Category: Humor

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

If you’re like me (and if you are, I apologize), you’ve been following the Lindsay Clancy shitshow…I mean trial. I touched on it briefly last week, so if you want to read it before getting into this week’s entry, check it out here. If you don’t want to, click on the link anyway because reasons.

Anyway, one of the twists I didn’t see coming was a renewed discussion about the 19th Amendment. The odd thing is members of the Left and the Right are coming out and suggesting it may have been a mistake.

And all it took was a triple murder of children to bring both sides together.

So, let’s dive in!

the 19th Amendment

What the Left thinks it means – an important Constitutional Amendment enshrining the right of women to vote

What the Right thinks it means – one of the biggest mistakes we ever made as a country

What it really means – a Constitutional Amendment that underscores the power women have in government

The 19th Amendment reads as follows:

The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.

Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

Wow. Looks like there was a time when the federal government didn’t need to overexplain something! Color me impressed!

Seriously, the 19th Amendment came about during a time when women were becoming more visible in everyday life and in politics. Although the origins of the women’s rights movement started in 1848 in New York, the 19th Amendment wasn’t ratified until 1920. After centuries of being considered non-factors, women finally had the power to make their voices heard.

And in 2026, many are wishing they would shut up.

I’m kidding, of course. As much as I like to point and laugh at Karens wanting to speak to managers and shake my head as others defend a triple murderer because uterus, I have been blessed to have many strong, intelligent women in my life, not the least of which being my wife.

And, no, she is not standing behind me as I write this. After all, she knows where I sleep.

Just kidding, honey! Love you bunches!

More to the point, not all women are psycho hosebeasts with the morality of Hunter Biden at an all-you-can-snort cocaine party on Epstein Island. For example, I would think Margaret Thatcher would be bitch-slapping the Lindsay Clancy fangirls and telling them in no uncertain terms murdering three kids is bad. Of course, if Thatcher were doing that today, we might have a zombie problem, which is just a bit more important than a triple murderer.

Since 1964, more and more women are voting, outpacing the number of men voting in Presidential elections. Even before then, voting data showed women tended to vote Democrat. With this combination of factors, women became a voting bloc that could no longer be ignored.

And yet, Republicans have for a looooooong time, as shown by the gap between women voting Democrat and women voting Republican consistently being in double digits. That, and the fact Democrats pandered more to women than a nerdy simp trying to get the attention of an attractive woman.

Not that I know anything about that, mind you…

Although this explains why Republicans might want the 19th Amendment to go the way of Jeb Bush’s Presidential aspirations, it doesn’t excuse it in light of current events. With the Left being eternally confused about what a woman is, this is an opportunity for Republicans to reduce that gap if they’re smart.

Unfortunately, that’s a bit of an ask these days. After all, all the Left needs to do to mobilize women is to mention abortion rights and wait for the votes to roll in…oh, wait, that’s what they do when they’re fabricating votes to cheat…I mean win elections. But the game plan is still the same.

1. Invent an emotionally-based threat to women.
2. Create ads that play with women’s emotions.
3. Rely on their allies to amplify the threat to women.
4. Blather.
5. Rinse.
6. Repeat until the election cycle is over.

Let’s just say this tried and true method that gets results doesn’t put women in the best light. Yet, it’s tried and true for a reason: it works. The Left continues to use women for votes and money by exploiting female psychology, which tends to prioritize emotions. Although emotions can play a part in our ideologies, it doesn’t always work out when it comes to electing competent people.

If you doubt me, I have two words: Joe Biden.

But it took a triple murder of children for people on both sides of the aisle to reconsider if women should have the right to vote. Personally, I think that breaking point was when older women started to identify with Taylor Swift’s music, but that’s just me.

What’s also me is a bit of pushback on repealing the 19th Amendment. In spite of the outbreak of winemomitis so prevalent in today’s society, I still think women can make good decisions. The fact I got married shows that!

More to the point, women aren’t purely emotional creatures. They just think differently than men do, which is necessary for both genders (and, yes, still 2 genders, kids) to be better people. If we want to have a better society and government, we need to be better people, and taking a significant chunk out of the voting pool because of the actions and sentiments of some freaks doesn’t achieve that.

There’s also a Leftist workaround already in place to deal with the repeal of the 19th Amendment should it come to pass. All Leftist women have to do is self-identify as men and fellow Leftists in positions of power will let allow it. Except, of course, if you’re a man self-identifying as women to play in the WNBA, that is.

Instead of repealing the 19th Amendment, there has to be another option. And being the idea guy that I am, I think I have one. I call it the “Are You Fucking Stupid?” test.

Prior to getting a ballot, a potential voter, man or woman, must submit their recent social media history to election officials. If a majority of them have to ask if you’re fucking stupid, you don’t get a ballot. I’m not talking about having shitty taste in music, movies, or the like. If your serious posts on issues make you look like an idiot, you clearly lack the intellectual heft necessary to vote.

That eliminates the TikToker vote, and it helps to clean up social media for people who have more than two brain cells to rub together. So, win-win!

In the meantime, I urge anyone who has second thoughts on the 19th Amendment to really think about the implications of such an action. You would be condemning an entire gender to disenfranchisement all because some of their sisters decided to back a triple murderer because fee-fees. That’s not fair, nor is it advisable.

Remember, as the great philosopher LL Cool J so eloquently put it, Mama said knock you out.



Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

As much as I like to keep my thumb firmly up the ass of politics, social issues, and pop culture (hey, don’t judge me, man), there are times when I notice a convergence of a couple of topics that hasn’t been discussed at all. This requires a keen mind, a calm demeanor, and a way with words.

And since that guy is on vacation right now, it’s up to me.

There are two recent prominent court cases that dominated the public’s attention. The first was the trial of Karmelo Anthony, who was convicted of murdering Austin Metcalf at a track meet in 2025. The other is the ongoing trial (please check local listings for the status of the trial in your area) of Lindsay Clancy, who is accused of killing her three children in 2023. Aside from the murder aspect, these two cases couldn’t be more different.

Until you look at the people following the trials.

And I’m not just talking about some of the people who covered them as journalists. I’m talking about the brainless asshats who invent “facts” to devote their undying support for…the murderers.

Yes, we’ve gone that fucking stupid.

Gad Saad was instrumental in creating the concept of “suicidal empathy” where those who would do us harm rely on our humanity to help them destroy ourselves. I would write about it, but so many others have done a much better job than I ever could. However, using suicidal empathy as a starting point, I think I’ve stumbled upon another equally destructive concept.

homicidal empathy

What the Left thinks it means – We have no fucking clue.

What the Right thinks it means – Mega dittos. We don’t know what he’s talking about either.

What it really means – a psychological need to protect those who victimize others

To show you I’m not talking out of my ass (for once), I’ve been following the Karmelo Anthony trial on Facebook and following the Lindsay Clancy trial online, mainly through YouTube. Not exactly the kind of hard-hitting journalism you’d expect, but this shit’s free and you’re getting what you paid for.

What I’ve found so far is this:

1. There are people online who have emotional attachments to the two central figures because they feel they related to the figures in question.

2. These people will create any scenario in their heads or believe whatever scenario someone else puts forth, regardless of whether it’s factual or logical.

3. Anyone who tries to introduce inconvenient facts and logic are immediately attacked by these people.

4. The attacks from the aforementioned people will be irrelevant to the trial, highly personal, highly emotional, and often full of vulgar language to avoid dealing with the facts.

