident in how Democrats have decided to do if the Texas redistricting plan goes forward. To combat gerrymandering, they’re…going to gerrymander some more.
Fucking brilliant.
The issue Democrats face (aside from being total vindictive asshats) is they’ve pretty much gerrymandered their states to the point there’s nowhere else to gerrymander. For example, California’s Congressional districts are dominated by the Left (which explains in part why the state is a shithole), but if Governor Gavin Newsom gets his way, California Republicans will have to contact the federal government to register as an endangered species.
And other states like New York and Illinois are threatening to follow suit. Although they’re not even on the list of most gerrymandered states, that’s for one pretty big reason: they’re already gerrymandered all to fuck. New York State has 19 Democrat-led districts to 7 Republican-led districts and Illinois has 14 Democrat-led districts to 3 Republican-led districts.
In other words, Democrat gerrymandering is about to crash headlong into the law of diminishing returns. And the maps are going to look even more screwed up, all because the Left has to say “Texas is gerrymandering? Well, fuck you, we’ll do it, too!”
Granted, we’re dealing with the balance of power in the House of Representatives. Right now, Republicans hold a 220-213 edge over Democrats with 2 vacant seats pending the results of special elections later this year. That means every seat now and potential seat in the future is essential. That is the driving force behind the Left and the Right going gerrymandering-crazy all of the sudden. The Right wants control to continue President Trump’s agenda and the Left wants control to hamstring it. Or, do like they did last time they had control of the House and throw up more impeachment bullshit that wouldn’t pass muster at a preschool debate.
Each state has the power to conduct its redistricting in a manner it sees fit, including committees, leaving it to the state legislatures, or some combination thereof. In some cases, that’s like letting your arsonist uncle Joe Bob plan the family barbecue. In others, it’s like letting your cannibal uncle Jim Bob do the same. Regardless, it makes for some odd thought patterns and a really awkward Thanksgiving dinner.
Although I do have to admit the idea of a redistricting commission is promising, but I don’t think it should be done by politicians. And with today’s political divide making the Hatfields and McCoys look like a minor quibble between Canadians, we can’t necessarily leave it in the hands of the people. Instead, I think it should be done by the only people in this country who understand what it takes to build something meaningful.
That’s right. I’m talking about Minecraft players. Redistricting is essentially Minecraft, the Home Game anyway, so why not take that step? It ain’t the worst thing you can do because we’re actually doing the worst thing you can do right now.
While the Left has every reason to complain about Texas’s redistricting and calling it gerrymandering, they have to realize they have some ‘splainin’ to do when it comes to their own practices and at least come up with an explanation that doesn’t involve blaming Trump.
In other words, they got nothing.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
The previous week or two has been filled with the shrieking of Leftist harpies. Granted this isn’t an unusual occurrence in the Age of Trump 2.0, but this time it had nothing to do with the President.
This week it was all about blue jeans.
Or, more specifically who was wearing them. I’m talking about the current it-girl, Sydney Sweeney, and her ads for American Eagle jeans. The tagline is “Sydney Sweeney has good jeans,” which is a clever play on words. Well, apparently if you think that way, you’ve heard a dog whistle about racism, Nazis, another Nickelback album…you know, all the horrible things wrapped into one denim-covered box.
Since I’ve heard the phrase “dog whistle” more times than Michael Moore goes back for more food at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet paid for by Bernie Sanders, I figured it might be a good time to update the Lexicon with a new entry.
dog whistle
What the Left thinks it means – subtle coding for extremist views
What it really means – a well-worn phrase that doesn’t mean what the Left thinks it means
When there’s a new term I need to get the details on, I go to where all the hip kids go for definitions, Urban Dictionary. Although there are numerous definitions of the term, they tend to have a common theme: it’s secret code. You know, like the secret codes you would find on the back of the fun cereal boxes, only edgier? I mean, that is unless you were eating Sugar Frosted Fascists cereal.
Anyway, the suggestion is once a certain segment of the population hears these secret messages it encourages the ones in the know to take certain actions to further whatever cause the dog whistle is geared towards. A racist dog whistle might cause some people to burn a cross, scrawl graffiti in certain neighborhoods, or, horror of horrors, vote Republican. A fascist dog whistle might cause some people to hate Jewish people, scrawl graffiti on synagogues, or…
No, wait. That last one tends to lean more Left these days. Never mind.
The key here is the message only gets to certain people. Others won’t be affected by it because they’re not in the target group, not unlike an actual dog whistle. Time to put on my lab coat and pretend to be more of a scientist than Bill Nye.
When you blow into a dog whistle, it emits a high-pitched sound that humans can’t hear, but your pupper Spot can. Or whatever your dog’s name is. Dog whistles don’t discriminate, which is more than I can say for the Democratic National Committee, who seems to discriminate against competent and sane people.
In other words, in order for your dog to respond to a dog whistle, he or she has to hear it in the first place. Which means if Leftists keep calling out all of these dog whistles they hear but no one else can…
The Party of Science, kids!
Seriously, though, the use of metaphorical dog whistles is a tactic of the Left to get you to think of something in certain terms. With the American Eagle jeans ads, the Left wants you to conflate jeans with genes since they sound the same. From there, the Left extrapolates having good jeans is akin to wanting good genes, which leads right into white supremacy and Nazis because, well, those seem to be the only words Leftists know these days.
Meanwhile in the not-bat-shit-insane portion of the world, it’s neither. As with many things Leftists get upset about, you have to read a lot of context and sub-context and sub-sub-context and Voyage-To-the-Bottom-of-the-Sea- context to get anywhere close to what the Left wants us to think/feel about a matter.
And it’s never a positive thing. No matter what, the dog whistles only go in a negative direction. Leftists never talk about a dog whistle that inspires people to buy ice cream when it’s hot. That’s because a) they can’t frame ice cream in racial terms (no, not even vanilla), b) they are joyless fucks, and c) they’re too busy bitching about climate change to enjoy ice cream.
