It was bound to happen, kids. Marjorie Taylor Greene said something that almost made my head explode with the sheer stupidity of it. Recently she came out and said we need a “national divorce” between red and blue states. As much fun as it would be to have America turned into a sitcom trope, I think this is a bad idea. Why?
For one, because the idea started from a 2004 meme.
But more importantly, because it’s going to lead to civil war, no matter what MTG says. Right now, ideological rifts are wider than Steven Tyler’s mouth at a dental appointment. People on the Left and the Right wake up and choose violence, hatred, and half-witted squawking points from their shit-flingers of choice.
At the core of this strife is a fundamental difference, not just of ideas, but of reality itself. Take gender, for example. Right now, Leftists believe there are more genders than Baskin Robbins has ice cream flavors (dining tip: avoid the Gender Fluid Fudge Ripple), while the Right believes there are only two. Now, I’m not a biologist or a Supreme Court nominee for that matter, but if we’re going to fight over something that hasn’t become an issue until the past few years and isn’t rooted in the age-old conflict of reality versus feefees, something tells me splitting up the country will end badly.
Just think about the sheer logistics of such an enterprise. Although there are clear red and blue states, there are a number of purple states, such as my home state of Iowa. Sometimes, we vote for Democrats, and other times we vote for Republicans. Where exactly would we fit? Would it turn into a custody battle between California and Texas where we spend two weekends a month with one state and the other two weekends with the other? And what if one state lets us stay up past our bedtimes and buys us all the toys, games, and gadgets we want in an attempt to appear to be the “cool state”? Then, there would be getting used to our new “step-states” and trying to fit in.
These are the kind of questions people gung ho for a national divorce haven’t considered yet, if they’ve considered them at all.
The sad part is, having said all that, I don’t see any way out of it. There are too many differences for us to try to work on as a nation, and when we can’t even agree on how many genders there are, it’s pretty much destined to fail. There is no reimagined version of the Yalta Conference coming soon to a TV screen near you. America is, to put it bluntly, stuck in a swamp of our own creation. And I’m not talking about Washington, DC.
And don’t expect our national leaders to lend a hand. Not only do they get off on us being at each other’s throats like a Nosferatu fistfight, but the strife helps them get away with more underhanded shit. The wallet-busting multi-trillion dollar Omnibus Spending Bill from a few weeks ago proved that. And as long as the Left and the Right continue to let us bicker, the wheels of the country get further and further sucked into the marsh, making it harder for us to get out.
So, what do we do? First off, we should reject the idea of a national divorce, no matter who agrees with it, because the eventual conclusion of such an idea will be bloody, messy, and possibly fracture the country even more than it already is. Besides, we’ve already done this. Remember that little thing the kids like to call the Civil War/War Between the States/War of Northern Aggression/That Thing We Have Totally Forgotten About or Never Learned in the First Place Because Racism? Yeah, Gettysburg is gonna look like a Buddhist picnic compared ot what we have in store.
Beyond that…I got nothing. No, wait, I do have something: look past the differences we have and look for the similarities. At the end of the day, we’re all Americans (unless you’re reading this in a different country…but I can put in a good word for you and make sure you get the Honorary American tour package). It doesn’t matter if you’re a Trump-loving Republican named Roy or a non-binary genderfluid person named Magnolia with more pronouns than college majors, there are still some things that can bring us all together.
You know, like thinking Michael Bay should never make another movie ever?
Category: Guest Author
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Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
If the Left didn’t hate Speaker of the House Kevin McCarthy before now (spoiler alert: they did), giving access to tens of thousands of hours of surveillance footage from January 6th to Tucker Carlson. With Leftists already believing Carlson is a Russian asset, this has given them the opportunity to talk about national security. After all, letting a Russian asset (in their opinion) gain access to security footage from January 6, the most horrifying day in American history up there with Pearl Harbor and 9/11 (again, in their opinion), has to be a national security risk, right?
Well, to paraphrase the Commander in Briefs Bill Clinton, that depends on what your definition of national security is.
national security
What the Left believes it means – ummm…they’re still working on it
What it really means – a concept that means less and less with each passing year
To put it mildly, national security is a pretty big fucking deal. It’s essential to all of our lives, even if we don’t give it a first thought, let alone a second thought. It allows us to live free, or at least as freely as the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration will allows us to live. It ensures we don’t have to worry about foreign countries invading us and destroying America.
By the way, I’ve got my eye on you, Canada! No trying to get us to adopt the metric system on my watch!
If you really think about it, and I do because I have to entertain myself somehow since prices are higher than Willie Nelson on any day ending in day, national security touches every aspect of our lives on some level. So, why do we take it for granted?
A huge part of it is how invulnerable we’ve felt as a country since the Cold War. After the Berlin Wall fell, there were no more superpowers to challenge us. The Soviet Union was no more, China was years away from firing up its economic power, and the Middle East was, well, the Middle East. For all intents and purposes, we were untouchable.
Then 9/11 happened. That woke us up, at least for a little while, to how vulnerable we could still be. Granted, the warning signs were there if we had bothered to put 2 and 2 together and come up with something other than potato (thanks to Simon Miller for that joke). After all the outpouring of sympathy, all the brave words that we’d find who was responsible and bring them to justice, all the patriotic bunting and good feelings, we promptly…forgot about it after a year or so. But in our defense “Friends” was on, so…
Since then, our approach to national security has been spottier than a freckled-faced Jackson Pollock impersonator using a cheetah for a canvas. (Not something I’d recommend, by the way, especially if your clothes are dry clean only.) It’s become a stock talking point for both sides that has a level of gravitas and a seemingly untouchable nature about it that prevents Joe Sixpack or Taemmi Soylatte from thinking any deeper about it than “It’s good.”
And that’s where both parties fuck us at the drive-thru.
For decades, our national security has been tied to how much we’re willing to spend on it. With Republicans, it tends to be neat new weapons, gadgets, and tech, and with Democrats it tends to be more “soft” spending on diversity, diplomacy, and making sure other country’s fee-fees don’t get hurt by us. Yet, with all of that spending, we aren’t that much safer. If anything, we’ve gotten more lax due to an unhealthy cocktail of political gaslighting and social media.
Let’s start with the gaslighting since it’s the most pervasive and, thus, more fun to talk about. Both sides use this tactic to bolster their own version of national security. If you don’t approve of spending $450 on a screwdriver you can get at Home Depot for $8, the Right thinks you support China, North Korea, or dare I say it Trinidad Tobago marching down our streets and making us their bitches. If you don’t agree to using military (i.e. taxpayer) dollars to combat global climate change, the Left thinks you want to pollute the Earth to the point only cockroaches and the Kardashians would survive.
Both sides are wrong in the same bipartisan way. It doesn’t matter how much you spend on a security system if you never turn it on. And guess what, kids? We have been forgetting to turn it on for decades, all the while keeping every door unlocked and all our valuables in one convenient and highly visible spot for anyone to come along and take them.
