Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

I’ve been asked a few times whether I like reality TV or soap operas, and I don’t. Mainly because I get enough of both watching Congress.

And this past week has ramped up both with the election of a new Speaker of the House. For a time, House Republicans couldn’t seem to figure out who got to be the honorary whipping boy (or girl because I ain’t sexist) of House Democrats who want to get more of Puddin’ Head Joe’s brilliant agenda passed. At this point, the method of choosing a new Pope seems a lot more logical and a lot less dramatic.

Leftists, being the helpful sort they are, keep the drama ramped up to 11 (because it’s one higher), claiming the lack of a Speaker of the House is a national security issue. Even former Speaker Nancy Pelosi is attempting to dunk on House Republicans, citing (of all things) dignity.

While we wait for our irony meters to get back from the repair shop, let’s take a closer look at the House of Representatives.

the House of Representatives

What the Left thinks it means – a vital legislative body being disgraced by House Republicans’ inability to elect a new Speaker

What it really means – a reflection of what America is right now

First, a bit of history and civics. Our Legislative Branch is modeled at least in part on England’s Parliament. While our British brethren have the House of Commons and the House of Lords, we have the House of Representatives and the Senate. This is by design in both cases, but I’m going to focus on the American version, which like the American version of “The Office” is great, but lacks some of the elements that make the British version better.

Although, I’m willing to die on the hill that Dwight Schrute is the superior character.

Anyway, the House of Representatives is supposed to be “the people’s house,” in that it requires Dwayne Johnson to own it…wait, that’s not it. It’s that way because the House is supposed to be more accountable to the electorate and are up for reelection every 2 years instead of every 6 years like in the Senate.

This accountability is underscored by the sheer number of Representatives. There is one for each District, including the District of Columbia, resulting in a grand total of 435 Representatives. As censuses and redistricting/gerrymandering occur, the size and shape of these Districts will change, but the number doesn’t. So, that means at any given time, there may be 435 complete asshats in Congress.

I know, right! It seems like more!

Meanwhile back at the subject matter at hand, the requirements to serve in the House are pretty simple.

– at least 25 years old
– a US citizen for at least seven years
– an inhabitant of the state he/she represents

That’s it. Notice breathing and thinking aren’t on the list, which explains a lot about how dead people and idiots wind up winning elections…

If you think about it, that’s a pretty wide net. And it doesn’t exactly mean we’re getting the best and brightest, either. It just means we’re getting people who can lie convincingly enough to win elections.

Which brings us to the House of Representatives as it currently works, which is to say it doesn’t. In between the people looking to turn their House election into election to a higher office and the people perfectly happy to take up space where they are, it’s clear the bulk of the House is lazy, often doesn’t show up for work for bullshit reasons, develops huge egos unrelated to actual achievement, starts Twitter spats with one another, gets nothing done, and spends a lot of money and wastes a lot of time doing it.

In other words, America in 2023.

That’s why I find it so hysterical former Speaker Pelosi talks about the dignity of the House of Representatives as it relates to the current Speaker fight. (Plus, it gives me a chance to really rub it in that she’s not the Speaker of the House anymore.) It’s really not all that dignified, and it’s not supposed to be. It’s supposed to be the legislative body that responds to the folks back at home and represents their interests.

And right now, their interests have little to do with what’s best for the country. If anything, they’re loving the shitshow and popping more popcorn and ordering more pizza. Sure, Leftists are upset no important bills are getting passed, but it’s more based on self-interest than concern for Americans. After all, the House is part of the legislative body that spends the money, per Article I Section 8 of the US Constitution. And if we’ve learned anything from recent history, Congress loves to spend our money.

Of course, if there’s no Speaker elected, there’s no leadership. (Granted, that’s been standard operating procedure for decades, but work with me here.) If there isn’t a Speaker, no bills can come out to the floor to be voted on. And that means nothing gets done and no tax money gets spent.

Wait. I’m trying to find a down side here…Nope! Coming up empty!

But to the Left, government inaction that prevents them from spending money or passing laws is bad because it prevents them from getting more power over our lives. That is, except when it’s their actions causing gridlock. When they do it, it’s justified because…reasons. For me, anything that mucks up the wheels of authoritarian malfeasance is fine.

But, let’s say for the sake of argument I wanted to fix the House of Representatives. I would start by adding a few more requirements to serve in the House. The requirements we have are lower than a snake’s cock ring, but yet candidates still find a way to limbo under them and still get elected. Here’s a few I’ve put together.

– Parental locks on a Representative’s Twitter account, allowing him/her only 1 hour a day to tweet

– An emotional age of at least 25

– Actually living in the District instead of having a “paper residence” for election purposes

– Work from home requirement for at least 6 months

– Since they’ll be home, mandatory town hall meetings where the public can appear, not just a hand-picked asskissers

– A regular State of the District Address with opportunity for a rebuttal

– At least a B+ grade on a civics test. And since I’m the one who came up with the idea, I suppose I could be persuaded to come up with the test because, dammit, I care!