When you look at the world through the Leftist perspective, you’re going to be sad and/or pissed. That means even the most innocuous thing will have evil intent in the Leftist hivemind, even if it’s more imaginary than actual. That’s how George W. Bush and Mitt Romney became Nazis in spite of exhibiting zero fascist tendencies, only to have them become the elder statesmen of the anti-Trump right that even Leftists can stomach. Which makes them Nazi sympathizers when you really think about it.
Sorry, Leftists. You made the rules. I’m just here to apply them evenly.
There’s an old saying: “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Not only does that make shop class a lot more interesting, but it definitely applies to the Left calling everything from Tesla to American Eagle jeans “Nazi.” And that goes double for the “dog whistles” the Left keeps hearing. The more you have to explain how something is racist, sexist, homophobic, Nazi, etc., the less likely it is to be that.
The audience at my last stand up show can tell you that. That’s the last time I do a gig in a coma ward.
Even if you allow the current sociopolitical climate is ripe for Nazi rhetoric (which I do to an extent), you’d still have a pretty rough task ahead of you trying to explain how the tagline and Sydney Sweeney herself is even close to being literal Nazis. Mainly because they’re not. It’s a clever slogan, and as the advertising and prostitution industries know all too well, sex sells. Sure, I’m sure there is a jean market for pansexual paraplegic albino Alaskan amputees, but if that’s your entire focus, you’re going to lose money faster than Hunter Biden loses his crack. You have to appeal to the larger market, and for now Sydney Sweeney is what brings boys (or at least their mothers and sisters) to the yard.
So, if you’re a Leftist reading this, just drop the dog whistle rhetoric on this one. You’re making yourselves look like fucking idiots, and I say that as one. All this complaining is drawing more attention to the ads and the product and has already caused American Eagle’s stock prices to rise. In other words, the same thing that happened to albums and CDs with the content warning labels from the 1980s. You could have just learned the lesson Tipper Gore did, but nooooooo. You just had to turn an innocuous tagline into a giant rake you keep stepping on and getting smacked in the head. Brilliant fucking work, kids.
I paraphrase Sigmund Freud: sometimes a hot woman in jeans is just a hot woman in jeans.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
This week, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Turns out it was just the Taco Bell I had for lunch, but there was still a great disturbance this past week.
“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” will be ending its run at the end of Colbert’s contract in May 2026, and there will be no more “Late Show.”
If you listened to the Left (and, really, I’d rather have my toenails pulled out by Justin Bieber than do that), you would think democracy itself was being overturned by the Evil Orange Man. And Colbert, to his credit, isn’t telling people otherwise. With the man who would be Late Knight King being on everyone’s lips, what better subject for this week’s Lexicon?
Stephen Colbert
What the Left thinks it means – a comedian and proud champion of the First Amendment being unfairly sacrificed to appease Donald Trump
What it really means – a semi-funny man who rode an anti-Trump shtick into the ground
I first ran across Stephen Colbert during his time on “The Daily Show,” back when it (and he) were funny instead of more depressing than episodes of the current “Saturday Night Live.” But it was when he did “The Colbert Report” that he really shined, at least to me. His dead-on and deadpan imitation of a stereotypical right wing talk show host modeled at least in part on Bill “Papa Bear” O’Reilly entertained a wide audience. Leftists loved it because it poked fun at the Right, and Rightists loved it because they have an actual sense of humor. Everybody was happy.
Then came President Donald Trump.
With the rise of Orange Julius Caesar. the comedy-pretending-to-be-real-journalist crowd had a problem. Their left-leaning audience demanded the hosts skewer Trump at every turn, but the rest of their audience expected to be entertained. So, they decided to lean hard Left and alienate a huge chunk of the audience in the process.
And Leftist say they’re smart?
I had high hopes for “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” when it first aired. My wife and I stayed up to watch his monologue to gauge our interest in the show. Ten minutes in, we looked at each other and said, “Nope.” And we’ve never watched another show. Why? Because it wasn’t fucking funny. It was the entertainment version of whisky dick: it was fun getting to the moment, but it was a no-go when it really mattered.
But the Leftist portion of the audience ate it up. To them, Colbert was the funniest man on late night television, and they barked like trained seals at every anti-Trump barb. There’s only one problem with that: there are only so many times you can tell a joke before it gets tired.
I call it the “Urkel Principle.” When Steve Urkel first appeared on “Family Matters,” it was a smash hit. Then, Urkel was everywhere. Eventually, it stopped being entertaining and became irritating. Before you could say “Did I do that?” people began wondering what they saw in Urkel.
Stephen, buddy…you reached that point years ago.
And I need to point out you were funnier when you pretended to be other people. The faux-conservative talking head, Phil Ken Sebben of “Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law,” even your appearances on the first American iteration of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” were leagues funnier than the drizzling shits you were putting out nightly for years. And don’t get me started on the Chernobyl-level radioactive cringefest that is “The Vax-Scene.” If you haven’t seen it, thank God. I have and now I’m in intense therapy, and I’m a trained professional.
A professional what, I’m trying to figure out, but still…
But this latest incarnation of “Stephen Colbert, First Amendment Champion” is a lie built on a lot of omission. First off, late night television is all but dead, save for “Gutfeld!” on Fox News, and that’s a cable show on a half hour before the usual late night fare, kids. Ouch! It’s believed “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” lost CBS at least $40 million a year. Now, I’m no TV exec, but if a high-rated show drops that kind of dough and strippers and blow aren’t involved, it’s not a good thing.
Then, there’s the $16 million settlement between CBS (the parent company of “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”) and Donald Trump (the man who is the Leftists’ daddy). This stemmed from “60 Minutes” editing an interview with Queen Kamala the Appointed to make her sound less drunk…err smarter. Trump sued CBS over it, and they decided to settle out of court.
Of course, this pissed off Colbert because…fuck Trump? Which lead him to go off on Paramount and CBS…his employers.
