As of the time of this blithering…I mean blogging, the federal government is on the verge of another government shutdown. Before, the Leftists complained the Republicans weren’t willing to negotiate to prevent the shutdown, but this time…it’s Leftists complaining the Republicans aren’t willing to negotiate to prevent the shutdown.
If only that were an echo, it wouldn’t sound so stupid and hypocritical.
Regardless, the Left has gone all doom and gloom on the prospect of a government shutdown. People will die! Health care will be lost for millions! There might yet another Medea movie! Holy shit on a shingle, Batman! It must be a super-cereal problem for the Left to go all Red Alert like this!
Nope. It’s literally just Tuesday. (Please check local listings for the day of the week in your area.)
Much like a case of the clap, this seems to come around every so often, only a lot more irritating and a lot less fun to get. The federal government runs out of money more than Hunter Biden at an all-you-can-do crack den, so it becomes this ordeal to right the fiscal ship. Only, we never do.
I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. Our government keeps funding itself through Continuing Resolutions, which are promises we’ll pay our bills this time and never let this happen again. And then it keeps happening. The federal government hasn’t passed an actual budget since 2017, so we’re getting close to a decade of these budgetary tricks that would get the rest of us thrown in jail.
Which is why Arthur Andersen should have gone into politics instead of dealing with Enron.
The thing about government shutdowns is essential functions are still being paid out, so it’s not like we’re not going to fund the military for a few days because our elected officials can’t decide whether to spend a few billion on studies about transexual llama mating habits during a full moon occurring on Tuesdays. It’s only the shit that we decide to spend that gets impacted.
Which brings us to the latest sticking point for the Left. Democrats want to extend tax credits for health insurance and reverse Medicare cuts President Trump supported. And those mean ole Republicans don’t want that.
Funny thing. Leftists tend to hate tax credits and the Right love them.
Regardless, there is some question as to the veracity of the Left’s demands, namely that these nozzleheads think we should pay for health care for illegal immigrants because Murka. (Which I think they believe to be a foreign country that keeps sending us immigrants, but that’s neither here nor there.) And contrary to Leftist squawking points to the contrary, that shit is happening. So, maybe a little scrutiny is in order to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Or, yanno, don’t send in a Continuing Resolution with that shit in there. Just saying.
Apparently that’s a bridge too far for Leftists, so here we are. And I am so good with it.
What the Left fails to understand is people really don’t pay that much attention to government most of the time. Sure, there are times when we do, but the rest of the time we want them to get out of our ways. There are so many laws on the books, people break at least 3 of them every day, and that’s at least 4 too many in my book.
Maybe it’s my small government brain working overtime again, but it’s my belief that the federal government needs a DOGE-style enema. We need to know not only how our money is spent, but get an explanation of why. Given the USAID and NGO scandals from earlier this year, the government needs that enema, like, 10 years ago.
And I don’t mean just looking into Democrat-approved expenditures, either. Let’s go whole hog on eliminating pork! If there’s a line item that is unusual, unnecessary, or at the very least questionable, call it out and make the assholes responsible for it explain themselves. If they can’t, off goes the funding, along with their jobs.
Which brings me to a point I’ve made before, but it bears repeating. Why in the wide world of fuck are we paying non-essential employees? If they’re not needed for the day-to-day operations, they shouldn’t be on the books. Unless you can make one hell of an argument in favor of having a Regional Sub-Assistant Manager in Charge of Fetching Some Bureaucrat Starbucks Every Morning, have that bureaucrat pick it up himself or herself. If they make the big (or even the medium) bucks, they can afford to get their own ‘Bucks.
Of course, there are several thousand federal workers resigning October 1 due to budget cuts. Those are rookie numbers! You know what would really piss off the Orange Man? If more workers up and quit! Really stick it to him! Have a mass walkout that would make the Million Man March look like a Kindergarten class lining up for recess!
Of course, with the caveat being you decline getting your final paychecks and pension. After all, you don’t want to get any money Donald Trump has access to, right?
But I’m afraid that’s not going to happen any time soon, so we’re stuck with watching Democrats and Republicans fight over how to spend more of our money on shit we didn’t ask for and really don’t need. I guess the only thing left to do is pop some popcorn, get a cold drink or 50, and watch.
Tag: continuing resolutions
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
To all of you from all of, well, me, I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kickin’ Kwanza, Fabulous Festivus, Cool Yule, a Spectacular Solstice, or for those who don’t celebrate anything this time of year, happy Sunday.
And for a number of people who just so happen not to be us, Congress gave them a very generous holiday bonus to the tune of, oh, $1.7 trillion. It was part of an omnibus spending bill whisking its way to President Joe Biden’s desk as of this writing, where there is no doubt he will sign it. Where the doubt lies is whether he’ll sign it in pen or purple crayon.
