My fellow Americans,
After listening to parts of the most recent State of the Union Address, I came to a startling revelation, and I must apologize. For years, I have been calling the President “Puddin’ Head Joe” and even wrote a parody song about it. I was wrong, and I am sorry. From this point on, I shall refrain from calling the President Puddin’ Head Joe.
Because I found a much more appropriate name.
If you remember the film “Anchorman,” you should remember the character of Brick Tamland, the weatherman as played by Steve Carrell. To put it mildly, Brick was only a step or two from being a drooling idiot. If that doesn’t describe Joe Biden right now, I don’t know what does.
Anyway, President Tamland’s SOTU Address was full of shouting, gaslighting, divisiveness, and general what-in-the-Wide-World-of-Fuck that we’ve come to expect out of the guy. But at this point I have to ask whether he’s even up to be President of the HOA, let alone the United States.
This thought by itself would get be branded as ageist, ableist, or any other -ist the Left could muster to defend their guy, but it’s time we had an intervention. President Tamland is no longer capable of being President and no amount of water-carrying by the media will change that.
Especially when you consider the same assholes telling us how sharp President Tamland is were finding any excuse they could to make former President Donald Trump look like, well, the current President.
To be fair, though, Trump may not necessarily be the best alternative, either. By the time he would take the Oath of Office for a second time (should he be reelected), he would be 78 years old, only three years younger than President Tamland is now. Although Trump hasn’t exhibited the rate of mental decline his opponent has yet, maybe it’s time we start trending younger for Presidential candidates.
Not that the next generation of Presidential hopefuls is any great intellectual leap from the current crop, mind you. As our politicians skew younger, I swear they get dumber, as evidenced by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Greene. You could combine the two and still not come up with a half-wit.
But in today’s political environment, it doesn’t matter if you’re dumber than Brittany Spears’ current social media manager. All that matters is you vote “the right way.” Then, you will get the public support of your party, even if it’s through gritted teeth and reddened faces.
This leads to the great paradox of leadership. Those who would be great at it don’t want to do it, and those who suck at it are always the first in line to run for higher office. And once they get into office, you need an act of God (or in the case of Leftists, an act of Soros) to get them out, which means the worst of the worst become our problems year after year, election after election.
And by problems, I mean embarrassments. Between Rep. Eric Swalwell sleeping with a Chinese spy (and still getting to keep his position on the House Committee on Homeland Security) and Rep. Lauren Boebert giving out handies during a musical version of “Beetlejuice,” I’m surprised we don’t need to supply DC with more cold showers or at least lengths of hose to keep these horndogs thinking more about their jobs than about getting lucky. Then again, if they’re too busy fucking each other, they won’t have time to fuck us over, so there’s that.
What I’m trying to say is America is being run by people who could limbo under the lowest of standards with plenty of room to spare. While we’re busy worrying about how to make our dollars stretch more than Amy Schumer’s yoga pants, we tend to let things like candidate quality slide. We need to do a better job of holding our elected officials accountable at every level instead of shrugging and saying, “well, the other side is worse.” Remember, the lesser of two evils is still evil, and the lesser of two incompetents is still incompetent, even if the incompetent is on “our side.”
And people wonder why I’m voting for the C’thulu/Sweet Meteor of Death 2024 ticket.
Tag: lauren boebert
Quick Hits
I’m sorry there wasn’t a Leftist Lexicon entry this week. There were so many topics and not enough time to devote to delving into them. I don’t want to do a half-assed job of it, considering that’s what I do already. If I half-ass my usual half-ass job, you’re only getting a quarter-ass, and that’s not good enough. If I’m going to half-ass something, I’m going to half-ass it all the way, baby
To make up for the lack of a Lexicon entry, I’m bringing back one of my Quick Hits segments where I give my opinions on topics that are interesting (at least to me), but may not be able to be developed into a full blog post. Hope you enjoy!
GOP on Abortion – The Left has been talking about how Republicans can craft a winning message on abortion now that Roe v Wade has been relegated back to the states. And from what I’m hearing, some Republicans want the next President to do something on the federal level to protect babies in the womb.