I think most of you see where this is going, but for Colbert and his fans, this made him a liability. And some companies out there still don’t tolerate insubordination, which this was. You could have left well enough alone and not criticized the settlement, but nooooooo. You had to use your big brain to open your big mouth and now you find yourself big fired.
Fucking brilliant.
But instead of admitting his mistake, Colbert and his fans went right to the Blame Trump card. Now, the cancellation of “The Late Show” is a First Amendment crisis and has a chilling and dark tone to it. Many have speculated Trump had Colbert fired in order for the FCC to approve Skydance buying Paramount. On the surface, this makes sense, but in the larger context of Colbert openly criticizing his employers on live TV, it doesn’t.
Not that it’s stopped the Left from lamenting the cancellation. Literally tens and tens of people protested outside the Ed Sullivan Theater to try to save “The Late Show.” And then there’s the thousands of signatures on a petition. Thousands, I tell you!
And not a one of them gets this isn’t a free speech issue.
The First Amendment (the one that allows me to mock Leftists without having the government shut me down) applies to government actions, not the actions of a network who sees a late night host as a financial and internal liability. Paramount may have thought firing Colbert would curry favor with the Trump Administration, but we can’t assume the latter forced the former to fire Colbert. After all, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption.
Furthermore, New York State is an at-will employment state, which means any private sector employee can be fired for any reason. Doesn’t even have to be a good or valid reason. You can get shit-canned for whatever reason your employer deems good and/or valid.
You know, like…oh, I don’t know…calling out your parent company on live TV.
As Leftists are so quick to point out when it comes to conservative speech, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequence as a result of that speech. What Colbert did was bad speech (not to mention the worst fucking idea since hiring him to host “The Late Show”), and his firing is a consequence of that speech. And in the marketplace of ideas, alleged jokes where the punchline is always “Trump sucks” get pretty stale.
But if I had to point to one thing that could be the silver bullet in this case, it’s ego. For a long time, late night hosts like Colbert were untouchable. The more they poked Trump, the more people loved them. And under the tenure of President Brick Tamland, they didn’t have to fear retribution. That kind of seeming invulnerability makes you feel untouchable.
But that’s when you’re the most vulnerable.
Stephen Colbert got to ride the “Trump Sucks” gravy train for years and was paid handsomely for it, but the ride’s over. When your contract ends, you will have to find something to do with your time, and I think your time as First Amendment martyr will be more of a temp job. However, in the interest of being gracious in times of distress, I have the perfect job for you.
Go back to pretending to be other people! That’s when you’re funniest!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
It’s time to address the elephant in the room. And by “elephant” I mean the Epstein Files. And by “address” I mean try to make light and sense of the issues surrounding it.
Although I’m not completely sure of the mix just yet.
For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past couple of years (and right now I envy you), Jeffrey Epstein was a sex trafficking playboy with an island where some of the rich and famous went for one reason or…well, the same reason really. Since his death, the mystery surrounding his activities have only created more questions than answers.
Especially amongst our political elite.
Recently, President Donald Trump angered and confused his supporters by claiming there was a file, then there wasn’t a file, and now there’s a file again. In turn, this has lead many a Leftist to claim Trump is a pedophile or at least pedophile adjacent, which in their hivemind makes him a pedophile by extension.
No word yet on whether they’re going to apply the same standard to Bill Clinton, but let’s just say I’m not holding my breath waiting. I might when that triple bean burrito from Taco Bell kicks in, though.
the Epstein File
What the Left thinks it means – undeniable proof that Trump is a sexual deviant
What the Right thinks it means – a nothingburger with a side of Leftist lies
What it really means – something neither side wants to confirm nor deny
Before we begin, this Lexicon won’t be as link-heavy as my usual fare, mainly because a lot of what I’m going to say…err write isn’t necessarily backed up with a Newsweek article here or a Washington Post opinion piece there and for one very good reason.
I’m not exactly a normal thinker.
Okay, make that two very good reasons.
The second reason is because I get the feeling the Epstein File has enough dynamite information that it will rock the foundations of this country. From the information we’ve been given so far (which has been spottier than a dalmatian during potty training), there are a lot of heavy hitters in politics, media, society, pretty much every sector outside of social media.
Which makes it one hell of a deterrent.
Both the Left and the Right have this one completely wrong, but that’s by design. They know the contents of the Epstein File will ruin them and the fallout won’t go away with a press conference or a PR piece. We’re dealing with the sex trafficking and exploitation of minors here, and some pretty well-known figures are implicated. The Left and the Right have a vested interest in keeping this on the down low for that very reason.
Put simply, the Epstein File is the modern equivalent of Mutual Assured Destruction.
A pretty bold claim, but one backed up with a little thought. The Left have been quick to point out Trump and Epstein were buddies, and there have been multiple pictures of the two together. It ain’t that much of a jump to think they had dealings with each other. This leads to a question: why didn’t the Left use this information to undercut Trump?
Because the list has more than a few Democrats and Leftists on it.
Granted, the Left are short-sighted enough to think they could weather the firestorm of being associated with a sex trafficker as long as they could get Trump in the process. Then again, these are the same people who thought President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were viable candidates in 2024, so their judgment is skewed a bit.
And by a bit, I mean a lot.
No matter what side of the aisle you’re on, being seen being chummy with a sex trafficker is a bad look, and it’s not going to play very well in Omaha. San Francisco or New York, maybe, but not Omaha. This is one time “Orange Man Bad” isn’t going to work. Then again, Leftists are used to not going to work, so there won’t be much of a difference.
As far as the Right goes, any Republican who has tried to sweep this under the rug has lost any moral authority on any subject matter from gay marriage to pot legalization. Why? Because it’s fucking sex trafficking of minors, you stupid motherfuckers! Yes, the Leftist media make shit up all the time, but this ain’t one of them. There are pictures and at least somewhat of a paper trail that need to be explained away better than “Leftists are making shit up again.” The fact Trump even tried to deny the existence of the Epstein File after making such a big deal about it when he ran for President again is a tell, not just for him, but for his supporters who want to give the President even one micron of wiggle room.
