If you’re like me (and if you are, I’m sorry), you’re tired of watching Congressional hearings. Whether it’s a Presidential appointee or a witness addressing the ever-important question of who let the dogs out, the script never changes.
1. The Congresscritters who support what the person says/believes throws more softballs than at any given summer weekend.
2. The Congresscritters who reject what the person says/believes will come up with the most bizarre “gotcha” questions designed to make them look like they know what they’re talking about. (Spoiler Alert: if they’re in Congress, it’s usually a good bet they don’t.)
3. Both sides get to crow about how well their Congresscritters did.
4. Nobody changes their minds and votes usually fall along party lines.
5. Congresscritters get paid for doing next to nothing.
Clearly, this is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination, especially from an entertainment perspective. If there’s no mystery about the outcome, you run the risk of being predictable and the audience looking for something else to watch. The attention span of many adults is shorter than that of a ferret high on truck stop speed and with a pure espresso and cane sugar IV drip. So, we have to find a way to hook people early and keep them hooked. And since cocaine is neither free nor legal, that idea is out the window.
One tack to take is to turn every hearing into a reality show. Granted, there’s a good chance the boneheads in DC will find a way to screw this up, but there’s a reason shows like “Big Brother” and “Survivor” keep getting renewed: we get to see people at their best and worst. The human drama is the best drama we have and often we don’t need to do much to bring it out. In most cases, all it takes is for the barista to get your order wrong for it to come flowing out.
A Congressional hearing made like a reality show would be a way to get more eyes on the product and make it more exciting. But we can’t stop there! We will need a panel of judges to point out the high and low points of each person, both Congresscritter and witness/nominee. Plus, it will give Simon Cowell work for the rest of his life, so that’s a draw right there! Just get two or three more people and you have your panel.
And of course, there’s sex. Sex sells, so we have to find a way to add a bit of spice (Channel, that is) to the proceedings. Since people can and usually are dragged through the mud during their hearings, why not bring actual mud into the equation? That’s right, boys and girls, I’m talking about mud wrestling! Granted some of the matches we’d get would be like watching the ladies from “The View” in a burlesque revue, but there are some that would make it well worth the wait. It could also be used to settle squabbles between Congresscritters. Imagine if Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton had taken their disputes into a kiddie pool full of mud instead of dueling. History would be forever changed, and a lot more exciting!
Of course, this approach may remove the gravitas of the hearings, but I would argue it was already removed before I got involved. However, I do understand that concern and I have another solution, and we can all be a part of it. Every chair in the hearing room gets wired to a light, but noticeable electric shock. If the audience feels a Congresscritter or a witness/nominee isn’t telling the truth, is avoiding the question, or is acting the fool, we get to push a button and shock them! Not only will it increase audience participation, but there’s a chance it could work as negative reinforcement so they behave. Get shocked enough, and even the most offensive Congresscritter would get straight and fly right.
Elizabeth Warren and Adam Schiff, consider this your warning.
There’s one more alternative I can give that would remove the clowns from this Congressional three-ring circus The Constitution states the Senate has the right of “advice and consent” when it comes to federal nominees, but it doesn’t say how this advice and consent has to be given. With the advent of social media (and, yes, I guess that counts Bluesky), do we need to spend the time, money, and room space to hold a hearing? This can be done over Zoom, Teams, or any other teleconferencing service and the nominees won’t even need to get out of their pajamas if they choose. Imagine a candidate for the Secretary of Education being grilled while in a Spongebob onesy! Not only would it be cute and enjoyable, but it would elevate the perception of Congressional hearings.
Of course, the politicians would hate this idea because FaceTime wouldn’t give them the media facetime they need to feed their egos. All the more reason to do it!
Let me know if you have any other ideas on how to improve Congressional hearings!
Category: Humor
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
This was another week where you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a potential Lexicon entry. Although I’m not sure why you would want to swing a dead cat around, but I’m not here to kink shame. Let your freak flag fly, baby!
Out of all the potential subjects, one really stood out for me. In a move that shocked, well, not that many people, Mark Zuckerberg announced Meta and all the social media sites under it would be moving away from its “fact checking” model (which literally fact-checked obvious jokes, thus making the model itself a joke) and moving more towards a Community Notes standard like what is being used on the Social Media Site Formerly Known As Twitter. This got Leftists all atwitter (or would that be aX) at the notion. Journalists (0r whatever the fuck Brian Stelter is) and Leftist hacks were up in arms at Zuck’s decision.
Which obviously means it was the right decision.
And it makes it perfect for a Leftist Lexicon entry.
fact checking
What the Left thinks it means – a vital service that should only be done by professionals
What it really means – finding out the truth and calling out the lies
One of the hardest things about being informed today is knowing who you can trust. Modern journalism is a hodgepodge of shitty sources sucking up to even shittier people so they can get invited to dinner parties with yet even shittier people. The Fourth Estate has become Leftist stenographers more than the bulldogs that will relentlessly seek the truth. Anymore, any journalists are lucky to stumble into the truth, and even then there’s a better than average chance they’ll completely miss it.
On its face, the idea of fact checking is a good thing, especially given the modern journalism as described above. We want to be informed, or at the very least seem informed to impress others. To that end, we look for sources that break things down for us and teach us things we didn’t know. With the sheer deluge of information sources, it’s hard to find a way to control the output of the fire hose.
