When I sat down to write this week’s Lexicon, I was originally going to write about the debt ceiling because, let’s face it, it’s sexy as hell. However, another news story has taken over the cycle within the past few days that really shows a level of insanity I haven’t seen since, well, last week.
Jordan Neely was your typical homeless guy in New York City. Threatening subway patrons. History of mental illness. Fleeing an outstanding warrant for assault. You know, the usual. Then, after allegedly threatening to hurt or kill other subway patrons, Neely met his end at the hands of a Marine who may have seen Neely attack someone earlier in the week.
And like a racially-charged phoenix, Neely came back as a martyr. Leftists came out of the woodwork to proclaim Neely as a victim of racism, a failure of the mental health system, and proof of how racist America was. Some even compared him to Jesus. Calls for the Marine to be arrested for murder became commonplace. Even members of the Squid…I mean the Squad weighed in, stating Neely was “lynched.”
And it only gets stupider from here, kids. Hang on.
Jordan Neely
What the Left thinks it means – a black homeless man who was murdered for doing nothing at all
What it really means – the victim of Leftist enabling
As of this writing, we are still discovering details that fill in some of the blanks. Here’s what we know so far.
– Neely had been arrested 44 times before his death
– He lost his mother, which lead to depression
– Friends said he was spiraling out of control within the past 2 years
– He was alleged to have said he was going to kill everyone on the train and that he didn’t care if he went to jail.
– The Marine in question may have encountered Neely earlier that week and acted to protect people.
– The coroner ruled the death to be a homicide due to the choke hold the Marine put on him
Outside of these details, we’re dealing with a lot of uncertainty. And when there are blanks to be filled, people will fill them with whatever bullshit makes them feel good. And for the Left, making Neely into the next Trayvon Martin, George Floyd, etc., is top priority.
This raises the question of why. The obvious one is to continue the narrative the Left built over the past few years. I mean, when you put so much time and energy on perpetuating the image that blacks are being attacked and/or killed by evil racist MAGA-loving white people, you kinda want to keep the money flowing in…I mean “raising awareness to change the status quo.” What’s the worst that could happen?
Jussie Smollett could not be reached for comment.
But this stems from a foundational Leftist concept: victimhood. When they’re not busy creating victims (real and imagined), the Left knows how to make bank off victimhood. And just like Oprah handing out new cars, everybody gets to be a victim! Just look at what you think is wrong with your life and, bingo, you’re a victim!
And, surprise surprise, once you’re a victim, you get to be special! Just like everyone else who is a victim!
This isn’t to say Neely wasn’t a victim, though. Clearly, he didn’t have issues so much as he had subscriptions. Homelessness (which Leftists are calling “houselessness” in a complete ripoff of George Carlin), mental health, food insecurity, just to name a few. The Left’s solution? Talk a big game about the need for reform, and throw money at the problem. You know, the usual.
As unsuccessful as this approach has been pretty much every time it’s been tried, it will surely work now!
But there’s another element at play here. The Left hates to be proven wrong or incompetent, mainly because, well, they’re experts at being both wrong and incompetent. When the facts don’t work, the Left tries to muddy the waters to avoid making them look bad.
Hence, the focus on the unnamed Marine’s actions rather than Neely’s background. Leftists even say his criminal past doesn’t justify a “death sentence” especially when all the Left said he was doing was asking for food.
Maybe it’s me, but saying “I’m going to kill people” is a little bit different from asking for a sammich. But what do I know? I only speak and comprehend the English language…
By focusing on the Marine, it takes the focus off Neely, but more importantly it takes the focus off the multiple levels of fucked-uppery the Leftists caused by being wrong and incompetent. Instead of attempting to dissuade panhandling, New York City has published guidelines about the practice, including what constitutes aggressive panhandling. (Gonna go out on a limb here and say someone threatening to kill people would constitute the aggressive variety.) And, the best part? These guidelines promise the NYPD will respond “when they are not handling emergency situations.”
Like, you know…the city becoming a hellhole with skinny jeans and manbuns.
The saddest part of this situation (aside from the numerous tepid takes from Leftists wanting to throw the Marine in jail for murder because shut up) is how many touch points prior to the choking that Leftists had if they truly cared about Neely as anything but the next cause to support. Jail time, institutionalization, therapy, rehab, job training, and many other options could have turned him from a statistic to a functioning human being.
But the Left doesn’t want that. They need a constant stream of victims to perpetuate their self-imposed image of compassionate saviors who really care about the situation, dammit! While they’re giving their Oscar acceptance speeches and patting themselves on the back for being so caring, people like Neely continue to fall through the cracks, failed by the very people who claim to want to help them.
And when they’re not letting these poor souls continue to wallow in Leftist-imposed squalor, they’re being enabled, even emboldened, by Leftist lawmakers who justify what they do to others because of their misfortune. If we don’t subscribe to that way of thinking, we’re just not as compassionate as the Left is. And they’re right.
We’re more compassionate because we want actual solutions.
Leftists will scream we don’t because Republicans are evil meanie-heads who cut funding for alternatives (that the Left themselves don’t really fund when they have a chance). Let them scream because it’s better than what they’re actually doing, which is nothing. Plus, it’s impotent rage. The Left knows they have fewer legs to stand on than a clumsy lumberjack with a chainsaw, so they have to play the compassion card and try to make us feel bad, in an attempt to make themselves feel/look good in comparison.
Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t work like that.
Furthermore, situations like what happened to Jordan Neely are going to continue as long as the Left continues to enable the criminals at the expense of the law-abiding. At some point, the law-abiding are going to push back, and it won’t be pretty on multiple levels. Look at San Francisco right now. That is going to be the Big Apple’s future sooner rather than later, and knowing how New Yorkers take less shit than a defunct septic company, it’s going to get bloody.
Regardless of what further details are going to come out about Jordan Neely, rest assured the Left will be up in arms for quite a while because someone didn’t just let him act like a potential threat. Neely’s death will be attributed to a lot of things, but it can be summarized in one sentence that you can read in Morgan Freeman’s voice.
