Our Brother-In-Law

This is your annual reminder the war between Russia and Ukraine is still going on and we still don’t have any idea of what the fuck we’re doing in it yet. I mean, aside from giving billions of American tax dollars to a cause that’s ill-defined outside of “Putin Bad” and has no clear end date in sight.

Oh, and did I mention we’re backing the losing side?

Actually, that’s a bit premature. They haven’t lost yet, so there’s always a chance Ukraine can turn things around…provided, of course, we send more money and arms.

It was at this point I came to a realization: Ukraine is like the stereotypical lazy brother-in-law. They don’t do much, spend what little money they have on shit they don’t need, and always come around when they need just a few bucks to get them through until they can get on their feet. And, because they’re related by marriage, we tend to relent in order to keep the peace within the family.

That doesn’t work so well when an entire country is the brother-in-law and we’re strapped for cash ourselves. Regardless of what Leftist squawking head tells you, the economy isn’t so rosy. Inflation continues to rise (although at a much lower rate than the previous 2 years, so yay, I guess?), and Puddin’ Head Joe keeps finding ways to make the US Dollar worth less than the acknowledgements section of a narcissist’s autobiography.

Like, oh I don’t know…giving billions to a foreign country without asking for any of it back?

Of course, the Leftist warmongers will mention Ukraine is fighting for freedom and we should support it or we’re Russian assets. Which is why so many of these same warmongers are trying to tie aid to Israel to aid to Ukraine because…freedom, I guess?

Actually, the two are not connected in any way. And if you’ve been following the events in Ukraine prior to the war with Russia, you can see why, but for those who haven’t let’s just say Ukraine has…a bit of a neo-Nazi problem. Which means we have a bit of a neo-Nazi problem because we’re funding them in the name of freedom, all the while telling us neo-Nazis are all over the US and evil, nasty people who can’t be reasoned with.

You know, just like Antifa!

This contradiction doesn’t seem to bother the Left that much, but it bothers me. We cannot hold Ukraine to a different standard than we hold our own citizens, even if we don’t like the implications. This is the kind of idiocy that got both Iran and Iraq hating our guts in the early 80s when they were having their own war. We tried playing both sides at different points and we got fucked as a result.

Now, we’re repeating the same mistake. After trying to be buddy-buddy with Russia as far back as the Obama Administration (remember Hillary Clinton’s “Reset” button?), we’re now blaming them for everything from inflation to supply line issues to the fact Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce. And when you consider Russia and China are getting along like the aforementioned Swift and Kelce, that doesn’t bode well for us.

But freedom…I guess?

So, it looks like we’re going to be letting Ukraine sleep on our couch for the foreseeable future. But I’m sure they’ll find a job…I mean win the war with Russia soon. They just need a few billion to tide them over until they win…

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (or in Amish country), you’ve heard the term “border crisis” tossed about like a frisbee at a stoner festival in Colorado on 4/20. While the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration has been busy handling the really important issues, like finding out who has been buying Bibles, the southern border has seen numerous illegal immigrants crossing practically at will. And it’s left officials in southern states looking for help.

Maybe they haven’t heard about the Bible buying epidemic.

It was only when Texas Governor Greg Abbott did something (and by something, I mean a few things) about the situation that the Left got upset. I mean, how else are they going to make illegal immigrants vote Democrat if they aren’t allowed to enter the country illegally?

Seriously, though, we need to dig deeper into the border crisis because…well, there’s a lot of shit behind it.

border crisis

What the Left thinks it means – an overblown non-issue that shows how Republicans hate immigrants

What it really means – a serious crisis caused by both major parties giving zero fucks about immigrants

The history of immigration laws in America is…well, a little on the confusing side. Put simply, a country that was founded at least in part on immigration from foreign lands decided to limit immigration in 1965 because…reasons, I guess? But that hasn’t stopped people from wanting to come to America, and it certainly hasn’t stopped people from taking shortcuts to come to the Land of the Free and the Home of Anchor Babies and Green Card Marriages.

Since illegal immigrants tend not to fill out census forms, it’s estimated that there are over 11 million of them in America right now. That’s over 10 Rhode Islands and almost 20 Wyomings. And keep in mind this is just an estimate. The actual number could be higher or lower, but the fact it’s more than the populations of all but 7 states tells me there’s an issue.

Not that the Left agrees there is an issue, mind you. The Puddin’ Head Joe Administration has gone from claiming the southern border is secure to saying it would be secure if it weren’t for those pesky Republicans and their dog to saying it hasn’t been secure for a decade. Even Mitt “I Ain’t Shit” Romney tried to blame Donald Trump for the border crisis.

Good thing Kamala Harris the border czar or we’d be fucked! Oh, wait, we are, and it’s not just because Vice President Word Salad has zero ideas of what to do.

The fact is the past 3 years of the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration’s border policy has resulted in more, not less, illegal immigration. But now that the 2024 elections are coming up and voters see the President as less effective on the border than a bubble pipe in a gang war, they’re going to get serious and…adopt some of the same policies they decried as racist and xenophobic when Trump suggested them. Brilliant!

Even if Puddin’ Head Joe goes full MAGA, it’s not going to solve the border crisis. And the same will happen if Donald Trump wins the Presidency again, and it’s for the same reason: because the majority of politicians don’t want to solve the problem. Remember, one of my immutable truths of life is government is not in the problem-solving business. For the Left, there is too much money and power to be gained by letting people enter the country like hookers and blow at Hunter Biden’s place. For the Right, there is too much money and power to be gained by stoking the fear illegal immigrants are taking American jobs and taking money out of social programs. And any attempts to change the status quo is going to piss off one side or the other.

So, why not piss them off by doing something?

The fact so many Leftists are going after Governor Abbott for securing the southern border of his state and for sending illegal immigrants to sanctuary cities is a sign they know how bad the border crisis is and are freaking out that a Republican governor had the balls to hold the Left at their word. Throw in Ron Desantis, and you have two Republicans willing to do something about the problem.

And now that several other Republican governors are backing Abbott’s play? The Left is in full-blown freak out mode, or should be if they were aware of the implications of the policies they’ve been pimping for years.

And they aren’t. They’re too busy either trying to continue to spin Puddin’ Head Joe’s border failures as not his fault or looking for an alternate candidate to support, like…oh, I don’t know…Nikki Haley? Either way, the Left can’t bullshit their way out of this. Their hands are pretty dirty, which given how they don’t like to work, is ironic, don’t ya think?