Ummm…that’s what Roe v Wade was, kids. The Supreme Court just sent abortion rights back to the states and you asshats want to bring it back to the federal level? That’s proving what the pro-baby-death…I mean reproductive rights crowd said about you right. Don’t give them such an easy W.
The War in Ukraine – It’s still going on, and we’re still on the hook for billions of dollars until, well, we get tired of being Ukraine’s sugar daddy. People are starting to figure out there’s more to the Ukraine-Russia conflict than democracy. Namely, a lot of money for politicians who would love nothing more than to keep Ukraine in the fight if only to hide the covert business dealings.
During the second Gulf War, Leftists chanted “No blood for oil.” Now these same Leftists are practically chanting “All the blood for 10% for the Big Guy.”
UAW Strike – The big three automakers watched as members of the United Auto Workers union walked off the jobs due to the companies not meeting union demands. Among the union’s demands were a 40% pay raise over 4 years with an immediate raise of 20%. As someone who hasn’t seen more than a single-digit raise in, oh, ever, a 20% hike is impressive…in its stupidity.
Look, I know the Big Three made record profits, but that doesn’t make it automatically yours, regardless of what Puddin’ Head Joe tells you. Before you start holding out your hands expecting the Big Three to shower you with money, think about the expenditures side of the ledger. If I make $1 billion in profit and I spend $900 million of that to expand my business or make necessary adjustments to existing worksites, the profit side goes down a bunch. How are the Big Three spending these record profits? Until you can answer that question, don’t look for me on the picket lines.
Another union demand was a cost of living increase to match inflation. You know, the inflation created in large part by the idiots they helped elect in 2020?
And speaking of one of those idiots…
the Biden impeachment – Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy announced the initiation of an inquiry into whether Puddin’ Head Joe broke the law via influence peddling through Joe’s crackhead son, Hunter. (More on him later.) Well, the Left broke out the “sham impeachment” talk early and often, stating there was no evidence Puddin’ Head Joe broke the law. And they’re right…if you ignore all the evidence that literally exists.
But I will have to say the Left knows what a sham impeachment looks like, considering they did two of them to former President Donald Trump.
gun rights in New Mexico – After recent shootings in her state, New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham issued an executive order banning the right to carry, citing a public health emergency. As you might imagine, this went over as well as the Botulism Special at Chipotle. Here’s how fucked up it got: Rep. Ted Lieu and poster boy for gun control David Hogg said Lujan Grisham was full of shit.
Since her initial fuck-up and subsequent doubling down, Lujan Grisham has amended her original order to restrict the right to carry only in public parks and playgrounds. And she vowed to keep looking for a way to make her fuck-up legal.
I’d wish you luck, Madam Governor, but I really don’t want to.
Elon Musk and Starlink – In their quest to make themselves look even more like their party mascot, the Left let their hate boner for Elon Musk get the better of them again as it relates to the Russia-Ukraine war. Seems there’s a groundswell of Leftists calling out Musk for…not letting Ukraine use his technology for their military gain. That bastard!
While the Left keeps trying to make the case Musk should be arrested for not being Ukraine’s bitch, they’re missing a pretty important concept: it’s his fucking toy! Last time I checked, we still had the right to refuse service in America, and since Starlink is specifically for residential internet use, Musk rightly said no when Ukraine asked to use it for military use. Whenever the government tries to force you to use a product or service, it winds up being a legal battle down the line, one the Left tends to lose.
Can you say “Obamacare” and “mask mandates”? I knew you could.
Muslims and the LBGTQIAABCDEFGHOWMANYMOREFUCKINGLETTERSAREWEGOINGTOADD+ community – The gay rights community has found itself a new opponent to add to the list of the opponents they already have: Muslims. News reports from across the country show more and more Muslims are standing up to the “Gay Mafia” and refusing to knuckle under to their demands. Now, I’m not ready to start praying to Allah, but I have to wonder if the Left ever saw this coming. I mean, it’s not like Muslims have strict religious doctrine surrounding homosexuahhhhhhh yes they do. And it’s not like it’s hidden, either. Even the most permissive Islamic sects aren’t keen on gay rights.