He fucked around, and he found out.
Category: Social Issues
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for! No, not my announcement I’m giving up blogging. This is an even better announcement!
This week’s Lexicon has next to nothing to do with trans people! And in fact the only reference will be in the lead-up to this week’s topic!
In the aftermath of a Nashville school shooting that left 6 people dead and a trans person accused of pulling the trigger (see, I told you!), the Left went into full “push for gun control even though criminals don’t obey laws” mode. As pro-gun control groups swarmed the Capitol, three Democrat politicians joined in the festivities, using a bullhorn and approaching the front of the Tennessee House chamber to chant. Which got 2 of them expelled.
And also made these three politicians, Justin Jones, Justin Pearson, and Gloria Johnson, into a Leftist superhero team they’ve deemed the Tennessee Three. Which makes them perfect for mocking!
the Tennessee Three
What the Left thinks it means – three strong and brave people who are standing up to the NRA
What it really means – three politicians milking dumb policies for short term success and long term irrelevance
The Left love to circulate a meme that mocks the Right’s responses to mass shootings in America with the idea being the cycle is never-ending because no one does anything meaningful to stop it. If only we had stronger gun laws, like red flag laws and assault weapon bans, we could break the cycle and protect our communities!
Because tough gun control laws totally work so well in Chicago, Washington, and other Leftist udopeias…I mean utopias.
The gun control movement’s approach never changes, which makes it frightfully easy to lather, rinse, and repeat with every mass shooting (which is another weird term that has no clear definition, like pornography or Shia Labouf’s acting chops). Although gun control gets a little more traction because of this, most of the time their efforts fall flat. The Left attributes this to the power of the eeeeevilllll gun lobby, but I have a different hypothesis as to why gun control keeps failing to catch fire, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Gun control works less often than Kamala Harris.
Of course, Leftists point to states with the strictest gun laws having lower rates for gun-related deaths. (Their sources? Pro gun control groups like Everytown for Gun Safety and the Giffords Law Center.) And if you look at the states as a whole, you’d tend to agree.
Then, you wouldn’t know the dirty little secret behind the state approach: it hides how deadly many Democrat-run cities are. By broadening the focus to the state level, it obscures what really drives those numbers, which makes it easier for the Left to lie about them and blame Republicans for their allies’ ineptitude.
Now, what does this have to do with gun control? For one, it shows how dishonest the Left has to be when it comes to gun violence to try to make a point. The Left runs on the need to curtail gun violence, but they can’t even fix the shit they break. So, instead of, you know, fixing things, they blame Republicans for their lack of action to solve the problems they create.
And these assholes mock Republicans for times when the Right doesn’t accept personal responsibility?
Which brings us back to the stars of this melodrama, the Tennessee Three. While the Left elevates these three, it’s important to note they broke Tennessee House rules. That, and the fact those mean ol Republicans believe actions have consequences, lead to the current false narrative these three were victims.
No word yet from the 6 actual victims of the shooting on how they feel about the Tennessee Three.
The Left consider the Tennessee GOP’s “fuck around and find out” response to the Tennessee Three to be politically and racially motivated, considering two of the three happen to be black. As far as the political part, I have two words: fucking duh! Of course it’s political! Gun control and protests are political in nature, so any reactions that come from them are also going to be political.
Of course, the Left frames it as bad because three of their foot soldiers got caught. Much like the reason they tried to avoid bringing up the gender identity of the shooter (sorry, I lied earlier), the Left has to hide those little details that add context to advance the ideas they want. The gun control argument is all about deceit. Oh, and utter dumbfuckery. But if we didn’t have deceit and dumbfuckery here, I wouldn’t have a weekly column topic, so there’s that.
Meanwhile we still have a gun control problem, not a gun problem. Given the sheer number of guns Americans have, if guns were really the problem the Left say they were, they would be a bigger factor in the number of deaths per year. As it turns out, they’re not. In 2020, there were 45,222 people killed in gun-related incidents, with most of them being suicides. In that same year, this number didn’t even crack the top 10 of leading causes of death Granted this was a COVID year, so they might have squeaked in at number 10 otherwise, but the point is still the same. Guns aren’t the problem.
Even if you think strengthening gun laws is the answer, consider the fact there are already tens of thousands of gun laws already on the books at every level. Throw in the “Gun Free Zones” and you might as well open up a shooting gallery…oh wait, that’s Chicago on an average weekend!
And here’s a fun item to consider. When you look at the recent mass shootings, the majority of them were committed by…people who beat the current system. You know, the one you assclowns set up in the first place. What’s your next move? Create more hoops that mass shooters will zip through like they’re in Cirque du Soleil?
Which brings us to another problem with the gun control movement: the sheer number of laws makes it impossible to enforce them. More laws means more laws that won’t get enforced and zero gets accomplished. Well, except for more people dying, that is.
Maybe it’s me (and I wouldn’t be surprised if it is), but it seems the Tennessee Three are part of the problem. They make loud statements, get on TV thanks to Leftists, get glowing (albeit demonstratively bullshit) newspaper articles written about them, and rake in the adoration. In other words, the political circle jerk that always happens after a mass shooting (that don’t occur within Democrat-run cities, that is).
And with the accusations of racism, since the two black members were expelled while the white woman wasn’t (by 1 vote, by the way), the Tennessee Three have hit a Leftist goldmine. All by being assholes on the job. If that’s all it took, I would be a CEO!
And all on the bodies of 6 people sacrificed at the altar of gun control failure.
Of course, no one on the Left is going to say it because they have a vested interest in keeping gun violence front and center (as long as it can be blamed on Republicans). They have to keep the wheels greased, right? And then they can come out and show how much they CARE, dammit!
But if they really cared, the Tennessee Three would reject gun control as being a failure. Then again, that would require a level of self-awareness not even the smartest Leftist could muster.
By the way, Cindy Sheehan is on line one. Something about how the Left uses their own until they stop being the flavor of the month.