On a side note, number 4 resembles my single life.

Meanwhile, back that the point that doesn’t require weekly therapy sessions, the pace at which these folks spin narratives is breathtaking. No matter if it’s a line of logic that goes nowhere or if it’s someone else asking a logical question that exposes the claims as more full of shit than a Porta-Potty outside of a Taco Bell in New Dehli, there’s always a response. Usually, a personal insult. And nothing short of God himself coming down and notarizing your statements will sway them, and even then it’s a crapshoot.

That’s because homicidal empathy isn’t about the truth. It’s about taking up for a cause without consideration to the factual underpinnings of the cause. We saw this earlier this year with the Southern Poverty Law Center when Leftists came out in droves to defend it in spite of the fact they were breaking several laws to funnel funds to the very racist groups they said they were fighting. No matter what excuses they came up with to justify the behavior, Leftists still couldn’t grasp the concept that breaking the law has consequences, no matter how noble the cause.

Then again, these are the same people who can’t figure out what a woman is, so I’ll cut them some slack in the intellectual prowess department.

In both the Anthony and Clancy cases, we have laws being broken and clear evidence the perpetrators committed murder. Where homicidal empathy comes into play is the supporters of each murderer seeks to downplay or justify the actions of the murderer by deflection, poisoning the well, and general dumbfuckery. After all, as we all know, murder is perfectly fine if other unrelated factors are evident!

For you Anthony and/or Clancy supporters out there, that was sarcasm.

But here’s something that isn’t sarcasm: you’re supporting a fucking murderer. And I’m not talking in a hyperbolic sense like “Donald Trump has killed 482 bazillion people because of shutting down USAID.” Both Anthony and Clancy are literal murderers who confessed to murdering people. There is no amount of “but Austin Metcalf was racist” or “the husband is a different Zodiac sign” that will change that fact. It’s yours. Own it.

The sad thing is they never will because the narrative will continue to put out new “facts” to support itself, not unlike one of my Irrefutable Facts of Life: The sole purpose of a bureaucracy is to grow itself to the point it becomes impossible to remove. With the Anthony and Clancy supporters, the sole purpose of the narrative is to mitigate the facts of the cases to the point murder is no longer the central concept. It becomes the “yeah, but” defense.

Then, it hit me the kind of tactics these folks use is similar to that of cults. Let’s look at the characteristics of a cult, shall we?

– Absolute authoritarianism without accountability
– Zero tolerance for criticism or questions
– Lack of meaningful financial disclosure regarding the budget
– Unreasonable fears about the outside world that often involve evil conspiracies and persecutions
– A belief that former followers are always wrong for leaving, and there is never a legitimate reason for anyone else to leave
– Abuse of members
– Records, books, articles, or programs documenting the abuses of the leader or group
– Followers feel that they are never able to be “good enough”
– A belief that the leader is right at all times
– A belief that the leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or giving validation

Guess what groups hit the majority of these warning signs. If you said “the Anthony and Clancy supporters” you’d be right. The judges would have also accepted “Hasan Piker fans.”

If that isn’t your cup of Earl Grey, I can also point to the lyrics of Living Colour’s “Cult of Personality.”

I exploit you
Still you love me
I tell you one and one makes three

Guess what, homicidal empathy fans. You’re in a cult. And if you can’t trust a combination of psychologists and Living Colour, who can you trust?

The worst part of homicidal empathy (aside from the whole sticking up for murderers bit) is there is zero return on investment here, and I’m not talking about it in a monetary sense. Instead, consider the personal psychological costs involved with it. Men and women (mostly women I’ve found, unfortunately) are devoting their lives to people who don’t even know they exist, but they are more than willing to use their supporters to garner sympathy. Sure, the Anthony and Clancy supporters can hand wave away such observations by claiming they’re fighting for a higher cause (namely justice), but these cases aren’t the hills you should be dying on, kids.

If you’ll pardon the turn of a phrase, that is.

Even if you don’t, the point remains. Is there racism in the justice system? Absolutely. Do women experience post partum depression after giving birth? No question. Are Karmelo Anthony and Lindsay Clancy the best poster children for these issues? Abso-fucking-ly not. You can address these issues independent of bad people facing the consequences of their actions.

And something tells me a lot of the Anthony and Clancy supporters haven’t done shit but complain. You know, classic slacktivism.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to get through those willing to engage in homicidal empathy, but we can watch out for signs we might be going down a similar path. Nobody is worth diminishing yourself to elevate him/her, especially if that person is a piece of shit. Karmelo Anthony and Lindsay Clancy are not role models nor innocent victims. They did the shit they’re accused of doing, and no stretches of imagination that would rival Reed Richards practicing hot yoga will fix that.

Consider the wise words of my grandpa: “Hey you kids! Get off my lawn!”

Profound words indeed.










Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

As a general rule, I try not to discuss people in these Lexicon entries for a couple of reasons. First, I’d rather discuss ideas than people. And second, all it takes is one scumbag lawyer representing a Leftist freak for your humble correspondent to be in court over their hurt fee-fees.

This week, I have to make an exception, but it’s not for these reasons. The Left has their collectivist hivemind set on a Presidential aide with the Trump Administration, Natalie Harp. Apparently, those who believe in strong intelligent women don’t think Ms. Harp can be a strong intelligent woman serving under the President and must have another reason for being there.

Yeah. They went there.

So, in my defense (and Ms. Harp’s), I have to go there to discuss the underpinnings of the Left’s hypocrisy. Get your hip-waders on. We’re gonna get muddy!

Natalie Harp

What the Left thinks it means – a woman who is serving the President, if you know what I mean

What it really means – A Presidential aide. That’s it.

When looking at Ms. Harp’s history, there isn’t much there that stands out as out of place. Her rise to more administrative power could be rewritten for any political operative, right down to the academic bona fides. So, why all of the sudden have Leftists become Harp enthusiasts?

Donald Trump.

I’m the first one to admit Trump has done himself no favors with his sexual history, both real and made up of utter bullshit. (By the way, Tom Arnold, we’re still waiting on your proof of Trump’s “piss tape.” I’m sure you could spare some time in your current schedule of doing jack shit to produce that evidence.) But, as we’ve seen from the Left’s defense of Bill “Commander In Briefs” Clinton, the sexual side of politics doesn’t matter as long as you support the right things.

You know, like journalists offering to give Bubba “mouth hugs” because of his support of abortion rights.

Of course, Trump doesn’t get that glazing (#phrasing) from the Left because he’s literally Hitler! Seriously, it’s because he’s a Republican. As Matt Gaetz can tell you, the Left will do anything they can do to insinuate sexual impropriety against Republicans when the facts may or may not be there.

Guess what they’re doing now, kids.

Ms. Harp’s proximity to Trump makes her a prime target to use as a cudgel against the President because as we all know all Republican or right-leaning woman is a mindless MAGA fembot without agency. (For y0u Leftists reading this, that was sarcasm.) Then again, these same Leftists think Dylan “Temu Ariana Grande” Mulvaney is a strong and brave woman, so do with that what you will.

One of the criticisms the Left has levied against Trump is he surrounds himself with a “type,” namely attractive blonde women. And Ms. Harp certainly fits the bill. Naturally, the Left latched onto that to fabricate fanfic stories less believable than the results of a California election under Governor Gavin Newsom.