Apparently, those “Coexist” bumper stickers are as deep as the Left cares to go on this topic.
the Hunter Biden blues – Yep, First Fuck-Up Hunter Biden was finally brought up on federal gun charges after only getting a judicial slap on the wrist for what amounts to tax fraud. Of course, if someone from the IRS wants to show me where hookers and blow are tax deductible, I’d be willing to hear him/her out. Even the staunchest pro-gun control Leftists are saying the actual actions Hunter took aren’t usually prosecuted and, thus, are no big deal.
Let that dumbfuckery sink in for a moment. These fucknuckles are the ones who fought for these laws to be put on the books in the first place, but now that the President’s son is the one caught breaking the law, it’s become a race to see who can come up with the shittiest takes to minimize the damage it will do to Puddin’ Head Joe’s reelection campaign in 2024. And without going into too much detail, rest assured the Left sent their best to come up with the worst takes.
If this doesn’t prove the gun control side is motivated by everything but actual safety, nothing will.
a Tale of Four Titties – Politics and sex go hand in, well you know, and 2023 is no different. On the Left, we have Democrat candidate for the Virginia statehouse Susanna Gibson who offered users of a website called Chaturbate the opportunity to see her perform sexually explicit acts for money. On the Right, we have Rep. Lauren Boebert who was caught on surveillance camera getting frisky with her date at a performance of “Beetlejuice.”
Guess which one the Left and the media (but I repeat myself) have been talking about more. Spoiler Alert: it’s Boebert.
Regardless of where you come down on the political spectrum, we’re coming into an age where this type of sexual shit is going to become more prevalent, and being prudish (or faux prudish for political means) isn’t going to make people act better. The sooner we come to terms with the fact adults like to fuck other adults, the sooner we can move onto more important issues, like how to unfuck our economy. Grow up, people!
And last, but certainly least…
Meet the Press boycott – It was a new era on television, as Kristen Welker took over the failing political news/talk show “Meet the Press” this week. And who was one of her guests? Donald Trump.
Well, let’s just say the Left wasn’t happy Welker gave the former President a platform by which he could…talk about his ongoing 2024 Presidential campaign. See, Leftists (who are totes pro-freedom and not at all fascist) have been trying to find a way to disqualify Trump from running again, and they saw the sit-down interview as a slap to their collectivist faces. And now, these Leftists are going to boycott the show…even if all 14 faithful viewers won’t notice the difference.
And if the power goes off in the coma section of the hospital, that number is gonna drop hard.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this brief look at the wonderful wacky world of American politics, law, and culture. See you soon!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
As much as I rail on Leftists, there are times when I have to facepalm because Republicans do something incredibly stupid. Republican Representative Lauren Boebert was caught on video relaying a story about a time when she shared an elevator with fellow Representative Ilhan Omar and suggested the latter was a terrorist. After a few calls for Boebert to be removed from committees because of “Islamophobia”, an apology call, and Omar hanging up on Boebert, the matter seems to be exactly where it was before we entered into this nightmare story.
With the Hatfields and McCoys looking on and saying, “Glad we weren’t this bad!”
Leftists love to call for accountability when someone outside of their bubble says or does something they feel is beyond the pale. And Republicans, being Republicans, often cave to the demands, while others point out the lack of accountability on the Left’s side. Does that mean there’s another definition of accountability the Left uses that differs from ours? Why, yes, yes it does.
accountability
What the Left thinks it means – holding people responsible when they are in the wrong
What it really means – holding some people accountable when they are in the wrong
The operative word in the definitions above is “some.” Leftists are great at demanding others be held accountable for everything from an egregious violation of social mores to getting the last McRib at the drive-thru. And to be fair, the McRibs are pretty tasty, but the point is the Left are selective in their accountability demands.
