This week, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced. Turns out it was just the Taco Bell I had for lunch, but there was still a great disturbance this past week.
“The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” will be ending its run at the end of Colbert’s contract in May 2026, and there will be no more “Late Show.”
If you listened to the Left (and, really, I’d rather have my toenails pulled out by Justin Bieber than do that), you would think democracy itself was being overturned by the Evil Orange Man. And Colbert, to his credit, isn’t telling people otherwise. With the man who would be Late Knight King being on everyone’s lips, what better subject for this week’s Lexicon?
Stephen Colbert
What the Left thinks it means – a comedian and proud champion of the First Amendment being unfairly sacrificed to appease Donald Trump
What it really means – a semi-funny man who rode an anti-Trump shtick into the ground
I first ran across Stephen Colbert during his time on “The Daily Show,” back when it (and he) were funny instead of more depressing than episodes of the current “Saturday Night Live.” But it was when he did “The Colbert Report” that he really shined, at least to me. His dead-on and deadpan imitation of a stereotypical right wing talk show host modeled at least in part on Bill “Papa Bear” O’Reilly entertained a wide audience. Leftists loved it because it poked fun at the Right, and Rightists loved it because they have an actual sense of humor. Everybody was happy.
Then came President Donald Trump.
With the rise of Orange Julius Caesar. the comedy-pretending-to-be-real-journalist crowd had a problem. Their left-leaning audience demanded the hosts skewer Trump at every turn, but the rest of their audience expected to be entertained. So, they decided to lean hard Left and alienate a huge chunk of the audience in the process.
And Leftist say they’re smart?
I had high hopes for “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” when it first aired. My wife and I stayed up to watch his monologue to gauge our interest in the show. Ten minutes in, we looked at each other and said, “Nope.” And we’ve never watched another show. Why? Because it wasn’t fucking funny. It was the entertainment version of whisky dick: it was fun getting to the moment, but it was a no-go when it really mattered.
But the Leftist portion of the audience ate it up. To them, Colbert was the funniest man on late night television, and they barked like trained seals at every anti-Trump barb. There’s only one problem with that: there are only so many times you can tell a joke before it gets tired.
I call it the “Urkel Principle.” When Steve Urkel first appeared on “Family Matters,” it was a smash hit. Then, Urkel was everywhere. Eventually, it stopped being entertaining and became irritating. Before you could say “Did I do that?” people began wondering what they saw in Urkel.
Stephen, buddy…you reached that point years ago.
And I need to point out you were funnier when you pretended to be other people. The faux-conservative talking head, Phil Ken Sebben of “Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law,” even your appearances on the first American iteration of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” were leagues funnier than the drizzling shits you were putting out nightly for years. And don’t get me started on the Chernobyl-level radioactive cringefest that is “The Vax-Scene.” If you haven’t seen it, thank God. I have and now I’m in intense therapy, and I’m a trained professional.
A professional what, I’m trying to figure out, but still…
But this latest incarnation of “Stephen Colbert, First Amendment Champion” is a lie built on a lot of omission. First off, late night television is all but dead, save for “Gutfeld!” on Fox News, and that’s a cable show on a half hour before the usual late night fare, kids. Ouch! It’s believed “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” lost CBS at least $40 million a year. Now, I’m no TV exec, but if a high-rated show drops that kind of dough and strippers and blow aren’t involved, it’s not a good thing.
Then, there’s the $16 million settlement between CBS (the parent company of “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”) and Donald Trump (the man who is the Leftists’ daddy). This stemmed from “60 Minutes” editing an interview with Queen Kamala the Appointed to make her sound less drunk…err smarter. Trump sued CBS over it, and they decided to settle out of court.
Of course, this pissed off Colbert because…fuck Trump? Which lead him to go off on Paramount and CBS…his employers.
I think most of you see where this is going, but for Colbert and his fans, this made him a liability. And some companies out there still don’t tolerate insubordination, which this was. You could have left well enough alone and not criticized the settlement, but nooooooo. You had to use your big brain to open your big mouth and now you find yourself big fired.