This is one of the most amusing parts of this pseudo-scandal for me. On the one hand, the Left acts like giggling little kids because of the sexual innuendoes involved. At the same time, they’re acting like the moralizing scolds from the Religious Right from the 1980s (all while hiding their own sexual skeletons). It’s Schrödinger’s Sex Scandal: it’s both good and bad the President is accused of sexual impropriety, and it depends on how one perceives it.

Appropriately enough, both this concept and the original form of it involve pussy.

When sex and politics come together (#phrasingagain), you’re going to find weirdos emerging from the woodwork to weave a story. And some of those weirdos hold public office.

May I introduce Senator Jon “Lying My” Ossoff. He kicked off a firestorm over Ms. Harp when he made the following statement during a campaign stop:

He doesn’t want to do the job. He wants to build his ballroom and travel with Natalie on their apparently defenseless flying palace gifted by the Emir of Qatar.

There’s a few things to unpack here, but the main point is the suggestion President Trump and Ms. Harp are fucking. Slight innuendo perhaps, but it’s there. He later tried to explain away the comment and then doubled down on it. (Schrödinger’s Denial perhaps?)

By the way, if any members of the Schrödinger estate want to kick me a few bucks for promoting your late relative, I’m okay with that.

But it’s not just Leftist politicians getting into the act. Leftist media types (but I repeat myself) are also getting into the fray. Here are just a few snippets from our favorite presstitutes.

Natalie is essentially a body person. She is a human binkie. Somebody who loves him as much as his wife. He would say to aides she’s never going to leave me. – Maggie Haberman, New York Times

None of these people defending Trump’s side piece seemed to have any issue with Trump calling female reporters “piggy” and “hag.” – Julie Brown, Miami Herald

Meet Natalie Harp, the aide so close to Trump she once rode in an SUV trunk to accompany him “As the motorcade idled outside his Trump Tower residence, staffers confronted a more immediate problem: There wasn’t room for Harp, the hyper-loyal aide whose devotion to Trump had quickly entrenched her within his orbit. A screaming match in the lobby ensued, with Harp insisting that Trump had personally asked her to attend the court appearance, two sources familiar with the matter told CNN. Denied a seat but determined not to be left behind, Harp jumped into an SUV trunk, according to the two sources and confirmed by a photo obtained by CNN.” W @adamcancryn – Kristen Holmes, CNN

Salary of executive assistant Natalie Harp: $150,000 a year.
Average salary of a sailor on the USS Lincoln:
~ $50,000 a year. – X post from Bill Kristol

Trump’s Human Printer Is Cray-Cray – title of article on The Bullwark by Jonathan V. Last

“Man, I wish Trump were just having an affair with someone forty-five years his junior. That kind of relationship would make sense. It would be gross, but intelligible. The reality of the Trump–Harp…thing…is so bonkers that I don’t have words for it.” – X post from Bill Kristol, quoting from the aforementioned Bullwark article

Erin’s full interview with the estranged brother of Trump aide Natalie Harp as CNN reports Harp is constantly around Trump all hours of the day: “It really blows my mind.” – X post from Erin Burnett OutFront, CNN

And speaking of Ms. Burnett, she had an interview with Ms. Harp’s estranged brother on her show. Because when you want to get to the heart of who someone is, you gotta talk to a relative you don’t get along with. That’s Journalism 101.

And for any Leftists reading this, that was also sarcasm.

Although going into public service means you have to give up your privacy, what Ms. Harp is experiencing right now is beyond the fucking pale and only because of her political leanings. Of course, the Left doesn’t care about the privacy of women who don’t agree with them, or anything else about women who don’t agree with them for that matter. Yes, dear readers, the self-professed “Party of Women” doesn’t see anyone outside of its hugbox as human worthy of even the most basic of human respect. And I can prove it in one word.

COVID.

The kind of utter disdain the Left has for non-Leftists was hard to overlook and even harder to endure. Throw in the Left’s lawfare against Trump (including the aforementioned lies about him), the capriciousness of the January 6th detainees, the frequent death threats against Trump and other Republicans, the joy they had at Charlie Kirk’s assassination, the list goes on and on.

But if you don’t use the proper pronouns, you’re the monster.

That’s the area we’re heading in right now with Michelle Harp. She isn’t a woman in the eyes of the Left; she’s a tool to be used against President Trump, and that’s all she’ll ever be to them. No intelligence, no agency, not even an entity deserving of respect. Just a weapon, a tool used by tools if you will. Even if you won’t, I’m sticking with it because it’s my blog, dammit!

Either way, I hope she gets through this media-fueled rough patch with humor, grace, and determination to keep doing her job to the best of her ability. Success is the best revenge you can get on people on the Left.

And since they’re not familiar with it, it will come as a complete surprise, which makes it all the funnier!






Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

I’ve said it before that I’m not a Trump man, but there is one thing that I will always admire about him: his ability to piss off Leftists. And, to borrow a phrase from the President, he does it yugely.

The latest incident involved him sneaking off Air Force One prior to lifting off from Turkey due to an apparent threat on his life. That alone was enough to get the Left’s perpetual anger machine going, but it got even better when it came out there were reporters on Air Force One at the time. I haven’t seen that many people losing their shit since Chipotle had their “All the Food Poisoning You Can Get for $5” promotion.

Now, the Left tends to have some of the most artistic people in their numbers, but their Trump insults miss the mark more than Stevie Wonder at the gun range. My favorite so far due to the utter cringe factor comes from Seth Abramson, who called for Trump to be impeached over what he termed “Operation Orange Chicken.”

Yeah. So, that’s not a thing, but it is a thing we’re going to talk about this week!

Operation Orange Chicken

What the Left thinks it means – a clever way to describe how President Trump cowered in fear

What it really means – proof Trump Derangement Syndrome is real

It’s hard to deny Donald Trump is a polarizing figure, even within the Right (or in the case of Never Trumpers, the Grifter Right). I mean, it’s not like he’s survived actual attempts on his life or anything…oh, wait.

Regardless of how you feel about the man, Donald Trump is still the President of the United States, and any person in that role needs to heed security warnings, no matter how small or unlikely. You can disagree with the details, but it’s a fact of life as the Commander In Chief.

And it’s a fact of life Leftist influencers can’t stand. Take social media whore…I mean political commentator JoJoFromJerz, for example. For those of you who aren’t on the Social Media Platform Formerly Known as Twitter (or who don’t want to give her the clicks), here’s what she said:

Joe Biden never hid in a food truck like a scared little bitch.

And we can trust her because she uses more filters than a water treatment center on the Ganges River. But she can speak extensively about being a bitch, so there’s that.

Of course, there were plenty of other X users to set Temu Kellyanne Conway straight about how she supported a man who was more secluded on the campaign trail than Boo Radley with agoraphobia, not to be confused with algoreaphobia, which is the fear of ManBearPig. And I’m super cereal about that.

But what Temu Kellyanne Conway fails to realize is heeding the advise of the Secret Service isn’t being a scared little bitch. It’s following basic safety protocols for one of the most powerful men in the world. Granted, she hasn’t faced any legitimate threats on her life since coming out as being stupid, so she may lack the perspective to understand why the President and the Secret Service take the steps they do. Unless you count hurt fee-fees and being George Conway’s second choice as potentially lethal.