And, yes, I’m about to talk about the balloon incident.
On January 28th, a Chinese balloon was able to fly over Alaska, western Canada, and parts of the United States before it was shot down over the East Coast. On February 4th. Even if you buy the multiple excuses the Left gave for why the balloon wasn’t shot down over, well, Alaska, the fact remains it took 8 fucking days and an entire cross country trip for us to do anything. And then, as if to try to balance out the dumbfuckery, we got hyper-vigilant and started shooting down balloons that weren’t even Chinese.
It’s one thing to double down after making a mistake. But the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration decided to double, triple, and quadruple down on the mistake just to show how serious they were. Which is to say not serious at all. The very fact a single balloon made it into American airspace, was recognized, and was allowed to go coast to coast without so much as a dart thrown at it is a serious breach of national security.
After all, we don’t know what kind of equipment the balloon had, if it had any. We are just being told that it was either harmless due to spy satellites giving better information or that it was made harmless because we jammed any transmissions (neither of which, I might add, has been established with any factual information). In other words, Leftists want us to believe the same balloon was ineffective because shut up.
After the Chinese balloon debacle, it’s a good thing there wasn’t a train derailment or…oh, wait. Never mind.
Even with what people observed, we had to endure Leftists telling us it wasn’t a big deal and people who said we should have shot the balloon down sooner were “bedwetters” as Senator Chris Murphy put it so inelegantly. To try to get Puddin’ Head Joe as far away from the blame as possible, they even tried to pull Donald Trump into it, saying he also had Chinese balloons come into American airspace during his Presidency, a claim that was later debunked by former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe, who said it didn’t happen. I mean, it was obvious, considering it was claimed those alleged balloon flights under Trump weren’t discovered allegedly until the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration…according to the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration.
I’m as shocked as you are the Administration would lie to cover up the Administration’s clusterfuck! And to try to make us feel bad or foolish for not buying the bullshit? That’s lower than an earthworm’s belt buckle.
Now, onto social media. Granted, I don’t have a high opinion of social media to begin with, but there’s one out there that is actually being used for surveillance against us. I’m speaking of TikTok, a popular app that has been linked to spying on journalists and has the potential to track information of American citizens and government workers.
Oh, and it should be pointed out the Trump Administration called this out in 2020, and people mocked them for it, saying it was a conspiracy spun for political advantage. Yeah…chalk up another “conspiracy theory” that wound up being a fact.
Before we take a victory lap at the Left being wrong again, consider the implications of what we know. China has access to information, which is in and of itself a matter of national security, not just because government employees might be doing a stupid dance for tens and tens of people to see. The thing that makes TikTok so dangerous is the fact so many Americans voluntarily give up this information.
In our society’s rush to be “Internet famous,” we have opened ourselves up to invasions of privacy and, yes, security. Say what you will about the Chinese, and believe me I have, but they have figured us out in 2023 America. Just give us a dopamine hit for meaningless videos and we’ll let them mine our data. Brilliant!
Although neither major party has it exactly right, I do have to say Republicans take national security more seriously. After all, the Left keeps saying domestic terrorism is the greatest threat to our national security right now. And by “domestic terrorism” they mean “anybody who disagrees with us and aren’t afraid to say anything about it.”
Look at how they painted parents who were concerned/outraged over pornographic books teaching children about homosexuality and blow jobs in elementary school. You would think these parents were one step below the Manson Family the way the Left talked. But when you get people of all stripes to come out against what you’re trying to push in elementary school, it’s no longer a matter of hatred, fear, or even national security. Maybe, just maybe, your ideas suck ass.
While the Left gets their collectivist panties in a bunch over people pretending to be badasses, we still have real issues with national security we need to address. And with China and Russia united over a) hating us, b) wanting to fuck our shit up as much as possible and c) having the means to do both electronically, we can’t afford to be asleep at the switch anymore.
But we need to be honest here. Neither major party is doing jack shit about protecting ourselves, mainly because we continue to confuse the definition to fit their ideological needs at the time. Is ANTIFA a national security threat? No, nor should they be considered such. Are Trump supporters national security threats? No, and they shouldn’t be considered such either. Once you start pulling away the layers of this fetid onion, you get closer and closer to the core of what national security actually looks like.
And what does it look like? A strong and vigilant population who strive for the same goal of protecting America regardless of their ideological differences. As we’ve seen since Kevin McCarthy’s actions involving January 6 footage, we’re a long ways off from that.
But, hey, at least we can still use TikTok, right?
Perot 2.0?
The year was 1992. Jay Leno became the host of “The Tonight Show” following Johnny Carson’s departure. We were still five years away from Hanson MMMBopping their way into our hearts. And a funny little man from Texas had the attention of a nation with some pretty radical ideas for the time.
I’m speaking of the late Ross Perot, two-time Presidential candidate under the Reform Party and favorite target for late night comedians. What has been lost to time has been just how impactful Perot was on politics in his relatively short time in it. Without his presence in the 1992, we might not have gotten a President Bill Clinton, a Vice President Al Gore, and a First Lady Hillary Clinton. Of course, we might not have had that if George H. W. Bush had campaigned like he wanted a second term as President, but that’s not important right now. What is important is how some people can impact an election merely by being in it.
What does that have to do with the upcoming 2024 Presidential election? Two words: bacon cheeseburger. And two more words: Donald Trump. Although Trump has already announced he is running as a Republican in 2024 (as his early attempts to attack Nikki Haley and Ron DeSantis show), there’s still a part of me that thinks he will go third party if he doesn’t get the nod.
Can you say “Ross Perot 2: Electoral Boogaloo”? I knew you could.
Right now Trump has a significant, but not total, amount of support within Republican circles, especially with the grassroots. Much like Perot before him, Trump has advanced some unique ideas that, shockingly, make a lot of sense. And also like Perot, Trump has a level of unpredictability that makes him damn near impossible to figure out. But there is one thing that isn’t that hard to figure out: Trump loved being President.
And apparently I’m addicted to using colons.
Anyway, being President was clearly Trump’s favorite position because it afforded him more power than he’s ever had, along with more attention than he’s ever had. From a brand standpoint, there is no real downside because even negative attention is attention. Just ask Kim Kardashian. Even now, people can’t stop talking about him, whether it be blaming him for train derailments and Chinese balloons flying over the country, praising him to no end, or screaming about how he’s getting away with everything and should be thrown in jail.
So, completely rational mentions.
What happens if the Trump Train goes off the rails and he doesn’t get the nomination? There are going to be a lot of pissed-off people, enough to…oh, I don’t know…convince Trump to run as a third party candidate. And guess who gets the biggest benefit, even though he’s been an inept fuckknuckle as President?
Puddin’ Head Joe.