Enter the fact checkers, doing the research for you so you don’t have to! It’s so easy and cheap to do, it’s a wonder why people don’t do this more often!
And that’s the problem.
When you pawn off anything you should do yourself, you are subject to the outcomes the other party produce. It’s like when you hire a contractor who farms out the work to a subcontractor. The job may get done, but it may not up to the standards the contractor has. Then it becomes a matter of people pointing fingers at one another trying to figure out who’s responsible for the kitchen sink being put in the attic.
When it comes to information, it’s a lot harder to fix the fuckups, mainly because no one wants to take responsibility for your being misinformed. You don’t want to admit you were a dumbass for believing a fact checker. The fact checker doesn’t want to admit fault because a) it looks reaaaallllly bad when a fact checker can’t figure out the truth, and b) it hurts their widdle fee-fees. The entity that hired the fact checkers doesn’t want to take the hit for the reasons mentioned above and because it erodes the trust the entity has, which ultimately costs them money.
In other words, when you rely on fact checkers to do your research for you, more often than not, you’re their bitch.
Then, there’s the lovely little problem of bias. In the early days of Facebook fact checking, the people doing it leaned so far left they were parallel to the ground while standing up. Once that got called out, Zuck tried to balance out the fact checkers and the checking itself, but only made it worse because some of the fact checkers had bias issues. Not a good look, kids!
Regardless of which side of the political/ideological aisle you’re on, bias fucks up your ability to be truly informed because it limits your scope of information sources. Social media has turned us back into a tribalistic society where anyone who deviates from what you consider to be normal, just, and right is an infidel and, thus, not even worthy of even basic human decency. When you face information from one of those “unclean” sources that contradicts your mindset, you have two choices: adapt, or reject.
I bring this up to underscore the problem with biased fact checking. If you have the opinion information from one side or the other is untrue (regardless of whether it’s factual), you are going to more inclined to reject it. And if you have the power to shape what other people see on a social media website like…oh I don’t know…Facebook, you are going to be tempted to hide the “bad” information and go after those who want it to be known.
There’s an old saying that applies here…something about absolute power and corruption…I’m sure it will come to me.
Anyway, the Facebook fact checkers fell into this trap, which caused a lot of accounts to get warnings, suspensions, and even terminations. And in some cases, actual news stories shared online got slapped with misinformation tags (I’m looking at you, Hunter Biden) and were subsequently suppressed. Oh, and I forgot to mention Zuck said he got pressure from the Brick Tamland Administration to suppress the laptop story.
And who got punished for suppressing this legitimate news story? The entities who shared it. I mean, why would people who actively worked towards misinformation by absence see any punishment for making people misinformed? That’s just crazy talk, man!
But it also exposes the danger of trusting fact checkers without verifying whether what they’re saying is factual. Just because you tell me you’re honest doesn’t mean I’m not gonna test you. And you shouldn’t just trust and believe either. News stories that sound too good to be true should be the first ones that should make your Bullshit Meter light up like the…biological discharges…in an hourly rate hotel room when you scan it with a blacklight flashlight.
Not that I know anything about that, mind you…
This is going to be a bit of an ask, but it’s going to make more sense if you do it. Question all of your sources while reaching out for alternative sources from a wider array of ideologies. Then, let common sense be your guide. If something sounds factual and makes sense, be open to accepting it. If something sounds like more full of bullshit than the world’s largest cattle ranch, then don’t trust it. Consider it mental calisthenics that will make you stronger, faster, better. And without the need for bionics!
I would be remiss if I didn’t point out how the typical Leftist sources are so upset Mark Zuckerberg is going in a new direction with fact checking. The way it was set up initially, the Left had the power over what got considered factual. Now, thanks to the advent and popularity of Community Notes, they no longer control the flow of information and can be called out for pushing misinformation while pretending to guard against it. And if you’re a Leftist media shill, the worst thing you can do is strip them of the power and the prestige of being information brokers and letting the hoi polloi point and laugh when you fuck up.
If I may offer a suggestion, media folks, maybe stop parroting Leftist squawking points and start doing your fucking jobs. There’s a reason used car salesmen are considered more trustworthy than the media and their fact checkers these days, and I can draw a pretty clear conclusion as to why. But I’m sure if you really put your hivemind to it, you’ll figure it out by the end of January.
Of the year 3843.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
With Donald Trump’s second Inauguration right around the corner, the Left has been acting mature and being deeply introspective about how Queen Kamala the Appointed lost, looking for a better way forward for 2028.
Just kidding! They’re still screaming like little bitches.
But this time around, their shrieking sounds…vaguely familiar. In fact, it was 4 years ago, if memory serves. It’s almost as if the Left…is denying the results of the 2024 election. After all, it’s impossible Trump won the popular vote against someone as beloved as Queen Kamala the Appointed, right?
Well, let’s just say everything old is hypocritical again. Back to the election denial well for another taste.
election denial
What the Left thinks it means – a valid expression of doubt over the results of the 2024 election
What it really means – hypocritical bullshit the Left uses to excuse losing so badly
There’s a popular idea in Leftist circles that Republicans can only win by cheating. That’s going to come as news to those of us who remember the 1984 election, where Ronald Reagan made Walter Mondale his bitch, but that’s not important right now. The point is Leftists have built up a belief they will always win elections unless there’s chicanery.
You know, like the Electoral College?