Fucking brilliant.
But instead of admitting his mistake, Colbert and his fans went right to the Blame Trump card. Now, the cancellation of “The Late Show” is a First Amendment crisis and has a chilling and dark tone to it. Many have speculated Trump had Colbert fired in order for the FCC to approve Skydance buying Paramount. On the surface, this makes sense, but in the larger context of Colbert openly criticizing his employers on live TV, it doesn’t.
Not that it’s stopped the Left from lamenting the cancellation. Literally tens and tens of people protested outside the Ed Sullivan Theater to try to save “The Late Show.” And then there’s the thousands of signatures on a petition. Thousands, I tell you!
And not a one of them gets this isn’t a free speech issue.
The First Amendment (the one that allows me to mock Leftists without having the government shut me down) applies to government actions, not the actions of a network who sees a late night host as a financial and internal liability. Paramount may have thought firing Colbert would curry favor with the Trump Administration, but we can’t assume the latter forced the former to fire Colbert. After all, when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption.
Furthermore, New York State is an at-will employment state, which means any private sector employee can be fired for any reason. Doesn’t even have to be a good or valid reason. You can get shit-canned for whatever reason your employer deems good and/or valid.
You know, like…oh, I don’t know…calling out your parent company on live TV.
As Leftists are so quick to point out when it comes to conservative speech, freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequence as a result of that speech. What Colbert did was bad speech (not to mention the worst fucking idea since hiring him to host “The Late Show”), and his firing is a consequence of that speech. And in the marketplace of ideas, alleged jokes where the punchline is always “Trump sucks” get pretty stale.
But if I had to point to one thing that could be the silver bullet in this case, it’s ego. For a long time, late night hosts like Colbert were untouchable. The more they poked Trump, the more people loved them. And under the tenure of President Brick Tamland, they didn’t have to fear retribution. That kind of seeming invulnerability makes you feel untouchable.
But that’s when you’re the most vulnerable.
Stephen Colbert got to ride the “Trump Sucks” gravy train for years and was paid handsomely for it, but the ride’s over. When your contract ends, you will have to find something to do with your time, and I think your time as First Amendment martyr will be more of a temp job. However, in the interest of being gracious in times of distress, I have the perfect job for you.
Go back to pretending to be other people! That’s when you’re funniest!
Month: July 2025
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
It’s time to address the elephant in the room. And by “elephant” I mean the Epstein Files. And by “address” I mean try to make light and sense of the issues surrounding it.
Although I’m not completely sure of the mix just yet.
For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past couple of years (and right now I envy you), Jeffrey Epstein was a sex trafficking playboy with an island where some of the rich and famous went for one reason or…well, the same reason really. Since his death, the mystery surrounding his activities have only created more questions than answers.
Especially amongst our political elite.
Recently, President Donald Trump angered and confused his supporters by claiming there was a file, then there wasn’t a file, and now there’s a file again. In turn, this has lead many a Leftist to claim Trump is a pedophile or at least pedophile adjacent, which in their hivemind makes him a pedophile by extension.
No word yet on whether they’re going to apply the same standard to Bill Clinton, but let’s just say I’m not holding my breath waiting. I might when that triple bean burrito from Taco Bell kicks in, though.
the Epstein File
What the Left thinks it means – undeniable proof that Trump is a sexual deviant
What the Right thinks it means – a nothingburger with a side of Leftist lies
What it really means – something neither side wants to confirm nor deny
Before we begin, this Lexicon won’t be as link-heavy as my usual fare, mainly because a lot of what I’m going to say…err write isn’t necessarily backed up with a Newsweek article here or a Washington Post opinion piece there and for one very good reason.
I’m not exactly a normal thinker.
Okay, make that two very good reasons.
The second reason is because I get the feeling the Epstein File has enough dynamite information that it will rock the foundations of this country. From the information we’ve been given so far (which has been spottier than a dalmatian during potty training), there are a lot of heavy hitters in politics, media, society, pretty much every sector outside of social media.