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the Right’s failures on the border. Yes, Donald Trump promised a border wall, but there are ways to avoid the walls altogether, such as tunnels under the wall or into states where they give illegal immigrants a pass, like California. Throw in the growing fentanyl epidemic being funneled through these and other tunnels and human trafficking being done in conjunction with illegal immigration and you have a multi-front problem that neither major party has any idea of how to address. It’s one thing to show compassion to those who are seeking asylum due to political violence or civil unrest, but it’s another thing to let every Tomas, Ricardo, and Hernando across the border under the assumption they’re asylum seekers.

But that’s the Left’s plan. By lumping those attempting to go through proper channels to come to America with those just looking to get free shit, the Left paints a picture that doesn’t match what’s going on in an attempt to get you to let your emotions override your logic. As long as the border crisis continues, the Left will use this tactic to take your mind off the ever-rising numbers coming into America through dishonest means.

But that’s why we should counter the pulling of the heartstrings with hard numbers and logic. The border crisis is no longer about alleged asylum seekers, but encompasses more criminal activities the longer we sit around with our thumbs up our asses. First off, that’s very uncomfortable and may lead to carpel tunnel syndrome. Second, and more importantly, we’re playing with human lives here. Taking a stand against the Immigrat-a-palooza going on under Puddin’ Head Joe and the ineffective “solutions” that take no real action to secure our border is the only way I know to respect our national sovereignty and protect as many people as we can on both sides of the border.

Then, maybe American can return to the Land of the Free and the Home of the 99 Cent Menu at Taco Bell.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week


Although the combat in Gaza right now is like the Hatfields and McCoys with artillery capabilities, tensions on the home front here in America have also taken a turn for the toasty. As we’re finding out (or in some cases reaffirming because we’ve been paying fucking attention), there are some people here who are sympathetic to the plight of those in Gaza to the point they’re willing to minimize or wave away the horrible actions of Hamas.

Like The Squad’s Rashida Tlaib.

Seems Rep. Tlaib has been repeating an oft-used phrase with regards to Palestine’s demands of Israel: “From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.” And Leftists have been twisting themselves more than a hot yoga studio that doubles as a pretzel oven trying to tone down what this phrase means.

And if recent media spin is any indication, we’re gonna be hearing “Well, Ackchyually” from the Left for weeks to come just over the “from the river to the sea” bit. Well, Ackchyually…I mean actually, the definition of the phrase is much simpler to grasp.

from the river to the sea

What the Left thinks it means – a complex phrase that can mean any number of things, mostly peaceful statements of a desire for Palestinian freedom

What it really means – a simple phrase calling for the eradication of Israel

See? Told ya it was simple!

The phrase originated back in the 1960d, eventually being adopted as a slogan by those lovely, peaceful people who never wanted to destroy Israel, the Palestine Liberation Organization. For any Leftists or the historically illiterate (I know, I know, I’m repeating myself) reading this, that was sarcasm. Although it’s been interpreted within historical context as a desire for a democratic state of Palestine, it’s been taken up by antisemites like the PLO and Hamas to mean the total destruction of Israel.

Wait a minutes…the PLO and Hamas want Israel to go the way of the latest Marvel movie flop? Who could have seen that coming?

Again, sarcasm.

Since the most vocal and the most violent Palestinian elements in Gaza appear to be of this mindset, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say they’re not really pushing for a democratic state called Palestine. And judging from the way they’ve acted since October 7th, that’s a pretty safe bet.

Of course, the Left and the media (repeating myself again) know this deep down in their core, which is why they have to lie about the phrase through conflating the more peaceful meaning with the more prevalent current meaning. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, Leftists know shit about fuck when it comes to foreign affairs.

Second, they’ve spent years building a narrative about how those mean old Israelis are tormenting those poor Palestinians, and if you disagree, you’re an islamophobe. For more information on islamophobia, and so I can throw in an absolutely shameless plug for a previous Leftist Lexicon entry, check out this link.

Third, the Left sees political opportunity in supporting the Palestinians, considering The Squad includes two Muslim members and the entirety of The Squad tend to be the whiniest bitches this side of “The View.” With more Muslims coming to America (and voting for people who share their faith), the Left sees dollar signs and votes. Fuck the optics! These Muslims need the Left to advance their agenda!

Then again, given the Left’s position on abortion and their blatant hatred for Jews, I guess it’s not that much of a leap for them to want to abort Israeli children no matter what trimester it is.

Fourth, if you piss off Muslims enough, things tend to get…explodey.

And fifth, Israel holds a special place in Christian hearts, and since Christians tend to vote Republican, the Left has to take a contrarian view. And the fact is already feeds into their bigotry is icing on the cake.

Hence, the whitewashing of “from the river to the sea.” Ironic, considering how much Leftists hate white people, don’t ya think?

The problem with this approach is it’s bullshit, hypocritical, and utterly stupid. I mean, there are several problems, but these three pretty much sum up my feelings on the matter at hand. I’ve already explained why it’s bullshit, so that leaves hypocritical and utterly stupid to go.

Unfortunately for Leftists, I loaded for bear.

With “from the river to the sea,” the Left is giving Palestinians the most generous interpretation of the phrase, so much so I wouldn’t be surprised if they would try to write it off on next year’s taxes as a donation. Compare this to anything a Republican might say. You know…like, oh I don’t know…Donald Trump referring to “very fine people on both sides.” Yeah, that turn of a phrase was treated worse than David Duke at the NAACP Image Awards, even though the context was clear that Trump wasn’t referring to the white nationalists at the time and said so repeatedly. And I say this as someone who is not a Trump fan, partially because of the way he tends to mangle the English language over topics that would be a slam-dunk for anyone else. Well, except for Puddin’ Head Joe and Kamala Harris, but you get the idea.

And it’s not just Trump who’s been the victim of Leftists taking the worst possible interpretation of what anybody to the right of Nancy Pelosi says. Glenn Beck, Fox News, and Newt Gingrich just to name three off the top of my head have all been victims of intentional smears by the Left through mischaracterization, taking statements out of context, or outright fabricating “dog whistles” that “prove” the Right’s racism.

Of course, if the Left can hear these “dog whistles” wouldn’t that make them racist?

Never mind.

The point is the Left treat communication as both a weapon and a shield depending on what side of the political aisle you’re on. The fact the Left is willing to go to bat for people who would kill them at the drop of a bomb vest but not a fellow American who disagrees with them politically speaks volumes to the utter intellectual and depravity we’re dealing with here.

And I think that last sentence covers the utterly stupid part I mentioned earlier.

Look, it’s cool if you think Palestine should have its own country, and if I had my druthers and could reasonably expect the leaders of this country wouldn’t use said druthers to set up base camp for Holocaust II: Electric Boogaloo, I would push for that to happen. The problem is I don’t think we can trust that to happen due to the number of Islamic extremists within the pro-Palestinian movement. Their holy doctrine allows violence against non-believers, and these kids tend to take the Quran very seriously/literally. And considering that same doctrine says it’s okay to lie to non-Muslims…well, let’s just say I’m going to pass on the Trust Fall with these folks.

