After a particularly disastrous performance in any venture, there are usually two groups of people: ones who reflect, retool, and try again, and ones who point fingers trying to find a scapegoat. This past week, CNN got a load of people from the Left doing the latter after their debate between President Brick Tamland and Donald Trump.
Well, unless you want to go with the idea Donald Trump zapped the President with an energy weapon that made him look like, well, himself.
And this Leftist dumbfuck wasn’t the only one. Leftists all over the Social Media Network Formerly Known as Twitter came up with any number of excuses, but the general consensus was CNN fucked President Tamland.
And now we’re going to see why that is quite possibly the shittiest take ever.
CNN
What the Left thinks it means – a cable news network who is in the back pocket of Donald Trump
What it really means – a once and hopefully no longer DNC stenographer
I know I’ve gone over some of this stuff before, so I’ll keep it brief. When CNN first went on the air, it was a media marvel. A 24 hour news channel that you could tune in to any time of the day or night and get caught up on the day’s events. It was novel and changes the face of news forever.
Over time, though, the novelty wore off and they had to start generating buzz (and revenue) somehow. And, let’s face it, Bernard Shaw Is My Daddy t-shirts weren’t exactly flying off the shelves. Then, the first Gulf War came about and CNN got a whole new set of eyes on it. And with those eyes came a feeling of invincibility. No one else could do what they did as well as they could do it. They were Kings and Queens of the Mountain.
Which made them cocky and sloppy. Over time, their on-air talent and their talent behind the scenes started letting their political biases creep into the product. And eventually, the network started being called the Clinton News Network after its mostly favorable coverage of President Bill “I Don’t Know Where My Pants Are, Why Do You Ask?” Clinton.
And if you thought CNN wanted to slob Slick Willie’s knob, watching them cover Barack “I Don’t Know Where My Balls Are, Ask Michelle” Obama would make even the most tenured sex worker look positively virginal.
Put simply, CNN is in the tank for the Left. So, it boggles the mind how the Left could even consider CNN to be on Trump’s side. Even the two moderators of the Trump-Tamland debate were on record as being critical of the former President. And in Jake Tapper’s case, that criticism was rather pointed. So, when they handled the debacle…I mean debate with a fairly even tone, I was honestly surprised.
And apparently so were the Leftists. They wanted Tapper and Dana Bash to fact check Trump on the spot instead of letting him say what he wanted. (No word yet from these same Leftists if they wanted the two to fact check Biden in the same manner, by the way.) But there’s one tiny problem with that approach: they were moderators, not fact checkers. And after the Candy Crowley debacle in 2012, I would think Leftists wouldn’t want moderators to let their masks slip that much.
This change from being a reliable Leftist media outlet to something closer to centrist is by design. Recent leadership changes within CNN signaled a move back towards the straight news reporting they were once known for while allowing for a narrower focus on prominent news stories. While still not quite as centrist as some would say CNN is, they’re at least acknowledging there’s room for improvement.
Which, of course, makes Leftists lose their collectivist shit.
The thing is it’s frightfully easy to be a Leftist media outlet. All you need to do is find a way to keep money rolling in since you’re preaching to the same choir night after night. CNN used to be able to do this, but with the advent of MSNBC on the further Left and Fox News on the Right, it found itself trying to appeal to both sides and making nobody happy.
Why, it’s almost as if alienating potential audience members is a bad fucking idea!
So, from a business standpoint, CNN moving closer to the middle is fiscally responsible. Whether people still see it as a viable news source is yet to be seen. And judging from Leftist reactions to even the slightest move to the right of Trotsky, it didn’t go over well.
This is for a couple of reasons. First, Leftists suck at basic economics. Second, they tend to look at things through an emotional lens (which helps explain the first point). And third, Leftists hate anything that removes even an iota of power from their grasp or exposes their ideology to ridicule.
Enter President Tamland’s debate performance, which is less of a disaster than a Hindenburg movie by Michael Bay written by Tommy Wiseau. Although I would pay good money for Wiseau to make a cameo just to say “Oh hi-drogen!”