However, we can learn something from her reaction, as well as the reactions of other Leftists taking rhetorical pot shots at the President. The most obvious is they legitimately want Trump to be hurt or killed because tolerance. (Don’t ask me. I’m still trying to figure that shit out.) The Left has become more comfortable with violence against political rivals, perceived or otherwise. Anyone outside of their hugbox is literally Hitler, thus proving a) they aren’t serious thinkers, and b) they don’t know what the fuck “literally” means.

But going back to the original message that started this Lexicon entry, the Left wants any and all bad things to happen to Trump and his family, regardless of whether they make sense. This may come as a surprise to Mr. Abramson, but impeachment over hurt fee-fees isn’t in the Constitution, mainly because the Founding Fathers didn’t get offended that easily because, well, they were men. Mr. Abramson even makes J. Edgar Hoover look like Chuck Norris here.

And that’s saying something when a dead man in a dress is more butch than you’ll ever be.

The thing is the calls for impeachment aren’t really because Trump did anything illegal. It’s to cause more rhetorical pain to him. Another impeachment means more time spent on defending the President in what will ultimately be a fruitless effort right now, and possibly after the midterms. And Trump will rightly laugh it off, as will anyone with the brain capacity of a chick pea. Sorry, woman pea.

This is where the Left excels in pettiness. Since they have a working knowledge of bureaucracy and lawfare, they know how to punish those who dare to not follow the beat of their drum through those processes. Whether you’re the President of the United States for a Christian baker in Colorado, the attack strategy is always the same: grind down the opposition to force obedience and discourage others from fighting back.

Spoiler Alert: Trump, like Homey the Clown, don’t play dat.

Which makes their impotent rage and flailing at anything to get Trump all the more enjoyable.

There is another element to the story that would explain the Left’s sperg-out over this situation, that being the number of DNC stenographers…I mean reporters on Air Force One at the time. The Leftists in the media (but I repeat myself) got their collectivist panties in a bunch, going so far as to claim the reporters were in danger and Air Force One was a “decoy.”

Okay, time-fucking-out here. We have some Leftists claiming Trump was a coward, and then we have other Leftists clutching their pearls at the danger the reporters were in because of the ruse. I know you Leftists have the self-awareness of President Brick Tamland on a bad day, but you can’t simultaneously say Trump was afraid of getting hurt and say the reporters were in danger. Not that it’s going to stop you, mind you, but there’s a logical disconnect here that’s hard to explain away without looking like fucking morons.

To be fair, I’ve never been one to jump on anything the Left does as evidence of Trump Derangement Syndrome, but after this latest round of sperg-outs, I’m starting to believe. And don’t get me started on the Left’s attempt to change TDS from “Trump Derangement Syndrome” to “Trump Delusion Syndrome.” It’s cringy as hell and utterly unoriginal. Like Err America, but less entertaining.

Regardless, the Left simply cannot let Trump have a win under any circumstances, and it’s starting to cost them politically. From the possibility of trans athletes in the WNBA (the W standing for “Whatever” these days) to immigration enforcement, TDS has turned a major political party into the embodiment of constantly being on the wrong side of 80-20 issues. At this rate, Democrats will be lucky to lose in the midterms and in future Presidential elections because they can’t stop being batshit insane and/or defining their platform beyond “get Trump.”

Although it’s typical Leftist bullshit in lieu of anything that might make voters consider pulling their levers for Democrat candidates. Or voting for them, for that matter. (Sorry. Obvious double entendre. Had to be done.)

Operation Orange Chicken will be red meat for the Leftists (which is odd considering chicken is white meat), but it’s not going to resonate beyond the faithful because most people understand the importance of keeping the President alive while in office by any means necessary. That, and we’re not partisan assholes.

Well, except for me. You folks are golden.

This latest Leftist squawking point will fade away soon enough, only to be replaced by something even less important because that’s what the Left has become. They’re no longer in control of the overall narrative, so they’re forced to react to what’s happening. And with their fingers firmly up the ass of the electorate, their reactions will probably be less accurate than a Media Matters fact check.

And the worst part about Operation Orange Chicken? An hour later, I’m hungry again.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

As we near the end of summer (check local listings for the season in your area), I’m reminded of a time when big budget and ultra-hyped movies would dominate the theaters during the summer months. Some of these films would be sequels to previous movies (because that’s how you get sequels in the first place). Some were good (“Empire Strikes Back”) and some sucked ass (the “Twilight” movies).

I bring this up because there’s another sequel in the works on the Left. Remember “woke,” kids? Well, thanks to some Leftists, they’re coming out with a new version, “Woke 2.0.” Well, when the Left serves up such a steaming hot pile of dogshit, it’s my duty to mock it mercilessly!

Woke 2.0

What the Left thinks it means – unapologetically standing up for more progressive policies

What it really means – same shit, different version

When “woke” became a thing, I wrote about it here, but to give you the short version, it was a bunch of Leftist bullshit to virtue signal how wonderful and inclusive they are (unless, of course, you disagree with them). Now, I could recycle all of my previous points and jokes and it would still be relevant, but I’d rather take this on with a fresh perspective.

But don’t be surprised if the new boss sounds the same as the old boss.

Virtue signaling isn’t anything new for the Left, but woke was virtue signaling on Bane-style steroids. And, by and large, it worked to a point. People didn’t want to look like they were intolerant and backwards, so they went along with the woke agenda. From big companies to small groups of friends, everyone seemed to be on board to stay out of the negative crosshairs of woke advocates. I mean, who would want to be attacked by 96 cats?

The problem with this shame-based approach is it doesn’t work with people who don’t care about how people they don’t even know think about them. Call it the “Who the Fuck Are You?” defense. That’s kinda where I’m at right now with the various parts of woke culture these days. I can see a need to diversity if only so our personal horizons can expand, but I don’t think it’s a requirement that I adopt ideas that make no fucking sense. I’m from Gen X. I’m used to being considered an outsider and I’ve made peace with it. And since I’ve been online since you needed a hamster wheel and two paper cups connected by a string to get online, I’ve been called any number of things by people who didn’t know me. Your weak-ass shit is nothing.

And it’s still nothing under Woke 2.0.

So far, what I’ve seen included in Woke 2.0 is the same 80/20 issues the Left have been on the wrong side of since, well, ever. For example, they’re trying to pull in the anti-ICE crowd as part of their happy little movement full of perpetually pissed-off dumbasses. After all, who could ever be against the deportation of illegal immigrants?

Answer: the dipshits supporting Woke 2.0.

I’m curious to see what else Woke 2.0 is going to try to co-opt to make it seem bigger than it actually is. The funny thing is the Left has already tried to do this. Since the 1990s, Democrats have created a patchwork coalition of different social and economic interests that managed to win elections by playing their only card in the deck, “Republicans are far worse.”

Over time, though, that patchwork started to fray as the members of it grew dissatisfied by what party “leaders” did and didn’t do to keep their promises. That, and the Democrats became the batshit insane party. This left the disillusioned with a few choices:

– stick with the party in the hopes the “leadership” would listen to them (Spoiler Alert: they never will because all they want are your votes and money.)

– try to get in positions of power within the party ranks (This is where the Democratic Socialists of America are.)

– go even further to the Left (This is what caused the DSA to get so much traction recently.)

– move to the Right, if not out and out join them

Intelligent people would consider doing that last one, but since we’re dealing with Leftists here, we’re not dealing with intelligent people. Although this causes headaches for the DNC, it makes for great content for me. So, yay!