That brings us back to “from the river to the sea.” I know this is going to surprise you, but I’m not going to be as generous with my interpretation as the Left is. Given the nature of Muslim extremists like those in Hamas to lie and play people for fools, there is no wiggle room here for me. They want to turn Israel into a parking lot, possibly made of glass if Iran supplies them with nukes. Anyone who says differently is an idiot.

Or a Leftist. But again, I repeat myself.

And, no, that’s not sarcasm.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week


Since the Gaza Strip turned into a war zone, there have been a number of disturbing events. Violence against Jews has risen. Acts of anti-Jewish vandalism are rampant. Leftist strongholds have let the mask drop to show how they really feel about Israel.

In response to this, the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration swung into action. With their fingers fully on the pulse of the nation and how Americans feel about Israel, they gathered their best minds and announced a national initiative to combat…islamophobia.

Remember, kids, this idea came from their best minds.

Since the Left brought it up, I figured we should revisit islamophobia in the current context and have a few laughs in the process.

islamophobia

What the Left thinks it means – irrational fear or hatred of Muslims, currently fueled by high emotions over the Gaza situation

What it really means – a term used to deflect legitimate criticism of Muslim extremists

Let me make something perfectly clear. I don’t hate Islam anymore than I hate anything else. The customs and practices are different, but that’s not a reason to start stringing up Muslims. Just like with Christianity, there are different belief systems under the Muslim banner, some more uptight, others more relaxed. Regardless, I extend that offer of kinship until such time as it gets revoked because I would like the same for my beliefs.

Having said that, Islam has a problem, namely there are some really uptight assholes ruining it for the rest of the faithful. As much as Leftists like to paint people like me as radical extremists destined to lash out with violence, I don’t see that many Amish drive-bys. Mainly because they tend not to have cars, but the point’s the same. Christianity is not by its nature violent. You could count on the two hands of the world’s worst power tool demonstrator the number of Christians who have acted violently in the past century or so. And last time Christians did act violently on a wide scale (i.e. the Crusades), it didn’t work out for them.

Islam, on the other hand…well, let’s just say they have a ways to go in the non-violence workbook. And it’s for this reason people are a little skittish about completely trusting our Muslim brothers and sisters. When Christianity gets radicalized, you tend to get Amway-level aggressive proselytizing. When Islam gets radicalized, you tend to get explosions. They are not the same.

Naturally, the Left has found a way to weaponize prudent caution by shaming people into ignoring it through shame. Islamophobia works in the same way “racist” does with the Left: take any less-than-positive statement, put it through their intersectionality prism (with a quick consultation of their Oppression Decoder Rings), and turn it into hate. You know, just like The Squad!

With regards to the fighting in Gaza, the Left has ramped up the islamophobia rhetoric to paint Muslims as being persecuted by Israel. And, just like clockwork, the squawking points went out for Leftists to recite without self-reflection. Although there are Muslims affected by the current situation, the Left has pulled a bit of a switcheroo.

Take any current Leftist statement about islamophobia, for example. Notice there is one name that never gets mentioned in the same breath as decrying islamophobia. That’s right, kids. I’m talking about Hamas. By only mentioning Muslims, Leftists don’t have to deal with the fact there are Muslims like Hamas running around out there. And they use Israel’s military strength to create a David vs. Goliath where the Muslims (i.e. Hamas) are the underdogs.

That same approach works with islamophobia, too. By painting Muslims as the victims, the Left has made it next to impossible for any legitimate discourse on whether radical Islam is a problem. (Spoiler Alert: it is.) So, all of Islam gets a whitewash and the Left can keep avoiding a major blind spot it has regarding it. A win-win!

Well, except for all the people who are injured, kidnapped, or murdered by the radical Muslims like Hamas, of course.

There is legitimate hatred of Muslims out there, but it’s not nearly as widespread as the Left wants us to believe. But this gives the Left an incentive to pump up the numbers by making any slight against Muslims islamophobic. And I do me any slight. The problem becomes separating the real islamophobia from the bullshit and being unafraid to call it out when it happens.

Guess who I trust least with doing any of that.

Maybe it’s me, but it’s almost like the Left is so focused on fighting islamophobia as an apology of sorts for our response to 9/11, which was to…go after Muslim extremists and their proxies. Even though there were examples of dumb people treating anyone with darker brown skin like a terrorist, most of the anger was directed at those who supported the attack on America.

To the Left, this was a black stain on our history, so they made it a central point of their platform from that point on to reject the idea there are bad Muslims, just good Muslims being persecuted by evil nasty poopyhead Right Wingers.

Wait…isn’t that the same rationale the Left used with illegal Mexican immigrants?

And wouldn’t that be a great strategy for people who want America to be destroyed to exploit? But I’m sure that would never happen, right?

That insinuation may make people call me islamophobic, and I don’t care. The term has lost all meaning for me because it’s been oversaturated like the Travis Kelce/Taylor Swift relationship. At that point, I enter Don’t Give A Fuck Mode. The fact the Left continues to pretend islamophobia is rampant, especially at a time when Muslim extremists are responsible for killing people who were at a fucking music festival, is troubling. How many more people are Leftists going to allow to be killed or hurt just to protect their feefees?

If the media coverage of the war in Gaza is any indication, as many as it takes.

In the meantime, it’s incumbent upon us to keep cooler heads and not treat every Muslim how Leftists are treating Israel right now. We have to encourage Muslims to feel free to express their opinions, even if we disagree with them, and show them love. As the late Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” If we want to end hostilities towards Muslims (or any group for that matter), we must start by mending fences.

Of course, once those fences get blown up by people who prefer to kill us than be neighborly, only three words need to be uttered.

Game on, bitch.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

The Israel-Gaza War has only been going on for a little over a week as of this writing (please check local listings for the number of weeks in your area), but some people are already tired of it. After the shocking reports of casualties in Gaza, provided by Hamas by the way, Leftists started calling for a cease fire. This approach isn’t unusual for Leftists, but as you might guess I’m a little skeptical about the underlying reasons.

And by a little skeptical, I mean a lot skeptical.

cease fire

What the Left thinks it means – a way for both sides of the Israel-Gaza conflict to sit down and talk out their differences

What it really means –  a way for Leftists to give time for Hamas to reload

The purpose of any cease fire is to try to deescalate a violent situation where both sides have something to gain, namely ending the loss of life and property. This only works if both sides are willing to be honest about ending hostilities, though. If one side still harbors the notion the other side should be relegated to history like New Coke or Corey Feldman’s music career, any cease fire will be temporary at best.