This time around, the excuses for Queen Kamala the Appointed’s loss are more frequent than my trips to the bathroom after eating Chipotle’s e-coli special. Elon Musk hacked the voting machines. There is evidence of election tampering, which is why the Harris campaign started collecting funds for what they call the “President’s Recount Account.” Trump had Russians call in fake bomb threats to polling places. There are 20 million missing votes. And, because these are Leftists we’re dealing with here, a ton of hashtags.
To be fair, there has been election denial from both the Left and the Right in recent years, but of the two sides, the Left has had the election denial thing on lockdown. But after the 202o election where the President Brick Tamland got more votes than Barack fucking Obama (something I’m still questioning because it makes zero sense), the Left turned their popular electoral pastime into…fostering an insurrection! Yep, if you even sounded like you were questioning the outcome of the most secure election in history (according to the same Leftists saying the 2024 election was stolen), you were on par with those evil, dastardly, no-good, utterly despicable insurrectionists who…let me read my notes here…were mostly peaceful (as opposed to the “mostly peaceful” protests in 2020 where shit got broken and set on fire), with only a handful of asshats who did more than just peaceably assemble.
Well, if that’s the case, better get me a buffalo hat.
Of course, it’s not, but the Left made the rules, so that means I get to call each and every one of them who denies the 2024 election insurrectionists and, thus, subject to jail time and other legal overreactions. I hear Gitmo is nice this time of year…
Seriously, though, we should not be afraid to call bullshit if there’s actual bullshit being presented as truth. To date, I have yet to see any convincing evidence of any of the Left’s election denial, but I have seen some questions about the 2020 election that make it hard to believe it was as legit as the Left wants us to believe. Regardless, the act of denying an election isn’t the second coming of the burning of the Reichstag building. In today’s society where lying is like breathing (especially to the political and media classes), I’m surprised there aren’t more protests over stolen elections. I think the reasons there aren’t are a) the Right all have jobs, and b) the Left are pussies.
More to the point, there are some serious election irregularities that both sides can’t seem to agree are problems. Like the possibility there are some places where there are more votes cast than citizens in those places. Combine these with people who may be voting twice because they have homes in two different states (i.e. snowbirds and college students), ineligible voters, the dead voting in elections, long lines at polling places, electioneering under the guise of handing out free water at polling places, the lack of updated technology, the over-reliance on said technology, the lack of voting machines in some districts, and a general apathy towards voting because of shady shit going on, and we have a powder keg just waiting to be set alight by someone with a Zippo and a bad attitude.
Yet, even with all of this (and the hypocrisy of the Left), it’s hard to point out many examples of actual election denial. We may not like the results, but that in and of itself is not election denial. As long as we aren’t breaking the law, negatively impacting someone else’s rights, or generally being an asshole about it, it’s kosher. And, Leftists, hurt fee-fees don’t count as generally being an asshole, unless we’re talking about you being said asshole.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t point out the sheer hypocrisy of election denial. It’s okay for Leftists to question election results, but not for anybody else? Bullshit! Either you let everybody in on your reindeer games or you can take all the seats. From where I stand, you can definitely take the seats and go over there. No, not there. Still too close. Keep going. I’ll let you know when you can stop.
Okay, now we have our chance. Let’s get out of here!
Leftist Lexicion Word of the Week
Yep, we’re back talking about the 2024 Election again.
Since Donald Trump became the 47th President, the Left has been trying to figure out what went wrong. I have a thought: don’t run Hillary Clinton with a tan on a shitty platform focused on abortion rather than the cost of groceries. And as simple as that is to understand, the Left are still trying to figure out a way to right the DNC Titanic.
One idea that caught on was finding left-wing versions of Joe Rogan and Elon Musk. Spoiler Alert: you had them. They were called Joe Rogan and Elon Musk. But instead of taking a step back and realize running on bat-shit insane policies, they’re trying to find a way to reach out to white men.
Enter Dean Withers, affectionately called “the Bro Whisperer.”
Hoo boy. This one’s gonna sting, kids.
the Bro Whisperer
What the Left thinks it means – a way for the Left to reach out to young men to persuade them to vote Democrat
What it really means – proof positive the Left still doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing
Leftists have had a pretty significant footprint (carbon or otherwise) in the mainstream media. Most major newspapers, the three networks, PBS, and some online spaces such as Facebook and YouTube. Even the Social Media Network Formerly Known As Twitter had the loving and diverse jackboot of the Left on its throat for a long time.
But as anyone who is even vaguely familiar with the rise of talk radio can tell you, that only meant the Right had to create their own niche in the market. So, they did. Whether it was Rush Limbaugh, Fox News, or Truth Social, the Right found a way to take the good parts of what the Left shit on, clean them off, and make them work.
Unfortunately for the Left, they’re not so successful in reversing the political polarity and being successful. And this whole “Bro Whisperer” thing is bound to tank more than Michael Dukakis in a tank.
First off, the concept is utterly demeaning to anyone with an IQ above Kate Moss’s waist size. Which is why the Left thinks it’s a great idea, by the way. As much as the Left loves to push back against negative gender stereotypes when it comes to women (and, more recently, men who claim to be women but have a five o’clock shadow that would make Bigfoot look like Dr. Evil), they’re resorting to the characterization of potential young male voters as early 90s-era frat boys. Instead of doing some introspection and working on an actual message, turn them all into “bros.”
Fucking brilliant.