By the way, if there’s an Academy Award for bloggers, I humbly submit that last point for consideration. Thank you. Moving on…

– Signing and agreeing upon the government version of a “non-compete clause” meaning they aren’t allowed to join any insider think tanks or media outlets for at least 10 years. And going along with this…

– Former Representatives have to get gainful employment within their former Districts within 30 days of the start of the new House session or they lose their government pensions, because nothing would be funnier to me than seeing a defeated Representative having to spritz vegetables at a local grocery store for minimum wage after living the high life in Congress

I have a few more ideas, but some of them involve tar, feathers, pitchforks, and torches…I’ve said too much. Let’s just say I’m not at a loss for ways to improve things. You know, if I wanted to pull a “This Old House” on the House, that is.

Instead, I’m going to kick back with steak and some adult beverages and watch the proceedings for the shitshow they are, and I suggest you do the same. At least until we see white smoke coming from Capitol Hill. Then, either we’ll have a new Speaker of the House, a new Pope, or Adam Schiff is trying to destroy as many incriminating documents as he can find.










Beep Beep

The January 6th Committee has experienced a few problems bringing their case before the American people on national television. I mean, aside from not having much of a case to begin with. It seems the American people don’t care about what they have to say, judging by the ratings. But there’s a much bigger blow to their credibly than having Adam Schiff be a part of the proceedings.

It started with the Committee trying to convince us it wasn’t going to be a partisan witchhunt by…telling us repeatedly how non-partisan they were. Of course, this raised more red flags than a military parade in China. First off, too many of the particulars, including the two Republicans on the Committee, have already stated their objections to former President Donald Trump prior to the Committee’s creation. And by “objections” I mean “frothing-at-the-mouth insane partisan ramblings.”

Now, if this were anything other than a political sideshow, this might be seen as poisoning the well. Since it is a political sideshow, poisoning the well is not only allowed, but actively encouraged. After all, the Committee’s role is to get to the bottom of what happened without actually looking at all of the factors. And with House Democrats actively denying the picks of House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on the notion the picks were active participants in the “insurrection,” it was always going to end up being a one-sided affair.

My expectations were low enough as they were, but fuck me with a pine cone, I never figured the Committee would figure out a way to limbo under them and still have room for beehive hairdos. Although I failed to predict the length the Committee would go to secure its place in Wasted Taxpayer Money on Stupid Shit Only a Fraction of People Care About history, there was no doubt in my mind it would happen.

I don’t mean to toot my own horn to people who thought the January 6th Committee was a bunch of fact-finders trying to make the case President Trump incited an insurrection, but…beep beep.

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

The past seven days has been rift with excitement, high hopes, and general giddiness from the Left because of one group of imbeciles…I mean Congresscritters: the January 6th Committee. After two long and expensive years, we are finally going to get to the truth about former President Donald Trump and the insurrection that brought this country to its knees!

At least, that’s what we’re being told. And we know Leftists would never lie or get people’s hopes up for no reason. That reminds me, has anyone seen Robert Mueller lately?

While we wait for the aftermath of the committee’s prime-time extravaganza, let’s see if we can’t pull off a Carnac the Magnificent performance by looking at the committee as a whole.

the January 6th Committee

What the Left thinks it means – a bipartisan effort to hold Donald Trump and his followers accountable for trying to overthrow the government

What it really means – a waste of time and money to get back at Donald Trump and his followers for winning the 2016 election

If there’s one thing the government knows how to do, it’s how to waste money (although, taking away our rights through pointless regulation is a close second). One of the ways they do this, or both for that matter, is through creating special committees to investigate one issue or another. And if it’s a hot button issue, you can bet your bottom dollar that isn’t already spoken for by the IRS that someone in Washington will say, “You know, we should form a committee to investigate why dogs lift their legs to pee.”

I didn’t say they were good hot button issues.

In the aftermath of the “insurrection” on January 6th, Leftists came up with the idea to investigate why it happened and who was responsible for it. Of course, they already “knew” Donald Trump was involved because…well, Donald Trump. So, like they do with global warming/climate change/climate catastrophes/whatever buzzword is popular with the Green New Deal crowd this microsecond, they worked backwards in the hopes they would find something that would produce the necessary linkage between Trump and the events of January 6th.

And after almost a year of public statements, committee meetings, and promises to bring people to justice, the January 6th Committee has…a TV special. Not the good kind like “A Charlie Brown Christmas” or “Frank Zappa’s Polka-Palooza,” either. We’re talking “Al Gore Reads War and Peace Live” levels of crapitude. Listen, nothing says “this is not a serious bunch of folks” like getting a TV producer to help make the message understandable and appealing to the general public. Hell, most of the public today doesn’t even watch network TV for the same reason they don’t take a drink out of the toilets at Chipotle: they’re full of shit.

Much like the politicians comprising the committee, appropriately enough. Looking at their roster there is a who-cares of political operatives, puffed up egos, and useful idiots. And that’s just Adam Schiff, the House Democrat partially responsible for the dreadful first impeachment trial of Donald Trump. Oh, and I forgot to mention he leaks more than a saggy diaper.