Which makes it one hell of a deterrent.
Both the Left and the Right have this one completely wrong, but that’s by design. They know the contents of the Epstein File will ruin them and the fallout won’t go away with a press conference or a PR piece. We’re dealing with the sex trafficking and exploitation of minors here, and some pretty well-known figures are implicated. The Left and the Right have a vested interest in keeping this on the down low for that very reason.
Put simply, the Epstein File is the modern equivalent of Mutual Assured Destruction.
A pretty bold claim, but one backed up with a little thought. The Left have been quick to point out Trump and Epstein were buddies, and there have been multiple pictures of the two together. It ain’t that much of a jump to think they had dealings with each other. This leads to a question: why didn’t the Left use this information to undercut Trump?
Because the list has more than a few Democrats and Leftists on it.
Granted, the Left are short-sighted enough to think they could weather the firestorm of being associated with a sex trafficker as long as they could get Trump in the process. Then again, these are the same people who thought President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were viable candidates in 2024, so their judgment is skewed a bit.
And by a bit, I mean a lot.
No matter what side of the aisle you’re on, being seen being chummy with a sex trafficker is a bad look, and it’s not going to play very well in Omaha. San Francisco or New York, maybe, but not Omaha. This is one time “Orange Man Bad” isn’t going to work. Then again, Leftists are used to not going to work, so there won’t be much of a difference.
As far as the Right goes, any Republican who has tried to sweep this under the rug has lost any moral authority on any subject matter from gay marriage to pot legalization. Why? Because it’s fucking sex trafficking of minors, you stupid motherfuckers! Yes, the Leftist media make shit up all the time, but this ain’t one of them. There are pictures and at least somewhat of a paper trail that need to be explained away better than “Leftists are making shit up again.” The fact Trump even tried to deny the existence of the Epstein File after making such a big deal about it when he ran for President again is a tell, not just for him, but for his supporters who want to give the President even one micron of wiggle room.
This may be a bit of an overreaction to some, but to me it’s a line that should never be crossed. Anytime you abuse a child especially sexually you become a monster. Jeffrey Epstein was one of the worst pieces of dog shit to ever smirk for a camera and I sincerely hope he’s enjoying the Penthouse Suite in Club Fuck Me Up the Ass With a Million Hot Pokers the Size of the Empire State Building.
But he’s not the only one who should be visiting Expedia to make travel and lodging reservations there. The fact so many wealthy and powerful people are implicated throws a lot of things into question, not the least of which being who told them palling around with Epstein was a good idea. I’m shocked I have to say this, but maybe John “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful” Edwards was right. We do have a two Americas. One where sex trafficking of minors is seen as a quirk not worthy of batting an eyelash at, and one where this shit gets prosecuted to the highest extent.
Guess which America you and I are in.
The only right play for anyone involved in this is to release the Epstein File and let the chips fall where they may. Then, we need to have the balls to prosecute everyone proven to have violated the law and shun the rest. We should have zero tolerance for what Epstein and his enablers let happen. Wealth may include privilege, but it doesn’t excuse criminality.
And I think our Leftist friends will agree. I mean, they have been saying “No one is above the law” for a while now, right?
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
When you really think about it (and I do because my social life makes the Amish look like Charlie Sheen), there are a lot of logistical pieces in motion with any deportation process. For one, where do we keep the alleged illegal immigrants while they await their day in court? I have some ideas, but I’m not sure the Leftists crying about “due process” would like them.
Let’s just say they would get to know the illegal immigrants up close and personal.
But where there is a challenge, America finds a way to address it. In this case, we opened a new detention facility in Florida called “Alligator Alcatraz.” Even though it hasn’t been open for very long, it’s already garnering a lot of controversy, from allegations of detainee mistreatment to, and I wish I wasn’t making up, selling merch. Some Leftists have already started calling it “Alligator Auschwitz” because “Trump is literally Hitler” or some shit.
Either way, I would be remiss in my bloggy duties if I didn’t cover this in some fashion, so here we go!