Of course, this runs counter to the way the Left has seen men in recent decades. Potential rapists, gun nuts, control freaks, hyper-macho gym bros, colonists, misogynists, homophobes, intellectually and emotionally stunted, and the hits keep coming. And those are the names they use if they like you!
Seriously, though, the Left has been pounding the drums that men suck for a while now. Even now, the big brains on the Left blame men for Queen Kamala the Appointed’s election loss, but this time it’s men of all colors, not just whites, who get the blame. Apparently, men are afraid of strong women leaders, but the Left hasn’t presented any to us aside from Tulsi Gabbard. Most of the time, the Left’s idea of a strong woman is weaker than the drinks at a fourth-rate strip club.
Not that I know anything about that, mind you…
Let me help you Leftists with an important concept that will come in handy sooner or later: not everything you think can be boiled down to sexism is actually sexism. Unless you’re taking the same drugs Joy Reid is, Harris ran a horrible campaign and wasted a shit-ton of money in the process. She didn’t really make much of an appeal to men, instead focusing on abortion (which Leftists keep telling us “no vagina, no say” so men would be further excluded from the conversation). And aside from doing a horrible fucking job on tasks President Brick Tamland gave her, she could list the number of successes she’s had on the one hand of the world’s unluckiest woodworker. It’s the lack of outreach on her campaign’s part that cost her the male vote.
Say what you will about Trump, he at least appealed to potential voters from all walks of life. That’s what drew in voters and political and social figures like the aforementioned Rogan and Musk. He didn’t talk down to them. He didn’t throw them out of the movement if they dared to consider the Right might not be the second coming of Hitler. Now that Queen Kamala the Appointed got stomped like a vat of grapes in an “I Love Lucy” episode, some on the Left are now willing to listen.
Hence, the “Bro Whisperer” bullshit.
But remember what I said earlier about the Left not exactly being successful in adopting ideas of the Right? Yeah, this is another one of them. On the bright side, though, it gives us an opportunity to remember the good old days of Air America. Yeah, that was an enjoyable three days (fewer if you take out all the commercials).
Now, typically I try to avoid making superficial comments about a Leftist’s looks or personality. Unfortunately, I’m going to have to break that rule this time because the “Bro Whisper” is the least Bro-ish Bro to ever Bro a Bro, Bro. But the Left are looking to him to help bridge the gap between themselves and the segment of the population they’ve shit on for decades. All I gotta say is good luck, kid. Maybe you’ll be Bro Rogan, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you won’t.
This on-again-off-again political romance with male voters shows the duplicity of the Left’s approach, as well as the cynicism behind it. The thing to remember is the Left thinks we’re dumber than a bag of hammers unless we say, think, and do exactly what they do. They see us as goldfish with a blackout drinking problem: short of memory and not terribly clear on the details. Anyone who backs the “Bro Whisperer” concept is perpetuating that idea. They think going from blaming male voters for not giving us Queen Kamala the Appointed to asking for their votes (and money, of course) is no big deal because we won’t remember how they called us fascists.
Even though it was literally a week or two before Election Day. I’m sure Queen Kamala’s positions have changed since then and she wants to make up for slamming men more than Nancy Pelosi slams shots at an open bar. She’s matured in that nearly 2 month period.
And if you believe that, I have some swamp land in the Sahara Desert I’d love to sell ya.
The best part of the “Bro Whisperer” (at least to me) is how confident the Left is it’s going to work. The Left has a serious ego problem (but that’s a blog post for another day) and it’s their sheer arrogance in their shitty ideas that will make the inevitable flop all the more enjoyable. In today’s political environment, the Left is Wile E. Coyote and we’re Acme.
I’m sure the “Bro Whisperer” is going to give it the old community college/votech try and the Left will marvel at the tens and tens of listeners he’s going to get, but it’s too late for the Left to mend fences. You’re going to have to be real going forward to regain the male vote.
On the bright side, you still have the men pretending to be women vote on lockdown!
Flipping the Script
Now, I’ll be the first one to admit I have some pretty oddball ideas, but I am committed (or should be) to expressing them on the off chance they’re not that far off from reality.
This one is one of those that once you see it, you can’t unsee it. And it has its origins waaaaaaay back in the era of big hair (on men and women), the Cola Wars, and 2 out of 3 of the good Star Wars movies, the 1980s. There was a group that went out of its way to inject itself into social issues, coming up with all sorts of statements about how the country was sliding into a moral abyss and demands for someone to do something to stop that slide from happening. Everything from games to popular culture got scrutinized and, if found wanting in their eyes, got run through the mud.
If you can’t remember them (or have put them out of your minds for your own mental health), they were known as the Moral Majority. They were loud, obnoxious, and most of all wrong about much of what they said was going to happen. For example, I’m still waiting to turn Wiccan or Satanic from playing Dungeons and Dragons. Maybe I got a bad batch…
Anyway, the Moral Majority reveled in taking the fun out of life and being Gladys Kravitz on pure Colombian marching powder (oddly enough, also really popular in the 80s). But as time went on, people took notice that they were full of shit and mocked them relentlessly until they faded into the background, a relic of a bygone era when whipping up a mob was a lot harder than going onto Instagram and posting a video. You actually had to do some work!
With that being said, can you think of anyone today who might be doing the same things the Moral Majority did? Anyone at all? Could it be…oh, I don’t know…SATAN?
Sorry. Wrong franchise.
When you really think about it (and I do because otherwise I wouldn’t have anything to write about), the Left seems to have taken up the mantle of the Moral Majority. Let’s follow our handy dandy checklist, shall we?
