Month: May 2023

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

There’s a little word starting with the letter D that has Leftists up in arms more than usual. No, it’s not “domestic terrorism” or “DeSantis” or even “D-Student President.” The word is “default” and Leftists are sounding the alarm that unless those evil mean ole Republicans approve a bunch of spending (which is totally related to running the country and isn’t related to a bunch of partisan bullshit designed to help Leftists buy… I mean earn votes). And those evil mean dagnasty Republicans want to…horror of horrors…spend less! Those monsters!

While talks between President Puddin’ Head Joe and House Speaker Kevin “Not Charlie” McCarthy have broken down more often than the car I bought from a sleazy used car salesman (i.e. a used car salesman), it seems more and more people on the Left are afraid we aren’t going to pay our bills and Grandma Gertrude will lose her Social Security, Medicare, and all means to survive. It’s going to be worse than January 6th!

Yeah, not so much. Let’s dive in

default

What the Left thinks it means – what will happen right now unless House Republicans agree to keeping proposed expenditures at higher rates

What it really means – a condition that hasn’t happened yet, but will become a reality in the near future

First off, a bit of insider baseball. Congressional budgeting isn’t the same thing as personal budgeting because the government can always print more money. If you or I did that, we’d be thrown in jail.

Come to think of it, that would be an ideal solution to the problems I have with Congress…

Anyway, because of this federal ability to print money, you’re more likely to find a happy Bud Light drinker than the government is to default on our debts. There are risks tied to this, namely the US Dollar becoming more worthless than Kanye West’s 2024 Presidential campaign coffers, but our elected officials aren’t stupid enough to let that happen, right?

Considering there is a sitting Representative who expressed fear that Guam would capsize if there were too many people, I’m not betting the farm on that.

But what I am betting the farm on is a lot of histrionics from people who don’t know the first thing about how economics works, even those who boast of having economics degrees but couldn’t make change.

Or toast, for that matter.

At the heart of this current kurfluffle is the Left’s insistence we raise the debt ceiling to ensure expenditures get paid. Put another way, Leftists are “just trying to pay America’s bills.”

One tiny problem (well, more than one, but we’ll get into that a bit later). The spending being done now is for the next fiscal year, which doesn’t start until…October 1, 2023. The shit we’re dealing with now is from the fiscal year that began October 1, 2022, when Democrats controlled the House and, thus, controlled spending.

Waitaminute…wouldn’t that give Leftists a vested interest in raising the debt ceiling (which is like getting a credit line increase on the federal Visa card)? Why…yes, yes it would!

It also gives them a manmade…womanmade…wymynmade…transmade…whatever made line 0f attack against House Republicans. After all, they’re standing in the way of paying America’s bills, right?

Not so much. The House passed a debt bill waaaaaaaay back on April 26th, a bill that Senate Majority Leader Chuck “Not Amy” Schumer called “dead on arrival” and President Puddin’ Head Joe said he would veto the House bill if it passed the Senate. Compare this to his comments from a few weeks ago (and a few days after he made the veto comment) trying to spin the situation to his advantage.

Hmmm…kinda makes you wonder who’s really forcing the default issue, doesn’t it?

But it’s not like the Left doesn’t have solutions. Members of the Congressional Progressive Caucus sent Puddin’ Head Joe a letter suggesting he invoke the 14th Amendment as a means to resolve the debt ceiling issue and avoid default. Although this may seem like a stretch that would make Reed Richards look like a block of stone, Section 4 gives at least somewhat of a framework.

The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any state shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.

Now, I didn’t say the Left had good solutions.

The Left’s argument relies on the “validity of the public debt…shall not be questioned” part. Thanks to our good friends at Merrium Webster, we have two definitions of “validity” that maybe kinda sorta works.

the quality or state of being valid: such as

a: the state of being acceptable according to the law

b: the quality of being well-grounded, sound, or correct

Now, I’m giving the Left more credit than usual for deep thinking, but just because they put a little more thought into it than how they want their steaks cooked doesn’t mean they’re on the right track. Even with the most liberal (see what I did there) interpretation of the definitions, you’re still left with the “so what” question. How does this apply to the debt ceiling?

