Mark Twain once wrote, “History never repeats itself, but it does often rhyme.” Far be it from me to disagree with one of my comedic idols, but I do have to disagree, thanks to the actions of one Donald J. Trump. And in Twain’s defense, he hadn’t experienced modern politicians.
While everyone else was obsessed with changing the Cracker Barrel logo, our President issued an Executive Order announcing his Administration would start prosecuting people who burned the American flag. Which caused Seattle Leftists (which is pretty much redundant) to…say it with me now…plan to burn the American flag.
But remember, kids. They’re smarter than we are. Just ask them.
While people on the Left and the Right debate this topic, I’d like to approach this week’s Lexicon entry with a bit more insight, and maybe a little more humor if you can dig that.
flag burning
What the Left thinks it means – burning a symbol of the country because it’s our First Amendment right to protest
What the Right thinks it means – burning a symbol of our country that shouldn’t be done because it shows disrespect for the county
What it really means – burning a symbol of the country because…reasons, I guess?
And just like that, I’m back in the early 1990s. A time when grunge started to fill the airwaves with more distortion than a Jen Psaki interview, but well before boy bands and Nickelback became the scourges we know them to be today. Flannel was a fashion staple, which surprised many lumberjacks who had been wearing it for centuries. Things were on the cusp of being EXTREEEEEEEEME!
And a young man named Gregory Lee Johnson was at the epicenter of a Supreme Court ruling regarding flag burning. Johnson burned a flag at the 1984 Republican National Convention in Dallas, Texas, and was fined and imprisoned under Texas law. After a prolonged legal battle (or in other words anything more complicated than a jaywalking ticket), the US Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that flag burning was protected speech.
Which, to me, it is. The First Amendment protects our right to redress grievances with the government. Although I’m not sure the Founding Fathers would think an American citizen would resort to burning a flag as a means to make grievances known, I’m pretty sure they might not object to it as much as many on the Right do.
Meanwhile back at the main point, the President’s Executive Order suggests he doesn’t agree with the Supreme Court and wants to make the practice illegal all over America. Having a President at odds with the High Court isn’t anything new, but at least with Trump it’s entertaining.
As predictable as a weather forecast from, oh, now, the Left is rushing to defend flag burning using the First Amendment as a shield. Which, of course, is to be expected and supported…up to a point. More on that later.
Protest has been a part of the American life since, well, before there was a United States of America. Our very foundation was an act of defiance against England, and we’ve weathered the storms of everything from the Whiskey Rebellion to whatever the hell you want to call Queen Kamala the Appointed’s 2024 Presidential run. America isn’t a Fabrege egg; we are built on being able to take an asswhupping, standing up, and saying, “I can do this all day.“
And if you can’t trust America’s Ass, I don’t know who you could trust.
With all that being said, the Left has a teensy little issue regarding the desecration of a flag. And by teensy, I mean a rainbow colored or an off colored one. Seems the Left is perfectly fine burning, destroying, pissing on, or otherwise not respecting the American flag, but don’t you dare do anything to a gay or trans pride flag! That would be horrible, a sign of a deranged person consumed by sheer hatred of what that flag represents.
You know, like how the Right feels about people burning the American flag?
So, I hope you Leftists out there will excuse me for telling you to take a seat. Or two. Or a few million for that matter. And if you don’t excuse me, take the fucking seats anyway because you have fewer legs to stand on than Lieutenant Dan.
The Right is only marginally better than the Left here because they’re just playing by the rules the Left have set regarding flag burning, except for the American flag. That’s the issue a lot of people today have with the First Amendment, particularly the freedom of speech part. The First Amendment is supposed to protect all speech, even speech you find wrong. Today, you’re more likely to find a coherent sentence from President Brick Tamland than you are to find someone who actually understands this concept.
And since I’m one of them, the former President has some catching up to do.
So, we’re left with both the Left and the Right not getting this concept well enough to leave well enough alone, which is not unfamiliar territory for your humble provider of bloggy goodness, unfortunately. Both extremes agree on one thing: they protect their speech and fuck anyone else’s. Of course, that’s not how it works at all. If you want free speech for yourself, you have to allow free speech for others. This isn’t Golden Corral, where you can pick and choose what you get. When it comes to free speech, it’s all or nothing.
And when it comes to flag burning, I’m all in favor of it as a form of protest. Of course, it also allows me to use my “heckler’s veto” to mock it mercilessly. Really, has anybody watched a burning flag and said, “You know, I should really change my opinion on [insert name of issue here]”? Sure, it’s provocative, but it’s as edgy as a Nerf ball these days. These days, anything less than a burning Tesla recharging station is Hot Topic-level edginess. Seriously, all you’re doing is burning a symbolic piece of fabric. It’s as revolutionary as shoes with Velcro straps.
On second thought, Velcro straps are more revolutionary. And a lot more useful, now that I think about it.
If there’s anything from the 90s that should have made a comeback, it’s Hi-C Ecto Cooler. That shit was awesome! Instead, we get…flag burning.
And the worst thing? The Left finds itself yet again on the losing end of an 80-20 issue and they don’t even know it yet. Most Americans will side with the President on flag burning because they still feel some level of pride in this country and the flag over which it waves. They don’t hate it as much as the Left does, and with all the insane shit the Left is doing and finds itself supporting, people don’t have any other choice but to side with Trump.
Fucking. Brilliant.
At least we may be able to make it rhyme this time.
HEYYYYYYYY!