Alligator Alcatraz
What the Left thinks it means – a concentration camp for people who are accused of not being here legally because of their skin color
What it really means – an outgrowth of the Left’s approach to illegal immigration
If the past couple of months has told us anything, it’s that the Left hasn’t met an illegal immigrant they don’t like. And the worse the criminal, the better. Under the watchful eye of President Brick Tamland, illegal immigration blew up more than Rosie O’Donnell with an allergic reaction. Such a large influx not only created strains on our social safety net, but created a nightmare for anyone who tried to enforce the law.
So, that’s why Leftists chose to ignore the law. Well, that, and they’re power hungry assholes, but still.
And under President Tamland, the scheme worked perfectly. More illegal immigrants came into the country with only a fraction of them or the ones already here being returned. All the Left needed to do was not to pick bumbling idiot to be the head of the 2024 ticket.
But, they did it anyway.
Now that there’s a new sheriff in town, there’s been more of a concerted effort to deport illegal immigrants, especially ones who have committed heinous crimes like human trafficking, smuggling, abuse, even murder. And that’s not exactly a small number, kids. This change in approach created a new set of headaches in order to deport the bad apples by the book.
Of course, my idea to use them to test the range of catapults was soundly rejected, but not for a lack of effort. Missed opportunities, I guess.
Anyway, the legal process requires the accused get their days in court, but considering the immigration courts move only slightly faster than continental drift, there came the need to house the accused in the meantime. This is where sites like Alligator Alcatraz come into play.
Now, this next part may be hard for Leftists to understand, so I’ll try to be as clear as I can. These facilities aren’t meant to be the Ritz Carlton. They’re going to be bare bones and intended to keep the bad guys inside. It’s not meant to be nice; it’s meant to be such a deterrent that people with an IQ above the number of people who still think Bluesky could become the next Social Media Platform Formerly Known As Twitter won’t want to go there.
As bad as it’s meant to be, we still have at least some standards to maintain. Meals, sanitation, access to legal counsel, the potential for buggery, and other essentials, for example. This is where the Left says Alligator Alcatraz falls short. Allegations of worms in food to large insects to a lack of sanitary conditions came flooding in faster than illegal immigrants under President Tamland.
This is where my bullshit meter starts going off. A lot. Some of the complaints like large bugs to sweltering temperatures can be explained simply: it’s fucking Florida. Some of the others, like the allegations of worms in the food, seem too horrible to be real. And when you consider Alligator Alcatraz had food trucks come onto the site, I’m going to say the claims of worms in the food might be exaggerated.
Unless those worms were of the gummy variety.
Another reason I have to call bullshit on many of the claims being made about conditions at Alligator Alcatraz is who is making them and who is reporting them. The source for the allegations is detainees. On the surface, they would be the best people to report on conditions inside the facility, but there’s one tiny hitch.
They’re fucking criminals.
Criminals from pickpockets to mass murderers all deal in some level of deceit, especially when they get caught. Nobody’s ever guilty. They’re all the victims of circumstance or a miscarriage of justice. Even if they’re caught red handed, they’ll say “It wasn’t me” more often than Shaggy.
In other words, they have a vested interest in lying. Not unlike the media covering the controversy, who have a vested interest in making anything related to Trump into the worst possible thing ever. I haven’t been able to confirm this independently, so take it with a grain of salt, but if what I’ve heard is true, there have been zero journalists who have been inside Alligator Alcatraz. That means the only source for these stories are those with a predisposition to lie.
Fucking brilliant.
And don’t get me started on the whole “Alligator Auschwitz” shit. Calling the facility a concentration camp, even in jest, is not just factually wrong, but grossly inappropriate. What’s more, none of the Leftists making these kind of remarks has stepped foot inside of Alligator Alcatraz, so they’re speaking out of their asses.
You know, like any other day.
Of course, this is done to play up the “Trump is literally Hitler” angle…again. At this point, the Left has invoked Nazis more than the History Channel and on far less justifiable grounds. And at least the History Channel has “Forged In Fire” which kicks all kind of ass, unlike Leftists.
