After sifting through the ones and ones of the emails from my tens and tens of fans, I figured I’d better get cracking on an actual submission this week. And boy was it a target-rich environment.
This week I want to venture into a topic I delved into previously because it’s gained a lot more attention recently. Plus, I’m big into recycling, especially if it’s my own writing. In recent weeks, the Democratic Socialists of America have found their way into political relevancy, both because of winning primaries and because of politicians supporting them. But a recent Fox News interview with a DSA co-chair leaves the Left in a precarious situation.
And by precarious, I mean utterly mockable.
Democratic Socialists of America
What the Left thinks it means – a new and long overdue progressive movement that will bring equality and justice to America
What it really means – a new and very underdone progressive movement that sucks ass
The concept of democratic socialism sounds good on paper. The way the DSA explains it makes it sound so logical and appealing. I mean, who wouldn’t want more of a say in government and how it wastes…I mean spends our tax dollars? We should really take back our power from the greedy corporations who are running everything into the ground and join with our neighbors so we can build a better tomorrow.
Yeah, that and $5 will gets you a hand job from a crack whore…not that I know anything about that, mind you.
The problem with what the DSA promotes is it’s all bullshit. And it’s not even good quality bullshit, either. It’s Temu/Great Value bullshit, if that.
The core of DSA’s platform is anti-capitalism. In their own words:
Capitalism is a system designed by the owning class to exploit the rest of us for their own profit. We must replace it with democratic socialism, a system where ordinary people have a real voice in our workplaces, neighborhoods, and society….
We want a democracy powered by everyday people. The capitalist class tells us we are powerless, but together we can take back control.
Where do I begin with this? Well, first off, the DSA has a below rudimentary understanding of just what capitalism is. Here’s a very simple definition of capitalism from Investopedia.
Capitalism is an economic system based on private ownership, voluntary exchange, and profit-driven activity.
Now, if you’re observant and have an IQ higher than that of table salt, you’ll notice there’s an important word in the definition of capitalism that undercuts the DSA’s description of it. And if you’re a Leftist, I’ll tell you so you don’t spend the next few weeks trying to figure it out.
It’s the word “voluntary.”
Capitalism isn’t a system where people are forced to take any action whatsoever. Everything done under capitalism is done by choice. If you have a job, you choose to go there. If you buy groceries, you choose to do that. If a company puts out a certain type of widget, that’s a choice. Seems to this humble observer that’s…freedom.
Compare that to the DSA’s description. Based on them, all commerce is forced by the producers. In order to create a Democratic Socialistic society, the DSA would have to take from the producers and give it to the consumers. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think that’s freedom, kids.
Not to mention, the DSA overlooks the power consumers already have. Remember Crystal Pepsi? I do. You know why it’s no longer prominently sold? Because enough people thought it fucking sucked. New Coke? Same thing. Potato chips made with Olestra? Off to the great outhouse in the sky, along with a lot of Taco Bell meals. (Too soon?) All of these (except for the Taco Bell) is a direct result of consumers not wanting the products the corporations put out for consumption.
You know what’s still on the market? Mountain Fucking Dew! And that’s because people like it and keep buying it in all of its multicolored variations. Imagine an economic and political movement whose core beliefs can be destroyed by Mountain Fucking Dew. And that includes Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew, which takes away two of the reasons people buy Mountain Dew in the first place.
Now, let’s talk about the platform itself. Or more specifically, the shit they think is important. For their “Socialist Summit” which will be going on when this piece goes live, here is a short list of programming tracks.
– how the DSA can win elections
– promoting a general workers’ strike on May Day
– Palestine
– abolishing ICE
– organizing so more DSA candidates win
And the best part? Registration for the Socialists Summit is $200. Oh, and they suggest bringing food and water for yourself because a meal won’t be provided. But if you need childcare, you can let them know!
And they have an online merch store.
And they have membership tiers, complete with increasing prices.
And it’s not voluntary. If you want to join the DSA, you have to pay.
See what I’m getting at here? The DSA is a marching contradiction. They can talk all about how they’re for the common person, but they’re just as invested in capitalism as those they want to topple.
Now, here’s the really funny part. The DSA is making electoral strides only because Democrats are so pathetically weak right now. Let me put it this way: in the face of the DSA, the DNC would surrender before the French would. Part of this is because Democrat leadership is a contradiction in terms. More to the point, though, this void in leadership has left an opening for fringe players unhappy with the aforementioned void to step in and be loud, giving the illusion of popularity.
As of July 2026, there are over 120,000 members of the DSA. In comparison, there are 45.4 million registered Democrats as of April 2026. Granted there may be some crossover voters, but let’s assume for the purposes of this sketch the numbers are right. A major political party of 45 million is kissing the ring of a group that represents less than 1% of its own voting base.
Pardon my French, but WHAT IN THE WILD WORLD OF FUCK? You literally have the numbers to make the DSA your bitches, but you can’t.
Or won’t.
Modern Democrat politics and Leftist politics revolve around the same thing: capitalizing on buzzwords they think voters want to hear. That’s why Bernie “Three Houses” Sanders and the Socialist Socialite continue to blabber on about the oligarchy (which is ironic given the fact they are the oligarchy and rarely vote against their peers who are also the oligarchy). It’s never about actual policy anymore. Trying to pin down a Leftist on a policy position is like trying to staple Jello to the wall using a banana. It might work at Lutheran potlucks, but not where it counts.
While Democrats struggle with how to handle the influx of Democratic Socialists, their indecision/silence is speaking volumes. The leadership is flummoxed, the party faithful are either staying quiet or supporting the DSA, and the rest of us are noticing what’s going on. In this case, my Democrat friends, silence is consent. Or is it violence? Maybe it’s infrastructure. Either way, you have to say or do something to not look like cowards, fence-sitters, or comrades. (Yes, I know that’s more communism than Democratic Socialism, but they’re not that far away from each other.)
One final note on Democratic Socialism that has always bothered me. The term makes it sound like we can vote in socialism, which I don’t mind necessarily because it’s still the will of the people. Stupid people, I grant you, but people nonetheless. If we can vote in socialism via Democratic Socialism, can we vote it out again?
Still not getting a line on that question from the DSA, so I’m assuming the answer is “we haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”
While I continue to prime my cryogenic chamber to wait for the answer, I suggest keeping an eye out for the Democratic Socialists of America. Partially because they seem to be gathering steam and may take over the Democrat Party relatively soon. But mostly because it’s fun watching them saying capitalism is bad while posting on social media using the latest smartphones.