Sanctimonious assholes involved? Check.
An utter lack of understanding of the subject matter? Yep.
Loud? You bet!
Obnoxious? Oh, yeah.
Professed concern about the future? Sure!
Okay with government stepping in to regulate what they don’t like? Sho nuff!
Congratulations, Leftists. You’re the new Moral Majority, and that’s not a good thing. However, I’m good with you taking up the mantle because it allows me the option to either mock you, ignore you, or a little from column A and a little from column B. Regardless, the best part about it is you will be mostly forgotten in a few years, leaving the rest of us to enjoy life the way it was meant to be enjoyed: without nosy assholes telling us why we’re wrong for enjoying life.
Noses Up, Thumbs Down
As a recovering Leftist, I could go on for days about everything I see wrong with the current Left, mainly because they tend to be the same problems I saw when I was among their ranks. They’re not even original enough to recycle their problems!
The one common aspect that flows through all of these issues is arrogance. Regardless of the circumstances, Leftists always think they’re the smartest people in the room and aren’t afraid to let you know it. And they’re obviously better than you because they’re Leftists.
If that logic were any more circular it would give me motion sickness.
And that’s on top of the nausea I get when listening to Leftists expound upon their brilliance with takes worse than letting Lindsey Lohan be your AA sponsor. Just look back at any of the Leftists livestreaming the 2024 election. Down to the one, they all had the same take: Queen Kamala the Appointed was not only going to win, but ran a flawless campaign. Only the worst possible people could possibly vote for Donald Trump!
Yeah, about that.
Not only did Leftists double down on the “everyone else is stupid” rhetoric (which always brings people to the polls…to vote against them), but they also did what they did with climate change “research”: start with the answer and work backwards, ignoring anything that contradicts the desired results. In doing so, the Left has become the personification of the Principal Skinner “No, it’s the children who are wrong” meme.
To this day (see local listings for Leftist insanity in your area) the Left will do anything they can to avoid the one thing they need to do to move forward: admit they were wrong. And to their credit, some Leftists are starting to do just that, whether it be out of a crisis of conscience or a crisis of potential irrelevancy. Most of them, however, are confident it’s everyone else who is to blame for their own fuck-ups.
That’s the thing about egotists. They can never fail; they can only be failed. When they make a mistake, it’s always someone else’s or something else’s fault. And guess who is using this very tactic to explain away the 2024 election debacle and prepare for the 2028 election debacle?
You got it. The same people who gave us Queen Kamala the Appointed.
And it’s not just in politics where the Left claim to be smarter than everyone else. The Leftist smug reaches in to academia, especially science. Climate change predictions that never come true, COVID-19 guidelines based on utter bullshit, people who make Bill Nye and Neil deGrasse Tyson the de facto experts on all things science (even when the science is not in their respective backgrounds), the adoption of 72 genders (Spoiler Alert: still just 2), the acceptance that trans women are no different than biological women, and many more anti-science takes from the self-professed “Party of Science.” And if you dare speak out and present data that proves them wrong, you’re a heretic and must be dismissed, censored, maligned, called a conspiracy nut, and so on.
And if these Leftist science fans are proven wrong, that information gets memory-holed faster than Eric Roberts accepts a role. An example of this is evolution. Growing up, all the Leftists (myself included) said man evolved from apes. It was repeated so much that it became the common truth, in spite of the fact there wasn’t much science to back it up. Years later, I was in an AOL chat room (ah, those were the days) and mentioned this. A Leftist then told me no scientist actually believed that and that I was making it up. No matter what sources I used or firsthand direct experience I had to the contrary, it was never enough to satisfy the Leftist. Their orthodoxy had changed, or should I say…evolved.
I’ll see myself out.
But before I go, there is one more thing I have to point out. A lot of the Leftist bravado comes with little-to-no justification. They think they’re smart because they all believe the same things, but if what they believe is utterly stupid, it’s not a sign of brilliance. When you press them on any significant issue, most of the time they wind up looking like an idiot. Or worse yet, Cenk Uygur.
And yet they think this attitude is a real winner. Keep thinking that, kids. Just try to act surprised when this shit blows up in your face. Again.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
With Christmas right around the corner (please check local listings for the time and location of Christmas), people are exchanging presents, cards, well-wishes, and other wonderful holiday items. But the Left? They’re exchanging insults over Elon Musk.
Again.
Considering this is an almost hourly occurrence, we shouldn’t be surprised, but this time the Left has gone and made Musk into…co-President! While the Left has their collectivist panties in a wad, I wanted to delve into this concept a bit further, mainly because it shows the Left has the attention span of a goldfish on crack.
co-President
What the Left thinks it means – Elon Musk, an unelected man who wields unprecedented power in the incoming Trump Administration
What it really means – a term that could cover anyone with sway over the President
The concept of a co-President is kinda amusing when you really think about it (and I have because I have a lot of downtime in my personal life), and the Left have made it even more amusing by really leaning into it. They see Musk as the man controlling Trump’s strings, while at the same time claiming Trump is the puppet master of his followers. Although anyone who has seen Trump give a speech can tell you he’s about as controllable as a Chihuahua/pit bull mix on a steady diet of truck stop speed, energy drinks, and, oh yeah, PCP.