This may be a bit of an overreaction to some, but to me it’s a line that should never be crossed. Anytime you abuse a child especially sexually you become a monster. Jeffrey Epstein was one of the worst pieces of dog shit to ever smirk for a camera and I sincerely hope he’s enjoying the Penthouse Suite in Club Fuck Me Up the Ass With a Million Hot Pokers the Size of the Empire State Building.
But he’s not the only one who should be visiting Expedia to make travel and lodging reservations there. The fact so many wealthy and powerful people are implicated throws a lot of things into question, not the least of which being who told them palling around with Epstein was a good idea. I’m shocked I have to say this, but maybe John “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” Edwards was right. We do have a two Americas. One where sex trafficking of minors is seen as a quirk not worthy of batting an eyelash at, and one where this shit gets prosecuted to the highest extent.
Guess which America you and I are in.
The only right play for anyone involved in this is to release the Epstein File and let the chips fall where they may. Then, we need to have the balls to prosecute everyone proven to have violated the law and shun the rest. We should have zero tolerance for what Epstein and his enablers let happen. Wealth may include privilege, but it doesn’t excuse criminality.
And I think our Leftist friends will agree. I mean, they have been saying “No one is above the law” for a while now, right?
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
When you really think about it (and I do because my social life makes the Amish look like Charlie Sheen), there are a lot of logistical pieces in motion with any deportation process. For one, where do we keep the alleged illegal immigrants while they await their day in court? I have some ideas, but I’m not sure the Leftists crying about “due process” would like them.
Let’s just say they would get to know the illegal immigrants up close and personal.
But where there is a challenge, America finds a way to address it. In this case, we opened a new detention facility in Florida called “Alligator Alcatraz.” Even though it hasn’t been open for very long, it’s already garnering a lot of controversy, from allegations of detainee mistreatment to, and I wish I wasn’t making up, selling merch. Some Leftists have already started calling it “Alligator Auschwitz” because “Trump is literally Hitler” or some shit.
Either way, I would be remiss in my bloggy duties if I didn’t cover this in some fashion, so here we go!
Alligator Alcatraz
What the Left thinks it means – a concentration camp for people who are accused of not being here legally because of their skin color
What it really means – an outgrowth of the Left’s approach to illegal immigration
If the past couple of months has told us anything, it’s that the Left hasn’t met an illegal immigrant they don’t like. And the worse the criminal, the better. Under the watchful eye of President Brick Tamland, illegal immigration blew up more than Rosie O’Donnell with an allergic reaction. Such a large influx not only created strains on our social safety net, but created a nightmare for anyone who tried to enforce the law.
So, that’s why Leftists chose to ignore the law. Well, that, and they’re power hungry assholes, but still.
And under President Tamland, the scheme worked perfectly. More illegal immigrants came into the country with only a fraction of them or the ones already here being returned. All the Left needed to do was not to pick bumbling idiot to be the head of the 2024 ticket.
But, they did it anyway.
Now that there’s a new sheriff in town, there’s been more of a concerted effort to deport illegal immigrants, especially ones who have committed heinous crimes like human trafficking, smuggling, abuse, even murder. And that’s not exactly a small number, kids. This change in approach created a new set of headaches in order to deport the bad apples by the book.
Of course, my idea to use them to test the range of catapults was soundly rejected, but not for a lack of effort. Missed opportunities, I guess.
Anyway, the legal process requires the accused get their days in court, but considering the immigration courts move only slightly faster than continental drift, there came the need to house the accused in the meantime. This is where sites like Alligator Alcatraz come into play.
Now, this next part may be hard for Leftists to understand, so I’ll try to be as clear as I can. These facilities aren’t meant to be the Ritz Carlton. They’re going to be bare bones and intended to keep the bad guys inside. It’s not meant to be nice; it’s meant to be such a deterrent that people with an IQ above the number of people who still think Bluesky could become the next Social Media Platform Formerly Known As Twitter won’t want to go there.
As bad as it’s meant to be, we still have at least some standards to maintain. Meals, sanitation, access to legal counsel, the potential for buggery, and other essentials, for example. This is where the Left says Alligator Alcatraz falls short. Allegations of worms in food to large insects to a lack of sanitary conditions came flooding in faster than illegal immigrants under President Tamland.
This is where my bullshit meter starts going off. A lot. Some of the complaints like large bugs to sweltering temperatures can be explained simply: it’s fucking Florida. Some of the others, like the allegations of worms in the food, seem too horrible to be real. And when you consider Alligator Alcatraz had food trucks come onto the site, I’m going to say the claims of worms in the food might be exaggerated.
Unless those worms were of the gummy variety.
Another reason I have to call bullshit on many of the claims being made about conditions at Alligator Alcatraz is who is making them and who is reporting them. The source for the allegations is detainees. On the surface, they would be the best people to report on conditions inside the facility, but there’s one tiny hitch.
They’re fucking criminals.
Criminals from pickpockets to mass murderers all deal in some level of deceit, especially when they get caught. Nobody’s ever guilty. They’re all the victims of circumstance or a miscarriage of justice. Even if they’re caught red handed, they’ll say “It wasn’t me” more often than Shaggy.
In other words, they have a vested interest in lying. Not unlike the media covering the controversy, who have a vested interest in making anything related to Trump into the worst possible thing ever. I haven’t been able to confirm this independently, so take it with a grain of salt, but if what I’ve heard is true, there have been zero journalists who have been inside Alligator Alcatraz. That means the only source for these stories are those with a predisposition to lie.
Fucking brilliant.
And don’t get me started on the whole “Alligator Auschwitz” shit. Calling the facility a concentration camp, even in jest, is not just factually wrong, but grossly inappropriate. What’s more, none of the Leftists making these kind of remarks has stepped foot inside of Alligator Alcatraz, so they’re speaking out of their asses.