According to Al Jazeera (because I love to be an equal opportunity mocker of bad ideas), invoking the 14th would eliminate the debt limit and allow the nation’s bills to be paid. Now, this may solve the short term issues, but astute readers and students of history know how this is likely to end.

Spoiler Alert for you Leftists out there: it doesn’t end well for anyone, especially you.

Even though the Left is almost completely wrong here, they have inadvertently stumbled into a real issue: we aren’t taking federal spending seriously. I would say the government spends money like drunken sailors, but that would be insulting inebriated members of the Navy and I won’t stand for that. I don’t have any reason to believe we’d ever go into default, but only because of the power the federal government has to create money out of thin air. And we’re not talking about bills that have anything backing it, mind you. Right now the only thing backing the US Dollar is…our word.

Any Native American readers want to chime in on how much the government’s word is worth?

More to the point, our government’s spending makes the possibility of an actual default more and more likely unless we get a handle on it. As anyone who has had to take our a second mortgage to buy eggs this week can attest, inflation is a real issue affecting us all on some level. The more money we print, the less value it has. Before you know it, we’re post-WWI Germany without the pointy helmets.

And the thing is we keep running into this game of economic chicken every fucking year. The party in power of Congress and the party out of power always jockey for position in the weeks and months before the government can’t pay its bills and chaos ensues (according to the Left). Then, we might have to…shut down the government until a deal can be reached! Then, people might realized just how big, cumbersome, and mostly useless government actually is, and that’s going to hurt Leftists!

Wait. I’m not sure there’s a downside here. Oh, wait, I see one: this brinkmanship is tired, as well as tiring. But we will keep seeing it as long as both major parties prefer it to fiscal responsibility. Democrats and Republicans don’t want to think about what happens when the interest payment on the national debt exceeds our ability to pay since they’re too busy trying to figure out how to blame it on each other.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating (for no other reason than to pad out this piece a bit more). America has a spending problem. We are a shopaholic with the world’s most elite credit card, and we keep upping the credit limit because our elected officials are more than willing to sign off on it. And as long as the dipshits in Washington DC fail to grasp even basic accounting practices (i.e. being too far in the red is a bad thing), we’re going to keep playing chicken with the can being kicked down the road so a new group of dipshits can play.

Well, there’s a line from the movie “War Games” that applies here: “The only winning move is not to play.” Granted, we’re not dealing with Global Thermonuclear War or even chess, but we are hurtling towards a different point of no return, one where default is all but guaranteed. Cutting proposed spending while still increasing spending doesn’t help. Our national debt is in the trillions of dollars, and nobody on either side really wants to do the one thing that will help.

STOP FUCKING SPENDING!

While Republicans don’t seem to have any answers, at least they’re not really dumb ideas, which is what the Left has to offer right now. So, expect more chicken in DC and less in your refrigerator.

Speaking of which, could you help me out? I need to buy some chicken and I’m short by, oh, a few thousand dollars. Thanks in advance!








Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Clear your calendars, kids! The hottest new piece of literature just dropped and it’s going to be a scorcher! I’m not referring to any of the 498 books Stephen King will release this week. Instead, I’m referring to the long-awaited Durham Report.

After the initial shock of discovering Leftists had their fingerprints all over the Russian collusion allegations against former President Donald Trump, the Left has done into damage control. Some said it failed to deliver any real results, while others went so far as to say it was a flop that opened the door for future misuse. Some have gone so far as to give analysis that make the whole investigation look like one big boondoggle.

Which means the truth is far more damaging than the Left wants to admit. Oh, and that it’s this week’s Lexicon entry.

the Durham Report

What the Left thinks it means – an expensive bomb of an investigation that lead to nothing and should be called out for repeating Trump’s lies

What it really means – the report the Left wishes the Mueller Report could have been

For those who are interested in the report, here it is.

For the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version, here it is.

– Leftists within the alphabet agencies attempted to paint Donald Trump as a Russian asset in 2016 at the direction of Hillary Clinton.

– There was no evidence of Russian collusion.

– The aforementioned alphabet agencies knew it, but proceeded with an investigation anyway because Hillary.

– Leftists had actual ties with Russia during the time they were attempting to make Donald Trump look like a Russian asset.