So, the concept of Musk controlling Trump as his co-President is funny at its face because of how utterly detached from reality you have to be to believe it. Musk has Trump’s ear for sure, but that doesn’t mean he has control over the incoming Commander in Chief. Until such time as evidence comes out that Musk is secretly cloning Trump so he can get his way, I’m gonna stay over on the not-that-fucking-crazy side.
And the best part? We would have to go allllllll the way back to 1993 to find the first modern reference of someone being a co-President. Ah, 1993. America was still enthralled by grunge and club music. The uniform of the day was flannel and oversized pants. Boy bands were still a good 5 years away or so. And the genius who introduced us to the concept of a co-President?
Bill “The Commander In Briefs” Clinton.
On the campaign trail, ole Slick Willie talked about if he got elected, the country would get Hillary Clinton as a “two-for-one deal.” Although this might be a good deal for Bill at any of his favorite brothels, it wasn’t that good of a deal for the rest of us. Hillary was put in charge of healthcare reform, and promptly sucked at it. But don’t worry. She was young and hadn’t truly embraced her ability to fuck shit up yet.
Now, Billy Boy wasn’t the first President to take influence from someone other than his staff, and he certainly won’t be the last. The thing is there’s a vast difference between having influence and actually using it. Did Hillary influence Bill’s decision-making at times? Undoubtedly. Who do you think gave Bill the idea to make Madeleine Albright Secretary of State and send her to talks with Muslim countries?
Spoiler Alert: It was the dumbass who used a prop Reset button to signal a new positive relationship with Russia.
Then, we had George W. Bush, a man so hated by the Left he was accused of being a puppet to Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, the Koch Brothers, the 1992 Denver Broncos, and just about everyone else. Although I think I might have missed out on my turn because I have this great idea of what to do with the IRS. Oh, well. Maybe next time!
With Barack Obama, it’s harder to pin down whether Michelle Obama had any more power than previous First Ladies, but I get the feeling she wore the pants in the family. She would have to in order to keep her balls from falling out. (Kidding!)
Now, with the most recent President, it’s a lot easier to pin down who had the President’s ear. In fact, President Brick Tamland may have been the first co-de-President ever.
Hmmm…it seems like co-Presidents occur when…weak-ass Leftist “men” are in charge. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, though. I mean, how likely would it be that Leftist man after Leftist man would be that incompetent, right?
And it makes perfect sense for the Left to project their issues onto Trump because they’re that fucking stupid. Oh, and it make them feel better about having complete wimps be their male standard bearers in politics. To them, weakness is strength, incompetence is competence, and an utter shitshow is normal.
I’m starting to think the Left is more influenced by George Orwell than George Soros these days.
Meanwhile, this attitude creates a paradox. If we were to follow the Left’s logic on this (and for God’s sake why would you), being a co-President is only bad when the Left is out of power, but it’s ho-hum when the Left is in power. This goes back to something the Left believes with all of their heart: anyone not like them is a fucking idiot and, thus, easily manipulated by bad players.
My irony meter broke after typing that, mainly because the Left doesn’t recognize they’re doing what they accuse the Right of doing. Oh, and they’re fucking idiots.
And we should keep this in mind when thinking about the entire co-President concept, especially that last part. The fact the Left is so concerned with unelected people having so much power, presumed or otherwise, shows how freaked out they get when they’re not the unelected people having the power. Say what you will about Elon Musk, but after the last 4 years of Leftists letting utterly unqualified people have more power than they can handle (I’m looking at you, Pete Buttigieg), he should be the least of our worries. He’s not a co-President any more than Melania Trump is and shouldn’t be considered as such.
Besides, if Leftists were concerned about unelected people with a lot of power, they would be against bureaucrats.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
As the Left continues to have a shit-fit over losing to Donald Trump for a second time, they’re coming up with familiar complaints about the incoming Administration. One of the most popular (at least from what I’ve seen on social media) is all about billionaires. The Left will have us believe the incoming Trump Administration will be comprised of billionaires, all of whom are hell-bent on fucking over the working class just to make a little more money.
Why, it’s almost as if the Left knows how Congresscritters make their fortunes!
Anyway, the Left’s hatred of billionaires isn’t anything new, but it’s worth mocking them in this week’s Lexicon!
billionaires
What the Left thinks it means – greedy people who only want more money and power at the expense of the rest of the population
What it really means – people who have a shit-ton of money
There are 801 billionaires in America, according to people who track this sort of thing (i.e. people who make me look like Charlie Sheen on a coke bender). Out of 337 million Americans as of this writing, you’re more likely to get hit by lightning than to run into a billionaire. However, you are still less likely to find a Leftist who understands basic economics.
And, oddly enough, it’s out of both of these that the Left’s hatred of billionaires stems: a lack of exposure, and a lack of knowledge. I’ve spoken before of the Left’s economic delusions operating out of a zero-sum game mindset, so I won’t go into it too deeply here. I’m boring enough as it is. However, I can take a nugget out of the Left’s turd of an economic approach and apply it here.
Put simply, the Left feels anyone who makes a lot of money does it through underhanded and cruel means. Their idea of a billionaire is right out of a political cartoon: fat men smoking cigars and looking down at the working man making an honest living.
So, basically, Michael Moore.
And it’s with this stereotypical mindset that the Left uses a lack of connection with the billionaires to forge their hatred. After all, it’s a lot easier to stoke fear and hatred of others when you can completely remove any vestige of humanity from them. Take the recent shooting of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, for example. Seeing Leftists from the Socialist Socialite to Chief Running Mouth to Taylor “The 80 Year Old Virgin” Lorenz play the “murder is bad, buuuuuuttt…” card to justify their desire to see a wealthy man pay for the crime of…well, being rich, of course, showcases how easily the Left can turn an actual human being into an it, devoid of a soul, agency, or any redeeming qualities whatsoever.