White Pundits Can’t Jump
Since the end of the 2023 NCAA Women’s Basketball tournament, there’s been a lot of talk from fans and pundits alike. Not because it was an exciting game, but because of a gesture, or more precisely two gestures.
On one side, we have University of Iowa player Caitlin Clark, who used John Cena’s “U Can’t C Me” gesture during the tournament. Then, in the waning moments of the title game, LSU player Angel Reese did the same gesture (among others) back to Clark. When criticism of the latter started coming out, Leftists and their minions went right to playing the race card. Some even went so far as to say Clark’s post-game reaction (which was more gracious than anything said about her from the aforementioned Leftists) was a rejection of MAGA culture.
And, not surprisingly, they’re missing the point. Several points, in fact.
Remember when Leftists were pushing for more civility waaaaaaaaay back in 2020? Yeah, well, they’re fucking liars, but you already knew that. In this case, civility was thrown out the window because…Clark did it first. Yes, they went there, just like a four year old might. And just like a four year old’s argument, it doesn’t make it right. Whether you believe Clark’s gesture was inappropriate shouldn’t make a similar gesture by another player right, either.
But, I guess when you’re white, you always have to say you’re sorry.
To her credit, Clark has defended Reese and tried to put the controversy behind her. Which, of course, the Left can’t do because racism! To them, calling out Reese was tantamount to a double standard (which are the only standards Leftists have), instead of recognizing the lack of sportsmanship. If anything, Reese’s actions were dismissed as “trash talk” that only offended anyone who never did anything competitive in their lives.
Yeah, about that…
Without going too much into my less-than-illustrious basketball career, I’ve set foot on a basketball court and have felt the joy of victory and the agony of doing champions after a defeat. What Reese did was the height of disrespect and poor sportsmanship at a time when a lot more people had their eyes on the game than in previous years.
Because of Caitlin Clark.
Clark’s story is one of hard work, humility (for the most part), and being the best player on the court throughout the season. While that didn’t necessarily help her cut down the net after the finals, it’s something to be emulated. And what’s more, she recognizes who is watching her. While Reese has the championship, Clark has a self-made legacy.
But Clark and Reese aren’t the only people who deserve the spotlight here. Instead, let’s turn our attentions to two other players who truly elevated the sport I love, South Carolina’s Aliyah Boston and LSU’s Jasmine Carson.
I watched the press conference after Iowa beat South Carolina to get into the championship game, and to say I was impressed by Boston’s maturity, composure, and attitude would be an understatement. To showcase this, here is a link to that press conference because I truly lack the words to do it justice. I don’t know where Ms. Boston is going to end up, but I do know she has the right attitude and mindset to succeed.
Then, there’s Carson, whose 21 points off the bench in the first half for LSU was a difference maker. Reese might have been the star of the team, but Carson was the heart, and she seemingly could not miss in that first half, even sinking a shot to end the first half. And each time I saw her hit a 3 pointer, I saw absolute joy on her face. She was having the game of her life and the time of her life at the same time.
Two examples of players who showed more maturity and self-awareness than one of the focal points of the controversy. But who are we continuing to talk about? Angel Reese. Who is continually being defended for being a piss-poor winner? Angel Reese.
And who is ignoring the better angels in lieu of the more visible and outspoken “star”? A whole fucking lot of us.
To gin up a racial component when the real issue is a lack of sportsmanship is cynical and unnecessary. But when all you have to work with is race, everything becomes racial. Meanwhile, some of us are still content with the whole “content of one’s character” bit Martin Luther King, Jr. talked about extensively.
And for anyone who thinks I’m holding Reese to a higher standard than Clark, think again. I’m holding them both to the same standard: be gracious in victory and defeat. And yet, some people can’t help but find a way to limbo under than standard without even bending over 1 degree. Caitlin Clark may still have a ways to go, but I think she’ll be just fine as long as she doesn’t forget who she is and where she came from.
For Reese, I can’t help but pity her. She has the spotlight now and her talent will take her as far as she wants to go, but only if her attitude lets her. Fame, or infamy as the case may be, is fleeting. Without a good head space to go along with it, that fame will disappear as quickly as it appeared. I hope she learns this sooner rather than later because sports history is full of “Whatever happened to X” stories.
As far as the Left and the media (a redundancy, I know) are concerned, stop trying to make bad behavior justifiable because of race. A shitty person is a shitty person, no matter what their skin color is. Get your heads out of your own asses and call balls and strikes for once!
And now we return you to your regularly scheduled insane and somewhat humorous ranting already in progress.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
It’s been quite a week, dear readers. Between a NCAA Women’s Basketball title game that was officiated by people who beamed down from Saturn just before tip-off (not that I have an opinion on that mind you) and former President Donald Trump being indicted on 34 separate charges, it was hard to find a new or interesting take on topics that have already been through the spin cycle several times over.
Then, I saw a phrase that kept getting used by Leftists related to the Trump indictments: no one is above the law. This has always struck me as an interesting phrase, especially when used against Republicans who are experiencing legal troubles of their own. And our dear friends on the Left surely believe in fairness to all under the law. Just ask them!
So, that’s why I’m throwing the brown bullshit flag so we can review whether they mean what they say.
no one is above the law
What the Left thinks it means – everyone is accountable to the law
What it really means – some people are accountable to the law while others aren’t
Remember when former Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards said there were two Americas? Although he played second fiddle to someone who made Al Gore look like Alvin Ailey, he was right, but his focus was too limited. There are two Americas on several levels, especially in terms of criminal justice. Leftists were quick to pounce (which I thought only Republicans did) on the Trump indictments as proof that white collar crime is treated differently than other types of crime.
Which it is and has been repeatedly for decades. I’m definitely not disputing that. What I am disputing is how the concept of no one being above the law is actually applied when it comes to crimes with a political bent.
One of the benefits of having political or cultural power is being able to afford good lackeys…I mean employees. And to find even better fall guys…or fall women. No need to be sexist here when we’re dealing with a lack of accountability, right?