– Leftists never thought they would get caught.

So, here we are. After 4 years and $6.5 million spent, the Left is finally worried about a partisan investigation. I mean, the Mueller investigation (which was shadier than the hygiene practices at Uncle Filthy’s Botulism Emporium and Discount Slaughterhouse) only cost $32 million! How dare Republicans spend $6.5 million!

By the way, these same dickweeds complaining about the waste of money with the Durham Report are okay with sending Ukraine $24.9 billion for a war where we’re not even one of the direct participants. Granted, that figure was from January of this year, so the current number is going to be higher than Willie Nelson hanging out with Snoop Dogg in Amsterdam on 4/20.

So, let’s cut out the bullshit about the cost and look at results. The primary result is the Durham Report exposed a real conspiracy of dunces with the sole purpose of making Donald Trump look bad. First off, he does a good job of that on his own, so the Left didn’t really need to help. Second, Hillary Clinton has a sordid (and utterly mock-worthy) history with Russia.

Now, Leftists are going to say I’m using a logical fallacy called “poisoning the well” as a means to prop up Durham after a failure of a report. That would be true…if there wasn’t so much evidence out there. And it’s information the Left doesn’t want to get out because it unravels a lot of their squawking points over the past few years.

The most obvious bullshit talking point destroyed is the alleged Russian collusion with Trump. The Left needs this point to be true because it’s the only way they can explain why Trump beat Clinton in 2016. That is, if you overlook how unpopular Hillary is. She lost to an unknown Illinois Senator in 2008, for fuck’s sake! And he was only slightly more competent than she was! Not exactly a ringing endorsement of Hillary’s popularity as a political figure.

Then, 2016 happened.

From before Donald Trump took the Oath of Office to today, the Left not only conspired to slime him in the court of public opinion, but got government agencies involved to make it happen. And even then Hillary lost. Simply put, Hillary Clinton is a political fuck-up aided by other political fuck-ups pretending to be law enforcement. Law enfarcement maybe, but not law enforcement.

Which brings us to another reason the Left has to discredit the Durham Report: it exposes just how broken the FBI has been for years. The Durham Report made a point of not only showing how fucked up the FBI’s involvement in the Russia collusion story, but also offered suggestions on how to fix the problem. Personally, I think we should nuke the site from orbit since it’s the only way to be sure, but that’s probably my inner 80s teen talking.

Once the FBI’s corruption got exposed (again), the Left loses one of the weapons in its arsenal to deal with what they consider unsavory elements. You know, like pro-lifers. In order to retain some semblance of control, the Left needs the FBI, which makes the agency look a lot less credible and will fuel even more calls to investigate just how deep the corruption goes.

I don’t see a down-side here.

Especially when the Left mocked the “Back the Blue” movement while elevating the FBI to near-godlike status. That’s how you know their love of law enforcement is utter bullshit, but it’s also a pretty big tell as to why the Left has a vested interest in protecting the FBI by denigrating the Durham Report.

You know. Poisoning the well?

The Left are also making a big deal of how few convictions came from the Durham Report as compared to the Mueller Report. Although the lack of frog-marching feds is cause for concern, it’s not really that big a deal unless you’re in the business of quantity of justice rather than quality of justice. Some of Mueller’s successes came as a result of shoddy charges and dishonest reporting. Can you say Michael Flynn, boys and girls? I knew you could.

And what’s more? The Mueller Report found no sufficient evidence of collusion with Russia, which was counter to what the Left wanted him to find. The Durham Report confirms this, which is counter to what the Left wanted him to find. Maybe it’s me, but I’m sensing a pattern…

Like the pattern of behavior the Left has when bad news hits their side. First, there’s panic as they try to figure out how to spin the bad news. Second, there’s the spin, where the bad news is turned into good news (often with a good amount of gaslighting). Third, there’s “debate” as people fact-check the Left’s spin and the Left pretends the fact-checks are inaccurate. Fourth, there’s Leftist “fact-checking” which is little more than gaslighting that would make the Hindenburg look like a sparkler. Finally, there’s the call to move on from talking about the bad news because “it’s old news.”

