Usually, these Extremist Makeovers involve politics, but this time I wanted to delve into a different, but no less controversial, subject. I have been a basketball fan for most of my life, starting as many kids do: shooting hoops in my driveway. But since I sucked at dribbling, shooting accuracy, passing, playing defense, rebounding, running, and pretty much anything else that is required to be good at the game, I gave up my hoop dreams. Even so, I never lost my love of the game.
That’s why it’s so disappointing to see what’s going on in the WNBA. I know it’s supposed to be professional basketball, but it reminds me more of a pick-up game at the Y. That I’m playing in. And I’m the best player on the court. The offense is spotty, the defense makes the defense played at the NBA All Star Game look like the security at Fort Knox, and there’s less hustle on both sides of the ball than a hibernating sloth whose core temperature has been dropped to absolute zero.
And that’s just Angel Reese.
I’m kidding, of course. Clearly there are women on WNBA teams that could run me out of the gym before the opening whistle, but that’s no great feat. It’s made even more apparent when a player takes a shot her teammates look like the scene from “The Ten Commandments” when Moses parts the Red Sea. The only thing less occupied than the lane in that situation may be the stands at most WNBA games.
That was before a young woman with a dream and an outside shot that she could make from the parking lot on the other side of the country named Caitlin Clark entered the league. Incredible court vision, crisp and precise passing, and genuinely a fun player to watch all by herself. And she’s a clear draw, if attendance, endorsement deals, and TV ratings are any indication.
Yet, the WNBA has a problem with Caitlin Clark, one they’re not ready to admit or resolve. The league simply wasn’t ready for her level of game, which puts a lot of NBA starters to shame. So, naturally, the WNBA did the sensible thing and built the league around her.
Just kidding! They let other players use her as a tackling dummy while the refs and Commissioner turned a blind eye to it. Unless, of course, Clark tried to fight back. Then, she gets called for whatever foul they can find and then has to play nice for the media scrum afterwards.
And that’s not counting the attitudes by WNBA stars and former players turned analysts. Some appreciate what Clark brings to the league, while others curse the hardwood she walks on. And it’s not just the occasional sly throwing of shade, either. There’s actual hatred behind some of the commentary, matched only by the hatred towards Clark with some of her peers.
Needless to say, the WNBC needs a lot of help. And I, being Mr. Helpful, am here to help!
The first step starts with a question: do you want to succeed, or do you want to continue being the NBA’s side piece? Let’s face it, the WNBA needs the NBA more than the NBA needs to learn what traveling is, and considering there’s so much traveling going on players get frequent flier miles during each game, that’s saying something. If you’re not aware, the WNBA is being kept fiscally afloat by the NBA, and even with the Caitlin Clark Effect in full effect, the powers that be can’t seem to figure out how to turn that into a money-making venture.
I know we’re not supposed to attribute malice to a situation that can be chalked up to incompetence, but I can’t figure out which it is in this case. That’s why my question is the key to figure out where to go from here. If you’re comfortable with the status quo, then we’re done here. Enjoy constantly losing money and try to act surprised when the doors close for good.
But let’s assume for the purposes of this sketch you want to make money. Then, the question becomes how can you improve the product you’re putting out for a fraction of the public consumption at the moment. This is easy: hire high school basketball refs. The “professionals” you have miss more calls than Helen Keller (and at least she has the excuse of being deceased). Until the “professionals” can prove they can call a full game without more errors than a Timothy Geithner tax return (talk about your obscure callbacks!), I’m afraid they’re going to have to learn how to do their jobs by watching real professionals do them.
Second, recognize what Caitlin Clark brings to the table and do what you can to protect your investment. I’m not saying let her get away with metaphorical murder on and off the court. Understand she is a once-in-a-generation talent who not only moves the needle, but can help evolve the perception of the WNBA from an afterthought to a must-see attraction. She’s already been the catalyst of change for the Indiana Fever, as the team has really built something special attracting other players who want to play with Clark.