There’s a lot I could say about the shooting, but that’s a blog post for another time.
In the meantime, it’s interesting how the Left hates billionaires…considering how many of them swing to the Left. As it turns out, more than a few backed Queen Kamala the Soon To Be Unemployed, including your fiend and mine, Uncle George Soros. And don’t forget media darling Taylor Swift, whose wealth is derived from writing music about being shit at relationships. Without her help, Queen Kamala would have lost by even more!
Wait! It’s almost as if the Left’s hatred of billionaires might just be…politically motivated! I know! I was just as shocked as you are when I realized it.
See, if you’re a billionaire like Tom Steyer (net work $2 billion), you’re exempt from being a bad person because you believe the right things. If you’re a billionaire like Elon Musk (net worth $374.9 billion), you’re evil because you don’t believe the right things. But here’s the thing: they’re both fucking billionaires! Just because you share ideological points with them doesn’t change the zeroes in their bank accounts.
But it might just increase the number of zeros who will cover for you if you support the “right” ideas.
The thing that gets me about the Left’s hatred of billionaires that don’t agree with them, or wealthy people in general, is how it’s based on an arbitrary and, thus, stupid thing. Who the fuck cares if someone has more money than you do? Live your life and don’t give one-one-trillionth of a shit about what someone else makes. The only exception I have to this rule is if that person directly causes you physical, emotional, or financial harm in the pursuit of that money.
Let me repeat that for the Leftists: if that person directly causes you physical, emotional, or financial harm. No six degrees of Kevin Bacon, no “such-and-such is literal violence,” no hurt fee-fees. Di-fucking-rect. And given the fact you’re more likely to win a billion in the lottery than you are to meet a billionaire, you have zero grounds to blame them for anything. If your life is shit, it’s not because a billionaire is fucking with you. The sooner you get that, the sooner you’ll be happier.
But the Left can’t be happy. Trust me, I used to be one. One of the key aspects of being a Leftist is always being pissed off at something. And, at least for the next few microseconds or four years (whichever pisses Leftists off more), it’s going to be billionaires. And no matter what, it will never stop being hypocritical.
And funny as fuck.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
I know, I know, everybody’s talking about Presidential pardons this week, but I’ve never been one to follow the obvious path. Besides, that subject has been done to death, resurrected, done to death again, resurrected again, and done to death a third time.
Instead, I have a riddle for you. What do Donald Trump, Daniel Penny, and Jack Phillips have in common? Aside from being relatively sure they all wear pants, breathe oxygen, and occasionally enjoy a little thing the kids like to call eating, they’re all the victims of lawfare. And, not coincidentally, Leftists also hate them for daring to defy their will.
And when you can’t beat ’em, you sue them…or something like that.
lawfare
What the Left thinks it means – a made-up term used to demean efforts to hold people accountable
What it really means – abusing the legal process to get what the Left wants, one way or another
As I said recently, the Left understands the power of money, even they don’t understand basic economics. And with that knowledge of power, they know how to use it to get what they want. Usually, this is done at the legislative level, but there are times when it moves into the halls of justice.
And not even the Super Friends can get them out.
Meanwhile, back at the main point, lawfare is how the Left uses the power of money to get what they want. With the help of trial lawyers (who tend to be Leftists either out of education or shame at getting paid tons of money to be shitty people), lawfare leverages the power of money and the legal system to dole out punishment.
This is done in one of two ways. First, there’s the gradual erosion of a target’s finances until he/she (because there’s still only two genders) is so poor by the end of the process any monetary judgments in his/her (still only two genders) favor get swallowed up by the fees incurred to fight the fight in the first place. That’s even worse than getting a moral victory.
The other way lawfare works is suing people into capitulation. In this way, the law becomes the punishment for not being a Leftist. Some victims would rather knuckle under when faced with the prospect of a lengthy legal process, so the Left gets what they want. That’s how the ACLU got any showing of Christian faith out of the public school system. I haven’t heard them trying to get Islam out of public schools yet, but I’m sure they’ll get around to it…maybe…you know, after the new year…in the 38th Century.
While we wait, we can take a look at the aforementioned lawfare victims to see the effects it has on them.
Jack Phillips: He is the owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop, which became Ground Zero for a legal battle over gay rights. When a same-sex couple came in and asked him to bake a cake for them. When Phillips refused, the couple filed a complaint to the Colorado Civil Rights Commission arguing the refusal violated public accommodations laws. After a lengthy process, the US Supreme Court gave Phillips the victory, but that didn’t stop Leftists from continuing to file lawsuits against him and his bakery. And that has cost him time, money, employees, and reputation. All because a gay couple tried to force him to bake a cake against his religious beliefs.
Donald Trump: Where do I begin with this one? When he wasn’t being President of the United States, he has had to deal with lawsuit after lawsuit, court case after court case. It’s not like he doesn’t have the money to fight back, but having to deal with the sheer volume of lawsuits, based on bullshit or not, is an emotional drain as well as a financial one. This one hits a little deeper than the Phillips situation because even if he gets the bulk of the suits tossed out because of the aforementioned bullshit, there will still be people who will point out he was still convicted. Can’t win for losing.
