Well, we had the midterm elections and…hooboy.
Let’s get into it.
2026 Midterms
What the Left thinks it means – a Blue Tsunami, a repudiation of MAGA, and a mandate to fix what Trump fucked up
What it really means – a perfect storm of clusterfucks
I had originally thought of doing a separate postmortem of the midterms, but then you would have to read two pieces of me blathering on about it, so I’m doing a 2-for-1 special. You’re welcome.
Let’s me get a few things off my chest. Probably not as much humor as there would be with a normal Lexicon entry (which is one or two humorous lines tops), but this shit needs to be said.
1. Donald Trump is not consistently good in picking and supporting candidates. I get it. Trump is a draw, but the draw is only for the true believers. And that alone isn’t enough to get some piss poor candidates across the finish line because, well, they’re piss poor candidates! Even the most persuasive motherfuckers can’t turn a turd into gold, and the list of candidates Trump supported this cycle was more on the turd side.
2. Trump spent a lot of political capital on personal bullshit. People voted for Trump in 2024 for the same reason Kurt Russell expressed in “Used Cars”: these prices were too fucking high. And what did he do? Fuck around with an arch, a ballroom, and a bunch of lawsuits that did nothing to affect the price of tea in China, let alone the price of groceries in Safeway. I know, a politician that went back on his promises! That hasn’t happened since…the day after the midterm elections. More on that later.
3. The election results were bound to happen. The party that controls the White House typically has trouble retaining control of Congress, especially during the second term. Just ask Barack Obama. But Trump has the unique distinction in having the same result in both his first and his second terms. You would think Trump would have learned something from the Congressional flip in his first term, but nope! And anyone who has followed politics as long as I have (and to you I say I’m sorry) could have predicted this result because it’s a thing and has been for a long time. Although there are rare occasions of the party in power keeping Congress in a second term, the trend is people are sick of one party rule by this time and want to restore balance to the Farce…I mean Force.
4. Congressional Republicans didn’t make the sale to stay in power. When you look back at the campaign ads you saw, first off what the fuck is wrong with you, but second can you point to anything they said that wasn’t “I’m going to work with the other side” or “I’ll continue to fight for the issues that our focus groups say are important”? Not exactly a winning message on both fronts, especially the former one because that means you’re willing to work with people in a party who actively want you to be brought to heel. Remember the guy who has had actual assassination attempts since 2024? Yeah, the side who cheered the assassins don’t care. They will put you in their crosshairs as easily as they breathe.
And if you think I’m only going to blast Republicans here, think again.
5. The Democrats have already overplayed their hands and for no fucking reason. Democrats got the memo that it’s the economy stupid, so the stupid ran on affordability. Granted, trusting them to understand affordability is like trying to teach a dog quantum physics. On second thought, the dog would understand quantum physics quicker. Anyway, as soon as they got the victories they campaigned for, Democrats went from “we want to make things affordable” to “fuck you poors, we’re going after Trump again.” I haven’t seen someone misread the midterm election results this badly since James Carville. And I’m not talking about his more recent predictions here. I knew the affordability issue was bullshit when Democrats didn’t tell us how they were going to make things more affordable. And now after people voted with their wallets, Democrats are goings to fuck things up again. Good job! Now, tell us how the previous impeachment attempts worked out for you. Which brings us to…
6. Democrats have set themselves up for failure by acting like Democrats. For all the talk about MAGA being a cult, you would think the Democrats would avoid acting like them. And they didn’t. The Michigan Senate race between Democrat Haley Stevens and Democrat Abdul El-Sayed. (Yes, there was a Republican in this race, but he’s not a factor here.) After El-Sayed beat Stevens for the nomination, she supported him. Until he went bat-shit crazy and went all in on being the stereotypical Muslim extremist. Instead of trying to work out some kind of sensible middle ground, the Democrats sided with El-Sayed and unpersoning Stevens. And let’s not forget the fun Maine Democrats had with Graham Platner. They supported him until it became impossible to do so (i.e. after a left-leaning woman accused him of sexual misconduct), and the best replacement they could find to replace a man with a Nazi tattoo is a man who married his cousin. And they say the South is full of inbreds. Cousin porking and Muslims who don’t eat pork aside, the Leftists are taking over the Democrats and pushing out anyone who doesn’t skip along to their funeral dirges. That’s going to water down their potential voting pool to the point the only Democrats who will pass the purity tests are going to be the ones who shouldn’t be near a wall socket, let alone any body of power. And for you Democrats still on the fence about where the party is going, I have a hashtag for you: #WalkAway. And I’d do it soon. Given the number of really bad decisions they’ve made lately, it’s only a matter of time before they start getting into Shit That Makes “The Godfather III” Look Like A Good Idea territory.
7. Democrats now have to govern instead of bitching from the sidelines. There’s a part of me that thinks Democrats won the midterms because people got tired of hearing them complaining about everything. Regardless, voters put Democrats into power, so now they have to show us what they can do. Granted, most of us figured that out in 2021, but enough people wanted you to do something that now you kinda have to do something. Your plans to “improve” things seem to be the same old Leftist squawking points that haven’t changed since Bill Clinton was President. Way to show us you’re at the cutting edge, kids! What’s next? Getting Walter Mondale to run again? The only way you’re going to stay in power in Congress is to govern and you’re already paving the way for yet another government shutdown in the near future. And that might be the best way to get me to support you.
8. The “Blue Tsunami” wasn’t all that on the national level. Hidden deep within the cheers from the Left over the “blue tsunami” that swept them into power is a truth so inconvenient Al Gore will be suing for copyright infringement. The actual numbers on the national level don’t support the narrative. In the Senate, the Democrats picked up 7 seats, while in the House they picked up 42. The latter number is more impressive, but when you consider how slim the margins were in the House and Senate prior to the midterms, the “blue tsunami” was more like a blue mud puddle; it’s what’s left over after the more visible weather condition has moved on. Once you get to the state and local levels (except for Florida), that’s where the real impact of the “blue tsunami” can be felt. At least until they start raising taxes again.
So, the next two years are going to be a test of our mettle because Republicans couldn’t make an argument and Democrats made an argument and promptly forgot it. Just remember the Democrats can fuck up a one person drumline if only because they have to figure out how the drummer identifies before he/she (and remember still two genders) is allowed to be a more mobile Buddy Rich. Don’t get angry, kids. Just point and laugh. That will freak out Leftists even more than misgendering them.
