Capitol Hill was all abuzz this week, unfortunately not because a swarm of bees got into the Capitol Building and started stinging our Congresscritters. No, this buzz was because of the One Big Beautiful Bill Act that President Donald Trump pushed. With prospects looking shakier than Rosie O’Donnell eating Jello on the San Andreas Fault during a 6.9 on the Richter Scale, the Act was finally passed by the House and Senate following close vote counts and a lot of bitching.
Mostly from the Left, as it turns out.
As we watch Leftist’s heads explode, maybe we should take a more sober approach to figuring out what the Act is all about. Then again, in order to make sense of some of this shit, you might need a stiff drink or fifty.
One Big Beautiful Bill Act
What the Left thinks it means – a horrible bill that ultimately hurts the American people
What it really means – a Frankenstein’s Monster of a bill that should piss off everybody
After years of being a Leftist and a recovering Leftist, I’ve learned whenever they lose their collectivist shit over anything it’s worth double checking to see what they get right and what they pull out of their asses. Call it Don’t Trust But Verify, if you will.
The best place to start in reviewing the Act is, well, the Act itself. As you might expect, it’s about as sexy as Kathy Griffin without makeup. Or Carrot Top, in other words. Tucked into the sections and subsections are some pretty big items, like increasing funding for ICE and Medicare reform, that have had Leftists up in arms for weeks. On the plus side, at least the firebombing of Teslas has slowed down enough because of the outrage over the One Big Beautiful Bill.
Not that you could tell from the quality of said outrage. Aside from House Minority Leader Hakeem “the Nightmare” Jeffries talking for 8+ hours to delay the House vote on the Act and claims the Medicare cuts would kill tens of thousands a year, the best they could come up with is calling it…the Big Ugly Bill. What’s next? Calling Trump a doody-head?
Actually, that might be a compliment coming from Leftists, given they’re invested in calling him the next Hitler.
Anyway, the opposition to the Big Beautiful Bill Act didn’t accomplish its presumed goals and only served to throw some red meat (or would that be white tofu) to its ideological base. The “leaders” had to pretend like they were fighting for the American people because…let’s face it, they’re more interested in keeping power than anything else, so they had to put on some political Kabuki theater to give the impression they were doing something. Now, we’re being treated to “you MAGAs are gonna regret this” rhetoric.
After all, they’re so much smarter than us smooth-brained non-Leftists, right? And they were so right about President Brick Tamlin’s mental faculties, Queen Kamala the Appointed’s Presidential campaign, and Hunter Biden’s laptop!
The thing is there is a lot in the Act that the Left could have talked about in lieu of resorting to meaningless theatrics, fearmongering, and taunting that would get them mocked by preschoolers for being immature. For one, it’s over 900 fucking pages! After Congressional Republicans bitched about not being able to read bills before a vote when the Democrats ran Congress, cramming the shoe on the other foot doesn’t help matters any. Not to mention, it gave Leftists like Elizabeth “Chief Running Mouth” Warren a PR opportunity. Granted, it wasn’t all that effective in the grand scheme of things, but you never want to give your opponents any room to operate. Trump and his party faithful have to hit their knees and pray every night for the Left to continue to be ineffective.
And speaking of ineffective, one of the Act’s provisions would raise the debt ceiling by $5 trillion. Now, this is bad enough as it is, but it’s made even worse because of President Trump’s recent history flip-flopping on the issue. I know you have to spend money to make money in the business world, but this ain’t the business world. The money Trump wants to spend is ours. Just like the money President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed wanted to spend was ours. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now for the same reason: it doesn’t address the spending problem. All it does is extend our federal credit card. And who’s gonna tell Congress they can’t spend anymore?
Nobody. Not even the President.
And with the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, it’s estimated the deficit will increase by over $3 trillion over the next decade. Remember when President Trump swore he would balance the budget? Yeah, that didn’t fucking happen and it’s not happening now.