Anyway, when you’re able to surround yourself with people who can either keep you out of trouble by finding loopholes and sucking up to the right power brokers or who can take the fall so you can skate away like Brian Boitano, you are practically untouchable. Sure, you might get socked every so often with lighter charges (like getting charged with an overdue library book after being found killing a nun at high noon in Times Square), but most of the time, you’re golden because you have the gold to make it happen.
That fact alone makes the Left’s “no one is above the law” bullshit, well, bullshit. But to add to the what-the-actual-fuckitude of these situaitons, when you add politics to the mix, you get people willing to protect you at all costs. And this is the really fucked up part of it: the political animals being protected by the mobs of adoring fans more obedient than Renfield was to Dracula give one-one-trillionth-of-a-fuck about those fans. They are useful idiots, with a heavy emphasis on the idiot part.
Guess that that means, kids. The same people who say no one is above the law become hypocrites when it’s one of theirs trying to be above the law.
Told ya it was fucked up.
Which brings us to the Trump indictments. Others far more knowledgeable than me have already talked about the legal shitshow ahead of us, so I will leave them to discuss the judicial ins and outs. The parts I will cover revolve around just how deep this indictment rabbit hole goes and just how far Leftists are willing to pervert the rule of law just to get Trump.
Let’s start with Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. The protagonist or antagonist (depending on how much you hate Trump) ran on an anti-Trump plank, citing the work he did on the investigation of alleged crimes prior to being elected. Under most circumstances, this would be enough to raise some eyebrows as to whether his office could be impartial. And when you consider a) Bragg is a Democrat, and b) the DA position is an elected position, the political aspects cannot be overlooked and can definitely be seen as a conflict of interest.
But, in Trump’s favor, Bragg appears to be inept, so he’s got that going for him.
Oh, and did I mention he got donations from Color of Change? This progressive movement works to try to address the racial inequities in the judicial system (meaning they want blacks to be incapable of being held accountable for crimes they commit). Even beyond that, some of their board members worked previously with SEIU, the Aspen Institute, and other progressive organizations at least partially funded by…Uncle George Soros. And when you consider Color of Change both got donations from Soros and donated some of their money to Bragg’s campaign, let’s just say the Star Chamber looks a lot more like King Solomon’s court by comparison.
And before you Leftists say it, pointing this shit out isn’t anti-Semitic. I could care less what faith, if any, he professes. A bad actor is a bad actor. I would criticize Soros in the same breath I criticize Joel Osteen and for the same thing.
Well, that, and the fact Osteen’s teeth are whiter than the DNC.
That brings us to Judge Juan Merchan, who will be presiding over this shitshow…I mean trial. No, wait, I do mean shitshow. The good judge donated a small amount of money to the Biden/Harris campaign as well as to other progressive causes. Sure, it’s not much in the grand scheme of things…until you consider his daughter worked for a progressive organization called Authentic …whose clientele include Kamala Harris, Gavin Newsom, and…the Biden/Harris campaign. And the list is even longer according to their website.
So again, a conflict of interest, but since it favors the Left, it’s okay!
No wonder people think we have a two-tiered judicial system.
And here’s the thing. For all the people who are cheering the Trump indictments, you can find plenty of examples on both sides of the aisle of politicians and figures who are literally above the law. Hunter Biden ring a bell? Of course, he’s just the son of the President who just so happened to be caught doing drugs, owning a firearm in spite of being legally prohibited from owning it, and a few other minor scandals including possible illicit deals with China. But he’s a private citizen, so we really shouldn’t pick on him, right?
Okay, I’ll agree to that.
But some of the following people weren’t private citizens when they committed their crimes:
Bill Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Barack Obama
Joe Biden
Adam Schiff
Nancy Pelosi
Harry Reid
Ted Kennedy
Christopher Dodd
Gretchen Whitmer
Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
Ilhan Omar
Kamala Harris
Maxine Waters
Need I go on? And I can produce the receipts of each and every one of their crimes. Try me.
And, yes, I know Trump isn’t the only Republican to seemingly skate when it comes to legal matters. But that reinforces the major point: Leftists are fucking hypocrites. They want justice (or at least a Pablo Picasso version of it) for everyone else, but don’t you dare hold them accountable for the illegal shit they do because…reasons.
So, we’re stuck. With political influence taking over the judicial branch like a case of the clap, there is no easy way to fix it. Given the political sideshow of the Trump indictments, you could get arrested for wrongthink before you could say “doubleplusungood” on the whims of a Leftist prosecutor or judge. And believe me they are just that petty. Even after charges are dropped, you’re still guilty. Just ask Kyle Rittenhouse.
Then, there are the people who can commit any number of crimes and never see the inside of a courtroom for them. I’m looking at you, BLM and Antifa. You can cause all the chaos you want, and you will always get the fiery but mostly peaceful benefit of the doubt.
I wish I could give you a happy ending or some inspirational speech to make things right again, but I can’t. As long as there are people who can get away with crimes no matter what, Lady Justice is best kept blind out of fear of what she might see out of the so-called judicial system today.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Given the events of the past week, I will apologize for this piece not being as funny as my usual fare (which, as some readers can attest, may not be that big of a difference), but we’re delving into something really big and serious.
And, yes, I’m talking about trans people. Again. But this time the stakes have gotten a lot higher.
I’m talking about the Trans Day of Vengeance which was scheduled for April 1st. Put simply, it’s a day when trans people and their allies vow to continue to fight for trans rights in the light of recent bills making their ways through state legislatures addressing “gender affirming care” for teenagers and younger among other more controversial topics.
After the recent shooting in Nashville, though, it’s time everyone takes a deep breath and step away from their feelings for a moment to dig into this event in greater detail.
Trans Day of Vengeance
What the Left thinks it means – an event to recognize and fight for trans rights
What it really means – a really bad look for the trans right movement
I’ve made my feelings known on the trans issue previously, but I’ll restate it briefly since it does become relevant later. I don’t care if you’re trans. Just don’t be a dickhead and treat others with the respect you want in return. That’s pretty much how I treat anyone, now that you mention it.