You know, like any other day.
Of course, this is done to play up the “Trump is literally Hitler” angle…again. At this point, the Left has invoked Nazis more than the History Channel and on far less justifiable grounds. And at least the History Channel has “Forged In Fire” which kicks all kind of ass, unlike Leftists.
Having said all that, I have a bone to pick with the way the Right is acting when it comes to Alligator Alcatraz. And by bone, I mean an entire fucking T Rex skeleton.
To some on the Right (I’m looking at you, Laura Loomer), this is all one big joke with alligators eating illegal immigrants as the punchline. This isn’t a joke, folks. These are still human beings. Yes, human beings who have committed a shitload of crimes against others, but human beings nonetheless. Their detainment shouldn’t be used as fodder for t-shirts, tacky souvenirs, and happy photo ops. It should be treated with the seriousness of the situation. The more you don’t, the easier it gets for the Left to paint you as inhuman monsters devoid of any decency whatsoever.
Not that they don’t already think that, mind you, but don’t give them the ammunition to keep doing it.
I see Alligator Alcatraz much like I see DOGE: a decent idea executed poorly. But it’s not the concentration camp the Left wants us to think it is, nor is it the Disneyland with more MS-13 members the Right wants us to think it is. It’s a metaphor for how fucked up we’ve gotten as a society. Yes, we need to find places to detain illegal immigrants while they get due process, but this may not be the way to go. Instead, send them to be with people who will truly appreciate the cultural gifts they bring to the country.
That’s right. Let’s send them to Beverly Hills.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Capitol Hill was all abuzz this week, unfortunately not because a swarm of bees got into the Capitol Building and started stinging our Congresscritters. No, this buzz was because of the One Big Beautiful Bill Act that President Donald Trump pushed. With prospects looking shakier than Rosie O’Donnell eating Jello on the San Andreas Fault during a 6.9 on the Richter Scale, the Act was finally passed by the House and Senate following close vote counts and a lot of bitching.
Mostly from the Left, as it turns out.
As we watch Leftist’s heads explode, maybe we should take a more sober approach to figuring out what the Act is all about. Then again, in order to make sense of some of this shit, you might need a stiff drink or fifty.
One Big Beautiful Bill Act
What the Left thinks it means – a horrible bill that ultimately hurts the American people
What it really means – a Frankenstein’s Monster of a bill that should piss off everybody
After years of being a Leftist and a recovering Leftist, I’ve learned whenever they lose their collectivist shit over anything it’s worth double checking to see what they get right and what they pull out of their asses. Call it Don’t Trust But Verify, if you will.
The best place to start in reviewing the Act is, well, the Act itself. As you might expect, it’s about as sexy as Kathy Griffin without makeup. Or Carrot Top, in other words. Tucked into the sections and subsections are some pretty big items, like increasing funding for ICE and Medicare reform, that have had Leftists up in arms for weeks. On the plus side, at least the firebombing of Teslas has slowed down enough because of the outrage over the One Big Beautiful Bill.
Not that you could tell from the quality of said outrage. Aside from House Minority Leader Hakeem “the Nightmare” Jeffries talking for 8+ hours to delay the House vote on the Act and claims the Medicare cuts would kill tens of thousands a year, the best they could come up with is calling it…the Big Ugly Bill. What’s next? Calling Trump a doody-head?
Actually, that might be a compliment coming from Leftists, given they’re invested in calling him the next Hitler.
Anyway, the opposition to the Big Beautiful Bill Act didn’t accomplish its presumed goals and only served to throw some red meat (or would that be white tofu) to its ideological base. The “leaders” had to pretend like they were fighting for the American people because…let’s face it, they’re more interested in keeping power than anything else, so they had to put on some political Kabuki theater to give the impression they were doing something. Now, we’re being treated to “you MAGAs are gonna regret this” rhetoric.
After all, they’re so much smarter than us smooth-brained non-Leftists, right? And they were so right about President Brick Tamlin’s mental faculties, Queen Kamala the Appointed’s Presidential campaign, and Hunter Biden’s laptop!
The thing is there is a lot in the Act that the Left could have talked about in lieu of resorting to meaningless theatrics, fearmongering, and taunting that would get them mocked by preschoolers for being immature. For one, it’s over 900 fucking pages! After Congressional Republicans bitched about not being able to read bills before a vote when the Democrats ran Congress, cramming the shoe on the other foot doesn’t help matters any. Not to mention, it gave Leftists like Elizabeth “Chief Running Mouth” Warren a PR opportunity. Granted, it wasn’t all that effective in the grand scheme of things, but you never want to give your opponents any room to operate. Trump and his party faithful have to hit their knees and pray every night for the Left to continue to be ineffective.
And speaking of ineffective, one of the Act’s provisions would raise the debt ceiling by $5 trillion. Now, this is bad enough as it is, but it’s made even worse because of President Trump’s recent history flip-flopping on the issue. I know you have to spend money to make money in the business world, but this ain’t the business world. The money Trump wants to spend is ours. Just like the money President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed wanted to spend was ours. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now for the same reason: it doesn’t address the spending problem. All it does is extend our federal credit card. And who’s gonna tell Congress they can’t spend anymore?
Nobody. Not even the President.
And with the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, it’s estimated the deficit will increase by over $3 trillion over the next decade. Remember when President Trump swore he would balance the budget? Yeah, that didn’t fucking happen and it’s not happening now.
Then, there’s the military spending. Sure, there’s provisions to help service members and build ships, but there’s also $25 billion for our own version of Israel’s “Iron Dome” missile defense system called the “Golden Dome.” Although it’s a good idea in theory and practice, it makes more sense in Israel than it does in the good ole US of A. Israel is surrounded by people who want to kill them and will use any military hardware they can get their hands on to do it. America doesn’t have that problem yet, and unless Canada and Mexico decide to start shit, we won’t need any dome. After all, what good is a missile defense dome against enemies already under it?