Then, there’s the military spending. Sure, there’s provisions to help service members and build ships, but there’s also $25 billion for our own version of Israel’s “Iron Dome” missile defense system called the “Golden Dome.” Although it’s a good idea in theory and practice, it makes more sense in Israel than it does in the good ole US of A. Israel is surrounded by people who want to kill them and will use any military hardware they can get their hands on to do it. America doesn’t have that problem yet, and unless Canada and Mexico decide to start shit, we won’t need any dome. After all, what good is a missile defense dome against enemies already under it?
Which brings us back to illegal immigration. The Act also beefs up ICE and the Border Patrol to the tune of $100 billion. And that’s not counting the additional funds for detention centers, hiring more agents, the border wall, and, oh yeah, turning ICE into the largest law enforcement department in the country. The Left is already calling ICE the Gestapo, so why not give them more opportunities to make that point?
I see where the President and his staff are coming from with this spending, but I see it much like I see the rollout of DOGE: a good idea implemented badly. The hard work is going to be overhauling the immigration system, but it’s not even a concept in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act. Imagine what we could do if we spent some of the money going towards ICE towards revamping the current immigration and asylum process.
But at least the wall is getting more money, right?
As a small government kinda guy, my bullshit meter goes off whenever there’s a need to expand government even a little bit. Granted, hiring more ICE and Border Patrol agents makes more sense than hiring more IRS agents (and arming them) like President Brick Tamland wanted, I still have to call bullshit on the spending. We are running a $37 trillion national debt as of the writing of this Lexicon entry (check local listings for the time and spending debacle in your area). We don’t need to spend more; we need to find ways to do what we can with what we have. Right now, the government is spending money like a rich kid who buys a new car to match his/her outfit for the day, and until someone with some stroke tells us the spending spree is over, we’re going to keep looking for a hot pink and teal Ferrari for our trip to the day spa.
Any of these topics would have been an infinitely better discussion than the drivel the Left gave us about the Act, but even when they may have a point with some of the Act’s provisions, I still have to throw the brown bullshit flag. The claims being made around millions of Americans losing health care and food assistance may be omitting some key details.
Let’s take the “Americans are losing their health care” line. The Left is leaving out some details with this claim, namely some of the entities that get Medicaid funding. They want you to believe it’s your Grandma Oma getting shafted more than Richard Roundtree at a gay orgy, but the proposed funding cuts to Medicaid are designed to close up an oft-overlooked loophole that the Left has used for decades.
See, there’s this little thing the kids like to call the Hyde Amendment. The Cliff’s Notes explanation is federal funding is not to be used to fund abortions, a point the Left keeps bringing up when needed. The problem is…the Hyde Amendment isn’t being followed. Want proof?
Planned Parenthood gets over 40% of its funding from government entities including…drum roll please…Medicaid. And that’s not according to some right wing rumor mongering website. That’s from Planned Parenthood itself.
The Left will immediately fire back with “that’s not all Planned Parenthood does” and they’re right. However, my retort is to ask for a full accounting of where those government funds went, right down to the penny. And, funny thing, no one’s ever taken me up on that. Makes me wonder if Planned Parenthood might have something to hide…
With the food assistance angle, the Left is painting a false picture by using poor mothers and children as rhetorical human shields. Federal law states illegal immigrants aren’t supposed to get food assistance, but that may not be the case. During Fiscal Year 2023, the USDA made $10.5 billion in erroneous SNAP benefit payments. Although I’m not sure the Act directly addresses this in its more restrictive SNAP qualifications, it would be foolish not to tackle this issue, especially since it dovetails nicely with President Trump’s illegal immigration crackdown.
If only we had a federal agency that could look into that and root out government inefficiencies and waste. Nah, that would never fly, especially not if it’s named after an internet meme.
The One Big Beautiful Bill Act isn’t all bad, though. Tax cuts, decreased spending on alternative energy boondoggles…I mean grants, and boosts in tax credits are always welcome sights in any spending bill. Plus, it makes Leftists scream like Trigglypuff, so it can’t be all bad.
But that doesn’t make it all good, either. It’s a damn good thing Leftists don’t know how to make a cogent argument when it counts (or ever) or else the Act would have been in serious trouble and might not have gotten passed. I urge you to read up on it like I did and pick it apart before cheering or deriding it. A famous philosopher once said, “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…”
Wait. That’s the theme song from “The Facts of Life.” Never mind.