So, having said that, the Nashville shooter was a dick, and being trans doesn’t change that fact. Even if the shooter self-identified as a good person, I would say killing 6 people sticks a pin in that identification. And, even if the school was a flaming pile of dog shit to the shooter, that doesn’t excuse the act. Most disagreements, I’ve found, can be addressed without heading for the gun safe.
So, what does this have to do with the Trans Day of Vengeance? Well, it’s a little thing the kids today like to call optics. What do you think of when vengeance is mentioned? If you’re like me (and if you are, seek help), there aren’t many positive connotations that come to mind. Not all of them violent, I grant you, but definitely not a “let’s sit down and discuss our differences over tea” vibe.
The poster for the event reinforces the negative connotations with the statement “Stop Trans Genocide.” Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think there’s actual trans genocide going on, unless you want to conflate the bills being suggested/pass as genocide. But more to the point, how exactly do you stop a genocide? Marching? Social media? A well-crafted hashtag?
Nope. You typically stop it with violence.
And when you consider some of the people backing Trans Day of Vengeance are advocating taking up arms…well, it’s not gonna end well. Given the all-or-nothing nature the more vocal trans people and allies have taken, anyone who doesn’t agree 1000% is liable to wind up in the figurative and possibly literal crossfire.
Including your humble correspondent.
Here’s the part many people on the Left and the Right don’t get. You can agree with a person or idea and still offer legitimate criticism with the intent of creating the best possible outcome. And, let me tell ya, the Trans Day of Vengeance ain’t gonna cut it. Not only are you going to turn off potential allies who are on the fence because of the current environment, but you’re looking like violent assholes in the process. No matter what your intent may be, the phrasing used make it sound like you’re about to go all John Wick on anyone who doesn’t celebrate Dylan Mulvaney 365 days of being a girl.
As entertaining as that might be, it doesn’t help the end goal. If anything, you prove your critics right and give them a reason to attack you right back. Consider me your computer asking “Are you sure you want to do this?” before doing something monumentally fucking stupid.
Walk this back for a moment before answering. This idea is a step you can’t take back easily if you regret it down the line. Once you cross that line, you’re stuck with the consequences. Yes, there are assholes out there who will hurt or kill you for being fabulous. There will always be those kinds of people out there. But you do not need to become them to protect yourselves. Understand them, yes. Turn them into martyrs for their self-righteous cause? Fuck to the no.
And while we’re here on the understanding tip, maybe try to understand why these laws are being proposed in the first place. If your answer is “Because Republicans,” oooooh, sor-ray. That’s incorrect. The source of the outrage is…members of the trans community acting inappropriately around minors. As inclusive as your community is, there need to be some quality standards before letting some people in because there are some freaks out there using drag as a cover for their illicit activities. The longer the trans community sits on their well-manicured hands without kicking out the bad apples, the more likely it looks like you support their activities, which drives the anti-trans folks which fires up the pro-trans folks and the downward spiral into chaos, violence, and another Madea movie.
If you want to support trans rights, do it, but find a friendlier means of outreach. Vague references to potential violence and built-in justification for it under the guise of a genocide that isn’t happening aren’t the way to do it. Try reaching out a hand, preferably one without a weapon in it, and look to make friends with those who disagree with you. If they slap your hand away, so be it. Eventually, you’ll find someone who will shake your hand. Violence doesn’t make that happen, kids.
A Wolf in Sheep(skin)’s Clothing?
Leftists have been known to…exaggerate situations that directly affect their grift…I mean policy decisions. But sometimes they get one right. Granted, it’s usually rarer than how I like my steak, but it does happen.
Recently, House Republicans introduced the Parents Bill of Rights Act designed to help parents of public school students to exercise more oversight over curricula and offer opportunities to provide feedback. Although this proposal has garnered praise from former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and damnation from Leftist asshats Aaron Rupar and Jonathan Capehart, the bill is likely to fail in the Senate because that’s where ideas go to get turned into expensive boondoggles these days.
For all the great intentions the Parents Bill of Rights Act has, there is a road to Hell we need to traverse before we throw support behind the bill.
First, let’s start with what the Left got right…I mean correct about the proposal. A tweet in response to Secretary Pompeo’s original tweet points out the inherent problem with the current public education system: a lack of parental participation. Usually, it’s because the parents complaining about it are too busy working, but it’s hard to argue the point. Parental involvement in a child’s education should start in the home, and not just for homeschooled kids, either!
It’s easy to pawn off the responsibilities due to anything from time constraints to not really wanting to do them, but if you’re complaining now that a book promoting gay sex under the guise of “education,” you’ve identified a problem: you weren’t paying attention to when this shit was being put into schools. And given the number of freaks out there teaching children these days (as can be found on the Libs of TikTok Twitter account), you might want to make the time to get involved.
Of course, we can trust our government to do the right thing. I mean, it’s not like there’s a proven track record of the government fucking up something like public education, right? But, at least with the government involved, it won’t wind up like, oh I don’t know, a train accident in Ohio.
If you believe that, I have a great deal on some FTX for ya!
Anyway, the problems being “addressed” by this legislation continue the cycle of big government involvement in something that really isn’t the federal government’s business in the first place. Or at least it wasn’t until the Department of Education was founded. Nowadays, you can’t seem to send Bobby and Cindy to public school without having the DOE having its fingers in it, which is a Brady Bunch of bullshit.
And, as much as it pains me to say it, the Parents Bill of Rights Act only continues that trend. Regardless of how you feel about what’s going on in public schools today, passing legislation to do something we can and should be doing for ourselves isn’t going to end well.
Politicians in general are always trying to find ways to carve out exceptions or use the existing system to advance ideological goals, even if it means warping the original intent of the legislation. All it takes is a swing in one direction or another and before you can say “detention” you lose more of your freedoms.