Unfortunately, it means the first woke crowd may become the foot soldiers for Woke 2.0, up to and including preaching to us from a position of presumed moral superiority. You know, the Religious Right did that in the 80s and all it ever got me was the Satanic Panic and the Parents Music Resource Center. And neither one was that great.

But here we are on the verge of watching the woke evolution try to become the woke revolution by being just like Tipper Gore. Fucking brilliant! If it gets physical arcades at shopping malls back, I’m willing to give it a pass, but I doubt that’s going to happen.

After all, there are more important things than Galaga (counterpoint: no, no there isn’t). We have ICE agents shooting and killing innocent bystanders exercising their First Amendment rights to protest. And by protest I mean attempt to kill ICE agents because fee-fees.

I also get the sense Woke 2.0 won’t just go after people for disagreeing with them because they tend to be the group that tries to beat people up Antifa style. Leftists are more and more okay with political violence, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility they would agree with Go Woke, Get Broke(n). And when dealing with such persuasive violence…I mean rhetoric, who could resist?

Oddly and appropriately enough, it’s the people who mocked them for their attempts to “Resist.”

From my perspective, the Left has a lot of impotent rage issues over everything from pronoun usage to ICE deployment. A big part of that stems from times when they’ve had control over different aspects of life and social media because they were the ones to hold themselves accountable. And, surprise surprise, they investigated themselves and found they did nothing wrong!

Since Woke 2.0 is just starting out, I can’t say for certain it’s going to be a repeat of the Resist movement or any other Leftist movement we’ve experienced in the past decade, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s going to end the same way. For all of their talk of being highly educated (just ask them), they fail at the most important part of being educated: applying what they’ve learned.

Here’s an example. You know how Leftists are jumping on the Democratic Socialist bandwagon? If you notice, they come from a position of financial and social privilege. Much like in the former Soviet Union, those in higher positions can afford to live in a way contradictory to their rhetoric because the people beneath them can’t afford to rebel.

Spoiler Alert: We ain’t the former Soviet Union.

For all of its faults (like electing Democratic Socialists), America is still a global economic powerhouse. We may not produce as much as we did, but we still consume, which makes us an attractive market for anyone wanting to be successful. There are enough people who will push back if only to cause you to lose your collectivist brain cells in disbelief.

The same thing will happen with Woke 2.0 as it did with Woke 1.0. After a while, the concept of woke became a joke and, except for some parts of the perpetually pissed-off sections of the Interwebs, isn’t taken seriously. Woke 2.0 has all the makings of New Coke, but with fewer fans. And when it eventually flops like the most recent “Supergirl” movie, or the original for that matter, there will be more laughing at the Left’s expense. Which will eventually lead to Woke 3.0, and so on.

So, I’m not getting my hopes up that Woke 2.0 is going to shock the world, but it may wind up to be a Shockmaster event.

And if you got that reference, you are my kind of people.



Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

After sifting through the ones and ones of the emails from my tens and tens of fans, I figured I’d better get cracking on an actual submission this week. And boy was it a target-rich environment.

This week I want to venture into a topic I delved into previously because it’s gained a lot more attention recently. Plus, I’m big into recycling, especially if it’s my own writing. In recent weeks, the Democratic Socialists of America have found their way into political relevancy, both because of winning primaries and because of politicians supporting them. But a recent Fox News interview with a DSA co-chair leaves the Left in a precarious situation.

And by precarious, I mean utterly mockable.

Democratic Socialists of America

What the Left thinks it means – a new and long overdue progressive movement that will bring equality and justice to America

What it really means – a new and very underdone progressive movement that sucks ass

The concept of democratic socialism sounds good on paper. The way the DSA explains it makes it sound so logical and appealing. I mean, who wouldn’t want more of a say in government and how it wastes…I mean spends our tax dollars? We should really take back our power from the greedy corporations who are running everything into the ground and join with our neighbors so we can build a better tomorrow.

Yeah, that and $5 will gets you a hand job from a crack whore…not that I know anything about that, mind you.

The problem with what the DSA promotes is it’s all bullshit. And it’s not even good quality bullshit, either. It’s Temu/Great Value bullshit, if that.

The core of DSA’s platform is anti-capitalism. In their own words:

Capitalism is a system designed by the owning class to exploit the rest of us for their own profit. We must replace it with democratic socialism, a system where ordinary people have a real voice in our workplaces, neighborhoods, and society….

We want a democracy powered by everyday people. The capitalist class tells us we are powerless, but together we can take back control.

Where do I begin with this? Well, first off, the DSA has a below rudimentary understanding of just what capitalism is. Here’s a very simple definition of capitalism from Investopedia.

Capitalism is an economic system based on private ownership, voluntary exchange, and profit-driven activity.

Now, if you’re observant and have an IQ higher than that of table salt, you’ll notice there’s an important word in the definition of capitalism that undercuts the DSA’s description of it. And if you’re a Leftist, I’ll tell you so you don’t spend the next few weeks trying to figure it out.

It’s the word “voluntary.”

Capitalism isn’t a system where people are forced to take any action whatsoever. Everything done under capitalism is done by choice. If you have a job, you choose to go there. If you buy groceries, you choose to do that. If a company puts out a certain type of widget, that’s a choice. Seems to this humble observer that’s…freedom.

Compare that to the DSA’s description. Based on them, all commerce is forced by the producers. In order to create a Democratic Socialistic society, the DSA would have to take from the producers and give it to the consumers. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think that’s freedom, kids.

Not to mention, the DSA overlooks the power consumers already have. Remember Crystal Pepsi? I do. You know why it’s no longer prominently sold? Because enough people thought it fucking sucked. New Coke? Same thing. Potato chips made with Olestra? Off to the great outhouse in the sky, along with a lot of Taco Bell meals. (Too soon?) All of these (except for the Taco Bell) is a direct result of consumers not wanting the products the corporations put out for consumption.

You know what’s still on the market? Mountain Fucking Dew! And that’s because people like it and keep buying it in all of its multicolored variations. Imagine an economic and political movement whose core beliefs can be destroyed by Mountain Fucking Dew. And that includes Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew, which takes away two of the reasons people buy Mountain Dew in the first place.

Now, let’s talk about the platform itself. Or more specifically, the shit they think is important. For their “Socialist Summit” which will be going on when this piece goes live, here is a short list of programming tracks.

– how the DSA can win elections
– promoting a general workers’ strike on May Day
– Palestine
– abolishing ICE
– organizing so more DSA candidates win

And the best part? Registration for the Socialists Summit is $200. Oh, and they suggest bringing food and water for yourself because a meal won’t be provided. But if you need childcare, you can let them know!

And they have an online merch store.

And they have membership tiers, complete with increasing prices.

And it’s not voluntary. If you want to join the DSA, you have to pay.

See what I’m getting at here? The DSA is a marching contradiction. They can talk all about how they’re for the common person, but they’re just as invested in capitalism as those they want to topple.

Now, here’s the really funny part. The DSA is making electoral strides only because Democrats are so pathetically weak right now. Let me put it this way: in the face of the DSA, the DNC would surrender before the French would. Part of this is because Democrat leadership is a contradiction in terms. More to the point, though, this void in leadership has left an opening for fringe players unhappy with the aforementioned void to step in and be loud, giving the illusion of popularity.