If Trump goes third party, is weakens the Republican candidate, whoever it is. That adds a lot of pressure on him or her to sway Trump voters, which may be a fool’s errand. Most Trump voters are Ride or Die with him, no matter what. And anyone who isn’t living a Boo Radley type existence knows it, which means Leftists will pick up on it in a couple of weeks.
Although the conventional political wisdom says third parties hurt Republicans more than Democrats, it’s only been an issue in recent history because third parties have siphoned enough votes away from a candidate to weaken the primary party candidate. Whether it’s Ross Perot, Ralph Nader, or Jill Stein, third parties get the rap for a candidate underperforming. With Trump, though, it is all but a certainty he will be the cause of a Republican defeat.
There are two ways to avert this scenario: let Trump win, or nominate someone who can sway Trump voters to vote for him or her. The former sets up a rematch with Puddin’ Head Joe, while the latter opens the door for a Trump third party run, thus ensuring history repeated itself. And a Trump-Biden rematch isn’t a guaranteed victory for the former President, even with Biden having the Midas Touch in reverse. There’s still enough hatred of the former President out there to make it tougher for him to win.
So, fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t.
Good luck with that.
Russia/Ukraine – Second Verse Same as the First
You know, I think I’ve been getting a bit ranty with my recent posts, so I wanted to take on a much lighter topic, the Russia/Ukraine War.
By the time you reach this, we will have entered the second year of conflict in that part of the world and, well…we’re kinda in the same place we were when it started. For reasons that still escape me like Houdini, we decided to back Ukraine because..freedom, I guess? And since we had a few trillion dollars lying about from our investment in dumbass ideas and incompetent government officials, we gave it and some of our military hardware to Ukraine.
And…it hasn’t helped out a lot. Well, except if you’re a Ukrainian official with a penchant for owning multiple homes and lavish lifestyles, that is.
Russia hasn’t come away from this war unscathed, though. Not only have they suffered some military losses, but they’ve taken a hit on the world stage and from a public relations standpoint. As of this writing, toenail fungus is more popular than Vladimir Putin and it wasn’t even in the running. At this rate, Walter Mondale circa 1984 is doing better.
So, who’s winning? That depends on who you ask. The Left and the media (but I repeat myself) tell us Ukraine is winning. Twitter is awash with Ukrainian flags and hashtags like #RussiaIsLosing. Some on the Right insist Russia is winning. But the actual answer is…neither side is winning, even with our help.
And I’m still firmly on neither side. Nothing over the past year has swayed me one way or the other. Russia is still an untrustworthy bunch of asshats, Ukraine is still rife with neo-Nazis, and the Left is still trying to fight fascism here while supporting it over there. There are still no white hats, just black hats with PR firms trying to make their side look good.
And we still don’t have an idea of what our endgame is. Is it to weaken Russia? Is it to bring freedom to Ukraine? Is it to waste a lot of money getting involved in a war we have no role in? Who knows?
But what I do know is fighting a proxy war in Ukraine in the hopes the neo-Nazis in charge will like us and the Russians will be weakened to the point of irrelevancy are pipe dreams. We keep making the same mistakes in foreign wars, and thanks to Puddin’ Head Joe, we’ll keep making them because, well, he’s a dumbass.
And we’re on the hook for even more money coming soon to an IRS form near you. Who cares if we have inflation higher than Snoop Dogg in Amsterdam on any day ending in, well, day? Why should we worry about needing to take out a third mortgage for a gallon of gas, but only after taking out a second mortgage to get a dozen eggs? Just shut up and dig deep for the Buy Ukraine a Fourth Vacation House Fund. Ushers will be coming by to mug you as you exit the theater.
And you thought a bucket of popcorn and a Coke were expensive!
If you’re reading this and you’ve chosen a side in the Russia/Ukraine conflict, I’m sorry. The only right play is not to play, but we’ve already past that point of no return, and certainly past the point of no noticeable return on investment.
So, pop open a bottle of your finest tap water, gather your friends together, and toast year 2!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
If you want to see what kind of leader a man or woman is, watch them during times of difficulty. Anybody can lead when nothing happens. Case in point: the United Nations. But when something major happens, like…oh, I don’t know…a massive derailment in East Lebanon, Ohio, causing deaths, toxic chemicals being released, and a fire, among other things..the real leaders step up and take charge.
Then, there’s the Biden Administration. When something like the train derailment referenced above (a completely made-up and not at all real scenario, mind you) occurs, the government moves at the speed of light…colored sloths partying with Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson in Amsterdam. I mean, it only took 10+ days for the White House to contact the mayor of East Lebanon…in this completely hypothetical example, of course.
This sort of situation would fall under the auspices of the Department of Transportation. So…yeah. We’re gonna talk about it this week.
the Department of Transportation
What the Left thinks it means – a federal agency that oversees any transportation concerns on a national level
What it really means – a federal agency that needs a serious revamp
The year was 1966. Miranda Rights became a thing, well before there was a “Sex In the City.” A young Ronald Reagan became Governor of California. And in 3 short years, an amazing young man would be born, one who would capture the imaginations of a hungry nation. That man, of course, is Paul Rudd.
Oh, and the Department of Transportation came into being via an act of Congress. And, as if this couldn’t get any better, the Department’s first day of work was April 1, 1967. Quite the April Fool’s joke.
The Department of Transportation’s mission statement is:
To deliver the world’s leading transportation system, serving the American people and economy through the safe, efficient, sustainable, and equitable movement of people and goods.
To accomplish this, there are 11 agencies and bureaus that are under the DOT’s umbrella. They are:
– U.S. Department of Transportation Office of the Secretary (OST)
– National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA)
– Federal Aviation Administration (FAA)
– Office of Inspector General (OIG)
– Federal Highway Administration (FHWA)
– Pipeline and Hazardous Materials Safety Administration (PHMSA)
– Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration (FMCSA)
– Federal Railroad Administration (FRA)
– Great Lakes St. Lawrence Seaway Development Corporation (GLS)
– Federal Transit Administration (FTA)
– Maritime Administration (MARAD)
Now, unless I’m completely off in my reading comprehension, I do believe railway safety might be in the Department of Transportation’s wheelhouse. Good thing there hasn’t been a major railway accident recently or things might get really embarrassing!
On a larger level, the Department of Transportation has its fingers in a lot of pies, which may not necessarily be bad as long as those fingers are actually accomplishing something or staying on top of issues affecting transportation on a national level. And with 55,000 employees, the job duties alone must keep them pretty busy.
I’d like to think that, but then I looked into the bullshit they’re working on instead of their jobs. Since February 3, the DOT issued 5 press releases, the most recent of which being announcing a Biden Administration initiative for a national network…of electric car chargers. Great for EV owners, not so good for the people of East Palestine…you know, if something happened there. And a quick search of their press releases shows…a big fat goose egg referencing the train derailment (that I completely made up off the top of my head).