Which brings us back to illegal immigration. The Act also beefs up ICE and the Border Patrol to the tune of $100 billion. And that’s not counting the additional funds for detention centers, hiring more agents, the border wall, and, oh yeah, turning ICE into the largest law enforcement department in the country. The Left is already calling ICE the Gestapo, so why not give them more opportunities to make that point?
I see where the President and his staff are coming from with this spending, but I see it much like I see the rollout of DOGE: a good idea implemented badly. The hard work is going to be overhauling the immigration system, but it’s not even a concept in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act. Imagine what we could do if we spent some of the money going towards ICE towards revamping the current immigration and asylum process.
But at least the wall is getting more money, right?
As a small government kinda guy, my bullshit meter goes off whenever there’s a need to expand government even a little bit. Granted, hiring more ICE and Border Patrol agents makes more sense than hiring more IRS agents (and arming them) like President Brick Tamland wanted, I still have to call bullshit on the spending. We are running a $37 trillion national debt as of the writing of this Lexicon entry (check local listings for the time and spending debacle in your area). We don’t need to spend more; we need to find ways to do what we can with what we have. Right now, the government is spending money like a rich kid who buys a new car to match his/her outfit for the day, and until someone with some stroke tells us the spending spree is over, we’re going to keep looking for a hot pink and teal Ferrari for our trip to the day spa.
Any of these topics would have been an infinitely better discussion than the drivel the Left gave us about the Act, but even when they may have a point with some of the Act’s provisions, I still have to throw the brown bullshit flag. The claims being made around millions of Americans losing health care and food assistance may be omitting some key details.
Let’s take the “Americans are losing their health care” line. The Left is leaving out some details with this claim, namely some of the entities that get Medicaid funding. They want you to believe it’s your Grandma Oma getting shafted more than Richard Roundtree at a gay orgy, but the proposed funding cuts to Medicaid are designed to close up an oft-overlooked loophole that the Left has used for decades.
See, there’s this little thing the kids like to call the Hyde Amendment. The Cliff’s Notes explanation is federal funding is not to be used to fund abortions, a point the Left keeps bringing up when needed. The problem is…the Hyde Amendment isn’t being followed. Want proof?
Planned Parenthood gets over 40% of its funding from government entities including…drum roll please…Medicaid. And that’s not according to some right wing rumor mongering website. That’s from Planned Parenthood itself.
The Left will immediately fire back with “that’s not all Planned Parenthood does” and they’re right. However, my retort is to ask for a full accounting of where those government funds went, right down to the penny. And, funny thing, no one’s ever taken me up on that. Makes me wonder if Planned Parenthood might have something to hide…
With the food assistance angle, the Left is painting a false picture by using poor mothers and children as rhetorical human shields. Federal law states illegal immigrants aren’t supposed to get food assistance, but that may not be the case. During Fiscal Year 2023, the USDA made $10.5 billion in erroneous SNAP benefit payments. Although I’m not sure the Act directly addresses this in its more restrictive SNAP qualifications, it would be foolish not to tackle this issue, especially since it dovetails nicely with President Trump’s illegal immigration crackdown.
If only we had a federal agency that could look into that and root out government inefficiencies and waste. Nah, that would never fly, especially not if it’s named after an internet meme.
The One Big Beautiful Bill Act isn’t all bad, though. Tax cuts, decreased spending on alternative energy boondoggles…I mean grants, and boosts in tax credits are always welcome sights in any spending bill. Plus, it makes Leftists scream like Trigglypuff, so it can’t be all bad.
But that doesn’t make it all good, either. It’s a damn good thing Leftists don’t know how to make a cogent argument when it counts (or ever) or else the Act would have been in serious trouble and might not have gotten passed. I urge you to read up on it like I did and pick it apart before cheering or deriding it. A famous philosopher once said, “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…”
Wait. That’s the theme song from “The Facts of Life.” Never mind.
Fun Facts About America
Over the Fourth of July, a friend of mine was having a rough go of it for various reasons and just wanted to be cheered up with some good things about America. What started out as a friend helping a friend gave birth to what you’re about to read, some fun facts about America. Feel free to share this with your family, friends, coworkers, clergy members, and so on.
– America is the only country in the world with both bacon and Chuck Norris.
– Every Super Bowl winner has been American.
– America is the only place that has had both a fiction and real Steve Austin in existence.
– Our stick-mounted fried food culinary technology is unmatched.
– Who came up with the idea of putting laser light shows to the songs of Pink Floyd? America!
– The Big Gulp? Totally American! Ditto with slushie technology!
– Americans developed soft serve ice cream because the rest of the world wasn’t America enough.
– Who has competitive eating contests on the regular? It sure ain’t France, baby! It’s America!
– The vast majority of World Series winners? American! In fact, we’re the only country in the world with two leagues that play the same sport and are named with synonyms for each other!
– There have been exactly zero incidents of dingoes stealing our babies in America.
– The two American Disney parks have been more successful than any other Disney park in other parts of the world.
– We insist on calling our football (a game where feet aren’t typically used on offense to move the ball down the field) football and soccer (a game where feet are the primary method of of moving the ball down the field offensively) soccer instead of football.
– Name another country where you can take college courses on Taylor Swift and Beyonce and get academic credit for them. You can’t. That’s America!
– We are a melting pot of cultures, races, genders, and ideas. Where else can you find a gay communist furry revolutionary and have him/her/zim/zer be taken seriously?
– America is still the land of opportunity, whether it be entertainment, pop culture, or just starting a mom-and-pop store in the middle of nowhere. If you can dream it, America has a place for it, if only briefly.
– The American military makes significant advances in breaking other people’s stuff on a regular basis.
– Do you like to be rewarded for buying stuff? Thank America for coming up with that idea!
– Want to get married and get an annulment in the same weekend? Go to Las Vegas, USA, baby!
– Who had the cajones to drop not one, but two atomic bombs to end a war? America had the red, white, and blue balls to do it. (Okay, so I might need to work on the phrasing of that last one…)
– America had nothing to do with Wham’s “Last Christmas.”
