Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Recently, the Boy Scouts of America announced it would change its name to Scouting America effective February 2025. Although there are reasons and speculation as to why, one of the main reasons came from the President and CEO Roger Krone. In an attempt to get with the times and promote inclusion, Krone said the name change would allow Scouts to “bring their authentic self” to the organization.

Because as we all know, the Boy Scouts have a merit badge for being inauthentic.

Although the idea of increasing membership to the Boy Scouts isn’t a bad idea, the Leftist underpinnings of the concept of an authentic self making their way into the organization is. More after the break.

authentic self

What the Left thinks it means – who you really are outside of the constraints the world puts on you

What it really means – enabling self-delusion

There was a concept in the 70s where people had to “find themselves,” which often meant adults would leave their families to chase their dreams (i.e. act irresponsibly without fear of familial interference). This lead to a lot of broken homes, hard feelings, and an entire generation of kids who had to grow up without one of their parents. (Shout out to my fellow Gen Xers!)

Like bell bottoms, disco, and only 3 channels on TV, finding ourselves fell out of favor. And like two out of the three of these things, finding ourselves came back. Only this time, finding ourselves took on a whole new dimension. No longer were we restricted to what the kids like to call reality. We could find ourselves in whatever the fuck we wanted! And if we tried to point out you can’t really be a character from your favorite cartoon because it’s a fucking cartoon, well we’re just preventing you from being your authentic self.

And now you know why I’m not a fan of recycling, especially recycling really bad ideas.

At the heart of the concept of an authentic self is a lie people tell themselves. There are some things we can’t change through science, ideology, or self-delusion. For example, if you’re a 6’6″ 390 pound lineman from the Chicago Bears, you’re bound to know what it’s like not to reach the Super Bowl. But along with that, you are a tall, heavy man. You cannot will your way into becoming a 6 inch fairy named SparklyAss. The best you can do is pretend.

And that’s the operative word, Mr. Spock: pretend. As in not real. As in make believe. As in the approval numbers for President Brick Tamland.

So many of the “authentic self” crowd have bought into the lie for any number of reasons. One of the most prevalent ones I think is the need for attention. Thanks to the great enabler that is social media, narcissism is becoming a major issue in our society. And what better way to make yourself the center of attention than to insist the world cater to your whims? If you don’t like the way your life is, create a better one and make the world adopt it, even as they adopt their own. Before you know it, we had to come up with new pronouns, more genders than Baskin Robbins has flavors, and an increasing level of self-importance and entitlement.

And you don’t even have to be someone who promotes the concept of an authentic self. Just go to YouTube and look up arrest videos with entitled people. But that’s a flaming dumpster fire for another time.

The point is it’s impossible to have an authentic self if you have to lie to make it authentic. But societal pressures make that kind of lying acceptable. After all, if you’re not hurting anyone, it should be okay, right?

Wellllll…not so much.

The problem with narcissism is it’s never sated. The minute your star doesn’t shine as brightly as someone else’s, your world goes into freefall. And I’m not talking major incidents like a loved one dying, an accident with injuries, or a Madonna concert. I’m talking shit as minor as…getting your order wrong at Starbucks.

Apparently, a lot of people’s authentic selves are whiny bitches.

More to the point, though, is self-delusion and narcissism aren’t healthy traits. Granted, today’s version of health includes people so fat their shadows have triple chins, so healthy is a relative term. However, there are psychological aspects to both that can be long term and hard to overcome. The problem is people don’t want to overcome it. Ego is like crack, except it doesn’t show up on a drug screen. And thank God for that or I would be…in no trouble whatsoever. In fact, let’s never speak of the McDonalds interview where I asked the hiring manager when I could start slinging kangaroo burgers.

Meanwhile back at the point I was making, ego is a powerful drug that is just as habit-forming as crack. Although you can have a little ego without going all Charlie Sheen imitating Keith Richards, it’s important to keep a level head on your shoulders. A little ego boost can make your head swell pretty quickly. Then, before you know it, you’ll be looking for any excuse to satisfy your jones for attention.

And then you’ll look more and more like an asshole.

Some of the “authentic selves” advocates have reached peak assholery, but some just want to add a little spice to their lives. If you fall into the latter category, I have a question and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. Have you considered getting a hobby? You know, something that will get you outside the house and allows you to meet actual people? Sure, you run the risk of having your personal fantasy disrupted by reality, but it’s worth it in the long run. Connecting with people, learning more about them and they about you, sharing genuine human contact, that shit’s good for you! And you can find the real you, not the “authentic self” you wish you could be.

The problem with that, to Leftists, is it empowers people to accept reality. A lot of Leftist rhetoric involves stretching the truth like Reed Richards in yoga pants, so anything that allows people to opt out of their reality is bad for them. So, they agree with everything and anything that will get suckers…I mean voters to agree with them.

Including the lineman who wants to be called SparklyAss.

And that’s all the “authentic self” crowd needs to keep their delusions alive. These people don’t need validation; they need emotional fulfillment in the real world. They need someone to say “I like you for you, not for who you wish to be.” Or at the very least they need someone to say “As great as your fantasy world is, the real world has much better graphics.”

Granted, some people will be harder to reach with this message than others. Just work on the ones you can and let the more extreme cases go, at least until they do something to harm themselves and others. Then, no amount of “authentic self” talk will save them from an authentic ass-whuppin.

