Hello again folks! Since nothing has really piqued my interest this week and everything I could talk about I’ve beaten to death so much I’d have to hire a necromancer to bring it back, I decided to dive into the mailbag and see what my tens and tens of fans have to say.
Dear Thomas, why do you pick on Leftists so much? Surely, there are people on the Right who deserve your scorn.
There are, and when the need arises, I pull no punches for the Right. But more to the point, the Left are the ones doing and saying the stupid shit, so they get my attention. Think of it like this. What are you going to pay attention to more, a single sparkler or a massive fireworks display in the sky?
Things are really getting chippy out there. How close do you think we are to another civil war?
Heavy question, but one worth exploring. I’ve felt we’ve been heading down the civil war road for the better part of a decade, mainly because there are people on both sides of the equation more than willing to take up arms against their enemies, perceived or otherwise. As long as violence is on the table for either side, civil war is never off the table.
Are you MAGA or not? I can never tell from your writing.
I am not MAGA in the sense I follow President Trump on everything he does. When he does well, I acknowledge it. When he fucks up, I also acknowledge it. To me, Make America Great Again is far bigger than Trump or his supporters. It’s a mindset. Even when President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were running things, I never wanted America to fail; I wanted it to be as good as it could be. The best I can say is I’m MAGS-adjasent if for no other reason than Leftists always say I’m MAGA in lieu of arguing the points I make.
And speaking of Leftist dipshits…
Trump is a proven pedophile rapist who is destroying the country and installing his fascist regime with the help of Russia and Israel. How can you support a pedophile rapist loser like Trump?
Simple. Because it pisses off people like you. Your side is frothing at the mouth over anything Trump does, so if there is any way for me to tweak you in the nose to get you to keep frothing, I’m going to do it and back up whatever I say with facts and logic. Oh, and switch to decaf.
What are your thoughts on the war with Iran?
The war with Iran is both a war of choice and a war that was destined to happen at some point. We have let Iran slide on a lot of shit for almost 50 years with Democrat and Republican Presidents. Trump pulled what Ronald Reagan did with the now-former Soviet Union: he called their bluff. Unlike Reagan, Trump had to use military force to drive the point (and more than a few bombs) home. The issue is how we proceed. We haven’t done the best job in securing the Strait of Hormuz, and we’re still pussyfooting around with whether we go full bore attack mode or if we’re happy with attacking in dribs and drabs. The Iranian people want freedom by and large, but they are either still afraid of the current regime or incapable of taking on the task themselves. Either way, it’s becoming evident we have to shit or get off the pot.
We have been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.
And I’ve been ignoring you because you keep trying to reach me. Moving on…
Is transphobia a thing?
It is, but it’s not nearly as widespread as those with a vested interest in there being a lot of it want us to believe. Really, it comes down to the “ick factor” for me. If you’re trans and you just want to live your life, good on ya! You’ll get no pushback from me. If you’re someone like Lily Tino? Get the fuck outta here! You’re just making things worse for trans people across the board by being creepy motherfuckers. But saying we don’t agree with you being creepy motherfuckers isn’t transphobia. It’s creepy-motherfucker-phobia.
The officiating in the WNBA sucks balls. What would you do to fix it?
I am toying with the idea of doing an Extremist Makeover – WNBA Edition or redoing it depending on whether I did one in the first place. Not to tip my hand too much, I would start with finding referees who know the damn rules. No matter whether it’s a player I like or don’t like, no player should be subjected to clotheslines, eye pokes, eye rakes, tripping, elbows to the chest area and above, and, oh yeah, fucking choking. Stevie Wonder could make more accurate calls than these refs, and he’s a pianist! (Thought I was going for the blind joke, huh?) More to come.
I’m a young conservative, but I’m afraid to speak out because of what Leftists would do to me. What would you suggest?
Be your true self, even if the rest of your peers might not agree. The real people will respect you for staying true to yourself and your ideology. The fake ones will peel off faster than a driver in a Fast and Furious movie. It’s going to be rough, but you’re better off being real than pretending to be something you’re not. Besides, if your peers hate you for being conservative, it’s a them problem, not a you problem.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
The best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten is from Ayn Rand: “Check your premise.” When I think I know the answer to something for a witty retort or a lame attempt at a joke, I always look into it further to see whether I’m on the right track or just following the prevailing idea. Sometimes my gut instinct is right, and other times it’s wrong and I adjust my thinking and approach accordingly. You know, the exact opposite of what Leftists do?