Having said all that, I have a bone to pick with the way the Right is acting when it comes to Alligator Alcatraz. And by bone, I mean an entire fucking T Rex skeleton.
To some on the Right (I’m looking at you, Laura Loomer), this is all one big joke with alligators eating illegal immigrants as the punchline. This isn’t a joke, folks. These are still human beings. Yes, human beings who have committed a shitload of crimes against others, but human beings nonetheless. Their detainment shouldn’t be used as fodder for t-shirts, tacky souvenirs, and happy photo ops. It should be treated with the seriousness of the situation. The more you don’t, the easier it gets for the Left to paint you as inhuman monsters devoid of any decency whatsoever.
Not that they don’t already think that, mind you, but don’t give them the ammunition to keep doing it.
I see Alligator Alcatraz much like I see DOGE: a decent idea executed poorly. But it’s not the concentration camp the Left wants us to think it is, nor is it the Disneyland with more MS-13 members the Right wants us to think it is. It’s a metaphor for how fucked up we’ve gotten as a society. Yes, we need to find places to detain illegal immigrants while they get due process, but this may not be the way to go. Instead, send them to be with people who will truly appreciate the cultural gifts they bring to the country.
That’s right. Let’s send them to Beverly Hills.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Capitol Hill was all abuzz this week, unfortunately not because a swarm of bees got into the Capitol Building and started stinging our Congresscritters. No, this buzz was because of the One Big Beautiful Bill Act that President Donald Trump pushed. With prospects looking shakier than Rosie O’Donnell eating Jello on the San Andreas Fault during a 6.9 on the Richter Scale, the Act was finally passed by the House and Senate following close vote counts and a lot of bitching.
Mostly from the Left, as it turns out.
As we watch Leftist’s heads explode, maybe we should take a more sober approach to figuring out what the Act is all about. Then again, in order to make sense of some of this shit, you might need a stiff drink or fifty.
One Big Beautiful Bill Act
What the Left thinks it means – a horrible bill that ultimately hurts the American people
What it really means – a Frankenstein’s Monster of a bill that should piss off everybody
After years of being a Leftist and a recovering Leftist, I’ve learned whenever they lose their collectivist shit over anything it’s worth double checking to see what they get right and what they pull out of their asses. Call it Don’t Trust But Verify, if you will.
The best place to start in reviewing the Act is, well, the Act itself. As you might expect, it’s about as sexy as Kathy Griffin without makeup. Or Carrot Top, in other words. Tucked into the sections and subsections are some pretty big items, like increasing funding for ICE and Medicare reform, that have had Leftists up in arms for weeks. On the plus side, at least the firebombing of Teslas has slowed down enough because of the outrage over the One Big Beautiful Bill.
Not that you could tell from the quality of said outrage. Aside from House Minority Leader Hakeem “the Nightmare” Jeffries talking for 8+ hours to delay the House vote on the Act and claims the Medicare cuts would kill tens of thousands a year, the best they could come up with is calling it…the Big Ugly Bill. What’s next? Calling Trump a doody-head?
Actually, that might be a compliment coming from Leftists, given they’re invested in calling him the next Hitler.
Anyway, the opposition to the Big Beautiful Bill Act didn’t accomplish its presumed goals and only served to throw some red meat (or would that be white tofu) to its ideological base. The “leaders” had to pretend like they were fighting for the American people because…let’s face it, they’re more interested in keeping power than anything else, so they had to put on some political Kabuki theater to give the impression they were doing something. Now, we’re being treated to “you MAGAs are gonna regret this” rhetoric.
After all, they’re so much smarter than us smooth-brained non-Leftists, right? And they were so right about President Brick Tamlin’s mental faculties, Queen Kamala the Appointed’s Presidential campaign, and Hunter Biden’s laptop!