And, no, the fact this is a Republican-lead bill doesn’t make it any better. A freedom removed is damn hard to get back, regardless of which major party took it away in the first place. Just ask gun owners about that.
And don’t expect any help from the Left on this. They have a vested interest in keeping the status quo the way it is right now. Graduates may not be able to function in any meaningful way, but at least they’ll know their fee-fees are valued. If I didn’t know better, I’d swear it was almost like the Left wants people to be dumber than Puddin’ Head Joe after a NyQuil binge because then it would be easier to make them do stupid and dangerous stuff without questioning it…oh, wait…
Say, that reminds me, I’m due for my 498th COVID booster. I’m sure it will work this time and without horrible side effects!
Seriously, though, putting government in charge of responsibilities we should be taking on rarely ends well and only perpetuates the current system, which sucks out loud.
But let’s blue sky this idea. Let’s say by some miracle/deal with the Devil/funky AI algorithm/glitch in the Matrix the Parental Bill of Rights Act gets passed. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be followed, especially by those who have a vested interest in keeping people stupid and, thus, dependent on government. All it takes is a different politician of a different political persuasion to roll everything back, putting us at Square One all over again, but with more government intervention.
Fucking brilliant!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Granted, I’m a week late on this, but under the circumstances (namely me deciding to write about something else), I hope you’ll forgive me. And if not, well…I’ll pout.
Anyway, California is usually at the forefront of a lot of things, namely really bad ideas. Recently, San Francisco proposed a lump sum payment of $5 million to eligible blacks for reparations, among other proposals. Additionally, the state’s Reparation Task Force submitted a report to the California Legislature that Governor Gavin Newsom is expected to implement if the legislature doesn’t act.
As a result, I am stating for the record I now self-identify as a black resident of San Francisco. Please respect my privacy during my transition.
Seriously, reparations is a controversial subject to say the least, which means it’s perfect for your favorite blogger who writes a weekly series by this specific title to cover. Take that, “Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week” written by Jerry Funklemeyer!
reparations
What the Left thinks it means – monetary compensation given to blacks due to America’s slave history
What it really means – another way for white Leftists to blow through more of our money so they can feel good about themselves
The Civil War/War Between the States/War of Northern Aggression/The War the Movie “Glory” Was Based On was one of the most difficult and bloody times of our nation’s relatively young history. From 1861 to 1865, this country was more fractured than Jackie Chan’s body after doing his own stunts. But once the Union prevailed, the question was what to do next. Back then, they didn’t have Leftists to provide their sage advice about misogyny and trans rights in the former Confederacy, so it came down to a meeting between William T. Sherman and black ministers to create an attempt at reparations: 40 acres. (Mule, sold separately.)
And that attempt got scuttled by President Andrew Johnson, leaving the matter unresolved until recently.
There have been calls for reparations in recent history, but the idea really took off in 2020 thanks to the Democratic Primaries where there were…four black candidates out of 27. Five if you count Elizabeth Warren. And of those black candidates, none got the nomination, and only one (Kamala Harris) got to the White House as Puddin’ Head Joe’s Vice-President. Not too shabby for someone who I almost tied in the Iowa Caucuses and I didn’t even run.
Out of that and the shootings of blacks that occurred in 2019-2020, the idea of reparations gained new steam, which prompted California to create the aforementioned Reparations Task Force.
So, now that we’re back in the present, let’s start shitting on the reparations idea, shall we?
As a concept, reparations aren’t that hard to understand. We wronged an entire race of people by enslaving them and treating them worse than Ike treated Tina, so we want to try to balance the scales somehow. Admirable goal, but the logistical equivalent of an M.C. Escher drawing.
The biggest hurdle to the idea of reparations is the fact none of the people who are demanding it today were ever slaves. And it’s not like we can fire up the TARDIS, go back to 1865, drop off $5 million, and tell the slaves to invest heavily in Apple in 100+ years. Although time can be a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff, it’s still bound by fixed events that can be tracked. And with the passage of time comes the birth of generation after generation that are removed from slavery altogether, save by bloodline.
But does bloodline alone create a solid enough link to award $5 million? That creates another speed bump to payday: what about those who either didn’t own slaves or fought for the Union in the Civil War? If bloodline is enough to give away money, it should also be good enough to exempt people from being forced to contribute to this monetary transfer. I have two relatives who fought for the Union (who, by the way, fought at least in part to end slavery). Yet, I get the feeling I would be expected to open my wallet and give generously to the Give Non-Slaves $5 Million Because Fuck You That’s Why Foundation.
And don’t get me started on their telethons!
Then, there’s the question of mixed-race children. Back in the day, white slaveowners knocked boots with slaves, which resulted in the genes of both races coming together to form a new life. Would the families of such a sexual union have to pay up or receive reparations? Or maybe they would just get $2.5 million? Or would the white half have to pay the black half $5 million?
Regardless, the fact we can even ask some of these questions without the pro-reparations side coming up with answers is not a good sign. But wait, there’s more!
Dropping $5 million into anyone’s lap is going to be significant, and it opens up any number of opportunities. And if it’s bundled in hundred dollar bills, it’s going to make the males in the audience sing tenor for a few years. For most people, though, it’s life-changing money, but only if it’s used intelligently. This is where human nature comes into play. If we get any amount of money from $2 on a scratch-off ticket to millions of dollars, our first instinct is to spend it. If this sum comes with few strings attached, though, we can get pretty reckless with it because in our minds it’s “free money.”
But just as any breadwinner today can tell you, money can run out fast if you’re not careful. Or if you vote for Puddin’ Head Joe, which is pretty much the same thing as not being careful.
When we don’t know or care how we get the money, we have less of an incentive to be smart with it. And, no, this isn’t a racial thing, but rather a human thing. Economists have studied this phenomenon for decades and it always ends the same way: the further we are away from earning money, the easier it gets to spend. Hence, the reason so many big lottery winners end up blowing their winnings and winding up right back where they started.
Guess what I think will happen to the reparations money if it gets approved.