You can stop booing now.
Since Leftists are less capable of admitting a mistake than The Fonz, immediately CNN became the primary reason President Tamland looks like, well, himself. Of course, the real reason Leftists attacked CNN for Tamland’s disaster is not that they went out of their way to make him look bad, but that…they noticed he looked bad and didn’t come to his defense. They tried to do some damage control after the debate by fact-checking Trump and Tamland, but the damage was done. Tamland looked frail, confused, and without mental clarity. But at least we beat Medicare, amirite?
And after weeks and weeks of denying it, CNN among others had to admit President Tamland was not firing on all cylinders. Or maybe on any cylinders, for that matter. No more “cheap fakes.” No more deep fakes. No more right wing talking points. The Emperor had no clothes, but maybe had on adult diapers.
I have my issues (or subscriptions as the case may be) with CNN, but I have to defend them here. They didn’t cause President Tamland to look bad, and that’s even with all the preparations he did prior to the debate (including going to the debate stage). He’s just that bad of a candidate this time around, and no about of finger-pointing is going to change that.
So, to any Leftists reading this, lay off CNN. It’s not their fault your side decided to run a Strom Thurmond body double in 2024. You had your chance to pick someone else, even with the knowledge he was getting as sharp as a Nerf ball on the regular. It’s your fuck-up, so enjoy the ride.
And as for CNN, welcome to what conservatives and other non-Leftists have experienced for decades! Don’t worry. We have drinks, snacks, and more open-minded people than the Left. And what’s more, we validate parking!
Tag: conspiracy theories
2023 State of the Onion Address
My fellow Americans. Oh, and you, too, Leftists.
2022 was an interesting year for the media. Sure, they still haven’t figured out how to get their favorability ratings above Hitler, Stalin, and Nickelback, but they really tried.
Just kidding. They still suck.
What made 2022 so interesting for the media was how many stories they got wrong, either on purpose or by accident, and how quickly (relatively speaking) they corrected these errors. One thing they weren’t shy about, though, was labeling news stories “conspiracy theories.” It’s gotten to the point parody news sites were doing better journalism than the serious ones.
The merging of opinion and news continued unabated, as did the elevation of certain stories/narratives along with the suppression of others. And, surprise surprise, much of the latter was done under the auspices of battling misinformation. Well, the problem was these fuckknuckles were too busy creating misinformation to bother with doing even basic reporting.
Let’s start with COVID-19. From the jump, media squawking heads put down anyone who wasn’t 100% behind getting the jab, wearing more masks than a Halloween costume model working straight commission, and worshiping at the altar of Saint Anthony of Fauci. Even negative stories about the good doctor, like the fact he supported gain of function research after saying repeatedly he didn’t, were turned into cudgels with which to beat the infidels.
And by infidels, I mean the people who were right to be skeptical about how cultish the pro-vax side had gotten. I have seen Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parades with less marching in lockstep than I saw during the height of COVID. And, yes, that sentiment remains today, even as more and more shit comes out about how full of shit the pro-vax side was. Even they could see the writing on the wall and started trying to play off their stridency as a “whoopsie doodle”!
And the media not only played a role in creating the “vax or you’re scum” environment, but unironically tried to get us to forgive and forget as though nothing major happened.
And the media wonder why people don’t trust them.
If I could offer some perspective (and I can because this is my post), a lot of it comes down to how far the media are willing to lie to us about what we’re seeing right in front of our eyes. We saw the start of a regime change within Twitter, which ruffled Leftist and media (but I repeat myself) feathers to no end. Elon Musk went from eco-friendly visionary to reactionary maniac hellbent on pushing right wing narratives. All because he saw what so many of us saw: Twitter wasn’t enforcing its own rules with any degree of fairness or obvious logic. Even now, most media types are ignoring or dismissing the Twitter Files instead of following up to either prove or disprove the information within them.
Oh, but the screamingly obvious that even Ray Charles can see (which is pretty damn impressive for a dead guy) has to be a figment of our imaginations.