– The majority of criminals featured on true crime shows and podcasts? American!
– America has multiple songs that could be considered national anthems from “The Star Spangled Banner” to “America F Yeah!”
That’s all I have for now. Don’t be surprised if I come out with another edition someday!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Did you know we were close to World War III? According to the Left, the US attacking Iran’s nuclear sites (which I’m sure were just making glow-in-the-dark snocones) got us involved in a war, one that our Democrat and “Independent” Congresscritters swore up and down was unconstitutional and their fellow Leftists called a war crime. Even Tucker Carlson said the bombing would get us into World War III.
Well, if this was World War III, it was the Rachel Zegler’s Snow White of World Wars.
But that’s not going to stop the Left from bringing it up as often as they can. So, that means we get a chance to point and laugh!
World War III
What the Left thinks it means – an escalation of tensions leading to a war involving and/or affecting the entire world
What it really means – a scare tactic the Left uses whenever a Republican does anything militarily
As much as I hate to admit this, I’m old enough to remember when World War III was a real possibility, or at least it seemed like it to my young mind full of Saturday morning cartoons, popular music, video arcades, and copious amounts of Mountain Dew. The Cold War made nuclear annihilation a real threat, stoked in no small part by movies like “The Day After.” Ronald Reagan even joked about bombing the Soviet Union, which freaked out a lot of people.
Then…it didn’t happen.
All that handwringing, worry, and over-the-top bullshit turned out to be nothing more than a game of Chicken, only with a greater possibility of nuclear fallout. The Berlin Wall fell like a balsa wood shed in a Cat 5 hurricane. The Soviet Bear became closer to teddy than Kodiak. And the talk of World War III could finally be put to rest.
At least until it could be brought up again at a politically expedient time, like when Donald Trump took military action.
And, you’ll be surprised to know this isn’t without purpose. The Left has been trying to paint Trump as the next Hitler. You know, like they did with George W. Bush and Mitt Romney. When you invoke this kind of imagery, it brings up memories of Nazis marching, Adolf Hitler shouting with an audience in rapt attention hanging on his every word, and…wait for it…World War II.
In fact, these days there’s a whole cottage industry around making Trump into Hitler 2.0 by any lies…I mean means necessary. Trump has a military parade to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the US Army? Hitler! Trump pushes for stricter enforcement of immigration laws? Hitler! Trump wears a red tie that hangs down lower than a well-hung midget’s dick? Totes Hitler, guys!
With this in mind, Leftists jumped on the “World War III is coming” bandwagon. And just like Err America, the current leadership of the DNC, and Angel Reese’s field goal percentage, it turned out to be very disappointing. Our bombing in Iran blew shit up, which is kinda the point of bombing in the first place. Iran’s nuclear program took a major hit (figuratively and literally), possibly hindering their ability to develop nuclear weapons.
And Leftists were left trying to make Iran, a country that stands for everything they say they’re against, look sympathetic. You know, kids, sometimes our Leftist friends emphasize the wrong half of the term “useful idiots.”
Even if you think the actions Trump took were questionable, it’s clear what he did was Constitutional, thanks to a little thing the boys in the lab call the War Powers Resolution of 1973. Without going too far into the weeds, this law gives the President the authority to initiate military action without a formal declaration of war by Congress. All the President has to do is let Congress know within 48 hours and get approval for continued military action if things go beyond 60 days.
Contrary to what Jasmine Crockett. Jamie Raskin, and Tim Kaine want us to believe, Trump acted legally and Constitutionally. Not that that’s going to stop them from proclaiming him guilty of impeachable offenses, mind you. And there’s no requirement for any President to give Congress a heads-up before military action is initiated.
Given the track record of some of the Congresscritters with regards to security (I’m looking at you, Eric “Fang Fang’s Bitch” Swalwell), I’m not sure letting them know before the planes get fueled up is the best idea.
Similarly, it’s not a good idea to give into the fear of World War III without taking the time to understand the dynamics of any potential flashpoint. Since we’re here, let’s take the Iran bombing as an example. The intelligence community (which has members dumber than two bags of hammers) said for years Iran didn’t have nuclear aspirations, only to have to come back years later and say “well, maybe they are, but it’s not for weapons.” Yet, there were enough weird coincidences that would lead someone without his or her head up his/her ass to conclude maybe Iran was trying to develop nuclear weapons. To stop that from happening and having them launch nukes on Israel (one of our allies, by the way), Trump decided to roll the dice and bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities.
And shit got blown up real good.
So, is Iran going to strike back at America? That’s hard to say, mainly because it’s hard to fathom in a traditional sense. Our military has enough technology and firepower to blow Iran into the Stone Age, which might be a cultural upgrade at this point. If they were to try to retaliate, it’s going to be on a completely different battlefield with more underhanded tactics.
So, how do you feel about those open borders now, Leftists?
There’s a possibility other countries might join Iran, but then it becomes a cost-benefit analysis more than military strategy. What would be the upside to helping Iran? Aside from sitting on more oil than a triple pepperoni pizza at a nerd’s sleepover, there isn’t much Iran can provide to help their allies. That means the risk is greater than the reward. And do you know why?
Because Trump is fucking crazy.
Or at least he knows how to act crazy when it counts. All it would take for Trump to wake up on the wrong side of the Presidential bed and he could turn Iran and a good chunk of the Middle East into the world’s largest glass sculpture. We could call it “FAFO.”
To elevate the Iran bombing to the level of the bombing of Pearl Harbor or the burning of the Reichstag is an exaggeration that would make Tommy Flanagan look like George Washington. We aren’t any closer to World War III by bombing Iran than if we sat on our hands and pretended Iran wasn’t developing nukes to be used at some point and it’s folly to think otherwise.
Granted, I still have some questions about the circumstances, even though it’s hard to argue against the final result. Having said that, I’m not going to practice my duck and cover skills over it. I’m saving my anxiety for something far more important.