The thing is there is a lot in the Act that the Left could have talked about in lieu of resorting to meaningless theatrics, fearmongering, and taunting that would get them mocked by preschoolers for being immature. For one, it’s over 900 fucking pages! After Congressional Republicans bitched about not being able to read bills before a vote when the Democrats ran Congress, cramming the shoe on the other foot doesn’t help matters any. Not to mention, it gave Leftists like Elizabeth “Chief Running Mouth” Warren a PR opportunity. Granted, it wasn’t all that effective in the grand scheme of things, but you never want to give your opponents any room to operate. Trump and his party faithful have to hit their knees and pray every night for the Left to continue to be ineffective.
And speaking of ineffective, one of the Act’s provisions would raise the debt ceiling by $5 trillion. Now, this is bad enough as it is, but it’s made even worse because of President Trump’s recent history flip-flopping on the issue. I know you have to spend money to make money in the business world, but this ain’t the business world. The money Trump wants to spend is ours. Just like the money President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed wanted to spend was ours. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now for the same reason: it doesn’t address the spending problem. All it does is extend our federal credit card. And who’s gonna tell Congress they can’t spend anymore?
Nobody. Not even the President.
And with the One Big Beautiful Bill Act, it’s estimated the deficit will increase by over $3 trillion over the next decade. Remember when President Trump swore he would balance the budget? Yeah, that didn’t fucking happen and it’s not happening now.
Then, there’s the military spending. Sure, there’s provisions to help service members and build ships, but there’s also $25 billion for our own version of Israel’s “Iron Dome” missile defense system called the “Golden Dome.” Although it’s a good idea in theory and practice, it makes more sense in Israel than it does in the good ole US of A. Israel is surrounded by people who want to kill them and will use any military hardware they can get their hands on to do it. America doesn’t have that problem yet, and unless Canada and Mexico decide to start shit, we won’t need any dome. After all, what good is a missile defense dome against enemies already under it?
Which brings us back to illegal immigration. The Act also beefs up ICE and the Border Patrol to the tune of $100 billion. And that’s not counting the additional funds for detention centers, hiring more agents, the border wall, and, oh yeah, turning ICE into the largest law enforcement department in the country. The Left is already calling ICE the Gestapo, so why not give them more opportunities to make that point?
I see where the President and his staff are coming from with this spending, but I see it much like I see the rollout of DOGE: a good idea implemented badly. The hard work is going to be overhauling the immigration system, but it’s not even a concept in the One Big Beautiful Bill Act. Imagine what we could do if we spent some of the money going towards ICE towards revamping the current immigration and asylum process.
But at least the wall is getting more money, right?
As a small government kinda guy, my bullshit meter goes off whenever there’s a need to expand government even a little bit. Granted, hiring more ICE and Border Patrol agents makes more sense than hiring more IRS agents (and arming them) like President Brick Tamland wanted, I still have to call bullshit on the spending. We are running a $37 trillion national debt as of the writing of this Lexicon entry (check local listings for the time and spending debacle in your area). We don’t need to spend more; we need to find ways to do what we can with what we have. Right now, the government is spending money like a rich kid who buys a new car to match his/her outfit for the day, and until someone with some stroke tells us the spending spree is over, we’re going to keep looking for a hot pink and teal Ferrari for our trip to the day spa.
Any of these topics would have been an infinitely better discussion than the drivel the Left gave us about the Act, but even when they may have a point with some of the Act’s provisions, I still have to throw the brown bullshit flag. The claims being made around millions of Americans losing health care and food assistance may be omitting some key details.
Let’s take the “Americans are losing their health care” line. The Left is leaving out some details with this claim, namely some of the entities that get Medicaid funding. They want you to believe it’s your Grandma Oma getting shafted more than Richard Roundtree at a gay orgy, but the proposed funding cuts to Medicaid are designed to close up an oft-overlooked loophole that the Left has used for decades.
See, there’s this little thing the kids like to call the Hyde Amendment. The Cliff’s Notes explanation is federal funding is not to be used to fund abortions, a point the Left keeps bringing up when needed. The problem is…the Hyde Amendment isn’t being followed. Want proof?
Planned Parenthood gets over 40% of its funding from government entities including…drum roll please…Medicaid. And that’s not according to some right wing rumor mongering website. That’s from Planned Parenthood itself.