Then, on the other ends of the impressiveness spectrum, we have media whore…I mean darling Taylor Lorenz. Words cannot express just how low my opinion of her journalistic skills is. The best way I can say it is if my opinion was any lower, it would bore through the Earth and come out the other side without stopping. Yet, because she starts shit, gets hit, and cries about it all, the media put her on a pedestal and gave her Most Favored Victim status. Whenever the topic of toxic online culture was brought up, you can be Ms. Lorenz was there to pick up a paycheck and pimp herself even more than a self-employed prostitute.
This isn’t to say the media on the Right was any better. Remember the “red wave” that was supposed to happen during the midterm elections? The one that was a lock and would cause Leftist heads to explode from sea to shining sea? Yeah…about that. So much bravado lead to so few seats being picked up by the GOP. And it didn’t help matters that media heat magnet Donald Trump used the same high quality judgement in picking candidates that he used to pick Cabinet posts. Trump went through staffers like most people go through chewing gum.
Although most Trump-backed candidates won (mostly because they were in safe Districts or were running unopposed), the media had a field day focusing on the more spectacular dumpster fires like Dr. Oz, who was as much of a Pennsylvanian as Gavin Newsom. This is because the media love a shitshow, and Trump’s presence in 2022 was a 25/8 shitshow because 24/7 just wasn’t long enough.
But there is a downside to all the media attention spent on Trump: Trump Derangement Syndrome. I’ll admit I was late to the party on this, thinking it was just a meme the Right used to mock the Left. After the media coverage from 2022, I’m a believer. It’s real, and it’s seriously affecting the brains of the media. Granted there’s not much to affect in the brains of most reporters, but even a mild case of TDS was enough to turn them from frothing-at-the-mouth Trump haters to…well, even bigger frothing-at-the-mouth Trump haters.
Yet, for all the intense scrutiny the media gave to every Trump foible, the media couldn’t wait to look the other way when it came to President Puddin’ Head Joe. On nearly a daily basis, the PHJ Administration embarrassed themselves, being over their heads in a political mud puddle in the Sahara. Whether it was Puddin’ Head Joe’s invention of nonsense words (which was and is attributed to stuttering) or Vice President Kamala Harris laughing at the most inappropriate times like she was huffing nitrous oxide on the daily to Administration officials being more tone deaf than William Hung, it was a 947 ring circus solely staffed by clowns on the daily.
But no mean tweets, amirite, kids?
Want proof? I have three words for you: Hunter Biden’s laptop. The media coverage of this story was more scarce than a Japanese fishing village when Godzilla came to town for a weekend bender. Instead, they were playing defense for Puddin’ Head Joe and Hunter “I’m Not a Crackhead, But..Wait, What Was I Saying” Biden at every turn, usually by…you guessed it, bringing up Trump. Let me give you media types some free advice: when your main defense of a politician you like revolves around smearing a politician you hate, your dude fucking sucks!
With the 2024 Presidential election right around the corner, the media are focusing on who they believe the next Republican candidate will be, and that person is…Donald Trump. Or Ron DeSantis. You know, whomever they want to shit on that day. Be prepared to see a lot more of what’s happened since 2016 to continue, only at a louder and more shrill volume. If current trends continue, media complaints about Trump and/or DeSantis are going to only be heard by dogs before the first ballot gets cast.
So, buckle up, kids. This year is going to be off the charts, and not in a good way!
Anatomy of a Freakout
You may have heard the Inflation Reduction Act of 2022 allocated $80 billion over the next 10 years to the Internal Revenue Service. By itself, this sounds expensive, but not all that alarming. After all, we know the IRS is full of professionals who don’t try to turn people’s lives into a living hell of lawyers, tax returns, and audits more invasive than a TSA agent who moonlights as an OBGYN.
Then, a video started circulating showing what purported to be IRS agents training with firearms. From there, people on the Right began to freak out and spread this idea far and wide, or as far and wide as the Interwebs will allow. Several fact checks later, the story itself was debunked, but the damage was already done. High profile conservatives echoed the sentiment, sounded the warning sirens, and whipped up their followers into a froth that would make a Starbucks barista jealous.