And it’s not like there isn’t precedent with this. Remember Hurricane Katrina (which, oddly or appropriately enough, was the last time Kanye West was relevant)? Well, some inventive (and ultimately dishonest) people found a way to turn tragedy into a windfall to the tune of an estimated $2 billion. Between recipients of the aid spending the money on non-essential items, including vacations and porn, and others getting relief funds for people who didn’t exist, Katrina proved to be a disaster of a natural disaster response.
But the Katrina failure was more federal, right? Nothing like that could happen on the state level, right? Wellllll…not really. Our good friends on the Left Coast racked up an estimated $20 billion in fraud related to the pandemic. Leftists bad with money? Why that’s…pretty normal, really.
Now, why would I bring up Katrina and COVID in a discussion about reparations? To underscore a point that will taint the idea: governments, especially large ones, don’t keep good tabs on who is getting the money. It’s more of a rubber-stamp process. Granted, the reparations initiative in San Francisco comes with some conditions, but I’m not sure the state government that racked up ten times the Katrina fraud is capable of making sure the conditions are met.
But then again, it’s not meant to be effective or efficient except in one area: easing the guilt white Leftists feel over slavery. And they’re willing to spend as much of your money as possible to make sure they feel better no matter how long it takes! When you consider the amount of guilt a Leftist could prevent brownouts in California if it could be converted into electricity, let’s just say you might as well give the government access to your bank accounts. I mean, if China doesn’t already have it, thanks to TikTok.
It’s at this point I need to remind the white Leftists…none of you fuckknuckles were alive during slavery. You can feel bad about what happened generations ago, but to make it a central part of your life is a bit extreme and at this point silly. Kinda like the Young Turks, but less comedic. You cannot change the past, nor can you expect any amount of money to ever make it right because there will always be people willing to prey on your guilt to get more money out of you. As long as the greedy and dishonest among us see Leftist largess as free money, the spigot will never turn completely off and there will be fraud aplenty.
The thing is the Left has made it amazingly easy to game the system, thanks to the rhetoric they’ve already presented as true. And eagle-eyed readers already know how. Remember, the Left maintains how you self-identify is as real as how you are. Rachel Dolezal and Shawn King both identify as black in spite of being whiter than a medical isolation room run by Mormon IBM executives. Yet, they were/are considered to be authentic voices on the black experience in America.
Well, shit. If they can do it, so can I. And I can think of 5 million reasons to do it!
And California can’t say shit about it. Well, they can, but they’ll look like hypocritical assholes doing it. So, win-win!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
This week, the word “woke” got a bit of a workout. I’m not talking Richard Simmons “Sweating With the Oldies” kind of workout, either. We’re talking The Rock on truck stop speed locked in a Gold’s Gym for a weekend kind of workout. And after that, I definitely don’t want to know what the Rock was cookin’.
After people on the Right started to adopt “woke” as a term of derision, Leftists haven’t been able to figure out a way to take it back. So, instead, they’re creating new rules. And with that, this week’s Lexicon will delve into the wonderfully wide weird world of woke.
woke
What the Left thinks it means – either a word of pride or derision, depending on who uses it
What it really means – a term that needs to go the way of the dodo and Carrot Top’s movie career
Remember the 90s when Political Correctness was all the rage? People bent over backwards to use the “correct” (and often nonsensical) words. Then, it grew to the point where even the most PC of PC people got caught using non-PC terms because the term changed without warning from one week to the next. It was like playing hot potato with a live hand grenade while blindfolded. It’s only a matter of time before you’re getting shrapnel.
Well, thanks to the “woke” warriors out there, we get to relive one of my least favorite times of my adult life. Fortunately, I’m older and I give even less of a fuck than I did back then. The only difference? The current woke environment makes the PC movement of the 90s look like an Amish barn raising, complete with beards. Although with the woke folks, the beards might be connected to men who claim to be women.
Anyway, “woke” has gone from a funny term used by white Leftists so much you think they’re getting paid to use it to an entire culture. But only the first 4/7 of the word.
When the Right started using the word “woke” like an insult or a derogatory term, the Left lost its collectivist mind. After all, to them being woke is the end all and be all of existence. So, when people started making fun of it, it became an affront to them and their cause and they were forced to act!
By adding more context to its use.
But first, a slight aside. Woke actually began in the black community where it was used to raise awareness to racism and discrimination. Over time, the perspective grew to encompass more and more social justice ideas to the point white Leftists adopted it and made it mainstream. After all, the only way blacks can get ahead is if white Leftists speak for them, amirite kids?
Yeah, no.
Over the past week, the Left has expanded the definition even more. For Leftists, woke is still a good thing, but it’s also become a way to claim moral and intellectual superiority over everyone. Or in other words, Tuesday. John Stewart said being woke was “being good at history.” Molly Knight (who is whiter than a mayonnaise sandwich on Wonder Bread) echoes this sentiment by throwing in slavery.
Then, there’s the virtue signaling. And when I say virtue signaling, I mean virtue signaling!
Now, for the other side. Leftists love to use the Right’s use of the word to state their opposition is based on being stupid. And being the worst people on Earth. And being triggered. Oh, and when the Right uses it, it’s racist! And, of course, the Left thinks the Right can’t define it.
The Left thinks woke is a positive. The Right thinks woke is a negative. I think woke is the past tense form of wake.
As much as both sides love to throw around the term, it’s gotten to the point of ridiculousness, mostly because adherents keep pushing the envelope like a postal worker only getting paid commission. Seriously, folks. How exactly does allowing kids to be exposed to drag shows where performers are exposing themselves bring about a better world? And, no, my conservative friends, not that scenario isn’t an example of society getting too woke. It’s an example of people being fucking narcissists and demanding the rest of us go along with their fantasy world.
Right now woke isn’t anything but a meaningless term that keeps changing definitions more frequently than models at a fashion show. And, to me, when you have trouble nailing down a definition that doesn’t come without an exceptions list longer than an Apple Terms of Service Agreement, the problem isn’t the definition; it’s the word. Whenever you have a word that can be used in multiple ways and is solely dependent upon who is using it as far as whether it’s the “right” or “wrong” definition, you create the ambiguity necessary for the word to be used in whatever way people want.