Guess which version of events I’m going with here, kids.

I have zero faith in a cease fire working in Gaza, and not just because of who is pushing hardest for it. The Middle East is one big Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch where everyone has access to the pin. All it will take to instigate the next big global war is someone to tug hard enough that the other parties lose their grip. Then, it’s only a matter of time.

Or Newsweek, for that matter.

I would write a series of books about the number of deceptions coming from the Left and the mainstream media (but I repeat myself) just in this first week, but people are already documenting them, so I won’t. Still, there is a fundamental question on the table: why are Leftists working so hard to make the cease fire a thing?

As I noted previously, Hamas is winning the PR war with a healthy assist from the Left and the mainstream media (Is there an echo in here?), so they really don’t have a reason to sit down and work things out with Israel. And, no matter what Israel does, the Left will hold them accountable for all the bloodshed, real or fabricated. That’s not going to make Benjamin Netanyahu want to rush to the negotiating table, either. So, it’s an exercise in futility, which is pretty much on brand for the Left if you really think about it. And I do because I don’t have a life.

But what I do have is an insight on the calls for cease fire. It’s not to broker a peace agreement between Hamas and Israel because neither side has an incentive to negotiate. Hamas is winning the PR war, and Israel is winning the actual war, you know with the bombs and stuff. And with the existing hostilities in that region, peace between the two sides would be impossible until one side is completely depleted. Instead of peace, the motivations behind the cease fire requests come from a much darker, more partisan place.

The Left agrees with Hamas on the state of Israel.

Leftists love to pull for an underdog, and who could be a bigger underdog in this case than Hamas? Even with Iran’s financial backing and the Left’s desire to carry water on the world stage, Hamas is seen as weaker and Israel is seen as the bully. Pay no attention to the fact this most recent round started because of Hamas, they’re just poor people trying to live their lives in an “open air prison. This stuff is ready-made for puff pieces and a 43 part miniseries by Ken Burns, brought to you thanks to generous contributions from taxpayers…I mean viewers like you.

As long as the Left can make the case Hamas is the victim, they will ride that idea as far as it will take them, and there are more than enough Jewish and Gentile Leftists happy to go along for the ride. Any inconvenient details are swept under the rug, and every infraction by Israel from destroying homes to having an overdue library book at the Library of Alexandria will get blasted all over the place. In order to keep that notion in motion, the war has to continue, and ironically it’s a cease fire that will allow that to happen.

Remember what I said earlier about how any negotiations where one party wants to eradicate the other was bound to fail? The sad thing is the Left’s idea of a cease fire is designed to fail. By even pausing the fighting for a day or two, it allows other parties (I’m looking at you, Iran) to supply their side with more money, arms, and recruitment tools to keep the war going. And with greater pressure being put on the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration to push for a cease fire from Congressional leaders and staffers, there’s a chance we could see us cut back on the money and arms going to them. But don’t worry! Puddin’ Head Joe already has an idea about where they could go! [link] But that bad idea is a blog post for another time.

Meanwhile back at the war, there are people on both sides who are caught in the crossfire of combat, and I’m not talking the one between Israel and Hamas. I’m speaking of the ideological conflict at play here. The Left’s desire to stick up for the underdog, regardless of how horribly they act, will ensure Hamas will keep fighting a proxy war the Left is afraid to fight themselves. After all, they might not have a working Starbucks in Gaza, man!

To be fair, the Left and the Right are on equally bad footing when it comes to sending people to war on their behalf, but lately it’s been the Left that’s been beating the war drums like a Buddy Rich solo. Mainly, I think it’s because the Left has come around to the use of force to advance ideological goals. That, and they’re cowards. Nevertheless, as long as the Left has even some semblance of power, they will attempt to make people come around to their line of thinking, one way or another.

Now, for the part the Left hasn’t considered. Hamas doesn’t like us, either. Oh, they’ll gladly take our money and assistance in whitewashing their reputation, but they’re just not into us. In fact, they want us gone, too. So, in other words, the Left is siding with our enemy.

Again.

At least we know the Left is committed to recycling, albeit with bad ideas.

And the cease fire is not just fully in the bad idea camp, it’s become a camp counselor. The Left doesn’t want to solve the problems in Gaza so much as exploit them for political gain. But there is a drawback: when people start seeing the puppet strings, you can’t make the strings disappear. Eventually, people will start looking at who is pulling the strings and drawing conclusions, and that’s not going to end well for the Left.

Maybe we can offer them a cease fire…

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week


In case the 25/8 (because Common Core math) news cycle hasn’t talked about it enough, there’s a bit of a war going on in the Middle East between Israel and Hamas. Seems some members of Hamas decided to attack an Israeli music festival on the 50th anniversary of the Yom Kippur War. This attack left several dead, and others held hostage.

Since then, Israel has been fighting back, which has garnered a schizophrenic response from the Left. Oh, the usual suspects on both sides of the conflict have made statements or in some cases like Rep. Rashida Tlaib waited a while before issuing an incredibly tone-deaf response. But the Left is of two minds on the subject, and both of them are more critical of Israel than of Hamas.

Since Hamas is the elephant in the war room right now, I figured it’s time we give equal attention to them.

Hamas

What the Left thinks it means – Palestinians fighting to regain the country they lost to Israel

What it really means – a terrorist cell given international legitimacy by fucking idiots

Hamas started out as the political side of your friends and mine, the Muslim Brotherhood, in Gaza. You know, where the strip is. And where there is an ongoing land struggle between Israel and the Palestinians. Think the Hatfields and McCoys but with a greater possibility for nuclear fallout. Palestinians have had settlements on the Gaza Strip for years, and Hamas has made it a point to attack Israel through various means, which meant Israel responded with force and, in doing so, made Leftists throw their intellectual heft being the Palestinians.

Granted, it’s not much, but it’s something.

Of course, the Palestinians love us for…oh, wait, they hate us because we insist on helping our ally in the region, Israel, defend itself against outside forces wanting to destroy it. You know like…Hamas. And that hate isn’t exclusive. No, Hamas is totally inclusive in wanting as many Americans dead as possible, too, up to and including America’s destruction. With friends like these, who needs enemas?

Well, I can tell you one person who needs one to get his head out of his ass, and that’s Puddin’ Head Joe. Remember this is the guy President Barack Obama tapped as his Administration’s foreign policy guru because…we’re not sure yet, but I’m sure it had something to do with being on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee since God took a day off. The previous record holder, of course, was Strom Thurmond, who beat Puddin’ Head Joe by six days.