But this is par for the course in government these days. For all of the talk (or lack thereof) about accountability, very few government drones get anything more serious than a tersely worded memo with all the force of a pillow fight. And even when some heads roll, it’s never the people running the department or agency. It’s usually the lowest-level drones with the least connection to the crime. Remember Lois Lerner? After a pretty public scandal where evidence showed she had a hand in committing tax fraud against conservative groups, she skated away like Brian Boitano.
So, what’s happening with the current DOT Secretary, Pete “Mr. Mom” Buttigieg? Well, that’s kinda hard to say, but what is clear is he’s doing his best to downplay the severity of the train derailment (which, I remind you, is completely hypothetical). After all, there are a thousand derailments per year, according to the Secretary, so this one (which is still completely hypothetical) is no big deal.
But at least he’s maintaining the DOT’s five core policy goals: safety, jobs, equity, climate, and innovation. Well, with the completely made up situation in East Lebanon, one has nothing to do with transportation (equity), one is guaranteed due to the derailment (jobs), and the other three are FUBAR. Even if you make the argument everyone in the community will be getting sick equitably, that’s a MOAFU: Mother of All Fuck-Ups.
It’s that this point we need to ask ourselves why we even have a Department of Transportation if they can’t even handle the basics of their jobs. You’ll get no argument from me on that front. Just judging from the shape of many of our interstates here in Iowa (where three of our four seasons are Construction), we could do better hiring the Three Stooges to take care of our roads, and they’re all dead.
Instead of just making jokes at the DOT’s expense (which is a lot of fucking fun), let me offer a solution. We currently have an infrastructure problem, as we’ve heard from people claiming health care and child care are infrastructure. But, nobody’s really doing anything about it. Even the recent Pork-A-Palooza…I mean omnibus spending bill split $87.3 billion between the DOT and the Department of Housing and Urban Development, which is an increase from the $81 billion from the 2022 fiscal year.
As much as the Left tells us we need more money to fix what’s broken, we need to figure out how exactly the Department of Transportation is spending the money we’re giving them. And judging from their self-published news stories, they’re focusing a lot of energy on passenger railroads, not commercial ones. And no matter how much is getting spent, it’s clear nothing proposed or earmarked would have stopped the derailment. You know, if it actually happened.
This means we need to do a full audit of what is being spent where and on what. If we’re spending more on feel-good but utterly irrelevant programs than we are on railway infrastructure, that has to change. Any derailment, large or small, disastrous or minor, is one too many. Even if Secretary Buttigieg and President Puddin’ Head Joe are blase about them, it’s not a good look because, well, trains are fucking transportation. Locate what needs to be fixed and spend the money to fix them. Even if it puts more Left-friendly projects on the back burner, learning how to be more inclusive in LGBTQIMTHEVERYMODELOFAMODERNMAJORGENERAL circles is less important than making sure trains don’t derail with the frequency of a celebrity going into rehab for the 248th time.
Along with this audit, we need to figure out what jobs they do that can be done at the state level. States have a vested interest in maintaining roads, bridges, and the like because otherwise no one would visit. Why not let them decide what needs to be fixed when? A bridge that’s more unstable than Lindsay Lohan on a bender with Charlie Sheen can’t wait to get fixed while millions get spent on a port in a completely different part of the country. Even if the port is in poor shape, it should be handled by those closest to the port rather than at a national level, where spending decisions are made by people who don’t care about either, but love the votes those decisions garner.
At this point, the Department of Transportation needs to be under the microscope so we can get a grasp on the problems we see everyday. And when there’s a major derailment that threatens the lives of people in a community, it shouldn’t take an act of God to get the Department or the President to say or do something.
Good thing I made up that scenario at East Palestine, Ohio, because if it really happened, there would be a lot of people looking like assholes right now.
2023 State of the Onion Address
My fellow Americans. Oh, and you, too, Leftists.
2022 was an interesting year for the media. Sure, they still haven’t figured out how to get their favorability ratings above Hitler, Stalin, and Nickelback, but they really tried.
Just kidding. They still suck.
What made 2022 so interesting for the media was how many stories they got wrong, either on purpose or by accident, and how quickly (relatively speaking) they corrected these errors. One thing they weren’t shy about, though, was labeling news stories “conspiracy theories.” It’s gotten to the point parody news sites were doing better journalism than the serious ones.
The merging of opinion and news continued unabated, as did the elevation of certain stories/narratives along with the suppression of others. And, surprise surprise, much of the latter was done under the auspices of battling misinformation. Well, the problem was these fuckknuckles were too busy creating misinformation to bother with doing even basic reporting.
Let’s start with COVID-19. From the jump, media squawking heads put down anyone who wasn’t 100% behind getting the jab, wearing more masks than a Halloween costume model working straight commission, and worshiping at the altar of Saint Anthony of Fauci. Even negative stories about the good doctor, like the fact he supported gain of function research after saying repeatedly he didn’t, were turned into cudgels with which to beat the infidels.
And by infidels, I mean the people who were right to be skeptical about how cultish the pro-vax side had gotten. I have seen Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parades with less marching in lockstep than I saw during the height of COVID. And, yes, that sentiment remains today, even as more and more shit comes out about how full of shit the pro-vax side was. Even they could see the writing on the wall and started trying to play off their stridency as a “whoopsie doodle”!
And the media not only played a role in creating the “vax or you’re scum” environment, but unironically tried to get us to forgive and forget as though nothing major happened.
And the media wonder why people don’t trust them.
If I could offer some perspective (and I can because this is my post), a lot of it comes down to how far the media are willing to lie to us about what we’re seeing right in front of our eyes. We saw the start of a regime change within Twitter, which ruffled Leftist and media (but I repeat myself) feathers to no end. Elon Musk went from eco-friendly visionary to reactionary maniac hellbent on pushing right wing narratives. All because he saw what so many of us saw: Twitter wasn’t enforcing its own rules with any degree of fairness or obvious logic. Even now, most media types are ignoring or dismissing the Twitter Files instead of following up to either prove or disprove the information within them.
Oh, but the screamingly obvious that even Ray Charles can see (which is pretty damn impressive for a dead guy) has to be a figment of our imaginations.
Then, on the other ends of the impressiveness spectrum, we have media whore…I mean darling Taylor Lorenz. Words cannot express just how low my opinion of her journalistic skills is. The best way I can say it is if my opinion was any lower, it would bore through the Earth and come out the other side without stopping. Yet, because she starts shit, gets hit, and cries about it all, the media put her on a pedestal and gave her Most Favored Victim status. Whenever the topic of toxic online culture was brought up, you can be Ms. Lorenz was there to pick up a paycheck and pimp herself even more than a self-employed prostitute.
This isn’t to say the media on the Right was any better. Remember the “red wave” that was supposed to happen during the midterm elections? The one that was a lock and would cause Leftist heads to explode from sea to shining sea? Yeah…about that. So much bravado lead to so few seats being picked up by the GOP. And it didn’t help matters that media heat magnet Donald Trump used the same high quality judgement in picking candidates that he used to pick Cabinet posts. Trump went through staffers like most people go through chewing gum.