Now, consider the fact Clark is inspiring young girls and boys (and even old codgers like me) to play basketball like she does. That means you might see more Caitlins in the near future, so you might want to seed the ground now so you’re ready when they arrive. And that means you gotta stop setting her up for failure by risking her getting injured or frustrated to the point she can no longer play. Where Clark goes, the fans will go with her.
And speaking of failures, third, stop trying to make Angel Reese a thing. She’s not a good player, and when you consider I’m saying this, you know she’s bad. She’s supposed to be an elite inside player, but her game outside of rebounding sucks. The only thing she has going for her is the fact she’s not that different from a lot of current WNBA players: more meh than marvelous, but able to make a hockey fight look like a Buddhist rave. No amount of social media posts, red carpet events, and fashion shoots will make Angel Reese any better at her actual job.
And while we’re on the subject, the league needs to have a serious sit-down with the teams and explain a very simple concept to them: you’re getting paid to play basketball. Not target certain players to “teach them a lesson” about the way the WNBA is. Not flop more than Lebron James looking for calls, only to turn around and commit a live mugging at the other side of the court. Not spending time on social media promoting themselves or beefing with other players and fans. You. Are. There. To. Play. Basketball.
For the love of all that is holy, at least try to look like you can play offense and defense. A second-year player is making you look bad, just as she did in her rookie year. This is not a time to coast on past glory or because you haven’t had to do any more before now. The game is evolving because of Caitlin Clark, and you can either catch up to keep up or find yourselves left in the dust.
Finally, you have to demand accountability from all parts of the WNBA. That means more fines, ejections, and suspensions for egregious violations, and I’m not just talking about the players here. Coaches, referees, teams, and, yes, even the Commissioner need to be held to a higher standard. Because, and I can’t stress this enough, you are a professional sports league, so start acting like it. Anybody who bends or breaks the rules gets punished. It worked on me when my parents did it to me growing up, and it will work here.
This may be a fool’s errand falling on deaf ears, but as a basketball fan, I want to see the WNBA become more than it is today. That won’t happen without major changes in personnel, attitude, and rule enforcement. Time will tell if the WNBA takes me up on my suggestions (and, believe me, I am open to salary negotiations), but I remain hopeful.
Just like that little boy shooting hoops in the driveway hoping the basketball that goes soaring over the backboard and bouncing off the roof will eventually lead to better shooting.
Well, I’m still working on that, but I’m still hopeful!
Tag: wnba
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
After a week full of surprise twists (the #TwitterFiles exposing a lot more than anticipated), not-so-surprise twists (Leftists being wrong again about Twitter being dead), and some disappointing-but-not-surprising twists (Herschel Walker couldn’t cross the goal line to win the Georgia Senate runoff election against Raphael Warnock), we finally have a story worth discussing that doesn’t involve Elon Musk.
Brittney Griner is coming home!
Now, if you’re like me (and if you are I’m so very sorry), you have little or no idea who Brittney Griner is. I will admit I had to do a bit of digging to get the facts behind why her release is such a big deal, and I agree it is. Just not for the reason the Left wants us to believe it is.
Brittney Griner
What the Left thinks it means – a brave woman freed after being imprisoned in Russia for no reason
What it really means – a prisoner released solely due to the social justice hierarchy
When Joe Biden took over as President, I knew there would be some bad decisions coming down the pike. I mean, he picked Kamala Harris as Vice-President, a woman so unpopular with Democrats that I got the same number of delegates she did and I didn’t even run. Sure enough, there were no supply chain issues with Puddin’ Head Joe’s bad decisions, as they kept coming in like a LGBQT+ wrecking ball.
Even with incredibly low expectations, I knew somehow the Biden Administration would find a way to limbo under them with room to spare. And that’s exactly what we got with the Griner release.
Brittney Griner is a WNBA player who played in Russia during the off season (which is not that different from the regular WNBA season) and was detained after a search found vape cartridges with hash oil in them. Although what she had was legal in Arizona where Griner plays, it isn’t legal in Russia. As a result, she was sentenced to nine years in prison. Griner appealed the verdict, but was denied. Now, less than a year after she was arrested, Griner is free. A feel good story, right?