Guess what, kids. “Woke” is no longer a simple word that means only one thing. It’s expanded and is not the Left’s word anymore. It belongs to the people now, and it will continue to be used until it’s burnt out.
Now, how would I define woke? Aside from being the past tense version of wake, in the modern sense of the word I define it as Political Correctness 2.0. Or Political Correctness on PCP. Sayyyyyyyy!
Either way, I’m not a fan of the term, nor am I a fan of how it’s being used to further divide us. Instead of woke, let me offer a slightly longer, but a far more universal concept.
Being a decent human being, respectful of others and not being a fucking asshole.
That’s not too much of an ask, is it?
Editor’s Note: This next section was added after Thomas went to the grocery store.
Fuck that last thing I wrote. The SMOD can’t come soon enough.
New Words, Who Dis?
As faithful readers know, I’m a word guy. I am fascinated by the interplay of words put together to form everything from poetry and screenplays to Twitter posts, mainly for the number of times people confuse “to” and “too” and even “two.”
As part of my passion, I’ve learned to study how words are used and compare them to the time period. There are some words, like “cool,” that never seem to fall out of favor, while others like “extreme” or “Pauly Shore comedy” come and go with the passage of time. And every so often, our societal lexicon (not to be confused with the Leftist Lexicon) needs to get expanded to reflect the zeitgeist of the age.
In other words, here are some new words I came up with. Enjoy!
Algoreaphobia – the fear of climate change
selfietality – when someone dies while doing something stupid to try to get views on social media
entitlemental – a form of insanity that arises when someone believes they are owed something
reminiscinging – when you find yourself singing songs from your youth because today’s music fucking sucks
noledge – the “facts” most people use in Twitter arguments
Mandatorian – when someone tells you that you “have to watch” the latest popular streaming series
prenouns – the pronouns you are expected to know before talking to a Leftist
insoyfurable – when someone insists on telling you his or her dietary/lifestyle choices without anyone else asking them to do it
showflake – the person who makes a big deal about being offended, i.e. any Karen/Kevin
gender disphonya – a condition where a person claims to be a different gender, but doesn’t bother to actually transition
in-app-propriate – when you spend too much on microtransactions
NFTease – the pitch scammers use to get you to invest in NFTs
That’s all I have for now. If you liked this, let me know and I can do more. If you didn’t, then you might be disappointed if I decide to do another one. I’m good either way!
Irreconcilable Differences
It was bound to happen, kids. Marjorie Taylor Greene said something that almost made my head explode with the sheer stupidity of it. Recently she came out and said we need a “national divorce” between red and blue states. As much fun as it would be to have America turned into a sitcom trope, I think this is a bad idea. Why?
For one, because the idea started from a 2004 meme.
But more importantly, because it’s going to lead to civil war, no matter what MTG says. Right now, ideological rifts are wider than Steven Tyler’s mouth at a dental appointment. People on the Left and the Right wake up and choose violence, hatred, and half-witted squawking points from their shit-flingers of choice.
At the core of this strife is a fundamental difference, not just of ideas, but of reality itself. Take gender, for example. Right now, Leftists believe there are more genders than Baskin Robbins has ice cream flavors (dining tip: avoid the Gender Fluid Fudge Ripple), while the Right believes there are only two. Now, I’m not a biologist or a Supreme Court nominee for that matter, but if we’re going to fight over something that hasn’t become an issue until the past few years and isn’t rooted in the age-old conflict of reality versus feefees, something tells me splitting up the country will end badly.
Just think about the sheer logistics of such an enterprise. Although there are clear red and blue states, there are a number of purple states, such as my home state of Iowa. Sometimes, we vote for Democrats, and other times we vote for Republicans. Where exactly would we fit? Would it turn into a custody battle between California and Texas where we spend two weekends a month with one state and the other two weekends with the other? And what if one state lets us stay up past our bedtimes and buys us all the toys, games, and gadgets we want in an attempt to appear to be the “cool state”? Then, there would be getting used to our new “step-states” and trying to fit in.
These are the kind of questions people gung ho for a national divorce haven’t considered yet, if they’ve considered them at all.
The sad part is, having said all that, I don’t see any way out of it. There are too many differences for us to try to work on as a nation, and when we can’t even agree on how many genders there are, it’s pretty much destined to fail. There is no reimagined version of the Yalta Conference coming soon to a TV screen near you. America is, to put it bluntly, stuck in a swamp of our own creation. And I’m not talking about Washington, DC.
And don’t expect our national leaders to lend a hand. Not only do they get off on us being at each other’s throats like a Nosferatu fistfight, but the strife helps them get away with more underhanded shit. The wallet-busting multi-trillion dollar Omnibus Spending Bill from a few weeks ago proved that. And as long as the Left and the Right continue to let us bicker, the wheels of the country get further and further sucked into the marsh, making it harder for us to get out.
So, what do we do? First off, we should reject the idea of a national divorce, no matter who agrees with it, because the eventual conclusion of such an idea will be bloody, messy, and possibly fracture the country even more than it already is. Besides, we’ve already done this. Remember that little thing the kids like to call the Civil War/War Between the States/War of Northern Aggression/That Thing We Have Totally Forgotten About or Never Learned in the First Place Because Racism? Yeah, Gettysburg is gonna look like a Buddhist picnic compared ot what we have in store.
Beyond that…I got nothing. No, wait, I do have something: look past the differences we have and look for the similarities. At the end of the day, we’re all Americans (unless you’re reading this in a different country…but I can put in a good word for you and make sure you get the Honorary American tour package). It doesn’t matter if you’re a Trump-loving Republican named Roy or a non-binary genderfluid person named Magnolia with more pronouns than college majors, there are still some things that can bring us all together.
You know, like thinking Michael Bay should never make another movie ever?