You were so sure Zohran Mamdani was going to suck as Mayor of New York City, but he’s doing great things! When are you going to admit you were wrong?
First off, I wished him the best of luck when he was elected while acknowledging his ideology doesn’t actually work. And since then, I still wish him well. And I’ve been right about his ideology not actually working. His budget got “balanced” thanks to an inflow of money from…New York State. Or more specifically, New York taxpayers. He’s causing more economic chaos in less than a year than Karl Marx did with Das Kapital, a book you can buy from Amazon, I might add. Give him time, though. He’s only begun to fuck shit up.
Where do you think President Trump will land on the list of best Presidents?
That’s a good question! Most of our recent Presidents (and by recent I mean since 2000) have been mediocre and that’s being verrrrrrrrrry generous. To me, Trump is ahead of the rest of the pack if only because the previous ones sucked so badly. Along a longer timeline, though, he’s in the B to C tier for me. He’s done some good things, some stupid things, and some head-shakingly bizarre things. Your mileage may vary.
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Weird question, but I’ll field it. I’d say an oak because of deez nuts!
Why do people still think climate change is a thing?
It’s a multi-tiered reason. First, Leftists can’t admit they’re wrong about anything, no matter what the facts, history, and common sense think. Second, the Left doesn’t know shit about science, which is ironic given how often they said “trust the science” during COVID. Third, they’re dumb fucks. Fourth, they’re really dumb fucks. And fifth, did I mention they were dumb fucks?
Hey, Thomas. Long time reader, first time writer. You’ve talked about your political and comedy influences, but who are your literary influences?
Great question! I’m a big fan of cutting through the bullshit to get to the truth. That puts me in the camp of Ernest Hemingway and Mark Twain. On the more creative storytelling side, I lean towards Edgar Allen Poe. For absurdist yet clever humor, I go with Douglas Adams. But I’m always on the lookout for great writers!
I wanted to let you know your test results are in and it’s not good news. You have come down with…
Well, that’s all the time we have for the mailbag. Join me next week for more fun!
Tag: zohran mamdani
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Well, the pre-midterm election results didn’t turn out so well for the Republicans, with Democrats making strides in several contests. One area of note is in the Big Apple, where voters overwhelmingly elected Zohran Mamdani to be the next Mayor. He ran as a democratic socialist, which is just a fancy term for a regular socialist who wants Democrat donations.
Anyway, this has sparked a discussion about socialism in general. The Left is crowing about how Mamdani represents a new way forward while simultaneously telling us we don’t know enough about socialism to appreciate it.
Challenge accepted.
socialism
What the Left thinks it means – a viable socioeconomic/political model that works time and time again
What it really means – an non-viable socioeconomic/political model that doesn’t work more often than it works
The most important place to start in this discussion is what socialism actually means. You know, aside from the definition I posed above. Our good friends at Dictionary.com define socialism thus:
1. a theory or system of social organization that advocates the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, capital, land, etc., by the community as a whole, usually through a centralized government.
2. procedure or practice in accordance with this theory.
3. (in Marxist theory) the stage following capitalism in the transition of a society to communism, characterized by the imperfect implementation of collectivist principles.
More on this third definition later.
What Leftists say is a key feature of socialism is fairness. Everything is fair, everyone contributes to the overall good, and everything is rainbows, unicorns, and unlimited trips to the salad bar with any meal purchase. Socialism’s PR has gotten so good these days, around two-thirds of Democrats see it in a positive light.
And I can understand the appeal, especially with younger voters. The current capitalist system doesn’t seem to work for anyone but the wealthy, leaving many people out in the cold. People having to take on multiple jobs just to keep their heads above water. Everything’s getting more expensive. Surely there has to be a better way forward.
There is, but socialism ain’t it, kids.
Let’s take a trip in the Wayback Machine to 1620 when the Pilgrims were making their way to what would be called America. Because there were squabbles among the Pilgrims, leaders created a little thing the kids like to call the Mayflower Compact. Although it sounded good on paper and advocated for such things as self-governance and no religious oppression, it was by and large a socialist approach.
And, surprise surprise, it didn’t work! Who could have seen this coming? (I mean aside from anyone who stayed awake in junior high American history from back in my day.)
If you think that was the only time we dabbled in socialism, there’s also Social Security. What started out with good intentions became a socialist nightmare that is running out of money, partially because of demographics, and partially because Congress has been taking money out of it for decades and not returning it.