Of course, this reaction is understandable, given the IRS’s recent history regarding conservatives. Lois Lerner and her happy band of IRS agents made quite a splash by discriminating against conservative groups seeking tax-exempt status because…I shudder to think about it…they had words like “patriot” and “TEA Party” in their names! Oh, sure, they went after Leftist groups, too, but the predominant victims were the conservative groups.
I will admit I have more faith in Mexican water quality than I do the IRS playing straight with us, but I have to offer a meager defense of the IRS here. The Right overreacted with their initial “OHMYGODTHEIRSISGONNASHOOTUS!” response because there is a plausible explanation. For one, we don’t even know how many IRS agents are going to be hired, let alone armed. And, yes, there is a fraction of the IRS that does need to be armed as part of the job, but they are in the vast minority.
Having said all of that, the IRS does bear some responsibility in adding fuel to the conspiratorial fires with their ineptitude. When they initially posted ads for openings as a Criminal Investigation Special Agent, there was a requirement to “Carry a firearm and be willing to use deadly force, if necessary.” After an IRS employee deleted the requirement because…he or she thought the verbiage shouldn’t be there, the Right, who was already fired up about the potential of armed IRS agents, jumped to conclusions again. The delay in acknowledging and addressing the issue didn’t help, either. When dealing with conspiracy hypotheses, whenever there is silence by a government figure or entity, that silence will get filled with wild ass speculation.
And that’s where Leftists get ammunition to discredit both the well-grounded and the batshit crazy criticisms the Right levies. One thing the Right doesn’t understand about the Left is no matter how well-sourced and factual your argument is, the Left will never accept it as truth because they disagree with it and you. Although this makes people like Joe Rogan look like Nostradamus, Leftists will continue to perpetuate the ideas they pulled out of their collectivist asses to avoid admitting they were wrong.
However, when the Right pushes a narrative that is full of holes, the Left doesn’t have to work that hard to discredit it. They simply mock its inconsistencies, make sweeping generalizations about how dumb the Right is, and move on with their days. That’s why it’s important not to jump to conclusions. Sure, Leftists won’t admit it, but others may be paying attention, looking for information or facts to help them make sense of things. Coming off like a slightly more coherent Gary Busey doesn’t help.
Instead, it’s okay to do a bit of digging to make the right call the first time. Sure, Leftists will get the early advantage, but when they sound batshit crazy from the jump, does letting them keep talking really hurt?
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Since its inception, the Internet has been home to three main things: porn, cat pictures, and conspiracy theories. Whether it’s “exposing” the Bilderbergs or finding the CIA’s connections to if the cat can haz cheeseburger, there are parts of the Information Superhighway that lead to sketchy neighborhoods.
During the Trump Administration, the Left heaped scorn on QAnon, a movement sharing pro-Trump information and finding conspiracies where there weren’t any. Now, the Left has its own QAnon group, nicknamed “Blue Anon.” And, as with most things the Left is involved in, it’s divisive. There are some who take Blue Anon as seriously as the footnotes in a Buzzfeed article, and others who take it very seriously as the Leftist hackery in a Buzzfeed article. In either case, it’s worth further mockery…I mean examination.
Blue Anon
What the Left thinks it means – Ummmm…let me circle back with you on that…
What it really means – a sign not everything is rosy in Bidenland
In my lifetime, I’ve watched as the Democrat Party went from a political party to a collective of loosely-connected voting blocs, often working at cross purposes, who vote the way they do because “they’re better than Republicans.” In the past two Presidential election cycles, though, there is a core of activists who don’t necessarily agree the Democrats are better than the Republicans and feel the party needs to move further Left. Apparently because these activists want to lose more elections, thus ensuring they will be “oppressed” with their iPhones and Starbucks lattes.
And it’s in these pockets of resistance where Blue Anon thrives. With Donald Trump out of office, they have to find a different Boogeyman to sustain their narrative that has the cushiest oppression this side of a 4 star day spa. Guess what, Leftists? They’re gunning for you now! Or they would if they didn’t believe guns were a tool of white supremacy or the Patriarchy or some such.