Yeaaaaah…not so much.
The terms of Griner’s release included a prisoner exchange for Viktor Bout, who just happens to be an arms dealer with the cute little nickname “the Merchant of Death.” Aside from the laundry list of activities for which he became infamous, he was also the inspiration for a Nicholas Cage movie. That alone should have kept him locked up indefinitely.
Then came Puddin’ Head Joe, who thought it was a good idea to trade Bout for Griner with the hopes of getting another American prisoner detained in Russia, former Marine Paul Whelan. Whelan has been detained since 2018 amid allegations of espionage. Although the charges seem a bit shaky, America has let him sit in a prison camp for far longer than Griner.
So, why are we getting excited over a WNBA player getting released in exchange for an arms dealer? A lot of it has to do with Griner’s identity. Not only is she a basketball player (that maybe 0.00000000001% of the population knew prior to her arrest), but she is black and a lesbian. In social justice terms, that’s practically a “Get Out of Gulag Free” Card! Throw in the fact she lobbied the WNBA to not play the National Anthem during the 2019 season to protest police brutality, and you might as well make her a Leftist Saint. You know, if they believed in that sort of thing.
Even if you strip away all of that, anybody with a lick of sense can see trading an arms dealer for a basketball player while leaving a retired Marine on the table is a bad idea. For one, it’s a fucking arms dealer! For another, it shows the world just what America values these days. If you’re an albino transsexual paraplegic Inuit midget with AIDS, you’ll get the Biden Administration working around the clock to get you home. If you’re a white guy, well…let’s just say you’re going to have to wait a while.
Like, say, the 43rd of Never.
Not to put too fine a point on this, but Bout is also a Russian fucking arms dealer! Now, who are we currently in c0nflict with on the world states? If you said Russia, congratulations! You’ve been paying attention. And if you’ve been paying attention, you can also see where this is going, but for you Leftists reading this, let me spell it out for you: Joe Biden just gave Vladimir Putin an arms dealer, all while funneling money to Ukraine…who is currently fighting Putin and Russia.
Either Griner is one hell of a basketball player, or Puddin’ Head Joe got played. And I think you know which way I’m leaning on that one.
Regardless of how you feel about Griner’s detainment (I think it’s bullshit) and release (it’s great she’s coming back home), the fact the only way it makes sense is through the lens of social justice should be concerning. We should not be making these kinds of major decisions through social justice because of the way social justice operates.
Leftists have devised a hierarchy of oppression through which they view different scenarios to determine how to react. Put another way, it’s a checklist to see how oppressed you are based on superficial factors like gender or race. Check enough boxes and, voila, you’re oppressed! But wait! There’s more! Not only will the hierarchy of oppression tell you if you’re oppressed, but it will show you how oppressed you are! And if your oppression score is lower than someone else’s, the other person gets the support because…oppression!
This makes Calvinball look like chess.
Needless to say, when you prioritize oppression by who allegedly has more of it, some people are still going to feel oppressed which doesn’t help the situation any. Then again, if Leftists were critical thinkers, we might not have Puddin’ Head Joe as President.
As it stands, Brittney Griner is coming home to a hero’s welcome while Russia gets a fucking arms dealer back and a former Marine remains in custody. Even before now, the Left has been writing pieces damning America for various aspects of our prison system or why our government should be supporting Griner because patriotism or what it says about America’s current social issues or how black women are treated in prison. Expect this trend to continue with more frequency and ever higher decibel levels.
But always keep in the back of your mind the Leftists cheering at Griner’s freedom have given zero fucks about Paul Whelan, as evidenced by a) how they haven’t talked about him before now, and b) how slowly the Biden Administration has been working towards getting him home. But when social justice overrules geopolitics and common sense, you’re bound to find yourselves in situations where the obvious answer gets rejected in favor of a worse deal than the Minnesota Vikings trading for Hershel Walker.
Oh, and one last thing. Viktor Bout is a fucking arms dealer.
Damn. Now I need some of the good eggnog…