Although most Trump-backed candidates won (mostly because they were in safe Districts or were running unopposed), the media had a field day focusing on the more spectacular dumpster fires like Dr. Oz, who was as much of a Pennsylvanian as Gavin Newsom. This is because the media love a shitshow, and Trump’s presence in 2022 was a 25/8 shitshow because 24/7 just wasn’t long enough.
But there is a downside to all the media attention spent on Trump: Trump Derangement Syndrome. I’ll admit I was late to the party on this, thinking it was just a meme the Right used to mock the Left. After the media coverage from 2022, I’m a believer. It’s real, and it’s seriously affecting the brains of the media. Granted there’s not much to affect in the brains of most reporters, but even a mild case of TDS was enough to turn them from frothing-at-the-mouth Trump haters to…well, even bigger frothing-at-the-mouth Trump haters.
Yet, for all the intense scrutiny the media gave to every Trump foible, the media couldn’t wait to look the other way when it came to President Puddin’ Head Joe. On nearly a daily basis, the PHJ Administration embarrassed themselves, being over their heads in a political mud puddle in the Sahara. Whether it was Puddin’ Head Joe’s invention of nonsense words (which was and is attributed to stuttering) or Vice President Kamala Harris laughing at the most inappropriate times like she was huffing nitrous oxide on the daily to Administration officials being more tone deaf than William Hung, it was a 947 ring circus solely staffed by clowns on the daily.
But no mean tweets, amirite, kids?
Want proof? I have three words for you: Hunter Biden’s laptop. The media coverage of this story was more scarce than a Japanese fishing village when Godzilla came to town for a weekend bender. Instead, they were playing defense for Puddin’ Head Joe and Hunter “I’m Not a Crackhead, But..Wait, What Was I Saying” Biden at every turn, usually by…you guessed it, bringing up Trump. Let me give you media types some free advice: when your main defense of a politician you like revolves around smearing a politician you hate, your dude fucking sucks!
With the 2024 Presidential election right around the corner, the media are focusing on who they believe the next Republican candidate will be, and that person is…Donald Trump. Or Ron DeSantis. You know, whomever they want to shit on that day. Be prepared to see a lot more of what’s happened since 2016 to continue, only at a louder and more shrill volume. If current trends continue, media complaints about Trump and/or DeSantis are going to only be heard by dogs before the first ballot gets cast.
So, buckle up, kids. This year is going to be off the charts, and not in a good way!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
To put it mildly, this past week on Capitol Hill was more explosive than a Chipotle restaurant on the Hindenburg. Our favorite member of the Squad, the Socialist Socialite, went on the warpath attacking popular online figure LibsofTikTok for…sharing videos that Leftists upload themselves that ultimately make them look like amoral fuckknuckles. Well, the Socialist Socialite accused LibsofTikTok of inspiring bomb threats at the Boston Children’s Hospital for performing gender affirming surgery on teenagers as young as 15.
The concept of gender affirming surgery is a relatively new one, but it’s one the Left has been trying to protect under any and all circumstances. And since we don’t have a Chinese balloon to hold our attention this week, we might as well discuss it.
gender affirming surgery
What the Left thinks it means – necessary surgery for trans people to feel more like the gender they feel they are
What it really means – Leftists preying on young people being stupid
Being a teenager is rough. Not only are you dealing with hormonal changes with the frequency of a bad news day for Hunter Biden, but you’re caught between being a child and an adult. You’re still very impressionable, but you’re also gaining new responsibilities and expectations that come with maturity. Even under the best of circumstances, being a teenager is Ground Zero for fuck-ups.
Now, imagine being confused about your gender on top of all that. All you want to do is fit in, and being trans is still seen as alternative. As a society, we’re still getting used to the idea of the transgender community, so Mom and Dad may not be able to help you like they might be able to help you with your homework (provided it’s not “New Math”).
It is in this wasteland of physical and emotional distress that the Left operates. And by “operates” I mean “referring impressionable young people to doctors to get operations.” The Left offers not only the environment, but also the simple cure: if you don’t feel like you’re in the right body, it’s okay! Just change clothes and we will support you every step of the way! And if that doesn’t work, there’s surgery so you can look like you feel! It’s perfect!
Except…it’s not.
Gender affirming surgery is a nicer way of saying gender reassignment surgery. Instead of giving potential patients the feeling this surgery is serious and requires a lot of thoughts about the pros and cons, gender affirming surgery sounds lighter, breezier, a lot less taxing on the patient. In other words, the change of one word has taken all the gravitas out of the decision and makes it seem like trying out a new hairdo.
But unlike the hairdo, when the professional starts cutting, your genitals don’t grow back. That shit is permanent. If you regret your decision a few years later, there is no addadictomy that will get your penis back. Ditto with the labia. Once the doctor turns your love canal into a dick, you’re stuck with that decision for the rest of your life.
And remember, kids, Leftists are okay with letting teenagers make this kind of decision. The same teenagers who are going through one of the roughest stretches of life any person has to endure while feeling like they’re alone. How do I know this?
No, I’m not trans, but I was a teenager once. Granted, it was back in the days when we would look at cave drawings to get our local news, but I do remember how I was back then. And I was a fuck-up. It took me several years to “grow” into my body from a mental and emotional perspective, and throwing on a very adult decision on me at that time would have crushed me.
That’s the main issue I have with the Left’s push for gender affirming surgery: it’s not being taken as seriously as it needs to be. But the Left doesn’t care. They see the issue as a way to gain money and power over vulnerable people by offering solutions that have more strings attached than a tampon factory.
Or as Leftists call it, Tuesday.
But here’s where shit really goes sideways. Leftists have a…well, confusing approach to gender. As it turns out, they have as many positions on gender as they have genders, which is to say a metric fuckton. Here are a few of them.
– Gender is a social construct.
– Sex is a biological designation, while gender is more psychological/emotional,
– Gender is assigned at birth.
– Gender is developed over time.
– Sex and gender are different.
– Gender is a spectrum.
Granted, these positions have evolved over time, but I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the contradictions and Marquis de Sade-level of tortured thinking involved here. For now, let’s focus on that last one because it has a direct relationship to gender affirmation.
Some members of the medical community laid out 16 genders in 2022. Others have gone as high as 72, while still others put the number at 81. Go to some online forums (the source of all great thought), and you’re liable to find multiple variations on the same theme, only a lot less grounded in science or, well, reality.
Meanwhile, most of us believe there are…let me check my notes here…two fucking genders. No more, no less. Two. And before the Leftists try to confuse the issue, let me ask a simple question.
If gender is a spectrum, how come the gender affirmation surgery is currently either male-to-female or female-to-male?
