Tag: eric swalwell

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

If this past week had a theme song, it would be “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen. Not only is it a damn awesome tune, but it applies so well to soon-to-be-former Representative Eric Fartsmell…I mean Swalwell. He went from being a front-runner for Governor of California to being the punchline to the biggest political joke since Anthony “Let Me Show You My” Weiner.

With Swalwell’s well-deserved exit from the gubernatorial race, new eyes are taking a second (and maybe even a first) look at who’s in the running. And it’s given me a reason to write about it this week!

California gubernatorial race

What the Left thinks it means – a competitive race for one of the biggest states in the country

What it really means – a freak show trying to be the political equivalent of valedictorian of summer school

As of March 26th, California had 61 certified gubernatorial candidates on the ballot pending the results of the June 2nd primary where the top 2 move on to the lightning round, also known as Election Day. And you thought eliminations on “Hell’s Kitchen” were brutal!

Due to the way California does its gubernatorial race, it’s always a shitstorm, especially if it rains in San Francisco. I have to admit there’s a simplicity to their process, but sixty-fucking-one candidates? It might be easier to count up the number of people not running for Governor.

Of the 61 contenders, 24 are Democrats, which is close to 40% of the field. Because if you like your shithole state, you can keep your shithole state by electing more of the idiots that made it that way.

Now, now, that’s a little harsh on my part, so I apologize. I’m sure there are some fine people with a different ideology than your humble blogger that want to make California as good as they can. Unfortunately, they’re going to be run out of the race by standard Leftist assholes like Katie Porter, Tom Steyer, and Xavier Becerra. And if Fartsmell…I mean Swalwell hadn’t dropped out, he would have been in the running still. Good fucking luck, kids.

On the Republican side, we have 12 candidates, but the only 2 who seem to have any momentum are Steve Hilton and Chad Bianco. The former was with Fox News for a time as well as a political advisor in England, and the latter is the sheriff of Riverside County. Both have expressed support for President Donald Trump, which makes them less popular in California than having a job.

That leaves 25 candidates including a Libertarian, a member of the Peace and Freedom Party, and the rest being from that new political party, No Party Preference. That’s 23 candidates, almost as many as the Democrats.

Okay, maybe it’s me, but when you have that many candidates not wanting to align themselves with a particular party, that’s a bad fucking sign. Granted, you can’t swing a dead cat and not hit a Democrat in California, but when there are enough people who say “I’d rather be unaffiliated than be a Democrat” that’s a sign your major party is fucking up!

And if that’s not bad enough for the Democrats, Leftists are worried that…a Republican might get a chance to be Governor! And with recent polling data, they have every right to be. At this rate, Democrats may be lucky to lose, but something tells me a Democrat will get one if not both of the spots, mainly because the voters believe any Democrat will do a better job at keeping California the fucked up anti-utopia it currently is than anyone else. And considering these are the same dumbfucks who elected Eric Fartsmell…Swalwell in the first place and would have voted for him again if his sexual scandals didn’t get exposed, there is a non-zero chance a Democrat will find a way to get to the finals.

I was thinking of doing a Extremist Makeover about the California gubernatorial race, but there’s a problem: there’s no fucking way I can fix it. The only thing I can say is I’m glad I’m not a registered voter out there. Not only would I have to find the least horrible candidate, but there’s a good chance I’d get taxed for it.

If you’re in California and you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Try to find a way out soon.

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Something About Everything
Something About Everything
@somethingabouteverything

a Blog about Faith, Politics, Technology, and everything.

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The State of the Onion Address 2024

My fellow Americans,

After listening to parts of the most recent State of the Union Address, I came to a startling revelation, and I must apologize. For years, I have been calling the President “Puddin’ Head Joe” and even wrote a parody song about it. I was wrong, and I am sorry. From this point on, I shall refrain from calling the President Puddin’ Head Joe.

Because I found a much more appropriate name.

If you remember the film “Anchorman,” you should remember the character of Brick Tamland, the weatherman as played by Steve Carrell. To put it mildly, Brick was only a step or two from being a drooling idiot. If that doesn’t describe Joe Biden right now, I don’t know what does.

Anyway, President Tamland’s SOTU Address was full of shouting, gaslighting, divisiveness, and general what-in-the-Wide-World-of-Fuck that we’ve come to expect out of the guy. But at this point I have to ask whether he’s even up to be President of the HOA, let alone the United States.

This thought by itself would get be branded as ageist, ableist, or any other -ist the Left could muster to defend their guy, but it’s time we had an intervention. President Tamland is no longer capable of being President and no amount of water-carrying by the media will change that.

Especially when you consider the same assholes telling us how sharp President Tamland is were finding any excuse they could to make former President Donald Trump look like, well, the current President.

To be fair, though, Trump may not necessarily be the best alternative, either. By the time he would take the Oath of Office for a second time (should he be reelected), he would be 78 years old, only three years younger than President Tamland is now. Although Trump hasn’t exhibited the rate of mental decline his opponent has yet, maybe it’s time we start trending younger for Presidential candidates.

Not that the next generation of Presidential hopefuls is any great intellectual leap from the current crop, mind you. As our politicians skew younger, I swear they get dumber, as evidenced by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Greene. You could combine the two and still not come up with a half-wit.

But in today’s political environment, it doesn’t matter if you’re dumber than Brittany Spears’ current social media manager. All that matters is you vote “the right way.” Then, you will get the public support of your party, even if it’s through gritted teeth and reddened faces.

This leads to the great paradox of leadership. Those who would be great at it don’t want to do it, and those who suck at it are always the first in line to run for higher office. And once they get into office, you need an act of God (or in the case of Leftists, an act of Soros) to get them out, which means the worst of the worst become our problems year after year, election after election.

And by problems, I mean embarrassments. Between Rep. Eric Swalwell sleeping with a Chinese spy (and still getting to keep his position on the House Committee on Homeland Security) and Rep. Lauren Boebert giving out handies during a musical version of “Beetlejuice,” I’m surprised we don’t need to supply DC with more cold showers or at least lengths of hose to keep these horndogs thinking more about their jobs than about getting lucky. Then again, if they’re too busy fucking each other, they won’t have time to fuck us over, so there’s that.

What I’m trying to say is America is being run by people who could limbo under the lowest of standards with plenty of room to spare. While we’re busy worrying about how to make our dollars stretch more than Amy Schumer’s yoga pants, we tend to let things like candidate quality slide. We need to do a better job of holding our elected officials accountable at every level instead of shrugging and saying, “well, the other side is worse.” Remember, the lesser of two evils is still evil, and the lesser of two incompetents is still incompetent, even if the incompetent is on “our side.”

And people wonder why I’m voting for the C’thulu/Sweet Meteor of Death 2024 ticket.