And thanks to Puddin’ Head Joe, Hamas has a new sugar daddy: Iran. See, back in the 70s, America froze Iranian assets in response to Iran taking American hostages, and that freeze was in place until…Obama and Puddin’ Head Joe came on the scene. After making a foreign policy blunder that even Ray Charles could see (because, you know, he’s dead and all), we turned $6 billion over to the Iranians…who then said they would do what they wanted with the money, which was to give it to Hamas to attack Israel, only to pull it back shortly after offering it. Fucking brilliant!

Now, when you consider Hamas is fond of using primitive weapons against Israel so they can appear to be the victims (with the help of Leftists in the media, but I repeat myself), that $6 billion might last Iran and Hamas a while. When you are winning the PR war, you don’t need tanks and bombs. You just need to convince as many people as possible that the other side is bad and you’re just fighting for all the right reasons.

Hmmm…where have I heard that before, and not that long ago as it turns out? And to the tune several billion dollars to boot! I’m sure our new international bestie Volodymyr Zelenskyy could tell us in between bouts of counting our…I mean his money.

Of course, Hamas does provide a bit of a problem for Leftists trying to paint them as innocent victims. Namely, that they’re terrorists who treat their own people as badly as they want to treat Israelis. Hamas is notorious for using civilians as human shields and buildings where people are to drive up the body count for their PR war. And the Leftists eat it up like it was a responsibly sourced free range veggie and tofu hot dog.

Which poses another problem for Leftists: how do they walk the fine line between being anti-Israel and still shilling for Jewish donor dollars. Some like the members of The Squad try to play both sides with vague statements that downplay the seriousness of what’s going on while showing support for those poor Palestinians. Others don’t even pretend to hide their contempt for Israel, which puts them in direct conflict with Leftists who still hold onto the notion Israel should exist (if only to keep getting Jewish donations).

Regardless, Hamas is a real problem for us, albeit one a few well-placed rocket attacks could remedy…provided we get the courage to do it. After the War on Terror, many Americans lost their taste for fighting terrorism or even calling it out when it’s blatantly obvious. This is because the Left has done a masterful job in controlling the narrative and removing the stigma from being a foreign terrorist by calling anyone who sees the screamingly obvious racist.

Except when it comes to domestic terrorists. But that’s a bullshit narrative for another time.

Which brings us to another bullshit narrative, that being how cold-blooded Israel has been with the Gaza settlements. Not that Leftists would give us the whole story, but Israel gave the settlers a 24 hour window before they started a counter-offensive to allow time for Palestinians to flee to safety. Those bastards!

Seriously, this should tell you a lot about how Israel treats Palestinians who aren’t trying to kill them. These Palestinians have positions in the Israeli Parliament, enjoy economic and personal freedoms, and generally have a better life than they would under Hamas. And that’s one of the real tragedies in this war. The fact so many Palestinians are being used as pawns in a war between Hamas and Israel on both sides of the conflict doesn’t exactly make humanity look that good. Even so, a Palestinian has a better chance at a better life within Israel than an Israeli or even a non-Hamas Palestinian has. Israel has a ways to go, but they’re already further down the road than Hamas.

And let’s not make the same mistake Leftists make and lump Palestinians and Hamas together. Not every Palestinian is connected to Hamas, nor should we think that way. Unfortunately in this case, most of the people living in the Gaza Strip support Hamas in this conflict. Even so, just like when the Left tries to justify illegal immigration by painting them all as asylum seekers or women and children, they do that as a means to appeal to our emotions.

Because the facts make Leftists look like assholes on a much grander scale.

In the meantime, Hamas is still out there, but they’re finding out after fucking around with Israel. Until one side is wiped out or the two sides can forge a more positive outcome together, we’ll be seeing more of this Mass Warfare Tango for years to come.

Let’s just say I’m more hopeful the Sweet Meteor of Death hits us in 2024 than I am the Hamas-Israel fight ending anytime soon.








Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Clear your calendars, kids! The hottest new piece of literature just dropped and it’s going to be a scorcher! I’m not referring to any of the 498 books Stephen King will release this week. Instead, I’m referring to the long-awaited Durham Report.

After the initial shock of discovering Leftists had their fingerprints all over the Russian collusion allegations against former President Donald Trump, the Left has done into damage control. Some said it failed to deliver any real results, while others went so far as to say it was a flop that opened the door for future misuse. Some have gone so far as to give analysis that make the whole investigation look like one big boondoggle.

Which means the truth is far more damaging than the Left wants to admit. Oh, and that it’s this week’s Lexicon entry.

the Durham Report

What the Left thinks it means – an expensive bomb of an investigation that lead to nothing and should be called out for repeating Trump’s lies

What it really means – the report the Left wishes the Mueller Report could have been

For those who are interested in the report, here it is.

For the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version, here it is.

– Leftists within the alphabet agencies attempted to paint Donald Trump as a Russian asset in 2016 at the direction of Hillary Clinton.

– There was no evidence of Russian collusion.

– The aforementioned alphabet agencies knew it, but proceeded with an investigation anyway because Hillary.

– Leftists had actual ties with Russia during the time they were attempting to make Donald Trump look like a Russian asset.

– Leftists never thought they would get caught.

So, here we are. After 4 years and $6.5 million spent, the Left is finally worried about a partisan investigation. I mean, the Mueller investigation (which was shadier than the hygiene practices at Uncle Filthy’s Botulism Emporium and Discount Slaughterhouse) only cost $32 million! How dare Republicans spend $6.5 million!

By the way, these same dickweeds complaining about the waste of money with the Durham Report are okay with sending Ukraine $24.9 billion for a war where we’re not even one of the direct participants. Granted, that figure was from January of this year, so the current number is going to be higher than Willie Nelson hanging out with Snoop Dogg in Amsterdam on 4/20.

So, let’s cut out the bullshit about the cost and look at results. The primary result is the Durham Report exposed a real conspiracy of dunces with the sole purpose of making Donald Trump look bad. First off, he does a good job of that on his own, so the Left didn’t really need to help. Second, Hillary Clinton has a sordid (and utterly mock-worthy) history with Russia.

Now, Leftists are going to say I’m using a logical fallacy called “poisoning the well” as a means to prop up Durham after a failure of a report. That would be true…if there wasn’t so much evidence out there. And it’s information the Left doesn’t want to get out because it unravels a lot of their squawking points over the past few years.

The most obvious bullshit talking point destroyed is the alleged Russian collusion with Trump. The Left needs this point to be true because it’s the only way they can explain why Trump beat Clinton in 2016. That is, if you overlook how unpopular Hillary is. She lost to an unknown Illinois Senator in 2008, for fuck’s sake! And he was only slightly more competent than she was! Not exactly a ringing endorsement of Hillary’s popularity as a political figure.