This is because God, nature, science, William Shatner, or whatever authority you believe/worship/tolerate have already figured that shit out. Even if you believe sex and gender are different, there are only two choices on the menu, chocolate or vanilla, chicken or fish, Godzilla or Mothra. Leftists can’t bullshit their way out of the simple fact there are only two genders being affirmed with the surgery they say is necessary for trans people to feel like they belong.
But they can bullshit people into thinking they actually care about trans people. What they actually care about is creating more trans people who the Left can use to their ends without improving the trans community one iota. And why is that? Because it’s a lot easier to stoke fear than it is to fix stuff.
Look, I don’t care if an adult gets gender affirming surgery because it’s none of my business. Just don’t be an asshole about it. Now, the operative word in that first sentence is “adult.” If you’re not old enough to vote in an election, you’re too young to elect to get this surgery. In fact, research suggests the human brain doesn’t fully mature until age 25 (please check local listings for brain maturity ages in your area). By then, you have a better idea of who you are as a person, usually because you’ve graduated school or served in the military and have had to make a living.
So, why should we permit gender affirming surgery for someone well below the age when we get our shit together? The short answer is we shouldn’t. The longer answer is we shouldn’t because it’s a recipe for disaster. Leftists are willing to create more victims to advance their own agenda. Even if the patient is emotionally mature at 15, it doesn’t mean he or she has the wherewithal to know whether they’re actually trans or just trying to fit in by dressing up with clothes from a Boy George or Tilda Swinton garage sale.
The Left has one thing right about trans people, though. Trans people, and teenagers in general, need to feel loved and accepted for who they are. Even if you think it odd, there is still a human being underneath, someone who could use a shoulder to cry on or a supportive word. Don’t shut them out because their vision of the world doesn’t match yours. This is how we can make real positive change in this country.
And you don’t have to lop off a dick or pair of tits to do it!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
With the Republicans taking control the House of Representatives at the beginning of this year, there were bound to be some changes, not the least of which to committee positions. Well, let’s just say the same folks who complained about Donald Trump not accepting the results of an election have their collectivist panties in a bunch over who is being removed from some committees.
Enter Rep. Ilhan Omar, a Democrat who just happens to be black, Muslim, and a member of the Squad. For those of you unfamiliar with the Squad, they’re like the women on “The View” but with the power to spend your money and make new laws they’ll exempt themselves from at their earliest convenience. Prior to the Red Ripple this past November, Omar was a member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, but was kicked out by Speaker of the House Kevin “No Relation to Joe” McCarthy.
Let’s just say she and her fellow Leftists didn’t take this well, even by Leftist standards. Several colleagues, including fellow ousted Democrat Eric “Fang Fang’s Bitch” Swalwell and fellow Squad member Rashida “Not Cool Enough to Have a Nickname” Tlaib took to the floor of the House to protest Omar’s removal. And by “protest” I mean “bitching and moaning.” But the pièce de résistance (which is French for “We surrender! Do not burn the Louvre!”) was when Omar’s media supporters (but I repeat myself) called the decision to yank her from the Foreign Affairs Committee Islamophoba.
Hoo boy. Get ready for a trip into the stupid.
Islamophobia
What the Left thinks it means – the irrational fear and/or hatred of Muslims
What it really means – the modern ideological equivalent of the word “literally”
It pains me to say this in 2023 when we were supposed to have flying cars and were building towards a future that would make “Star Trek” look like a Rob Zombie hellscape, but to be perfectly clear, I have nothing against most Muslims. This is because the ones I’ve met personally have been nice, hard-working people with the same needs, wants, and hang-ups as the rest of us. They only difference is their faith. And I’m willing to bet most of the Muslims you meet are the same way.
Having said that, there are some fucking nutjobs out there who just happen to be Muslim. Granted, there are some fucking nutjobs out there who just happen to be Christian, but there’s a big difference in how Muslims and Christians are treated. If you call out a Christian extremist (real or imagined), you’re “speaking truth to power.” If you call out a Muslim extremist (real or blown up), you’re branded as Islamophobic regardless of whether said extremist is literally saying “I want to kill all Americans.”
That brings us back to the real definition of Islamophobia, literally. It seems the term gets tossed around with the frequency of Vox posting something stupid. In some cases, it’s appropriate, but in most cases…it’s less appropriate than letting Hunter Biden guard your crack cocaine stash. Yet, if we call out the inappropriate use of Islamophobia, we get called Islamophobic. And if we don’t obey what the Left tells us is acceptable behavior towards Muslims…you guessed it, we’re Islamophobes!
Welcome to the Kobiashi Maru of Salem Witch Trials. You’re guilty until proven guiltier. And there’s no way to beat it.
The reason for this is because people aren’t conditioned to try to offend or push away people. Well, except for my Uncle Jim-Bob who smelled of old cheese curds, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and skunk, but that’s not important right now. Psychologically, humans have a need to be socially accepted, which can be used to condition us to act, speak, and think a certain way.
Now, who do we know that would use our psychological needs to obtain political and personal power? I mean, aside from Disney. I’m speaking of Leftists, of course! They will play with our emotions to get what they want, but unlike Disney, we don’t get much entertainment out of it.
Islamophobia is one of those emotionally-charged terms that is designed to get us to adopt a position we may not necessarily agree with just to go along with the crowd. What started with homophobia (another term that’s been overused like a Kardashian) has become a cottage industry specializing in outrage and offense. And business is booming.
And our current salesperson of the year is Ilhan Omar. But much like her attempts to explain away her previous statements against Israel, her use of Islamophobia to complain about getting kicked off the Foreign Affairs Committee is weak. I’m Sheldon Cooper handshake weak here.
Omar has a bit of a history with making inflammatory statements about Israel. Considering the US and Israel have pretty close ties, having someone like Omar dealing with foreign affairs is a recipe for disaster. Even though the President sets the foreign policy agenda, a loudmouth with a penchant for pissing people off makes that job a lot harder.
Oh, and openly criticizing the guy who hands out committee positions? Fastest way to get kicked off any major committee and busted down to the Get the Speaker of the House’s Coffee Committee. Or in former Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s case, vodka.
Now for the really fun part. Pelosi’s actions with the previous session of Congress kicking off Republican committee members and rejecting McCarthy’s suggestions for members of the January 6th Commission made Omar’s rejection a thing. She was warned this was a bad idea, and she went ahead with it anyway.
Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it, Leftists?
If anything, Pelosi’s actions had more to do with Omar getting the boot than any ill will McCarthy had against Omar’s religion. It’s true he hasn’t exactly been a friend to Muslims, but with the mitigating factors I’ve mentioned, it’s hard to say Islamophobia is as much of a factor as Leftists want us to believe.
In this way, Leftists use Muslims like they use any minority on their side: like bunting on a parade float. The sole purpose Leftists trot out people like Omar is to tell the world “Look at how diverse and caring we are!” Yet, what exactly have Leftists done for Muslims that help them in any meaningful way?