As of this writing, the Left has gone through at least 3 of the steps with the “fact-checking” step about to kick into high gear. Give it a week or so and the “old news” calls will be coming hard and fast.

Unfortunately, we have a lingering question that I don’t think we’re going to get a satisfactory answer to: who’s going to federal fuck-me-in-the-ass prison over this? The way the justice system works now, we’ll be lucky to get the FBI Director’s secretary’s brother’s former college roommate’s cousin’s dog walker’s accountant’s former high school basketball team’s water boy indicted, and if so, it will be for something completely unrelated, like a waaaaaaay overdue library book. The fact Lois Lerner is still on the outside instead of getting 3 hots and a cot in Leavenworth is proof of that. Reports outlining criminal behavior are all well and good, but without action, they’re just words on a page. And if you expect Leftists to join in the accountability mob, I have swamp land in the Arctic Circle I’d love to sell you. In this situation, elections have lack of consequences.

And it’s not like the Republicans have the best track record in following through, either. A big reason why is because a lot of them don’t want to rock the boat too much because then they become targets for the kind of bogus investigations we’ve seen out of the Left so far. And when their dirty laundry gets put out for the world to see, it puts a King Kong sized monkey wrench in their reelection plans. Then again, many of them are in “safe” districts and states, so even if they get caught getting baggies of heroin shoved up their asses by an Asian trans dominatrix named Madame Hung Lo their approval ratings might take a dip of 0.00000000000001% because “the other side is worse.”

As much as I can’t argue that, it doesn’t help the situation. Without a desire to stand up for what is right, our little Constitutional Republic is doing to go the way of Rome. And by that I mean an expensive tourist trap with a kitschy casino counterpart on the Las Vegas strip.

So, like Las Vegas.

Anyway, we need leaders more than ever, men and women willing to buck party lines to do what is right and just. It might take a few election cycles and some “come to Jesus” moments, but if anyone can do it, America can. The Durham Report is the first step on that journey, and we best take it while we can.

Also, it will piss off the Left, so…yay!





Why Ron DeSantis Is Super Hitler

Sorry for the clickbait title, but I assure you it’s going to make sense here in a bit.

To put it mildly, Leftists have a serious hate boner for Florida Governor and prospective 2024 Presidential candidate Ron DeSantis, mainly because he beats them at just about every turn. Whether it’s taking on Disney, passing laws to protect females and children from the machinations of the trans rights movement, or just generally being a likeable guy, DeSantis have proven to be more formidable than the Left thought.

So, they’re pulling out the Hitler Card.

Normally, this sort of bullshit would fall into Godwin’s Law territory, but the Left takes it to an entirely new level. Not only do Leftists pull out the Hitler Card like a blackjack dealer working straight commission, but they don’t even wait to play it! As of this writing, DeSantis hasn’t announced he’s running for President, but that hasn’t stopped Leftists from comparing him to Hitler.

Just like they did to Donald Trump.

And George W. Bush.

Come to think of it, the Left has a habit of painting any Republican to the right of Liz Cheney in the worst possible light they can. And why not? It’s worked on everyone from George H. W. Bush to Donald Trump. Hell, they even made John McCain and Mitt Romney, two of the most milquetoast Presidential candidates since the invention of milk and toast, into people not even their mothers would support.

But there’s a second part to this practice. After a while (i.e. when those evil Republicans start doing stuff Leftists like), the harsh criticism goes away and the Left starts to soften their stance. Suddenly, the worst person since, well, Hitler is an okay person now. And it’s not as if these candidates have changed that much, either. The change is politically motivated (duh), and it depends greatly on as few people as possible noticing it as possible.

Guess who has a long memory.

With the prospect of a DeSantis run, Leftists are even starting to soften their opinions on Donald Trump. Granted, it’s softened from “Trump is literally Hitler” to “Trump is bad, but DeSantis is worse.” So…progress, I guess?

But here’s the thing (and I have to admit I didn’t think of this until a conservative on Twitter mentioned it). The more the Left uses the Hitler Card, the less effective it becomes. After all, not every Republican candidate can be Hitler (not that the Left won’t try to make that argument, mind you), so there’s diminishing returns to consider. Plus, if Hitler is your #1 most evil guy ever, where do you go from there? Aside from puling out the Hitler Card again, there isn’t much else you can do.