Then, 2016 happened.

From before Donald Trump took the Oath of Office to today, the Left not only conspired to slime him in the court of public opinion, but got government agencies involved to make it happen. And even then Hillary lost. Simply put, Hillary Clinton is a political fuck-up aided by other political fuck-ups pretending to be law enforcement. Law enfarcement maybe, but not law enforcement.

Which brings us to another reason the Left has to discredit the Durham Report: it exposes just how broken the FBI has been for years. The Durham Report made a point of not only showing how fucked up the FBI’s involvement in the Russia collusion story, but also offered suggestions on how to fix the problem. Personally, I think we should nuke the site from orbit since it’s the only way to be sure, but that’s probably my inner 80s teen talking.

Once the FBI’s corruption got exposed (again), the Left loses one of the weapons in its arsenal to deal with what they consider unsavory elements. You know, like pro-lifers. In order to retain some semblance of control, the Left needs the FBI, which makes the agency look a lot less credible and will fuel even more calls to investigate just how deep the corruption goes.

I don’t see a down-side here.

Especially when the Left mocked the “Back the Blue” movement while elevating the FBI to near-godlike status. That’s how you know their love of law enforcement is utter bullshit, but it’s also a pretty big tell as to why the Left has a vested interest in protecting the FBI by denigrating the Durham Report.

You know. Poisoning the well?

The Left are also making a big deal of how few convictions came from the Durham Report as compared to the Mueller Report. Although the lack of frog-marching feds is cause for concern, it’s not really that big a deal unless you’re in the business of quantity of justice rather than quality of justice. Some of Mueller’s successes came as a result of shoddy charges and dishonest reporting. Can you say Michael Flynn, boys and girls? I knew you could.

And what’s more? The Mueller Report found no sufficient evidence of collusion with Russia, which was counter to what the Left wanted him to find. The Durham Report confirms this, which is counter to what the Left wanted him to find. Maybe it’s me, but I’m sensing a pattern…

Like the pattern of behavior the Left has when bad news hits their side. First, there’s panic as they try to figure out how to spin the bad news. Second, there’s the spin, where the bad news is turned into good news (often with a good amount of gaslighting). Third, there’s “debate” as people fact-check the Left’s spin and the Left pretends the fact-checks are inaccurate. Fourth, there’s Leftist “fact-checking” which is little more than gaslighting that would make the Hindenburg look like a sparkler. Finally, there’s the call to move on from talking about the bad news because “it’s old news.”

As of this writing, the Left has gone through at least 3 of the steps with the “fact-checking” step about to kick into high gear. Give it a week or so and the “old news” calls will be coming hard and fast.

Unfortunately, we have a lingering question that I don’t think we’re going to get a satisfactory answer to: who’s going to federal fuck-me-in-the-ass prison over this? The way the justice system works now, we’ll be lucky to get the FBI Director’s secretary’s brother’s former college roommate’s cousin’s dog walker’s accountant’s former high school basketball team’s water boy indicted, and if so, it will be for something completely unrelated, like a waaaaaaay overdue library book. The fact Lois Lerner is still on the outside instead of getting 3 hots and a cot in Leavenworth is proof of that. Reports outlining criminal behavior are all well and good, but without action, they’re just words on a page. And if you expect Leftists to join in the accountability mob, I have swamp land in the Arctic Circle I’d love to sell you. In this situation, elections have lack of consequences.

And it’s not like the Republicans have the best track record in following through, either. A big reason why is because a lot of them don’t want to rock the boat too much because then they become targets for the kind of bogus investigations we’ve seen out of the Left so far. And when their dirty laundry gets put out for the world to see, it puts a King Kong sized monkey wrench in their reelection plans. Then again, many of them are in “safe” districts and states, so even if they get caught getting baggies of heroin shoved up their asses by an Asian trans dominatrix named Madame Hung Lo their approval ratings might take a dip of 0.00000000000001% because “the other side is worse.”

As much as I can’t argue that, it doesn’t help the situation. Without a desire to stand up for what is right, our little Constitutional Republic is doing to go the way of Rome. And by that I mean an expensive tourist trap with a kitschy casino counterpart on the Las Vegas strip.

So, like Las Vegas.

Anyway, we need leaders more than ever, men and women willing to buck party lines to do what is right and just. It might take a few election cycles and some “come to Jesus” moments, but if anyone can do it, America can. The Durham Report is the first step on that journey, and we best take it while we can.

Also, it will piss off the Left, so…yay!





Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

If the Left didn’t hate Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy before now (spoiler alert: they did), giving access to tens of thousands of hours of surveillance footage from January 6th to Tucker Carlson. With Leftists already believing Carlson is a Russian asset, this has given them the opportunity to talk about national security. After all, letting a Russian asset (in their opinion) gain access to security footage from January 6, the most horrifying day in American history up there with Pearl Harbor and 9/11 (again, in their opinion), has to be a national security risk, right?

Well, to paraphrase the Commander in Briefs Bill Clinton, that depends on what your definition of national security is.

national security

What the Left believes it means – ummm…they’re still working on it

What it really means – a concept that means less and less with each passing year

To put it mildly, national security is a pretty big fucking deal. It’s essential to all of our lives, even if we don’t give it a first thought, let alone a second thought. It allows us to live free, or at least as freely as the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration will allows us to live. It ensures we don’t have to worry about foreign countries invading us and destroying America.

By the way, I’ve got my eye on you, Canada! No trying to get us to adopt the metric system on my watch!

If you really think about it, and I do because I have to entertain myself somehow since prices are higher than Willie Nelson on any day ending in day, national security touches every aspect of our lives on some level. So, why do we take it for granted?

A huge part of it is how invulnerable we’ve felt as a country since the Cold War. After the Berlin Wall fell, there were no more superpowers to challenge us. The Soviet Union was no more, China was years away from firing up its economic power, and the Middle East was, well, the Middle East. For all intents and purposes, we were untouchable.

Then 9/11 happened. That woke us up, at least for a little while, to how vulnerable we could still be. Granted, the warning signs were there if we had bothered to put 2 and 2 together and come up with something other than potato (thanks to Simon Miller for that joke). After all the outpouring of sympathy, all the brave words that we’d find who was responsible and bring them to justice, all the patriotic bunting and good feelings, we promptly…forgot about it after a year or so. But in our defense “Friends” was on, so…

Since then, our approach to national security has been spottier than a freckled-faced Jackson Pollock impersonator using a cheetah for a canvas. (Not something I’d recommend, by the way, especially if your clothes are dry clean only.) It’s become a stock talking point for both sides that has a level of gravitas and a seemingly untouchable nature about it that prevents Joe Sixpack or Taemmi Soylatte from thinking any deeper about it than “It’s good.”

