This week, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Turns out it was just the Taco Bell I had for lunch, but there was still a great disturbance this past week.
“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” will be ending its run at the end of Colbert’s contract in May 2026, and there will be no more “Late Show.”
If you listened to the Left (and, really, I’d rather have my toenails pulled out by Justin Bieber than do that), you would think democracy itself was being overturned by the Evil Orange Man. And Colbert, to his credit, isn’t telling people otherwise. With the man who would be Late Knight King being on everyone’s lips, what better subject for this week’s Lexicon?
Stephen Colbert
What the Left thinks it means – a comedian and proud champion of the First Amendment being unfairly sacrificed to appease Donald Trump
What it really means – a semi-funny man who rode an anti-Trump shtick into the ground
I first ran across Stephen Colbert during his time on “The Daily Show,” back when it (and he) were funny instead of more depressing than episodes of the current “Saturday Night Live.” But it was when he did “The Colbert Report” that he really shined, at least to me. His dead-on and deadpan imitation of a stereotypical right wing talk show host modeled at least in part on Bill “Papa Bear” O’Reilly entertained a wide audience. Leftists loved it because it poked fun at the Right, and Rightists loved it because they have an actual sense of humor. Everybody was happy.
Then came President Donald Trump.
With the rise of Orange Julius Caesar. the comedy-pretending-to-be-real-journalist crowd had a problem. Their left-leaning audience demanded the hosts skewer Trump at every turn, but the rest of their audience expected to be entertained. So, they decided to lean hard Left and alienate a huge chunk of the audience in the process.
And Leftist say they’re smart?
I had high hopes for “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” when it first aired. My wife and I stayed up to watch his monologue to gauge our interest in the show. Ten minutes in, we looked at each other and said, “Nope.” And we’ve never watched another show. Why? Because it wasn’t fucking funny. It was the entertainment version of whisky dick: it was fun getting to the moment, but it was a no-go when it really mattered.
But the Leftist portion of the audience ate it up. To them, Colbert was the funniest man on late night television, and they barked like trained seals at every anti-Trump barb. There’s only one problem with that: there are only so many times you can tell a joke before it gets tired.
I call it the “Urkel Principle.” When Steve Urkel first appeared on “Family Matters,” it was a smash hit. Then, Urkel was everywhere. Eventually, it stopped being entertaining and became irritating. Before you could say “Did I do that?” people began wondering what they saw in Urkel.
Stephen, buddy…you reached that point years ago.
And I need to point out you were funnier when you pretended to be other people. The faux-conservative talking head, Phil Ken Sebben of “Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law,” even your appearances on the first American iteration of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” were leagues funnier than the drizzling shits you were putting out nightly for years. And don’t get me started on the Chernobyl-level radioactive cringefest that is “The Vax-Scene.” If you haven’t seen it, thank God. I have and now I’m in intense therapy, and I’m a trained professional.
A professional what, I’m trying to figure out, but still…
But this latest incarnation of “Stephen Colbert, First Amendment Champion” is a lie built on a lot of omission. First off, late night television is all but dead, save for “Gutfeld!” on Fox News, and that’s a cable show on a half hour before the usual late night fare, kids. Ouch! It’s believed “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” lost CBS at least $40 million a year. Now, I’m no TV exec, but if a high-rated show drops that kind of dough and strippers and blow aren’t involved, it’s not a good thing.
Then, there’s the $16 million settlement between CBS (the parent company of “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”) and Donald Trump (the man who is the Leftists’ daddy). This stemmed from “60 Minutes” editing an interview with Queen Kamala the Appointed to make her sound less drunk…err smarter. Trump sued CBS over it, and they decided to settle out of court.
Of course, this pissed off Colbert because…fuck Trump? Which lead him to go off on Paramount and CBS…his employers.
I think most of you see where this is going, but for Colbert and his fans, this made him a liability. And some companies out there still don’t tolerate insubordination, which this was. You could have left well enough alone and not criticized the settlement, but nooooooo. You had to use your big brain to open your big mouth and now you find yourself big fired.
Fucking brilliant.
But instead of admitting his mistake, Colbert and his fans went right to the Blame Trump card. Now, the cancellation of “The Late Show” is a First Amendment crisis and has a chilling and dark tone to it. Many have speculated Trump had Colbert fired in order for the FCC to approve Skydance buying Paramount. On the surface, this makes sense, but in the larger context of Colbert openly criticizing his employers on live TV, it doesn’t.
Not that it’s stopped the Left from lamenting the cancellation. Literally tens and tens of people protested outside the Ed Sullivan Theater to try to save “The Late Show.” And then there’s the thousands of signatures on a petition. Thousands, I tell you!
And not a one of them gets this isn’t a free speech issue.
The First Amendment (the one that allows me to mock Leftists without having the government shut me down) applies to government actions, not the actions of a network who sees a late night host as a financial and internal liability. Paramount may have thought firing Colbert would curry favor with the Trump Administration, but we can’t assume the latter forced the former to fire Colbert. After all, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption.
Furthermore, New York State is an at-will employment state, which means any private sector employee can be fired for any reason. Doesn’t even have to be a good or valid reason. You can get shit-canned for whatever reason your employer deems good and/or valid.
You know, like…oh, I don’t know…calling out your parent company on live TV.
As Leftists are so quick to point out when it comes to conservative speech, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequence as a result of that speech. What Colbert did was bad speech (not to mention the worst fucking idea since hiring him to host “The Late Show”), and his firing is a consequence of that speech. And in the marketplace of ideas, alleged jokes where the punchline is always “Trump sucks” get pretty stale.
But if I had to point to one thing that could be the silver bullet in this case, it’s ego. For a long time, late night hosts like Colbert were untouchable. The more they poked Trump, the more people loved them. And under the tenure of President Brick Tamland, they didn’t have to fear retribution. That kind of seeming invulnerability makes you feel untouchable.
But that’s when you’re the most vulnerable.
Stephen Colbert got to ride the “Trump Sucks” gravy train for years and was paid handsomely for it, but the ride’s over. When your contract ends, you will have to find something to do with your time, and I think your time as First Amendment martyr will be more of a temp job. However, in the interest of being gracious in times of distress, I have the perfect job for you.
Go back to pretending to be other people! That’s when you’re funniest!
