If this past week had a theme song, it would be “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen. Not only is it a damn awesome tune, but it applies so well to soon-to-be-former Representative Eric Fartsmell…I mean Swalwell. He went from being a front-runner for Governor of California to being the punchline to the biggest political joke since Anthony “Let Me Show You My” Weiner.
With Swalwell’s well-deserved exit from the gubernatorial race, new eyes are taking a second (and maybe even a first) look at who’s in the running. And it’s given me a reason to write about it this week!
California gubernatorial race
What the Left thinks it means – a competitive race for one of the biggest states in the country
What it really means – a freak show trying to be the political equivalent of valedictorian of summer school
As of March 26th, California had 61 certified gubernatorial candidates on the ballot pending the results of the June 2nd primary where the top 2 move on to the lightning round, also known as Election Day. And you thought eliminations on “Hell’s Kitchen” were brutal!
Due to the way California does its gubernatorial race, it’s always a shitstorm, especially if it rains in San Francisco. I have to admit there’s a simplicity to their process, but sixty-fucking-one candidates? It might be easier to count up the number of people not running for Governor.
Of the 61 contenders, 24 are Democrats, which is close to 40% of the field. Because if you like your shithole state, you can keep your shithole state by electing more of the idiots that made it that way.
Now, now, that’s a little harsh on my part, so I apologize. I’m sure there are some fine people with a different ideology than your humble blogger that want to make California as good as they can. Unfortunately, they’re going to be run out of the race by standard Leftist assholes like Katie Porter, Tom Steyer, and Xavier Becerra. And if Fartsmell…I mean Swalwell hadn’t dropped out, he would have been in the running still. Good fucking luck, kids.
On the Republican side, we have 12 candidates, but the only 2 who seem to have any momentum are Steve Hilton and Chad Bianco. The former was with Fox News for a time as well as a political advisor in England, and the latter is the sheriff of Riverside County. Both have expressed support for President Donald Trump, which makes them less popular in California than having a job.
That leaves 25 candidates including a Libertarian, a member of the Peace and Freedom Party, and the rest being from that new political party, No Party Preference. That’s 23 candidates, almost as many as the Democrats.
Okay, maybe it’s me, but when you have that many candidates not wanting to align themselves with a particular party, that’s a bad fucking sign. Granted, you can’t swing a dead cat and not hit a Democrat in California, but when there are enough people who say “I’d rather be unaffiliated than be a Democrat” that’s a sign your major party is fucking up!
And if that’s not bad enough for the Democrats, Leftists are worried that…a Republican might get a chance to be Governor! And with recent polling data, they have every right to be. At this rate, Democrats may be lucky to lose, but something tells me a Democrat will get one if not both of the spots, mainly because the voters believe any Democrat will do a better job at keeping California the fucked up anti-utopia it currently is than anyone else. And considering these are the same dumbfucks who elected Eric Fartsmell…Swalwell in the first place and would have voted for him again if his sexual scandals didn’t get exposed, there is a non-zero chance a Democrat will find a way to get to the finals.
I was thinking of doing a Extremist Makeover about the California gubernatorial race, but there’s a problem: there’s no fucking way I can fix it. The only thing I can say is I’m glad I’m not a registered voter out there. Not only would I have to find the least horrible candidate, but there’s a good chance I’d get taxed for it.
If you’re in California and you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Try to find a way out soon.
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