Although I’ve never been a member of the Boy Scouts, I grew up respecting their basic tenets as a foundation for a good productive life. I want every child to experience scouting in one form or another, but doing it by violating the Boy Scouts’ basic principles isn’t the way to do it. That’s selling out in the hopes it attracts more potential Scouts. And it’s not going to work because a) it will turn off people who would have sent their boys to the Boy Scouts before the more inclusive version took over, and b) it will turn off secular parents who might be attracted to the inclusion, but turned off by the religious overtones.

Quite the knot you’ve tied there, Boy Scouts. Is there a merit badge for fucking shit up so badly it ruins your brand in perpetuity? If not, you might want to make one. Just put a picture of Dylan Mulvaney holding a Bud Light on it and, boom, you’re done!

My 2024 Commencement Address

After years of trying and failing to get selected as a commencement speaker at an institute of learning, I finally got a response. Granted, it was a restraining order, but I count that as a victory.

Aside from that legal paperwork, I am still waiting for that call, email, text, note tied to a rock thrown through a window, etc., so I can wow them with my rhetorical prowess. Or just get a nice check for talking for a few minutes.

Hello, soon-to-be-graduates of [insert name of educational institution]! As you prepare for the next stage of your lives, I’ve been asked to give you some words of inspiration to send you off in style, ready to take on the world. But instead, I’m going to level with you.

As the great philosophers Three 6 Mafia once said, “it’s hard out there for a pimp.” And when you consider pimping is selling sex, you know if it’s hard for them, it’s bad. I mean, really bad. And you know who’s to blame?

Taylor Swift.

I mean, she’s being blamed for everything else, so why not throw her under the bus for this?

Seriously, the world you’re about to enter is vastly different than what you may believe it to be. Up until now, you’ve been on Easy Mode. Sure, you may have had some hiccups along the way, but nothing you (or your parents) couldn’t overcome. Once you graduate, the difficulty level goes up.

Now, you’ll be expected to fend for yourselves, whether it be in college, the military, the trades, or the corporate world. While it could be done in previous years, it’s not quite as easy as it once was. Prices have gone up, wages have been stagnant, and any starting position won’t be as glamorous or as fulfilling as you’d like.

As the great philosopher Norm Peterson once said, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.” That’s what the outside world is like, kids. Constantly having to make decisions that will have short and long-term implications. Pay for a night out, or pay for a week’s groceries? Hang out with friends at a bar, or hang out with friends at a cramped apartment? Take in a movie, or take in the sights? A lot of adult decisions crammed into a brain that is still developing.

So, no pressure.

And that’s on top of the other stuff that’s going through your minds. Things like politics, climate change, the war in Gaza, the economy, growing tensions here and abroad, I could go on and on, but I won’t because I don’t want the school to void the check before I can cash it. So, let me throw in a bit of hope.

All the big stuff you think you have to deal with? All of it is beyond your control.

Now, you can look at that revelation in one of two ways. You can either be monumentally depressed and close yourselves off from the world, or you can be glad the weight of the world is off your shoulders. As you take the next steps in your lives, you have to decide which perspective you want to have and plan accordingly. One path will lead you into dark, angry places where you have no joy. The other path will open up new avenues to find your joy.

And the best part about it? You have time to figure it out. You’re young and, hopefully, have a long life ahead of you. Not everything is going to make sense yet. It took me two years of working at a dead-end telemarketing job to realize how much the government takes from your paycheck and how little you get in return. Sure, you can get active in politics and vote like an adult, or at the very least a slightly more mature child, but as the great philosopher Tripper from the movie “Meatballs” once said, “It just doesn’t matter!”

Kinda selling the joyless life, aren’t I?

Maybe, but it’s with a twist. One of the hardest lessons I learned in my young adult life was to pick my battles. Figure out what you can control and what you can’t. Unless you’re going to volunteer for the war in Ukraine and move to the front lines, you aren’t going to move the needle on ending it. But, if you focus on putting away a little money here and there and live frugally until you get on your feet, you still won’t have an impact on the war effort, but you might set yourself up for a better future.

That’s what I mean by picking your battles. Knowing when your efforts are going to make a difference in your life. If you need emotional fulfillment, try volunteering. Take up a hobby or two. Spend time reflecting on what you want to do, how you want to do it, and what you believe. Tomorrow’s bumper crop starts with today’s planting. Once the seeds are planted, it’s up to you to figure out how to make them grow.

And failing that you could always get into politics, where some of the biggest dunces on God’s green earth get paid handsome sums of money for being mediocre at best. You don’t even need experience being a dunce, either! They will train you on the job! Granted, you might have to leave your integrity and anything resembling a soul at the door, but if you’re willing to aim for the middle, I’m there for you!

To everyone else, all I can ask is to aim higher than the middle. Sure, you will miss a lot of the time, but that’s how we learn. Nothing in life is supposed to be easy. If it were, everyone would have astronomical starting salaries, a company car, an expense account, and opportunities for advancement just waiting for you. But not everybody can have that. I mean, what would the children of rich parents do in that case?

What I’m trying to say is don’t sell yourselves short. You are going to screw up because you’re human, and young humans at that. As the great philosopher Pete Townsend once said, “Don’t try to run before you’ve figured how to crawl.” Take your time, look around, and enjoy those little moments we all have. Take in a sunset or a sunrise. Smell the flowers. Reflect on the simple beauty that’s all around us if we just open our eyes wide enough. And most of all, stop looking at your phones and start looking up. Not only will you gain a better perspective on the world, but you’ll be less likely to run into me at the grocery store.

So, let me close with a saying that’s held me in good stead all of my years. As my grandpa used to say, “Hey you kids! Stay off my lawn!”

Congratulations, Class of 2024!