And that’s where both parties fuck us at the drive-thru.

For decades, our national security has been tied to how much we’re willing to spend on it. With Republicans, it tends to be neat new weapons, gadgets, and tech, and with Democrats it tends to be more “soft” spending on diversity, diplomacy, and making sure other country’s fee-fees don’t get hurt by us. Yet, with all of that spending, we aren’t that much safer. If anything, we’ve gotten more lax due to an unhealthy cocktail of political gaslighting and social media.

Let’s start with the gaslighting since it’s the most pervasive and, thus, more fun to talk about. Both sides use this tactic to bolster their own version of national security. If you don’t approve of spending $450 on a screwdriver you can get at Home Depot for $8, the Right thinks you support China, North Korea, or dare I say it Trinidad Tobago marching down our streets and making us their bitches. If you don’t agree to using military (i.e. taxpayer) dollars to combat global climate change, the Left thinks you want to pollute the Earth to the point only cockroaches and the Kardashians would survive.

Both sides are wrong in the same bipartisan way. It doesn’t matter how much you spend on a security system if you never turn it on. And guess what, kids? We have been forgetting to turn it on for decades, all the while keeping every door unlocked and all our valuables in one convenient and highly visible spot for anyone to come along and take them.

And, yes, I’m about to talk about the balloon incident.

On January 28th, a Chinese balloon was able to fly over Alaska, western Canada, and parts of the United States before it was shot down over the East Coast. On February 4th. Even if you buy the multiple excuses the Left gave for why the balloon wasn’t shot down over, well, Alaska, the fact remains it took 8 fucking days and an entire cross country trip for us to do anything. And then, as if to try to balance out the dumbfuckery, we got hyper-vigilant and started shooting down balloons that weren’t even Chinese.

It’s one thing to double down after making a mistake. But the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration decided to double, triple, and quadruple down on the mistake just to show how serious they were. Which is to say not serious at all. The very fact a single balloon made it into American airspace, was recognized, and was allowed to go coast to coast without so much as a dart thrown at it is a serious breach of national security.

After all, we don’t know what kind of equipment the balloon had, if it had any. We are just being told that it was either harmless due to spy satellites giving better information or that it was made harmless because we jammed any transmissions (neither of which, I might add, has been established with any factual information). In other words, Leftists want us to believe the same balloon was ineffective because shut up.

After the Chinese balloon debacle, it’s a good thing there wasn’t a train derailment or…oh, wait. Never mind.

Even with what people observed, we had to endure Leftists telling us it wasn’t a big deal and people who said we should have shot the balloon down sooner were “bedwetters” as Senator Chris Murphy put it so inelegantly. To try to get Puddin’ Head Joe as far away from the blame as possible, they even tried to pull Donald Trump into it, saying he also had Chinese balloons come into American airspace during his Presidency, a claim that was later debunked by former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe, who said it didn’t happen. I mean, it was obvious, considering it was claimed those alleged balloon flights under Trump weren’t discovered allegedly until the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration…according to the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration.

I’m as shocked as you are the Administration would lie to cover up the Administration’s clusterfuck! And to try to make us feel bad or foolish for not buying the bullshit? That’s lower than an earthworm’s belt buckle.

Now, onto social media. Granted, I don’t have a high opinion of social media to begin with, but there’s one out there that is actually being used for surveillance against us. I’m speaking of TikTok, a popular app that has been linked to spying on journalists and has the potential to track information of American citizens and government workers.

Oh, and it should be pointed out the Trump Administration called this out in 2020, and people mocked them for it, saying it was a conspiracy spun for political advantage. Yeah…chalk up another “conspiracy theory” that wound up being a fact.

Before we take a victory lap at the Left being wrong again, consider the implications of what we know. China has access to information, which is in and of itself a matter of national security, not just because government employees might be doing a stupid dance for tens and tens of people to see. The thing that makes TikTok so dangerous is the fact so many Americans voluntarily give up this information.

In our society’s rush to be “Internet famous,” we have opened ourselves up to invasions of privacy and, yes, security. Say what you will about the Chinese, and believe me I have, but they have figured us out in 2023 America. Just give us a dopamine hit for meaningless videos and we’ll let them mine our data. Brilliant!

Although neither major party has it exactly right, I do have to say Republicans take national security more seriously. After all, the Left keeps saying domestic terrorism is the greatest threat to our national security right now. And by “domestic terrorism” they mean “anybody who disagrees with us and aren’t afraid to say anything about it.”

Look at how they painted parents who were concerned/outraged over pornographic books teaching children about homosexuality and blow jobs in elementary school. You would think these parents were one step below the Manson Family the way the Left talked. But when you get people of all stripes to come out against what you’re trying to push in elementary school, it’s no longer a matter of hatred, fear, or even national security. Maybe, just maybe, your ideas suck ass.

While the Left gets their collectivist panties in a bunch over people pretending to be badasses, we still have real issues with national security we need to address. And with China and Russia united over a) hating us, b) wanting to fuck our shit up as much as possible and c) having the means to do both electronically, we can’t afford to be asleep at the switch anymore.

But we need to be honest here. Neither major party is doing jack shit about protecting ourselves, mainly because we continue to confuse the definition to fit their ideological needs at the time. Is ANTIFA a national security threat? No, nor should they be considered such. Are Trump supporters national security threats? No, and they shouldn’t be considered such either. Once you start pulling away the layers of this fetid onion, you get closer and closer to the core of what national security actually looks like.

And what does it look like? A strong and vigilant population who strive for the same goal of protecting America regardless of their ideological differences. As we’ve seen since Kevin McCarthy’s actions involving January 6 footage, we’re a long ways off from that.

But, hey, at least we can still use TikTok, right?

Russia/Ukraine – Second Verse Same as the First

You know, I think I’ve been getting a bit ranty with my recent posts, so I wanted to take on a much lighter topic, the Russia/Ukraine War.

By the time you reach this, we will have entered the second year of conflict in that part of the world and, well…we’re kinda in the same place we were when it started. For reasons that still escape me like Houdini, we decided to back Ukraine because..freedom, I guess? And since we had a few trillion dollars lying about from our investment in dumbass ideas and incompetent government officials, we gave it and some of our military hardware to Ukraine.

And…it hasn’t helped out a lot. Well, except if you’re a Ukrainian official with a penchant for owning multiple homes and lavish lifestyles, that is.