Hence, the title of this piece.

Increasing the hysterical ante against DeSantis creates the possibility of him being portrayed as Super Hitler, which is the only logical step from him just being Normal Hitler. Then what? The next Republican candidate is going to be Super Duper Hitler? Then, do we move on to Super Duper Mega Extreme Hitler? Before you know it, we might be looking at a Super Duper Mega Extreme Crunchy Gordita Extra Value Meal With a Side of Seasoned Potatoes and a Soft Drink For Only $6 Hitler.

And that would be silly. I mean, you’d be lucky to get a Super Duper Mega Extreme Crunchy Gordita Extra Value Meal With a Side of Seasoned Potatoes and a Soft Drink for anything less than a ten-spot in today’s economy.

More to the point, though, is the fact painting every Republican candidate as Hitler doesn’t help Leftists in the long run, especially when they reverse course when they think no one is watching. There was only one Adolf Hitler in history and we should keep it that way. Just because you’re ideologically opposed to a candidate doesn’t make them evil by default. Once you get to know them and review their policy ideas, then it’s okay to call them evil.

Just kidding about that. There are very few politicians in America right now that I would consider evil. Misguided? Absolutely. Scummy? Of course. Dumber than a bag of hammers that self identifies as a box of rocks? Hell to the yeah! And, no, none of them can hold Hitler’s jock strap. Although why anyone would want to hold it is beyond me, but you do you, boo!

To any Leftists reading this (or having it read to you, as the case may be), knock it off with the “DeSantis is Hitler” shit. You’re not convincing anyone, you make yourselves look like historically illiterate idiots, and you’re not making your candidate look any better. Granted, trying to make Puddin’ Head Joe and Kamala “Word Salad” Harris look good is like polishing dog shit, so the only option you see is to cut down the opposition, but that’s not the same as putting forward a reason to vote for a ticket. You want me to consider Biden/Harris 2024? Give me a reason that doesn’t involve making the Republican candidate look like the most evil figure in history.

But if that’s too hard for you, just try to keep the drool off Puddin’ Head Joe’s suit, okay?

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

Leftists tend to freak out about things they don’t like because, well, they’re Leftists. This week’s freakout is courtesy of their favorites and ours, former President Donald Trump. See, Trump is running for President in 2024 and CNN…gave him airtime for a town hall meeting.

I know! I was shocked that a cable news network would spend time talking to a famous political figure in an attempt to get ratings!

Although Leftist freakouts are as common as bad pop music songs right now, Leftists are just as predictable with their responses: hashtag activism. For a short time, Leftists on Twitter got #BoycottCNN trending which is…something, I guess? What is a bit more certain is I’m going to mock the hell out of it!

#BoycottCNN

What the Left thinks it means – a response to CNN allowing Donald Trump airtime to spread his hateful message

What it really means – a lame response to CNN allowing Donald Trump airtime to promote his Presidential campaign

First, a bit of background. A long time ago, CNN was the place to go on cable to get news, mainly because it was the only place to go on cable to get news. For the most part, they played it straight down the line, but over time CNN became the source for many a Leftist squawking point, thanks to the Commander in Briefs, Bill Clinton. Seems more than a few of the staff were more in the tank for him than Michael Dukakis. (And if you got that reference, I’m eternally grateful.)

From there, CNN’s descent into Leftist madness (but I repeat myself) got more pronounced. And once other cable news networks like Fox News and MSNBC got involved, it was only a matter of time before the only name in the cable news game became an afterthought, as the ratings showed. It got so bad at one point that reruns of Yogi Bear beat CNN in the ratings.

A change was needed, so CNN tried to go hard against Trump in an attempt to suck off some of MSNBC’s viewership. One tiny problem: Leftists really don’t like CNN because they’re not Leftist enough. After all, they…allowed conservatives an opportunity to speak! Oh, the horror! And with MSNBC being batshit crazy enough for Leftists, CNN didn’t stand a chance.

Enter Chris Licht, who became the new boss at CNN in 2022. He decided to take a different approach, one that was unheard of a few years prior: reporting actual news. This got him branded as someone who wanted to make CNN more centrist (i.e. to the right of Stalin), which Leftists simply can’t abide because…reasons! Leftists even went so far as to call CNN “Fox News Lite” because of the move.