If you guessed nothing, you’d be right. And if you bet the under, go see the cashier to pick up your winnings.
Minorities of all stripes within Leftist ranks are treated equally…bad. (But, hey, at least it’s equally bad!) By adopting the “do what we say or you’re an Islamophobe” approach, Leftists make it harder for Muslims to be treated as anything other than a mystery, an “other” if you will. Even if you won’t, it’s a recipe for disaster to continue thinking that way.
Even though I don’t fancy being killed by Muslims who hate my guts, I’ve found it’s easier to build bridges when you treat people different than you the way you would want to be treated. (Offer void for anyone who are really into the Marquis de Sade.) By ignoring our differences and seeing each other as human beings, it gets a lot harder to “otherize” each other since we have an established relationship, i.e. we know the people behind what we see.
So, Representative Omar, I reject your assertion of Islamophobia and insert a reality of my own. Namely, the reality the bullshit you’re pushing to explain away why you were kicked to the Congressional curb for being a loudmouth asshat doesn’t hold up to even the slightest scrutiny. But since you’re a reliable Leftist who checks off a number of spaces on the Oppression Bingo Card, nobody on your side will call you out, and everybody on your side will call me Islamophobic. See if I give a fuck.
Oh, wait, I lost all my fucks investing in cryptocurrency. Now what? You’re gonna call me an Islamophobe again? Still no fucks to be given.
That’s what undercuts Leftists like Ilhan Omar. If you don’t care what they call you, they hold no power over you, and that gives you power over them. But remember, Omar isn’t representative of the average Muslim. She’s barely representative of a higher mammal. I’ve been insulted worse by better people.
So, Representative Omar, take your Islamophobia and shove it up your…turban. Which is on top of your head, which is shoved so far up your ass you can taste what you had for lunch.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
I cover a lot of topics for the Lexicon, but there are some that I shy away from most of the time. One of these topics is abortion. My reasons are simple: 1) it’s such an emotional issue that it’s impossible to discuss without someone getting pissed off, and 2) much like a Hannah Gadsby comedy special, there’s not much funny there. Even some of the periphery topics can get people mad.
Well, this is your warning that some of you reading beyond this point are gonna get pissed because we’re going into abortion.
In their post-Roe Handmaids Tale pseudo reality, Leftists are pushing an idea that women now will be required to take babies to term. In a double doozy of dumbassery, former Secretary of Labor and current member of the Lollipop Guild Robert Reich tweeted the following:
Forced birth in a country that refuses to protect its people from being shot down in a mass shooting.
That’s right, kids. Forced birth is apparently a thing, at least according to Leftists, which means it’s a subject that’s right in the Lexicon wheelhouse.
Damn you, Leftists.
forced birth
What the Left thinks it means – a condition created by Republicans where women are legally required to give birth under any and all circumstances
What it really means – a scary-sounding phrase without any connection to reality
For almost as long as I’ve been alive, Roe v Wade was the law of the land, making abortion a legal activity, as well as a coin of the Leftist realm. When the US Supreme Court handed down its decision in Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health Organization last year, Leftists not only lost their shit, but started to make up new shit to replace it. Enter “forced birth.” All the usual culprits weighed in on the subject (using the same terminology and scare tactics, I might add). Planned Parenthood, the Washington Post, The Guardian, and even the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee weighed in, offering the most tepid of hot takes. Let me give you the short version.
Abortion good. Limits to abortion bad. Oh, and limits to abortion equals forced birth.
As with most terms used in the abortion debate, forced birth is a charged term, and it’s designed to be. Leftists love to combine words that don’t necessary go together, like climate justice or House Intelligence Committee member Adam Schiff. This is done to evoke emotions in line with what Leftists want us to feel or think (or feel instead of think).
In this case, they start with a word that is intended to make us feel bad, “forced.” This shocks us because people like freedom. If we’re forced to do something, our natural instinct is to resist.
Then, we come across “birth.” (Or at least the father did at conception.) Regardless of where you stand on the abortion issue, life is a pretty important subject. We understand it on a fundamental level and revere it to one extent or another. Even the most strident pro-choicer gets the importance of life; they just don’t feel bad at killing a baby in the womb because…reasons.
So, did the Dobbs decision force women to give birth? Nope! It affirmed there is no Constitutional right to an abortion, and it left the decision to either the states or Congress. While the decision didn’t outright ban abortion, Leftists made it sound like it did, if only to continue its Handmaids Tale cosplay.
Although I’m not a lawyer since I have morals and a soul, the Dobbs decision made a lot of sense to me because it was based on simple logic and attention to details. Even though the word “abortion” doesn’t appear in the Constitution, the Left argued it was an extension of the 14th Amendment, as Justice Samuel Alito referenced in his majority opinion:
The Constitution makes no reference to abortion, and no such right is implicitly protected by any constitutional provision, including the one on which the defenders of Roe and Casey now chiefly rely—the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. That provision has been held to guarantee some rights that are not mentioned in the Constitution, but any such right must be “deeply rooted in this Nation’s history and tradition” and “implicit in the concept of ordered liberty.”
The right to abortion does not fall within this category…. Roe’s defenders characterize the abortion right as similar to the rights recognized in past decisions involving matters such as intimate sexual relations, contraception, and marriage, but abortion is fundamentally different, as both Roe and Casey acknowledged, because it destroys what those decisions called “fetal life” and what the law now before us describes as an “unborn human being.”
The TL:DL (Too Long: Didn’t Litigate) version: abortion isn’t a right at all, and the two major decisions related to it (Roe v Wade and Planned Parenthood v Casey for those of you playing along at home) weren’t consistent with the Constitution as written. Hence, states can set whatever limits they want on abortion thanks to a little thing the hip kids like to call the Tenth Amendment.
But that takes away the Left’s best weapon in favor of abortion: judicial fiat. Since that’s not on the table anymore, Leftists resort to their fallback plan, that being openly lying to people to get them outraged at the Supreme Court and Republicans deciding a baby’s life is worth as much as the mother’s. Those bastards!
But out of chaos came some ingenuity, which is shocking for Leftists considering they’re usually dimmer than a burnt out light bulb in a goth kid’s bedroom. Leftists started volunteering to take women to states where abortions are legal if they live in a state where it isn’t. Oh, and to donate money towards that end because, let’s face it, schlepping caramel macchiatos at Starbucks doesn’t pay well enough to fund it themselves.
Now imagine if these same Leftists understood economics in the same way they understand interstate travel to kill a baby. But that’s a blog post for another time…
Meanwhile back at the main point, the truth is no one is forced to give birth in this country. Some states make it more difficult to get one, but that’s not the same thing as making women give birth. What it does do is create an incentive to plan a pregnancy and take steps to prevent it before doing the horizontal mambo under the sheets if you’re not ready to be a parent. Of course, this is beyond the pale for Leftists, who treat abortion like it’s Pez. After all, showing any amount of foresight, planning, and dare I say it responsibility might…make you become a Republican!