As of July 2026, there are over 120,000 members of the DSA. In comparison, there are 45.4 million registered Democrats as of April 2026. Granted there may be some crossover voters, but let’s assume for the purposes of this sketch the numbers are right. A major political party of 45 million is kissing the ring of a group that represents less than 1% of its own voting base.

Pardon my French, but WHAT IN THE WILD WORLD OF FUCK? You literally have the numbers to make the DSA your bitches, but you can’t.

Or won’t.

Modern Democrat politics and Leftist politics revolve around the same thing: capitalizing on buzzwords they think voters want to hear. That’s why Bernie “Three Houses” Sanders and the Socialist Socialite continue to blabber on about the oligarchy (which is ironic given the fact they are the oligarchy and rarely vote against their peers who are also the oligarchy). It’s never about actual policy anymore. Trying to pin down a Leftist on a policy position is like trying to staple Jello to the wall using a banana. It might work at Lutheran potlucks, but not where it counts.

While Democrats struggle with how to handle the influx of Democratic Socialists, their indecision/silence is speaking volumes. The leadership is flummoxed, the party faithful are either staying quiet or supporting the DSA, and the rest of us are noticing what’s going on. In this case, my Democrat friends, silence is consent. Or is it violence? Maybe it’s infrastructure. Either way, you have to say or do something to not look like cowards, fence-sitters, or comrades. (Yes, I know that’s more communism than Democratic Socialism, but they’re not that far away from each other.)

One final note on Democratic Socialism that has always bothered me. The term makes it sound like we can vote in socialism, which I don’t mind necessarily because it’s still the will of the people. Stupid people, I grant you, but people nonetheless. If we can vote in socialism via Democratic Socialism, can we vote it out again?

Still not getting a line on that question from the DSA, so I’m assuming the answer is “we haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

While I continue to prime my cryogenic chamber to wait for the answer, I suggest keeping an eye out for the Democratic Socialists of America. Partially because they seem to be gathering steam and may take over the Democrat Party relatively soon. But mostly because it’s fun watching them saying capitalism is bad while posting on social media using the latest smartphones.



Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week – Mailbag Edition

Hello again folks! Since nothing has really piqued my interest this week and everything I could talk about I’ve beaten to death so much I’d have to hire a necromancer to bring it back, I decided to dive into the mailbag and see what my tens and tens of fans have to say.

Dear Thomas, why do you pick on Leftists so much? Surely, there are people on the Right who deserve your scorn.

There are, and when the need arises, I pull no punches for the Right. But more to the point, the Left are the ones doing and saying the stupid shit, so they get my attention. Think of it like this. What are you going to pay attention to more, a single sparkler or a massive fireworks display in the sky?

Things are really getting chippy out there. How close do you think we are to another civil war?

Heavy question, but one worth exploring. I’ve felt we’ve been heading down the civil war road for the better part of a decade, mainly because there are people on both sides of the equation more than willing to take up arms against their enemies, perceived or otherwise. As long as violence is on the table for either side, civil war is never off the table.

Are you MAGA or not? I can never tell from your writing.

I am not MAGA in the sense I follow President Trump on everything he does. When he does well, I acknowledge it. When he fucks up, I also acknowledge it. To me, Make America Great Again is far bigger than Trump or his supporters. It’s a mindset. Even when President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were running things, I never wanted America to fail; I wanted it to be as good as it could be. The best I can say is I’m MAGS-adjasent if for no other reason than Leftists always say I’m MAGA in lieu of arguing the points I make.

And speaking of Leftist dipshits…

Trump is a proven pedophile rapist who is destroying the country and installing his fascist regime with the help of Russia and Israel. How can you support a pedophile rapist loser like Trump?

Simple. Because it pisses off people like you. Your side is frothing at the mouth over anything Trump does, so if there is any way for me to tweak you in the nose to get you to keep frothing, I’m going to do it and back up whatever I say with facts and logic. Oh, and switch to decaf.

What are your thoughts on the war with Iran?

The war with Iran is both a war of choice and a war that was destined to happen at some point. We have let Iran slide on a lot of shit for almost 50 years with Democrat and Republican Presidents. Trump pulled what Ronald Reagan did with the now-former Soviet Union: he called their bluff. Unlike Reagan, Trump had to use military force to drive the point (and more than a few bombs) home. The issue is how we proceed. We haven’t done the best job in securing the Strait of Hormuz, and we’re still pussyfooting around with whether we go full bore attack mode or if we’re happy with attacking in dribs and drabs. The Iranian people want freedom by and large, but they are either still afraid of the current regime or incapable of taking on the task themselves. Either way, it’s becoming evident we have to shit or get off the pot.

We have been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.

And I’ve been ignoring you because you keep trying to reach me. Moving on…

Is transphobia a thing?

It is, but it’s not nearly as widespread as those with a vested interest in there being a lot of it want us to believe. Really, it comes down to the “ick factor” for me. If you’re trans and you just want to live your life, good on ya! You’ll get no pushback from me. If you’re someone like Lily Tino? Get the fuck outta here! You’re just making things worse for trans people across the board by being creepy motherfuckers. But saying we don’t agree with you being creepy motherfuckers isn’t transphobia. It’s creepy-motherfucker-phobia.

The officiating in the WNBA sucks balls. What would you do to fix it?

I am toying with the idea of doing an Extremist Makeover – WNBA Edition or redoing it depending on whether I did one in the first place. Not to tip my hand too much, I would start with finding referees who know the damn rules. No matter whether it’s a player I like or don’t like, no player should be subjected to clotheslines, eye pokes, eye rakes, tripping, elbows to the chest area and above, and, oh yeah, fucking choking. Stevie Wonder could make more accurate calls than these refs, and he’s a pianist! (Thought I was going for the blind joke, huh?) More to come.

I’m a young conservative, but I’m afraid to speak out because of what Leftists would do to me. What would you suggest?

Be your true self, even if the rest of your peers might not agree. The real people will respect you for staying true to yourself and your ideology. The fake ones will peel off faster than a driver in a Fast and Furious movie. It’s going to be rough, but you’re better off being real than pretending to be something you’re not. Besides, if your peers hate you for being conservative, it’s a them problem, not a you problem.

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

The best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten is from Ayn Rand: “Check your premise.” When I think I know the answer to something for a witty retort or a lame attempt at a joke, I always look into it further to see whether I’m on the right track or just following the prevailing idea. Sometimes my gut instinct is right, and other times it’s wrong and I adjust my thinking and approach accordingly. You know, the exact opposite of what Leftists do?

You were so sure Zohran Mamdani was going to suck as Mayor of New York City, but he’s doing great things! When are you going to admit you were wrong?

First off, I wished him the best of luck when he was elected while acknowledging his ideology doesn’t actually work. And since then, I still wish him well. And I’ve been right about his ideology not actually working. His budget got “balanced” thanks to an inflow of money from…New York State. Or more specifically, New York taxpayers. He’s causing more economic chaos in less than a year than Karl Marx did with Das Kapital, a book you can buy from Amazon, I might add. Give him time, though. He’s only begun to fuck shit up.

Where do you think President Trump will land on the list of best Presidents?

That’s a good question! Most of our recent Presidents (and by recent I mean since 2000) have been mediocre and that’s being verrrrrrrrrry generous. To me, Trump is ahead of the rest of the pack if only because the previous ones sucked so badly. Along a longer timeline, though, he’s in the B to C tier for me. He’s done some good things, some stupid things, and some head-shakingly bizarre things. Your mileage may vary.