Let’s just say the ratings haven’t been going in the right direction yet. The reason is simple: CNN pissed off too many people. The Right won’t tune in because of the decades of carrying water for the Left, and the Left won’t tune in because they have MSNBC to parrot their squawking points without even the slightest deviation. No matter what Licht does, it’s never going to be enough.

But that’s not the issue at hand.

The Leftist response to CNN doing what it’s done for other Presidential candidates (albeit with less than stellar results) is par for the course at worst. But the Twitter temper tantrum behind #BoycottCNN is a new level of Leftist impotence and idiocy. First off, didn’t Leftists on social media try to #BoycottTwitter? Yes, yes, they did. And it worked as well as you might expect: not at all. So, they go on Twitter to pass around the hashtag!

That’s what the kids like to call a self own.

Then, there’s the “me too” aspect of this hashtag. (Not to be confused with #MeToo, which is a completely different Leftist shitshow.) As many Twitter Leftists were so quick to point out, they were already boycotting CNN, as though it were a badge of honor. At this point, boycotting CNN is like boycotting “The Golden Girls” (although I am still involved in a letter-writing campaign about Estelle Getty): it’s pretty much a moot point. They’re already swirling the drain, so losing tens of tens of viewers isn’t going to change that. Piling on, even virtually, is pointless.

But then again, pointless actions are what the Left specialize in. See also: #MeToo.

The part that really tickles me is how the Left reacted to the shift in CNN’s approach to news. When you really think about it (and I do because I need something to do while I browse Twitter), the Left is upset a news organization is moving away from propaganda and more towards actual reporting of facts…but the Left says their favorite cable news shows are already doing actual reporting…so…

Yeah. I got nothing.

I take that back. I actually got something here, and it’s all about controlling the narrative. The Left cannot abide not being in control of the flow of information, and with both Twitter and CNN moving more towards the right as a means to even the playing field, the Left fear they’re losing control of the ability to shape what people think. Which they are, mainly because they don’t understand people in general. And business. And success. And long term thinking. And…well, you get the idea.

But as with so many hashtags, the #BoycottCNN shelf-life will be thankfully short, and the damage will be minimal. Yet, the Left overplayed its hand with the boycott because it gives us an insight into how the operate and why they reacted the way they did. That gives us ammunition to use in the future while also putting their objections into context.

In the end, though, CNN is going to become a casualty in the cable news wars by its own hand. They believed in their own invincibility and didn’t plan for a future where a test pattern could draw better numbers than their prime time shows. CNN burned up a lot of its early credibility worse than Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, but if they’re truly serious about getting back to hard news without as much spin, I wish them all the best. It’s the harder and longer road, but it will bring the best outcome possible.

Plus, it’ll piss off Leftists, which is always entertaining.




My Commencement Address – 2023 Edition

Yep, it’s that time of year again, and once again nobody has reached out to me to give a commencement address. Not a college (barber or clown), not a university (Hamburger), not a community college, high school, junior high, or even kindergarten. I almost had a speaking gig at a preschool graduation, but they pulled out after getting a copy of my speech. Who knew there would be so much outrage at the use of the word “motherfucker”?

So, I offer the following speech that will once again go unheard because of reasons I really don’t quite understand. Here goes!

Hello, Class of 2023!

It is a pleasure to be attending your graduation from [insert name of school] and to provide you with some helpful and inspiring words as you enter the next stage of your young lives. Unless, of course, you’re a late bloomer and took a while to graduate because you have an idea of what the “Real World” has to offer.

If you fit into this category, don’t spoil the ending, okay? Let it be a fun surprise.

Anyway, here’s the helpful part of the speech. Get the fuck off your phones! Seriously, turn them off. Especially if you’re on them right now to Tweet about how lame a speech I’m giving. First off, it’s rude to ignore a speaker for personal reasons. If you want to tell me how lame my speech is, wait until after the speech to tell me in person. Preferably after I’ve cashed the check.