The Left will immediately fire back with “that’s not all Planned Parenthood does” and they’re right. However, my retort is to ask for a full accounting of where those government funds went, right down to the penny. And, funny thing, no one’s ever taken me up on that. Makes me wonder if Planned Parenthood might have something to hide…
With the food assistance angle, the Left is painting a false picture by using poor mothers and children as rhetorical human shields. Federal law states illegal immigrants aren’t supposed to get food assistance, but that may not be the case. During Fiscal Year 2023, the USDA made $10.5 billion in erroneous SNAP benefit payments. Although I’m not sure the Act directly addresses this in its more restrictive SNAP qualifications, it would be foolish not to tackle this issue, especially since it dovetails nicely with President Trump’s illegal immigration crackdown.
If only we had a federal agency that could look into that and root out government inefficiencies and waste. Nah, that would never fly, especially not if it’s named after an internet meme.
The One Big Beautiful Bill Act isn’t all bad, though. Tax cuts, decreased spending on alternative energy boondoggles…I mean grants, and boosts in tax credits are always welcome sights in any spending bill. Plus, it makes Leftists scream like Trigglypuff, so it can’t be all bad.
But that doesn’t make it all good, either. It’s a damn good thing Leftists don’t know how to make a cogent argument when it counts (or ever) or else the Act would have been in serious trouble and might not have gotten passed. I urge you to read up on it like I did and pick it apart before cheering or deriding it. A famous philosopher once said, “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…”
Wait. That’s the theme song from “The Facts of Life.” Never mind.
Fun Facts About America
Over the Fourth of July, a friend of mine was having a rough go of it for various reasons and just wanted to be cheered up with some good things about America. What started out as a friend helping a friend gave birth to what you’re about to read, some fun facts about America. Feel free to share this with your family, friends, coworkers, clergy members, and so on.
– America is the only country in the world with both bacon and Chuck Norris.
– Every Super Bowl winner has been American.
– America is the only place that has had both a fiction and real Steve Austin in existence.
– Our stick-mounted fried food culinary technology is unmatched.
– Who came up with the idea of putting laser light shows to the songs of Pink Floyd? America!
– The Big Gulp? Totally American! Ditto with slushie technology!
– Americans developed soft serve ice cream because the rest of the world wasn’t America enough.
– Who has competitive eating contests on the regular? It sure ain’t France, baby! It’s America!
– The vast majority of World Series winners? American! In fact, we’re the only country in the world with two leagues that play the same sport and are named with synonyms for each other!
– There have been exactly zero incidents of dingoes stealing our babies in America.
– The two American Disney parks have been more successful than any other Disney park in other parts of the world.
– We insist on calling our football (a game where feet aren’t typically used on offense to move the ball down the field) football and soccer (a game where feet are the primary method of of moving the ball down the field offensively) soccer instead of football.
– Name another country where you can take college courses on Taylor Swift and Beyonce and get academic credit for them. You can’t. That’s America!
– We are a melting pot of cultures, races, genders, and ideas. Where else can you find a gay communist furry revolutionary and have him/her/zim/zer be taken seriously?
– America is still the land of opportunity, whether it be entertainment, pop culture, or just starting a mom-and-pop store in the middle of nowhere. If you can dream it, America has a place for it, if only briefly.
– The American military makes significant advances in breaking other people’s stuff on a regular basis.
– Do you like to be rewarded for buying stuff? Thank America for coming up with that idea!
– Want to get married and get an annulment in the same weekend? Go to Las Vegas, USA, baby!
– Who had the cajones to drop not one, but two atomic bombs to end a war? America had the red, white, and blue balls to do it. (Okay, so I might need to work on the phrasing of that last one…)
– America had nothing to do with Wham’s “Last Christmas.”
– The majority of criminals featured on true crime shows and podcasts? American!
– America has multiple songs that could be considered national anthems from “The Star Spangled Banner” to “America F Yeah!”
That’s all I have for now. Don’t be surprised if I come out with another edition someday!