Let’s take a look at the aforementioned Representative Omar. Not that long ago, she got into a bit of hot water for making disparaging remarks about Israel. Something about Israel hypnotizing the world? Well, the Left went into defense mode (because, well, they hate Israel, too), but there was enough heat that the House of Representatives attempted to pass a resolution against Ilhan. Unfortunately, Democrats controlled the House and the resolution against Ilhan became a resolution…against Islamophobia. Not only was Ilhan spared from accountability, but the issue that prompted the resolution in the first place got lost in the shuffle.
Since then, Ilhan has made other statements just as hateful towards others without consequence, and no matter how many resolutions are introduced to condemn her, the Left still circles the wagons around her and portray her as a victim. Because…punching down or something. (Don’t look at me. I don’t get it either.)
As you might expect, this is by design. The Left’s accountability duplicity comes courtesy of our old friend, Saul Alinsky. One of his Rules for Radicals is “Make the enemy live up to its own book of rules.” This bit of rhetorical judo allows the Left to attack Republicans and conservatives for being knuckleheads without having to hold their own knuckleheads to the same standards because their standards are different. Put another way, the Left’s double standards are their standards.
And when you point it out to them, they will either deny it, attack you for figuring it out, or divert the question. As someone who grew up with actual parents, none of these tactics actually work. All they do is make you look more guilty. Then, Leftists will try to find loopholes and technicalities to try to mitigate the damage.
Which brings us to another Leftist figure, Chris “Fredo” Cuomo of CNN. Recently, transcripts came bout showing Fredo was working with his brother Andrew Cuomo behind the scenes during a time when the latter was being accused of sexual misconduct/assault. I’ve already talked about it at length on a previous blog post, but the Reader’s Digest condensed version is Leftists don’t consider what Chris did to be that bad. Now, keep that in mind while you consider how the Left created a cottage industry around President Donald Trump’s comments about grabbing cats. (Though I’m not sure why grabbing cats would be that big a deal, unless cats is a euphemism for a part of the…ohhhhhhhh!) The Left is willing to overlook another Leftist helping a Leftist try to beat back actual sexual assault allegations, but they’ve created a cottage industry out of accusing the former President of sexual assault based on a comment?
See where I’m going with this? The Left doesn’t want accountability for anyone else but the people who work against them. As long as you’re Blue until you’re blue in the face, you can skip out of being held accountable for just about anything. Granted, the Ghislaine Maxwell trial might render that null and void, but we’ll have to wait and see on that.
But I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for Leftists to embrace actual accountability anytime soon. Their threshold of accountability ends when a Leftist says “I’m sorry.” Doesn’t matter if it’s running over a neighbor’s cat or making poor decisions that lead to the deaths of tens of thousands of elderly people. Good thing that latter one would never happen because you’d have to be a real moron to do that, right? The mere fact you regret your decisions is enough.
Except if you’re a Republican. Any mistake you make will haunt you as long as the Left has anything to say about it. I’ll bet there are parts of the Left who still distrust David Brock only because he used to be a Republican. His being an utter scumbag who lies as easily as he snorts coke, though? Not a problem!
Actually, big problem. When your standards are as fluid as the Left’s are, it may be hard to nail them down, but it’s frightfully easy to pick out when those standards are double. The fact they aren’t concerned about holding their own to a higher standard is the opening by which to weaken their arguments when they hold Republicans and conservatives to a higher standard. Having said that, we shouldn’t be willing to let conservatives and Republicans slide when they do stupid stuff because that would be playing the Left’s game. And let’s face it, they have decades of being disingenuous jaglegs, so they would beat us with experience.
Even if it hurts politically, we need to hold our own accountable. Scumbags are scumbags, regardless of whether they wear a red tie or a blue tie. Even if the Left won’t be accountable, we need to be if only to stand a little bit higher and add a bit more distance between the Left and the Right. After enough time, we’ll be far enough away that any slime trails don’t get on the carpet, and let me tell you baking soda and mineral water aren’t enough to get out those stains.
Not that I know about that, mind you.