Second, you’re missing out on the best part of life, which is not to get a TikTok video to go viral. After COVID, we should avoid having anything go viral. Know what I’m saying? The point is life is full of beauty if you’re paying attention. And, no, a selfie of you with a sunrise in the background isn’t the same as being there at sunrise just living, breathing, vaping.

Okay, so that last one is optional.

That phone in your hand puts you in touch with the world, but it also distracts you from it. That, and the advent of narcissism so rampant in society today, makes us all virtual and actual assholes. Maybe you missed this during your studies while sending an Instagram post about how awesome some flash-in-the-pan pseudocelebrity is, but society requires at least some recognition that other people exist.

I know. It shocked me too.

And here’s another shock for you. Other people might not think as highly of you as you think of yourself. That’s right, kids. People might just have…different opinions! And with those different opinions come a choice: accept the differences and find ways to connect, or be a miserable overbearing motherfucker.

Guess which one I think you’re going to pick.

Now, guess which one I hope you’re going to pick.

Here’s a hint. The two answers should not be the same.

After over 50 years on this rock we call Planet Earth, I’ve seen humanity make a turn for the worst. The fact we have “Karens” roaming about free should be enough evidence of that. And this kind of shit is going to continue unless we stop thinking of ourselves as the center of the universe.

And that means, yes, getting off your fucking phones.

The way to make human connections is to get away from the inhuman connections technology has made. Life is full of great little moments that occur between humans unfettered by ideology or technology or whatever other ology you want to apply here.

Like love. Not the media version of love, mind you, but actual “ride or die” love. As shocking as it may be to you, I am a happily married man, but I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t decided to open my mind and heart to a woman who is my polar opposite in so many ways. We’ve learned an important lesson that I will pass along to you: you don’t have to be disagreeable to disagree. We have yet to have a real fight in almost 10 years of marriage. Have we had angry or emotional exchanges? Absolutely. Have we had low points in our marriage? Yep! Are we still together in spite of our differences?

Let me check with my wife first.

Kidding! We are still together…unless you know something I don’t.

Either way, we make it work because we respect each other’s opinions even if we don’t agree. And if a big oaf like me can do it, I’m reasonably sure that at least 20-30% of you can.

Provided, of course, you…get the fuck off your phone.

Inspired yet? If not, well…I got nothing.

Thanks for having me!

Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week

When I sat down to write this week’s Lexicon, I was originally going to write about the debt ceiling because, let’s face it, it’s sexy as hell. However, another news story has taken over the cycle within the past few days that really shows a level of insanity I haven’t seen since, well, last week.

Jordan Neely was your typical homeless guy in New York City. Threatening subway patrons. History of mental illness. Fleeing an outstanding warrant for assault. You know, the usual. Then, after allegedly threatening to hurt or kill other subway patrons, Neely met his end at the hands of a Marine who may have seen Neely attack someone earlier in the week.

And like a racially-charged phoenix, Neely came back as a martyr. Leftists came out of the woodwork to proclaim Neely as a victim of racism, a failure of the mental health system, and proof of how racist America was. Some even compared him to Jesus. Calls for the Marine to be arrested for murder became commonplace. Even members of the Squid…I mean the Squad weighed in, stating Neely was “lynched.”

And it only gets stupider from here, kids. Hang on.

Jordan Neely

What the Left thinks it means – a black homeless man who was murdered for doing nothing at all

What it really means – the victim of Leftist enabling

As of this writing, we are still discovering details that fill in some of the blanks. Here’s what we know so far.

– Neely had been arrested 44 times before his death

– He lost his mother, which lead to depression

– Friends said he was spiraling out of control within the past 2 years

– He was alleged to have said he was going to kill everyone on the train and that he didn’t care if he went to jail.

– The Marine in question may have encountered Neely earlier that week and acted to protect people.

– The coroner ruled the death to be a homicide due to the choke hold the Marine put on him

Outside of these details, we’re dealing with a lot of uncertainty. And when there are blanks to be filled, people will fill them with whatever bullshit makes them feel good. And for the Left, making Neely into the next Trayvon Martin, George Floyd, etc., is top priority.