Another issue not in doubt is your favorite blogger is going to cover it this week. And I will, too!
omnibus spending bill
What the Left thinks it means – a necessary spending bill that helps America and Americans
What it really means – a bill so full of pork Jews and Muslims can’t partake of it for religious reasons
In my lifetime, Congress has always been the home of big spenders, as the National Debt Clock continues to show. More on that later, but I wanted to give you an idea of the numbers we’re dealing with here before giving more details. Plus, it will give you a chance to get a stiff drink or fifty to steel your nerves.
First, let’s dig into the details. Thanks to Senator Rand Paul and Congressman Chip Roy, we have an idea of just what Leftists were telling us were vital expenditures necessary to keep the government from shutting down. Here are a few examples.
– $4.5 billion in COVID Economic Injury Disaster Grants to people who weren’t eligible to get them in the first place
– $1.7 billion for upkeep of federal office buildings not currently in use
– $140 million in COVID funds used to build a spa
– $31.5 million in COVID funds to buy luxury cars
– $3 million on watching ‘roided-up hamsters fight
– $2.1 million to encourage Ethiopians to wear shoes
– $1.1 million to teach mice to binge drink (could have just sent them to college)
– $69 million in overpayments to government contractors for a terminated contract
– $77 million in mismanaged and untracked fuel purchases by the State Department
And so on and so on.
Granted, you could make an argument for some of the spending ($3 million to build a Gandhi museum, almost $500 million to redevelop our hard cider industry, $200,000 for radio spots telling drivers to stop at railroad crossings), but most of it is USDA Certified Lean Bullshit. Out of all the bad financial decisions that makes Arthur Andersen look like Warren Buffett, possibly the worst was almost $120,000 going towards…and I wish I was making this up…a grant to research whether Thanos could actually snap his fingers while wearing the Infinity Gauntlet.
The short answer? No. My answer? No, because Thanos is a fucking fictional character.
Where is that stiff drink?
Okay, I’m ready to continue.
Remember when Ukrainian President and Vogue photo subject Volodymyr Zelensky recently told Puddin’ Head Joe he would need more money? Well, surprise surprise surprise, the omnibus spending bill has nearly $45 billion in aid earmarked for Ukraine. And that’s on top of the $68 billion we’ve already given them in 2022. For the math challenged out there, that will be in the neighborhood of $113 billion.
Of course Leftists and some self-described “real conservatives” tell us this money is essential and if we don’t agree, we’re anti-Ukraine and, thus, anti-American. In fact, to them it’s a no-brainer. After all, if we fund the Ukrainians well enough, they’ll beat the Russians and hinder their ability to influence the world
No. That’s really what they believe.
And if it hadn’t been for 18 Senate Republicans voting with Senate Democrats and two Independents in favor of the omnibus bill, we might not be having this conversation. As of this writing, only one of these 14 asshats, Mitt Romney of Utah, has even attempted to explain his reasoning.
Put simply, the Senate Republican support was a no-brainer because no brains went into their votes.
Bartender, hit me!
Now, for the fun part. All of this spending is being done without being in a budget. Since 1996, the federal government has been spending money through Continuing Resolutions (basically, an IOU Congress writes to itself promising to spend more money without any rhyme or reason) or…drum roll please…omnibus spending bills. The reason is simple: no budget means no budget limits. I’ve seen inebriated sailors with more restraint than Congress.
Speaking of inebriation…bartender!
Let me lay my cards on the table here. I’m not a fan of omnibus spending bills, not just the ones Puddin’ Head Joe will sign. Congress has a spending problem, and omnibus spending bills are blank checks backed up with the promise of professional liars that they’ll pay it back with interest.
By the way, $475 billion of the omnibus bill is for interest on the national debt.
Yeah, we’re never going to see a balanced budget anytime soon, not when it’s so easy to pass spending bills that have no fiscal strings attached.
Even if you’re in favor of the bill, you’re going to have a hard time convincing me spending any money on Thanos research, luxury cars, or building a spa advances anything in the national interest. Personal interests, sure, but national? Give me a fucking break!
Speaking of which, I’d better take a break from drinking long enough to wrap this up.
The very fact supporters of the omnibus spending bill have to rely on faux patriotism, a backdrop of Ukraine fighting for freedom, and the idea the government has to stay open or things won’t get done should give us pause to drink…I mean think. As Americans struggle to make ends meet due to inflation being higher than Tommy Chong on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, our elected officials continue to make matters worse by making our money more worthless than an abstinence talk by Bill Clinton.
The sad thing is there’s nothing we can do about it. Aside from a wholesale house (and Senate) cleaning and starting over, we’re stuck paying for someone else getting a luxury car, thanks to Daddy Government. The sad truth is there are so many Democrats and Republicans, both elected and governed, who have no problem with the current state of affairs. After all, they’re not going to pay the tab; we are.
And with that, I bring this Lexicon entry to a close. Which is good timing because I’m about to passdkjladkahdfadjf;dajkl;
[Editor’s Note: We found Thomas slumped over his laptop after getting blackout drunk writing this piece. We cleaned up his entry and his computer as well as we could. We are giving him coffee intravenously in the hopes he’ll be awake in time for next week’s Lexicon.]