Since there was nothing that struck my as particularly newsworthy or that I haven’t already mocked into next century, I thought I’d take a look inside the old Leftist Lexicon Mail Bag (as opposed to looking inside the Leftist Lexicon Male Bag, which would be rather painful). After all, I love getting all sorts of messages from my tens and tens of fans!
So, with no further ado (or adon’t), let’s dive right in!
Hi, Thomas. I’m a new reader and I want to know more about how you define a Leftist. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Of course! My definition of a Leftist is someone who thinks the government is the end all and be all of problem solving. And this isn’t just a Democrat thing, either. There were and are a lot of Republicans who I would call Leftist because they’re just as keen on big government as many Democrats are, even while complaining about government overreach when they’re not in power. As a small government kind of guy, I hate two-faced weasels like this.
What is your opinion of President Donald Trump?
Trump has always been a mixed bag for me. When he’s done or advocated for things that make sense, like DOGE or trying to broker peace between Russia and Ukraine, I’ve given him his due. When he’s done or advocated for things that don’t make sense, like his flip-flops on the Epstein files and his pussyfooting around with China, I’ve shaken my head in a “what in the Wide World of Fuck are you doing” kind of way. He’s not the man I’d want near the nuclear button, but he’s light years ahead of Queen Kamala the Appointed and President Brick Tamland.
And, yes, I realize that’s not a high bar to cross.
Democrats keep finding themselves on the wrong end of 80/20 issues lately. Why is that?
It’s complicated, but I’ll try to break it down.
Democrats have been on the defensive for the past few years due to a number of factors ranging from them overplaying their hands during COVID to just being absolutely tone-deaf when it comes to bread and butter issues. That, and they’re reflexively against anything President Trump supports, which puts them in a bind because he is a master of finding the pulse of the country and staking his claim on the side Americans want most. Whether he actually means it…well, that’s a different story altogether.
I know you’re against lawfare and weaponizing the federal government, so why haven’t you spoken out against Trump doing that, you MAGA asshole?
First off, I’m not MAGA, and never have been. It’s a catchy slogan, but it doesn’t give me a framework to build upon. What I think needs to happen to make America great is going to be vastly different than what someone else thinks needs to happen. Same goal, different approach.
Second, I am still firmly against the use of the legal system and the federal government to extract revenge on anyone. That’s just a jump to the left and then a step to the riiiiiight towards creating a perpetual cycle of courts and bureaucrats fucking over people they don’t like. And if you think Trump was going to let shit like what you did to him slide, you are a dumb motherfucker. Trump is petty personified. I tried to warn you, but you didn’t listen and now…enjoy the monster you created.
There’s a lot of tension between people these days. How do you think we can bridge the gap and unite again?
That’s an easy one to say, but harder to make real.
We have to get to a point where we see past our differences and focus on our common beliefs. I have a lot of friends from a wide swath of ideological beliefs, but I don’t let that stop me from being their friends. Only when lines get crossed do I cut ties, but most of the time nothing that someone says or believes is enough to make me stop liking them. Once most people start thinking like this, then we’ll see a societal shift towards unity.
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I’ll respond to this one privately. Moving on…
Hey MAGAt! How does it feel knowing you’re sucking on tRump’s cock as he leads us to a fascist future?
I had a similar conversation with an acquaintance recently. She saw herself as a member of the resistance fighting against the Nazis, a la the French Resistance, but I had to remind her she was cosplaying as a resistance fighter. No matter how much you hate Trump, you’d have a hard time selling me on the idea we’re either currently fascist or heading that way because…you’re still allowed to protest without fear of being prosecuted, persecuted, or a fuck-ton worse. Trump isn’t Hitler, and it’s time you get that through your pointy heads.
What are your preferred pronouns?
I don’t have any. I love all pronouns equally.
Who are your influences, political or otherwise?
When it comes to political influences, I lean into Ayn Rand, Ronald Reagan, and Daniel Patrick Moynihan. The latter two are because of when I started becoming politically aware and Rand because I could see where she was coming from and it made sense to me. Plus, all three championed being independent, even when the rest of the country didn’t agree. Being the sole person standing up for what’s right doesn’t make it the wrong thing because of the number of people saying it’s wrong.
Comedically, I draw a lot of influence from people like P. J. O’Rouke, Dennis Miller (even when he was more Left-leaning than he is today), George Carlin, Mark Twain, and Monty Python. Add the Zucker brothers to that mix, and you have me in a nutshell.
How do you deal with the insanity of the world today?
I try to match the world’s insanity, but try to make it humorous. Human beings have an amazing ability to make anything infinitely more complicated while assuming it’s a snap to do. If you let that kind of shit get to you, you’re going to be angry, frustrated, and may ultimately do something drastic, like becoming a Minnesota Vikings fan. (And I say that as a Vikings fan, no less!) The only way to get through life today is to find the funny and beautiful in life.
Failing that, there’s always booze.
What do you think is the biggest issue in America right now?
For me, it’s people comfortable with a lack of responsibility when they do shitty things. As much as the Left love to say “No one is above the law” there are a lot of people who seem to be above the law, and they tend to be on the Left. And until we get to see a bunch of people on both sides of the political slime trail frog-marched, tried, convicted, and sentenced appropriately for the crimes they commit, it’s not going to stick. And until we demand it, we’re not going to see it anytime soon.
You’re a fat fuck! Why don’t you lose weight?
I don’t know. Maybe I got scared off by Jim Fixx dying while jogging.
You call yourself a “recovering Leftist.” If you disagree with them so much, why do you still have a link to them?
The nature of Leftist ideology requires a level of deep commitment that one cannot completely detach from quickly. It’s very much like a cult, and it has been for a long time. But if the WalkAway Movement has shown, it’s possible to escape the Leftist hivemind and live a happier, more genuine life. Yet, even though I like the Left as much as I like genital herpes (not that I know anything about that, mind you), there are times when they are on the right side of an issue, even if it’s for completely different reasons than mine. My nature is to be honest, and when Leftists are right about something, I call it out.
It may be more rare than how Dracula likes his hamburgers, but I still do it.
I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.
And on that note, let’s close the mail bag for a while. Like a few centuries.