This raises the question of why. The obvious one is to continue the narrative the Left built over the past few years. I mean, when you put so much time and energy on perpetuating the image that blacks are being attacked and/or killed by evil racist MAGA-loving white people, you kinda want to keep the money flowing in…I mean “raising awareness to change the status quo.” What’s the worst that could happen?

Jussie Smollett could not be reached for comment.

But this stems from a foundational Leftist concept: victimhood. When they’re not busy creating victims (real and imagined), the Left knows how to make bank off victimhood. And just like Oprah handing out new cars, everybody gets to be a victim! Just look at what you think is wrong with your life and, bingo, you’re a victim!

And, surprise surprise, once you’re a victim, you get to be special! Just like everyone else who is a victim!

This isn’t to say Neely wasn’t a victim, though. Clearly, he didn’t have issues so much as he had subscriptions. Homelessness (which Leftists are calling “houselessness” in a complete ripoff of George Carlin), mental health, food insecurity, just to name a few. The Left’s solution? Talk a big game about the need for reform, and throw money at the problem. You know, the usual.

As unsuccessful as this approach has been pretty much every time it’s been tried, it will surely work now!

But there’s another element at play here. The Left hates to be proven wrong or incompetent, mainly because, well, they’re experts at being both wrong and incompetent. When the facts don’t work, the Left tries to muddy the waters to avoid making them look bad.

Hence, the focus on the unnamed Marine’s actions rather than Neely’s background. Leftists even say his criminal past doesn’t justify a “death sentence” especially when all the Left said he was doing was asking for food.

Maybe it’s me, but saying “I’m going to kill people” is a little bit different from asking for a sammich. But what do I know? I only speak and comprehend the English language…

By focusing on the Marine, it takes the focus off Neely, but more importantly it takes the focus off the multiple levels of fucked-uppery the Leftists caused by being wrong and incompetent. Instead of attempting to dissuade panhandling, New York City has published guidelines about the practice, including what constitutes aggressive panhandling. (Gonna go out on a limb here and say someone threatening to kill people would constitute the aggressive variety.) And, the best part? These guidelines promise the NYPD will respond “when they are not handling emergency situations.”

Like, you know…the city becoming a hellhole with skinny jeans and manbuns.

The saddest part of this situation (aside from the numerous tepid takes from Leftists wanting to throw the Marine in jail for murder because shut up) is how many touch points prior to the choking that Leftists had if they truly cared about Neely as anything but the next cause to support. Jail time, institutionalization, therapy, rehab, job training, and many other options could have turned him from a statistic to a functioning human being.

But the Left doesn’t want that. They need a constant stream of victims to perpetuate their self-imposed image of compassionate saviors who really care about the situation, dammit! While they’re giving their Oscar acceptance speeches and patting themselves on the back for being so caring, people like Neely continue to fall through the cracks, failed by the very people who claim to want to help them.

And when they’re not letting these poor souls continue to wallow in Leftist-imposed squalor, they’re being enabled, even emboldened, by Leftist lawmakers who justify what they do to others because of their misfortune. If we don’t subscribe to that way of thinking, we’re just not as compassionate as the Left is. And they’re right.

We’re more compassionate because we want actual solutions.

Leftists will scream we don’t because Republicans are evil meanie-heads who cut funding for alternatives (that the Left themselves don’t really fund when they have a chance). Let them scream because it’s better than what they’re actually doing, which is nothing. Plus, it’s impotent rage. The Left knows they have fewer legs to stand on than a clumsy lumberjack with a chainsaw, so they have to play the compassion card and try to make us feel bad, in an attempt to make themselves feel/look good in comparison.

Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t work like that.

Furthermore, situations like what happened to Jordan Neely are going to continue as long as the Left continues to enable the criminals at the expense of the law-abiding. At some point, the law-abiding are going to push back, and it won’t be pretty on multiple levels. Look at San Francisco right now. That is going to be the Big Apple’s future sooner rather than later, and knowing how New Yorkers take less shit than a defunct septic company, it’s going to get bloody.

Regardless of what further details are going to come out about Jordan Neely, rest assured the Left will be up in arms for quite a while because someone didn’t just let him act like a potential threat. Neely’s death will be attributed to a lot of things, but it can be summarized in one sentence that you can read in Morgan Freeman’s voice.

He fucked around, and he found out.