But he’s not the only subpar superstar here. There’s also Jamie Raskin, the House Democrat partially responsible for the even worse second impeachment trial of Donald Trump. (I’m sensing a pattern here.) The other House Democrats on board aren’t much better, ranging from the chairman of the Homeland Security Committee (not a bad get, to be fair) to someone whose main accomplishment to date has been…being friends with Nancy Pelosi.

But don’t think the Democrats are the only ones having fun picking committee members! They have two Republicans, Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger, to give the illusion of bipartisanship without sacrificing any of the committee’s lack of reputation and gravitas. Yes, I know most House Republicans refused to assist with this clown show…I mean committee, but that’s not without reason. For one, the members House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy suggested were shot down by House Democrats because, and I’m paraphrasing here, they didn’t want conspirators to the crime investigating it. More importantly, however, most House Republicans see what Cheney and Kinzinger didn’t: their presence was meant to be a distraction to give the impression the committee was a true bipartisan effort.

This is where I have to step in and clarify a point that often gets misunderstood by Leftists. Not all Leftists play for the blue team. Some Republicans have adopted Leftist thinking and tried to mold it into the main party by any means necessary. The problem is not every Leftist Republican is as overt as Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski. Some of them like Florida Senator Marco Rubio seem like rock-ribbed Republicans, but would be just fine with Big Daddy Government as long as they are running it. Just look up his changing positions on “common-good conservatism” and tell me he’s not willing to be an ideological switch hitter if the power grab was right.

And now, back to my rant on the January 6th Committee already in progress.

Both Kinzinger and Cheney are on the committee to a) give the illusion it’s actually bipartisan, b) give the Left some measure of cover against legitimate complaints as to the committee’s political ends, and c) stick it to Trump Republicans. But it’s this last reason that seems to be the prevailing one. As I mentioned earlier, the January 6th Committee is one big “fuck you” to Donald Trump after he beat Hillary Clinton in 2016. We can argue from now until “Firefly” gets a second season about whether it was a good idea to elect Trump, but it cannot be denied the Left has a raging hate-boner for him and the people who support him. While the committee itself has their collective hands on the table, the Department of Justice has been arresting protesters for various crimes, some legit, most bullshit, and have been keeping them in custody indefinitely. Basically, they’re being treated slightly better than suspected terrorists at Gitmo. And unlike the suspected terrorists, these protesters are American citizens with rights that are being denied by the very government investigating their actions.

All because Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton.

This isn’t to say there weren’t some idiots who took things too far because, well, there were. Their crimes should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Where I draw the line is calling what the majority of protesters did (peaceably assemble and not cause a fuss) an insurrection as a jumping off point for a mockery of justice wrapped in national security bunting. The entire premise of the January 6th Committee is predicated on the idea there was an actual threat to democracy (which we’ve never had in America) as presented by these protesters.

And that, dear readers, is bullshit.

No matter what the January 6th Committee televised special says or shows, it’s hard to overlook the numerous problems the committee has created merely by taking a bogus narrative and running with it like it was being chased by the defensive secondary of the Los Angeles Rams. But the best is yet to come. After being hyped as the end-all-and-be-all of investigations into the January 6th situation, committee aides are walking it back slightly, saying the TV special is an “opening argument” according to the Washington Post.

Oh, good. There may be more of this shit coming to TV screens near you. Yay?

The biggest problem I have with the committee (I mean aside from the laundry list I’ve already spewed for your reading pleasure) is it doesn’t seem to be serious in its stated mission. The fact Adam Schiff is allowed to get coffee for the committee, let alone have one of the seats on it, should outrage anyone with two brain cells to rub together. In other words, non-Leftists.

And with the committee’s TV special, their lack of seriousness is confirmed. Why in the hell would they need to televise what most people already know if they’ve been following the story? Why has the investigation been solely in one direction while ignoring actions from Democrat leaders that exacerbated the situation? Did members of the federal law enforcement community infiltrate the protest and attempt to incite criminal behavior, as some have shown on video? Is it really an insurrection if no one actually tried to overthrow the government?

These are the questions (among many, many others) the January 6th Committee can’t or won’t answer. This tells me they don’t want to get to the bottom of what happened; the Left needs the overblown “threat” as a weapon to give the impression Trump supporters are threats to America that are on the verge of destroying the country, overthrowing the government, and green-lighting a new “Dukes of Hazzard” series! The horror!

The biggest problem the Left faces with the January 6th Committee is the same one they faced with both impeachment trials, the Mueller Report, and everything else they thought would end the Trump Presidency: they overpromised and underdelivered. Just about everything they threw at Trump was all sizzle and no tofu, and to be fair there wasn’t that much sizzle to begin with. This is merely the latest in a long line of failures that make the “Scary Movie” franchise look good, and that’s a tall order.

Fortunately for us, the Left is more than up to the challenge of finding new ways to disappoint people!