Regardless of your position on abortion, it’s clear that Robert Reich and anyone else who is pushing the forced birth bullshit aren’t helping the matter any. If we’re going to come to a functional, albeit tenuous, agreement on the topic, we need to be honest with each other. Both sides have legitimate concerns that can only be addressed with dialogue instead of diatribes. Granted, that seems less likely than Michael Bay making a good movie, but I can hope.
And to Mr. Reich, I’m sorry your attempt to push the forced birth lie came up a little short.
I’ll see myself out…
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Leftists can find a way to be outraged by just about anything, even sources that are outside of their usual frames of reference. This past week, we saw Leftists get their panties in a bunch over…get this…the death of a professional wrestler, or more specifically how some of the wrestler’s colleagues chose to honor his memory.
Jamin Pugh wrestled under the name Jay Briscoe for many years and recently died in a car crash. He was beloved by his peers, with some offering condolences using the phrase Rest In Power.
It was these three little words that made Leftists shit themselves in outrage. Of course, if they were in San Francisco, you wouldn’t notice a difference, but the use of those three words became a personal affront to them because…get this…Jamin Pugh was…a white man! And Rest In Power? That’s a black phrase.
Better sit down for this one. The stupid is going to fly!
Rest In Power
What the Left thinks it means – a phrase to honor deceased blacks that should never be used by white people
What it really means – a phrase to honor a human being that doesn’t belong to anyone
To dig further into this situation, I went to where all self-respecting scholars go, Urban Dictionary. They define the phrase thus:
Phrase meaning that a deceased cannot rest in peace until society changes due to the circumstances of a death.
Well, that explains the boom in zombie movies and TV shows…
Dictionary.com provides this definition:
A variation on rest in peace, rest in power is used, especially in Black and LGBTQ communities, to commemorate a person whose death is considered unjust or wrongful. In this way, rest in power is a call to continue the struggle for social justice and as a show of solidarity.
Rest in power is also used to pay respect to a person, especially a person of color, who made a difference in the lives of minority communities. It is sometimes used to note the death of a person felt to have died too soon or senselessly, or a person who was influential or meaningful to people more generally.
At the core of both of these definitions is Leftist ideology. Victims of an unjust system are saluted with a Rest In Power, but the presumed oppressors can’t even utter the words because…well, they’re still trying to figure that part out. And they’re not the only ones.
Seriously, though, the phrase is believed to have originated as a way to honor a street artist, but was popularized in the black community as a way to memorialize people killed by violence. Oh, and rappers. With the death of Michael Brown and the suicide of a teenaged trans girl, Leelah Alcorn, Rest In Power got put behind rhetorical red velvet ropes complete with a bouncer to make sure only the “right” people got to use it.
Then, it got co-opted by white people and everything went to hell. Ain’t that always the case?
Although I can respect the origins of the phrase, I have to call bullshit on its presumed limits on usage. Once a phrase enters the cultural lexicon, the ownership transfers to society at large. Take the word “cool” for example. It started off with black jazz musicians, but evolved to the point of being universal. Now, there are grandmas walking at the mall who say something is “cool.” I don’t know if they can scat to a jazz riff, but that’s not the point.
Language is one of the most fluid things we have as human beings that isn’t actual fluid. As such, there is a lot of cultural cross-pollenization through diverse sources from music to fashion to cartoons. It doesn’t always work (see the drop-off in the use of “wack” in the past 20 years), but when it works, it works well.
So, why is Rest In Power exempt? Because…reasons?
The real reason is because Leftists need to control the language, even within communities already sympathetic to Leftist causes. By limiting who can use it, the Left acts as gatekeepers in the spirit of elevating the oppressed. Not that doing this actually elevates anyone, mind you…
What good does limiting who can say “Rest In Power” do when it comes to the Left’s stated goal of dismantling the current power structure and making it more equitable? It’s a SBD fart in a hurricane. The needle doesn’t move at all, nor will it ever. But it makes Leftist voting blocs feel good, so…yay, I guess?
Within this strategy is another Leftist concept, equity. Note, equity is not the same as equality, even though they share many of the same letters. Equality means everyone gets the same treatment across the board, no matter what. Equity allows for a bit more leeway in treatment because it allows for different circumstances to affect the outcome. And guess who currently pulls the levers on equitable treatment.
Leftists. Either that or an amusement park ride operator.
Setting standards on who can use “Rest In Power” is the Left’s commitment to equity writ large. But the entire concept falls apart like a balsa wood love seat at Michael Moore’s house when you consider the Left’s adoption of Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King. Two white people who are considered black because they identify as black in spite of being as white as an Edgar Winter concert in the middle of a blizzard after a typing correction fluid explosion.
I take that back. The aforementioned concert would have far too much rhythm to be truly white. My bad.
And guess what? That’s a joke comedians of all colors have been telling for decades, and yet no one has tried to limit who can tell it. Sure, the wording will be different, but the concept remains the same, and it has no one trying to gatekeep.
I never thought I’d be putting “cool” and “whites have no rhythm” on the same level, but here I am killing it!
And let me also point out the limits Leftists put on “Rest In Power” are completely arbitrary and, thus, rooted in logic shakier than the Biden White House’s response to why classified documents were found within 500 feet of Hunter. After all, whites make up the largest section of the LGBTQWTFFUBARLMFAO community. So, that means whites can use “Rest In Power” but only if they’re gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer, etc.
How’s that dicking feel, straight white Leftists?
It’s these kinds of rules that make Calvinball look like Candyland. Yet, it’s the insanity of these rules that makes the best argument against this rhetorical version of Affirmative Action. If no one knows the rules, they are impossible to enforce, and even when you try to enforce them, they can easily be circumvented. Why, it’s almost better not to have any rules on who can say “Rest In Power” in the first place!
Yes. Yes it is.
And that’s the point. People should feel free to use whatever wording they want in honor of a fallen friend, a late family member, or even a respected figure in the community. Yes, there are still going to be consequences if somebody takes it the wrong way, but that’s the risk you run when you say anything. You could post on Twitter that you like chocolate, and some asshat with a checkmark will take it that you hate vanilla and try to troll you back to the Stone Age. (In computer terms, that’s 1980.) But does that mean you can’t or shouldn’t say you like chocolate? Not at all!
There is a reason we have free speech in America, and it’s because even loudmouth assholes should be able to speak their minds, if only to make it easier for us to figure out who to stay away from in the future. Limiting speech, especially as innocuous as “Rest In Power,” doesn’t help anyone, literally and, well, literally. Oh, I almost forgot. Some of the people posting “Rest In Power” to the late Jay Briscoe happen to be members of the groups Leftists say get to use the phrase in the first place.
Checkmate, motherfuckers.