December Grief

In Loving Memory of Susan and Kristen

Five years ago my life changed in a moment that I had never dreamed of happening. My beloved wife & muse of 10 years passed away suddenly leaving a grieving hole in me. I am no stranger to grief, we are well acquainted.

Prior to the loss of Kristen, I had already lost my mom, a girlfriend, a son, and my dad. The loss of my wife added to this grief and it was crippling. She was the 2nd significant other that I had lost to death. Forever taken out of this world and reduced to memories. And it had happened to me 2 times in a row.

I attended a GriefShare program at the church I was attending then. It was a helpful experience. It allowed me to work through my grief and come to the place of acceptance and able to live my life again.

The trouble with grief is that it never truly goes away. Here I am, five years after Kristen’s death. I am happily married again and enjoying life. Yet grief has raised its head at me this December. And the crushing weight of it has come back down again.

December is one of those months that have 2 dates that can impact my grief and emotions. December 3rd and December 31st. The 3rd is Susan’s birthday and the 31st is the day I lost Kristen.

As I went through GriefShare in 2021, there were some members that were repeating the ministry. They had gone through it several times. Back then, even though I was deeply burdened from the multiple losses, I didn’t understand why someone would go through GriefShare several times.

Now days I do understand and think it would be helpful to go through it again. Grief is an unpredictable thing. It is not a simple path with each step by step progress. It comes and goes in a variety of intensities and the “steps” can hit all at the same time.

Even years afterwards it can come up and hit hard again. So as December rolls on I’m sure I’m in for a wild ride of emotions as they swing one way or another on any given day.