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Weird question, but I’ll field it. I’d say an oak because of deez nuts!

Why do people still think climate change is a thing?

It’s a multi-tiered reason. First, Leftists can’t admit they’re wrong about anything, no matter what the facts, history, and common sense think. Second, the Left doesn’t know shit about science, which is ironic given how often they said “trust the science” during COVID. Third, they’re dumb fucks. Fourth, they’re really dumb fucks. And fifth, did I mention they were dumb fucks?

Hey, Thomas. Long time reader, first time writer. You’ve talked about your political and comedy influences, but who are your literary influences?

Great question! I’m a big fan of cutting through the bullshit to get to the truth. That puts me in the camp of Ernest Hemingway and Mark Twain. On the more creative storytelling side, I lean towards Edgar Allen Poe. For absurdist yet clever humor, I go with Douglas Adams. But I’m always on the lookout for great writers!

I wanted to let you know your test results are in and it’s not good news. You have come down with…

Well, that’s all the time we have for the mailbag. Join me next week for more fun!




The Platner Problem

In spite of my desire to have him stay in the Maine Senate race just to see how much he could fuck up his chances, Graham Platner officially dropped out. And now Leftists want us to forget some of their progressive superstars backed him so they can move on to other things, like choosing a replacement and/or blaming Donald Trump for Platner’s downfall.

So, that’s it, right?

Not so much. Graham Platner may have gone the way of any coherent thought in Queen Kamala the Appointed’s brain, but the damage he’s caused is going to resonate for quite a while, and the Left doesn’t even realize it yet. To be fair, they might not realize it after they read this piece, so there’s that.

The first problem the Left faces PP (Post-Platner) is optics. Our favorite oyster farmer with a Nazi tattoo managed to get a lot of high-profile progressives on his side. Bernie “Fight the Oligarchy, But Not Me” Sanders, Elizabeth “Chief Running Mouth” Warren, Ro “Yer Boat” Khanna, Ruben “Not Cool Enough For a Nickname” Gallego, and many others. The Left may try to memoryhole this, but the Internet is forever and it’s undefeated. The pictures, the statements, the videos, the tweets (or Xs if you prefer), and all of that will be around for a while and dog these assholes for a long time.

Not to mention, it gives the GOP campaign ad fodder for the midterms, the 2028 Presidential election, and any time these nozzleheads try to stick their heads out of their asses to support another candidate. I can see the ad copy now…

[Insert name of Leftist who supported Platner] wants to run for [insert name of office]. This is the same person who didn’t see anything wrong with an accused rapist with a Nazi tattoo before withdrawing support. Is this the kind of person you want representing you?

By the way, if there are any Republicans looking for someone to write ad copy, give a brother a hook up!

That means let me have a job. I’m not sure how hip Republican leadership is these days, so I figured I’d better explain it.

And then there’s the scramble to find a new candidate to run against Susan “I Totally Didn’t Get That Last Reference” Collins. The Democrats are on the clock to find someone to replace Platner, and…how can I put this delicately…the pickings are slimmer than Kate Moss on Ozempic. The recent debate with the 8 contenders made a carnival freak show look Amish. One had a brain freeze rivaling President Brick Tamland, another has a past that rivals Platner, and one was just…yeah, I’m not going there.

Remember, kids, these are the candidates Maine Democrats think would be better than a guy with a literal Nazi tattoo and multiple sexual assault allegations.

Which brings us to the Left’s attitude towards sexual assault. Sure, they hate it when it comes to allegations about Donald Trump, but with Platner? Apparently their limit on such allegations is 10 because they didn’t try to flush his ass (which I understand he might enjoy) until the 11th accusation, this time from a Democrat supporter with a story flimsier than E. Jean Carroll’s.

But up until then, they were all sweeping for Platner.

Now, tell me how that gives them any credibility on sexual assault going forward. Let me save you some breath and brain power: it doesn’t. It shows you’re willing to let women be victims if a politician has the “right” political positions. Of course, anyone who was around when these same asshats were sweeping for Bill Clinton could see history repeating itself. But, yeah, keep telling us about how Donald Trump is a rapist.

The biggest takeaway from the Platner implosion is just how scared the Left is by the rise of the Democratic Socialists of America from their even further left flank. DSA members are running and mostly winning seats that would have been Democrat cakewalks in previous years. This shows me there’s a civil war brewing on the Left and the more mainstream Leftists aren’t ready for it. And let me just say the DSA would be perfectly fine with a Platner-esque candidate if it meant getting rid of a Democrat do-nothing.

So even though Graham Platner is gone, his impact is going to be felt for a long time. Meanwhile, I would invest heavily in popcorn futures.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

This week’s Lexicon entry takes us from the national and international stages to something a little closer to home. As can be expected from the day after Election Day until the next Election Day, there are politicians running for office, and their ads are more ubiquitous than the bad reviews for “Supergirl.” (Too soon?) One of the ads is for a Republican running for reelection in my home state of Iowa, and in that ad a lot of time is spent on how this candidate wants to end the “death tax.” More on that in a bit.

While cruising Facebook (since I have the social media skills of a rock), I saw a Leftist post about this effort, basically saying it’s pointless since Iowa has already done away with the death tax…all the while missing the point this candidate is running for reelection to the House of Representatives, as in the one in Washington, DC. Nobody said Leftists were smart, and if they did, they were lying. Or Leftists themselves, but I repeat myself.

Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to avoid talking about immigration for at least a week and focus on one of the tepid-button issues of our time.

death tax

What the Left thinks it means – a necessary tax to prevent wealthy families from hoarding money

What it really means – government taking more money from people simply for inheriting valuables

Although it has an ominous, yet totally kick-ass, name, the death tax is more commonly known by two more mundane names, the inheritance tax and the estate tax. There are important differences between the two, but they both operate on the same premise: government wants a cut of anything you get. Well, except for your crazy Aunt Freida’s erotic Hummel collection. That shit goes on eBay!

Not that I know anything about that, mind you…

Meanwhile back at the main point, I’m not a big fan of taxation in general, but the death tax in any of its forms is particularly shitty to me. Not only is any money or value taxed while the original owner is alive, but then it gets taxed again because the owner died and wanted someone else to have it. And when you consider the extent of the government’s involvement in the situation is holding out its hands like beggars, it makes a fucked up situation even more fucked up.

Which is why the Left loves death taxes so much. Granted, they’ve never met a tax they haven’t loved, but the death tax is special. It combines two of their favorite things in the world: taking money from people, and class warfare.

And, yes, I see the humor in “class” and “Leftist” appearing in such close proximity.

Which leads us into a topic joined at the hip with the death tax, class warfare. Without turning this into a Leftist Lexicon entry within a Leftist Lexicon entry (Lexception, in other words), this refers to a Leftist tactic driven by jealousy at people who do better than others. After all, Leftists believe any rich person’s success comes through exploitation of the workers.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to wealthy Leftists like our good friend, Uncle George Soros…

The point is Leftists believe the only way to get people to pissed off enough to go after those rich assholes is to stoke resentment with those who aren’t rich. Hence, we have class warfare.

But there’s a tiny problem with that: most rich people don’t do anything for or against the rest of society. Rarely will you find a billionaire with a secret lair hidden within a volcano and plotting world domination with a death ray (for peaceful purposes only). Most of the time, those with that kind of wealth don’t rub shoulders with John Q. Public, so there really isn’t a logical basis for there to be hard feelings towards the Elon Musks of the world.