Then, there’s public education, care through the VA, SNAP, public defenders, and other not-so-goods and service that fall under the socialist umbrella. Even when you have moderately successful concepts like public roads and fire departments, they still aren’t quite socialist because they serve a common good, while socialism just claims to serve. You can count on the remaining hand of the world’s worst shop teacher the number of socialist programs and ideas that have worked to everyone’s satisfaction.
That may be one of the underlying reasons younger voters are okay with socialism: they haven’t been taught shit about the failures of socialism, even on our shores. Sure, they learned all about how the Pilgrims were evil white colonizers who slaughtered Native Americans, but they just didn’t get to the part where they tried their hand at an early version of socialism and got their asses handed to them. But in the defense of public education, they just don’t have time to cover how fucked up socialism is because they have to make room for a deep dive into how Taylor Swift is such a cultural icon.
And I only wish I were half-kidding.
Educational standards going down like a starlet trying to get a movie deal from Harvey Weinstein aside, I don’t think capitalism has made a good enough argument to the past couple of generations, mainly because capitalists know it’s the best thing going today. Even so, it might not hurt to advertise a bit more. I mean, it’s easy to be a socialist when you have the latest iPhone, drink Starbucks on the regular, and make money posting TikTok videos. When the rubber meets the road, though, it’s a lot harder to live in a socialist society.
That’s because one of the dirty little secrets of socialism is it only works as long as they have OPM: Other People’s Money. It’s a pretty simple concept, really. If you’re spending your own money, you tend to be more frugal. If you’re spending someone else’s money, the sky’s the limit, baby!
Socialism works on the same principle. As long as they can take money from the wealthy, things can work. But then it runs into a brick wall called human nature. Even if you’re the most progressive guy or gal (gender count: still 2) out there, at some point you’re going to be confronted with the real possibility you’re putting in more than you’re getting back. Then, you have to make a value judgment: stay within the current system, or high-tail it out of there.
Then, socialism runs into the potential for income erosion. As the wealthier members of a socialist society die off or move on, that not only eliminates their protection money…I mean contributions, it puts more pressure on the next lowest wealth base. Then, if/when they’re off the books, it goes down to the next lowest wealth base.
Blather. Rinse. Repeat.
What most people who subscribe to socialism don’t understand is as long as their is wealth erosion, there will come a time when they’re the wealthiest because everyone else will be poorer than they are. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?
Even if you attempt to dress up socialism by giving it a cool name like Logan or democratic socialism, you’re still going to run into the same problems. And the reason is the same: socialism fucking sucks, man! Although if it were named Logan, it would be cool while it sucked.
Now, remember earlier when I mentioned the third definition of socialism? If not, read up a bit and you’ll see it.
Anyway, it’s interesting to note Marxists used socialism as a lead-in to communism. The way I describe it is this: socialism is communism on pot, and communism is socialism on PCP. By nature, I’ve found socialists by and large aren’t that into violence. You’ll get the occasional socialist with a bike lock and a bad attitude and tries to start something, but most of them are pretty calm. Their hearts are in the right place, as are their facial features because they’re not getting knocked the fuck out.
Communists, on the other hand…well, they’re not exactly the “live and let live” type. Violence is a part of their political brand. I can’t say for certain how many socialists would be okay with communism, but I have to think the number is higher than 1, especially when you consider the Left’s hunger for control. That’s pretty much right out of the communist playbook (or manifesto if you will). It’s almost as if communists knew socialism would fail and further steps would need to be taken.
You know, like cracking skulls and oppression?
I know I’ve shit on socialism worse than if I’d had a Triple Bean Burrito with a side order of salmonella from Taco Bell that’s been sitting in a van in the Mojave Desert since the last time Bon Jovi made a good album (which is never), but I don’t shit on socialists themselves very much. To me, they’re misguided, but have hearts of gold. Or at least would have hearts of gold until their socialist buddies found out and accused them of hoarding wealth.
Having said that, I can’t bring myself to join their ideology because I know too much. I’ve seen the fall of the Soviet Union, the crumbling of the Warsaw Pact countries, and the rise of a more egocentric approach to life in general, none of which bode well for socialism working in this country. Yet, I still wish Zohran Mamdani the best of luck in his attempt to create a socialistic utopia in a city weirder than I am. If he succeeds, I’ll admit freely. If he fails, I’ll mock him endlessly.
Let’s just say I’m betting the under on his success rate.