Russia hasn’t come away from this war unscathed, though. Not only have they suffered some military losses, but they’ve taken a hit on the world stage and from a public relations standpoint. As of this writing, toenail fungus is more popular than Vladimir Putin and it wasn’t even in the running. At this rate, Walter Mondale circa 1984 is doing better.

So, who’s winning? That depends on who you ask. The Left and the media (but I repeat myself) tell us Ukraine is winning. Twitter is awash with Ukrainian flags and hashtags like #RussiaIsLosing. Some on the Right insist Russia is winning. But the actual answer is…neither side is winning, even with our help.

And I’m still firmly on neither side. Nothing over the past year has swayed me one way or the other. Russia is still an untrustworthy bunch of asshats, Ukraine is still rife with neo-Nazis, and the Left is still trying to fight fascism here while supporting it over there. There are still no white hats, just black hats with PR firms trying to make their side look good.

And we still don’t have an idea of what our endgame is. Is it to weaken Russia? Is it to bring freedom to Ukraine? Is it to waste a lot of money getting involved in a war we have no role in? Who knows?

But what I do know is fighting a proxy war in Ukraine in the hopes the neo-Nazis in charge will like us and the Russians will be weakened to the point of irrelevancy are pipe dreams. We keep making the same mistakes in foreign wars, and thanks to Puddin’ Head Joe, we’ll keep making them because, well, he’s a dumbass.

And we’re on the hook for even more money coming soon to an IRS form near you. Who cares if we have inflation higher than Snoop Dogg in Amsterdam on any day ending in, well, day? Why should we worry about needing to take out a third mortgage for a gallon of gas, but only after taking out a second mortgage to get a dozen eggs? Just shut up and dig deep for the Buy Ukraine a Fourth Vacation House Fund. Ushers will be coming by to mug you as you exit the theater.

And you thought a bucket of popcorn and a Coke were expensive!

If you’re reading this and you’ve chosen a side in the Russia/Ukraine conflict, I’m sorry. The only right play is not to play, but we’ve already past that point of no return, and certainly past the point of no noticeable return on investment.

So, pop open a bottle of your finest tap water, gather your friends together, and toast year 2!

Papers, Please

To say it’s been a rough few months for Democrats is an understatement. Oh, they were able to stem the tide of the “Red Wave” (thanks in part to idiots like Mitch McConnell), but since then they’ve been accumulating L’s like the world’s unluckiest Scrabble player.

Recently, we heard about President Puddin’ Head Joe having classified documents in the possession of a think tank (an ironic contradiction if ever there was) and just now started turning them over. Of course, his staff knew about them on November 2, 2022, but hey. Why let a little something like having classified documents six years after leaving office disrupt an election that could determine how our country is governed for the next 2 years, amirite?

If that wasn’t bad enough, more classified documents were found in Biden’s home in Wilmington, Delaware. But don’t worry, folks. Ol’ Puddin’ Head Joe kept them perfectly safe, right next to his Corvette in his garage. And it just so happens, Joe’s son Hunter stayed at that residence for a time. Wow! If you can’t trust meth-heads with a penchant for underhanded deals and possible child porn on a laptop, who can you trust?

As you might expect, Leftists leapt into action…to say a) the documents were planted, b) Donald Trump is much worse, c) Joe is cooperating, and d) it was just a mistake.

How’s that boot tasting, Leftists?

As more and more comes out about this story, the more and more Leftists want to push it under the rug, even going to far as to say this scandal might take attention away from investigations into Republican wrongdoing. Then again, it was CNN saying that, so take it with a Lake City of Salt.

Since the Right doesn’t have memories like ferrets hooked on meth, people have been bringing up how the Trump and Biden document scandals are being handled. Which, of course, prompted the Left to come up with all sorts of Oktoberfest-level pretzel logic to explain why it’s just different, okay? But is it? Let’s find out.

As President, Donald Trump had the authority to declassify documents within a specific scope, hopefully with more reasoning than “because shut up.” Some things can be declassified under different provisions within the government and by following the proper procedures. We can debate whether Trump and his team followed those procedures another time because the point is he had the authority to declassify.

The Vice-President, on the other hand, can only declassify documents he (or now she) classified or generated by his/her office. Without knowing what was found at Puddin’ Head Joe’s office, home, and garage, we can’t really tell whether he followed the process correctly. Knowing him, he forgot all about it.

As far as what former Executive officials can take with them, well…that’s where things get a bit murky. (Surprise, surprise.) There are some requirements and loopholes for Presidents and Vice-Presidents with regards to classified documents. Again, the lack of specific details gives Joe a bit of breathing room legally.

Having said that, Puddin’ Head Joe’s got some ‘splainin’ to do. If what has been reported so far is accurate (and I can’t say for certain that it is), some of the documents in question had to deal with Iran, Ukraine, and the United Kingdom, as well as China. Now, I may be wrong here, but at least half of the countries mentioned don’t like us and one of them loves us…as long as we keep giving them money and guns. No word on if Ukraine is accepting our lawyers yet, but I’ll keep you posted.

And if you got that reference, you are officially old. And cool as hell.

While the way these documents came to light differs greatly from the raid on Mar-a-Lago, it’s important not to lose sight of the basic facts here: Puddin’ Head Joe had classified documents in his possession and failed to do his due diligence in returning them or notifying the proper authorities that he had them.

Before you Leftists give me this “he turned them in as soon as he found out” bullshit, let me remind you his term as Vice-President ended six years ago. And during that time, his meth-head son has access to those documents, which in and of itself is a security risk. Not to mention, Biden didn’t come forward with these documents as soon as he found out. He waited two more months after they were discovered.

If you flipped your shit over Trump holding onto classified documents for a year and a half, your shit better be doing a Cirque du Soleil routine if you want to remain consistent. If you’re not, then take a seat. In fact, take all of the seats. Especially that old dusty one in the corner, the one with the ripped upholstery.

And while we’re here, remember how Leftists got so concerned about whether Trump was selling nuclear secrets since some of the documents seized were allegedly about a foreign country’s nuclear capabilities? I do. It was a Neal Peart drum solo of drumbeats from the Left lamenting about how Trump was guilty (without evidence of anything happening, mind you) and still allowed to walk freely amongst the people (see previous comment in parens for the reason). Now, these hawkish Leftists aren’t squawking so much. Even known Leftist and fuckknuckle Joy Behar said we give Puddin’ Head Joe the benefit of the doubt because, essentially, he’s not Trump.

No, Joe isn’t like Trump. Trump wasn’t fucking stupid enough to put classified documents in a fucking garage!

Anyway, we’re in for a shitshow as more information about Puddin’ Head Joe’s classified documents come to light and the Left tries to explain it all way without success. I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting on an FBI raid of Joe’s home anytime soon.

Unless they find more on Hunter, that is.