Regardless, Blue Anon isn’t happy with the current crop of Leftists running things, as is evidenced by watching the Socialist Socialite and the Squad take pot-shots at Nancy Pelosi whenever it’s politically expedient to do so, but to walk in line behind her most of the time. Say what you will about the Squad, they’ve picked up the Washington Cha-Cha pretty quickly. But they’re still committed to a more progressive Democrat Party in the near future, and the sooner for them, the better. As a result, there are people who not only buy into the idea Karl Marx had some good ideas, but also believe the current Democrat Party leadership is working against them.
Welcome to the Blue Anon Petrie dish!
To be fair, Blue Anon does have a point. The Leftist leadership wants nothing to do with advancing a more progressive agenda. A progressive agenda, yes, but not nearly as progressive as Blue Anon wants because of one thing: the Leftist leadership wants to stay in leadership. Losing elections because you took a hard stand to protect the Twin-Billed Yellow Sapsucker at the expense of a few thousand jobs isn’t something the leaders relish. Oh, they’ll pay it more lip service than Andrew Cuomo with his subordinates, but for some strange reason, they promptly forget it once they’ve secured enough votes to keep their butts Crazy Glued to their seats for the next millennia. It’s this reality of politics that escapes Blue Anon like most prisoners at Stalag 13, and it’s also the fuel for their conspiracy theories.
The thing to remember about any conspiracy theory is there is usually a nugget of truth in it. You may have to dig for it, but it’s there. With Blue Anon, the nugget of truth is there in the open, mainly because political Leftists aren’t afraid to show their contempt for people they consider inferior (i.e. not them). Where Blue Anon goes off the rails is when they attribute every bad outcome on the same nugget of truth even when there is no connection. To be fair, this is the same problem QAnon has, but it’s a feature of any conspiracy theory worth its salt.
Another feature, which is the fatal flaw, is the fact it can be reasonably explained away with common sense. In order to believe any conspiracy theory, you have to simultaneously believe the powers that be are so clever as to get into positions of power without being noticed while simultaneously being stupid enough to let the “real facts” get leaked to the conspiracy theorists. Now, I’ll admit I’m not an expert on stuff like this, but if the only people who know the truth are people you wouldn’t trust not to injure themselves with a plastic spork, I’m willing to bet they and the truth aren’t on speaking terms.
That is what makes Blue Anon so funny to me. These are people so convinced of their mental superiority while at the same time getting suckered in by an absurd con solely because it feeds into their preconceived ideas. That’s the hook, kids. Blue Anon works for Leftists because it reinforces their beliefs, no matter how silly or unrealistic. And before Leftist leaders can say “Et tu, AOC?” Blue Anon will start asserting their perceived power in an attempt to create political power.
And most of the time they will get crushed in the process. Ask Cindy Sheehan about trying to take on Nancy Pelosi.
On a bigger scale, Blue Anon represents the biggest failure of the Biden Administration to date: the inability to unite the country. There will be more failure to come, I assure you, but the failure to unite the country (which was one of the cornerstones of why Joe got the gig in the first place) will certainly be hard to top. And, yes, I know Leftists are blaming Trump and conservatives for this, which is fair. But you supported Joe Biden on the basis that he wasn’t Donald Trump and could bring the country back together again. Also, don’t give me the “he’s only been in office for X months” because Joe Biden was in office for most of my life, and I’m 51 as of the date of this writing. The fact he’s had decades to come up with a cogent vision isn’t undone because he just moved into the White House. Not to mention, he was Vice President for 8 years under Barack Obama, so it’s not like he’s been hiding in his basement…oh, wait.
Seriously, though, Blue Anon is going to be a thorn in the Left’s side for months to come because they can’t just dismiss them like they dismissed QAnon without political consequences, namely the 2022 midterm elections. Yet, they can’t simply accept Blue Anon at face value because the conspiratorial stink will rub off on them.
Welcome aboard the Kobiashi Maru, kids!