But the Left doesn’t operate in the world of logic. Instead, they want you to feel something, usually hatred, depression, and other things that make you a fucking drag at parties. I know this because I used to be a Leftist, and it was one of the most miserable times of my life. When you’re a Leftist, you’re perpetually pissed off at something that’s outside of your control, which leads to more impotent rage, which then leads to stupid protests.

Which leads to me pointing, laughing, and hopefully making you laugh at the absurdity.

The same pissed-offedness works behind the scenes with death tax. After all, it’s not fair someone would give you money simply for not dying yet when that money could have gone to a real world issue, like increasing LGBTQIA+THISDAMNACRONYMGETSFUCKINGLONGERBYTHEFUCKINGDAY visibility in [insert movement, hobby, or other activity where people are having too much fun]. So, because your favorite Leftist movement isn’t getting a penny, they have to force you to give up some of it under threat of governmental enforcement.

So, they’re nice people…

And before you can say “taxation is theft” you’re going to get pushback from the Left talking about all the great things that could be funded with the death tax. In response, let me point out the fact we’re dealing with billions of dollars in taxpayer fraud, so that tells me the government is spending the money like a coke fiend with a dealer on speed dial and a black Amex card. In other words, Hunter Biden. It also tells me the government doesn’t need the money from the death tax as much as it needs one hell of an intervention.

And one way we can kick that off is to eliminate the death tax. It makes no literal sense to punish a family by taking money away from them because it comes into an inheritance. Unless that inheritance came from a mattress, it was already taxed at some point. And if it was stuffed in a mattress, it wouldn’t be very comfortable, which is only marginally worse than an IRS audit, so I’d call it square.

Even if we’d be lucky to get a wooden nickel from our eccentric Uncle Throckmorton, the government has no business getting even that much. If a relative dying is good enough for Leftist assholes to hold out their hands waiting for their “fair share,” it’s an even better reason to deny them their payday because it makes them no better than stereotypical relatives at a will reading waiting for their payout.

In other words, the Biden family.



Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Before I delve into this week’s Leftist batshittery, I do want to apologize for going into another immigration piece. I didn’t plan for it, but it just so happened birthright citizenship exploded last week, so I felt it needed some attention. Going forward I will do my best to vary the topics and give my slightly undercooked takes and marginal humor a chance to bore you with more variety.

So until then, let’s dive right in!

Immigration has provided America with a rich tapestry of cultures and traditions because we have opened our arms to so many people throughout the years. Even with this, many immigrants (and recent visitors, for that matter) have grown to love our little country and want to be more like us. As a result, these people assimilate to our culture.

Which Leftists don’t like, yet claim every immigrant assimilates to our country and culture. So, I figured we’re due for a little lesson in assimilation.

assimilation

What the Left thinks it means – what every immigrant does

What it really means – what some immigrants do, but not enough

At the turn of the 20th Century, we had an influx of immigrants looking to start a new life in America. This started a concept called the American melting pot where these multiple cultures came together to make our country stronger.

Well, except for the Irish. They had a slightly less cordial greeting in some sections.

For the most part, America remained a melting pot for generations, with each new one assimilating to our culture while Americans adopted some of the cultural aspects of the old world, as it were. It didn’t mean these new Americans abandoned their old ways; they integrated those ways into the American experience.

Then, somewhere in the late 20th Century, some people got it in their heads that being American wasn’t all that great and that the best way to become an American was to force the people here to adopt your ways. I think it might have been Jerry Lewis. Or Menudo.

Regardless of who started the idea that assimilation wasn’t necessary to be an American, it started the expectation that America would bend over backwards to welcome them. And by expectation, I mean demand. Before you could say “Habla Ingles” we started seeing government documents written in multiple languages, having to press 2 to continue in English, and other signs that the people coming into the country had no interest in assimilating to our country. That’s not just a dick move, but as we’ve seen in the past year or so, it’s becoming deadly.

On the other hand, Americans are expected to assimilate to the norms of foreign countries even when on vacation. And if we don’t, we’re called “ugly Americans.” Speaking as an ugly American, I say I was born looking this way, so back off man!

But more to the point, these foreign countries have a point. Even if it’s for a short period, we should try to blend in as much as we can.

Let’s say I’m moving to France for my retirement. (To the French people reading this, I’m not actually coming, so you don’t have to pull out your surrender flags.) Before I even filled out my change of address card, the very least I would do is learn to speak French. After all, it’s hard to pantomime you have to take a shit without people looking at you funny.

Not that I know anything about that, mind you…

Along with picking up the native language, I would pick up as much of the French and local culture as I could to make sure I could function. Sure, I might still get called an ugly American, but at least I made the effort.

Is that so much to ask of people coming to America?

Apparently it is because to many (especially on the Left) adapting your original culture in favor of the American culture is betrayal. And the Left is more than willing to enable you to defy norms (and not just the guy from “Cheers” or the late Mr. Macdonald). After all, your culture is bound to be better than ours right?

Not so much.

For all of its faults, America is the place to be. I don’t see too many people trying to escape America to head to Cuba, CODEPINK notwithstanding. And let’s face it, those who would are dumbasses, so we would actually gain by losing. The only downside is Cuba may haul us before The Hague for war crimes by sending too many dumbass Leftists (but I repeat myself) to their country.

If we want more immigrants to want to assimilate, we have to lean into the fact America is pretty awesome. So, maybe we make some changes to the current immigration policy, which makes less sense than a Kamala Harris speech.

I’m not big on loyalty oaths, but I am big on Ameri-countability Buddies! That’s right, kids, every immigrant gets an America to keep tabs on them to acclimate our new proto-Americans to what we have to offer. This will be a 12 month commitment, but it’s essential to help them go from new kid in town to pure 100% USDA grade A Murkan.

The Ameri-countability Buddy will work with the immigrants to help them get on their feet with mastering the language, or at least getting them to the point they can hold a longer conversation than “I’ll take a Burger Meal with a Coke.” Within that 12 months, the Ameri-countability Buddy will help the new immigrants find gainful employment, a home of their own, how to find and utilize civic and mercantile entities, and give them a sense of what is means to be American.

But it’s not all work! Once a month, the immigrant and the Ameri-countability Buddy get to go to a quintessentially American experience. Like monster truck rallies. Of course, we’ll kick in a few bucks to help things along because Murka. There will be opportunities for cross-cultural exchanges because assimilation requires a willingness on both sides of the ledger to share joy, company, and food.

So how does one become an Ameri-countabilty Buddy? It’s simple. You have to meet a few conditions.

1. You must love America.
2. You can’t be a Leftist. (Although I’m pretty sure number 1 would weed out most of them.)
3. You must be willing to open your home to an immigrant.

As far as the immigrants are concerned, we have a few conditions as well.

1. You must want to be an American.
2. No criminal behavior or you get a ride in the Deportation Catapult with a helmet, pads, and a pillow.
3. You must be willing to share your culture with us while adopting ours in the process.

Pretty simple, really. This is only a rough draft at this point (mainly because we’re still trying to get the patent on the Deportation Catapult), but it’s a good start.

Look, I know assimilation is a hard road, but if you’re driven to become an American, it’s worth it. We have people on waiting lists around the world wanting to live here even for a couple of years. If that doesn’t tell you how awesome America is as a country, nothing will.

Plus, we kick ass when it comes to fast food.