Watching reruns of the Battle of the Network Stars.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Last weekend (check local listings for the date and time in your area), Leftists from around the world gathered for the No Kings Day protest to take a stand against…kings, apparently. The Elvis Presley estate, LeBron James, and two California professional sports teams were hardest hit.
I considered covering this in last week’s Lexicon, but I a) wanted to see how it turned out, and b) had more interesting shit to do. Now that it’s been a week or so (check local listings for the date and time in your area), I think I can definitively talk at length about the No Kings Day protests.
Or at least make fun of it.
No Kings Day
What the Left thinks it means – a day of mass protests against Donald Trump and his authoritarian regime
What it really means – a protest that’s more Astro Turf than grassroots
When you really think about it (and I have because my social calendar is blanker than Jasmine Crockett’s face while she works on a one piece jigsaw puzzle), it takes quite a bit of logistical planning to pull off any mass gathering short of a riot. Almost everything from a political rally to an office picnic requires a coordinated effort to take care of the details and potential snags that go into putting on the best event possible. It takes a level of competence and planning sometimes bordering on the Herculean.
Well, that excludes Leftists.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. In spite of their intellectual limitations, they’ve managed to put together a network of organizations whose job it is to promote and fund Leftist causes. And the list of partners for the event is a laundry list of known Leftist groups, which isn’t surprising given how the No Kings Day protests are connected to another series of “grassroots” protests put on by the 50501 Movement. From what I’ve been able to gather in my research, the movement’s main goal is to fight back against Executive Branch overreach.
Of course, they had to wait until President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were out of power to worry about it because…Orange Man Bad, I guess?
As much as I’d like to say, “Welcome to the pro-small government team,” the fact is they’re still big government types. They just don’t want someone else to have the power big government possesses. After all, some of the big brains behind the 50501 Movement are connected to…Bernie Sanders, a man who never met a socialist idea he couldn’t make money off of.
And thanks to the mild success of the earlier protests, we had No Kings Day, which told the world Leftists were firmly against…something we don’t have in America.
Yes. It’s that fucking stupid.
Listen, I appreciate people gathering peacefully and expressing themselves because the same First Amendment that covers my weekly blog full of bad jokes and obscure references that would make Dennis Miller say, “Hey, buddy, that’s way too far out there” (See?) also covers people with whom I vehemently disagree. Having said that, it doesn’t speak well of the movement or the message when it makes no sense outside of your ideological bubble. For a movement to really get traction, you have to attract more than your rabid fan base.
And that’s where No Kings Day falls apart. Yes, it was well-attended and the media did their part to make it look and sound successful, with attendance estimated between 4 and 6 million people. Not too shabby. Now, consider Queen Kamala the Appointed got a shade over 75 million votes in the 2024 election. If each vote represented one person (which might be a stretch given Chicago’s voting history), a vast majority of the people who voted for Queen Kamala stayed home.
Oops.
Not exactly the rousing success the Left wants us to believe it was, numbers-wise. And it doesn’t exactly move the needle, policy-wise. Right now, the Left is united by only one thing: seething hatred for all things Trump. Beyond that, they have the Underpants Gnome’s business plan for a political strategy. Even if the No Kings crowds were larger than anything Donald Trump has ever put together outside of an election, it still doesn’t matter because Trump is still President. It’s kinda hard to flex on crowd sizes with a man with access to the Nuclear Football.
And it bears repeating (mainly because I have to get this through the Left’s thick skulls), Trump isn’t acting like a king, dictator, authoritarian, or anything else the Left claims he is, or at the very least he’s no more authoritarian, dictatorial, or kingly than previous Presidents. Not to mention, he was elected twice. Last time I checked, kings don’t get elected. They’re born into the role.
You know, just like the Bush Family. (Sorry, Jeb.)
The thing to remember in all of this hue and cry is Trump is acting in his official capacity as President, and the same can be said of the people he’s appointed. Sending the Marines and National Guard into California to deal with anti-ICE rioting…I mean protesting? In the President’s wheelhouse. Renaming military bases? Under the Department of Defense’s job description. Cutting wasteful spending? Should have been done by Congress, but DOGE was a repurposed department previously created by President Barack Obama, thus it’s allowed.
Unless, of course, you’re going to call President Obama a king, tyrant, etc., and I get the feeling you’re not going to because…Orange Man Bad.
Aside from their abject hypocrisy in the face of authoritarian rule, the No Kings and 50501 Movement have something else in common: they share funding from our good friend Uncle George Soros. And before you Leftists say “But the Koch Brothers,” it should be pointed out the Koch Brothers aren’t in the business of creating groups to invent “grassroots” organizations like Georgie Porgie Pudding and Treason is. And compared to the TEA Party movement, the Soros-backed movements are utter failures on the level of Angel Reese making layups.
To be fair, No Kings did have some positive news coming out of it. That was until the killings connected to it, even tangentially. That’s a good way to curtail any momentum. That, and the fact each protest this year has gone off with all the impact of a popcorn fart in foam rubber. Trump and the Administration have commented, shrugged their shoulders, and kept doing what they were going to do in the first place.
Great fucking job, Leftists.
And guess what? The 50501 Movement is holding more protests. Because what do you after a protest where nothing happens? Do it again and again!
Let me give you Leftists a piece of advice. Take a shower. And beyond that, you have to understand the more protests you hold funded by the same groups only wastes their money and makes you look like dicks. Far be it from me to stop you if you want to look like dicks, mind you, but I at least wanted to warn you in case you missed it. Besides, you’ve done a fantastic job looking like dicks before now.
Right now, the No Kings Day protests and the 50501 Movement protests are pretty much a non-issue anymore. The fact I had other shit to do rather than cover them when they happened should tell you something, namely that they’re too dumb to be taken seriously. Or in my case, comically. When they start pulling in bigger numbers and have a more coherent and non-exclusionary message, then maybe I’ll take them seriously.
And that’s very heavy on the maybe.