Daniel Penny: Although he’s the newest member of the lawfare club, he’s no stranger to the depths Leftists will go to punish a person. Penny was riding the subway in New York City when Jordan Neely started harassing fellow riders and threatened to kill people. Penny took Neely down and allegedly killed him with a chokehold. Even with the sheer number of witnesses, video footage, and expert testimony supporting his case, he’s still having to go through the legal process because the Left needs it to be another George Floyd situation. After all, why let a good made-up scandal go to waste?
In each case, the Left is using the law to extract a pound (or should I say ton) of flesh from their victims. But it has a ripple effect. Not only does it drain the spirit and bank accounts of those who get targeted, but it sends a message to others not to cross the Left or else you’ll get what the targets get. Most of the time, this works because, well, Leftists love to use the government to get you to comply. There’s a reason why the saying “You can’t fight City Hall” is still around today: because fighting City Hall is like taking on Mike Tyson in his prime, not when fighting a social media star.
And since not everyone can afford a lengthy court battle, most of the time we will have to give in, no matter how righteous the cause may be. The downside to that is it enables Leftists to keep using lawfare to get what they want. However, there are some things you can do en masse.
First, check to see if you elect judges. If so, they can be voted out, especially if they keep enabling lawfare instead of doing their jobs. Failing that, there’s always elections. As we’ve recently seen, it’s possible to change the direction of an area or even a country if enough people get out and vote out the bad actors. (If only we could do the same with Hollywood…)
But there is something else you can do: use your voice outside the ballot box. Whenever you see someone getting the shaft (because that cat Shaft is a bad mutha…), read up on the case and talk about it. Sunlight may be the best disinfectant, but social media makes that sunlight a fuckton more powerful.
Of course, there’s my favorite: pointing and laughing. Leftists hate to be mocked even a little bit. (See Bluesky for evidence.) When you see a Leftist engaging in lawfare, mock them mercilessly. Sure, you might get pulled into a lawsuit yourself because, well, Leftists are litigious babies, but you will have the First Amendment on your side. Or should have it on your side unless Leftists go judge shopping to find one who thinks the First Amendment is a suggestion. But, seeing a Leftist’s head explode as you turn their sacred cows into hamburger will warm even the chilliest of hearts.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to deal with 493 lawsuits filed by Leftists who are offended by me constantly pointing out there are two genders. See you when I get out of court!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
As is the case when one party takes over the Presidency from the opposing party, there are going to be some changes. Some changes, like Cabinet appointees, are normal. Some changes, like the ones President Brick Tamland made so absolute freaks could join the military…not so much.
But there is one group the Left is freaking out about (you know, in between their freak outs over Donald Trump being President again). Headed up by Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, will attempt to do something near and dear to my heart: root out inefficiencies within the federal government behemoth and find ways to save money.
Which is why the Left is freaking out about it.
So, why all the fuss over a government entity, something Leftists love more than they love free cash from our old buddy Uncle George Soros? Well, let’s find out together!
the Department of Government Efficiency
What the Left thinks it means – a government entity that will threaten life, healthcare, and other needed social programs in the name of curtailing spending
What it really means – either a long-overdue government auditor or a fucking awesome troll
There’s an old saying: never fry bacon naked. More appropriately to this context, there is another old saying: money is power. And nowhere is this old saying more true than in the halls of government. As far as the other one, I’m not going to inquire whether it applies to government. Just…leave it be.
As odd as it sounds, the Left understands this much better than the Right does. They just don’t spend money well, as Queen Kamala the Appointed’s campaign proved. Still, they understand the power that comes with having wealth, which is why they tend to do what the wealthy want.
Sorry, Leftists. The only way you get a seat at the Adults’ Table is if your bankroll has more zeroes than the ones in your ranks.
Two of the ways government Leftists get money from you and me are taxes and regulations. Taxes are somewhat excusable because that’s how we should be funding out country. Regulations, on the other hand…well, that’s a whole different kettle of overpriced fish.
Regulatory agencies are like HOA boards. They write rules that everyone has to follow, even if they are contrary to what the people want and fly in the face of what most people would consider common sense. And if you violate those rules in any way? Fines up the ass. And who gets to handle any appeals? Usually…it’s the assholes who made the rules in the first place.
That means the natural enemy of the government Leftist is anyone who wants to change the grift…I mean system. Ron Paul to his credit (and to the chagrin of big government types) stayed pretty consistent when it came to wanting government to make sense, especially when it came to the Federal Reserve. His son Rand Paul is also a fan of reducing government waste, relating it to the Airing of Grievances from as a part of Festivus from “Seinfeld.” Others have also taken up the mantle ensuring government waste gets the attention it so richly deserves.
And guess who else has made it a priority? Donald Muthafuckin’ Trump.
While Democrats understand the power of money, Republicans in recent years have come to understand the power of not wasting money. This hasn’t always been the case, unfortunately, as there are more than a few Republicans okay with spending money we don’t have on shit we don’t need or that could be obtained at a lower cost.
And it’s not the cranks on the Right with zero influence. Deregulation has been a cornerstone issue for many Republicans like Ted Cruz for the same reason fiscally responsible adults don’t go out and buy a new Ferrari every two weeks: it’s ultimately a waste of money, no matter how good you look in it. If a product or service is required to go through unnecessary rounds of regulatory trials, it costs money. And when you consider some of the things the federal government let pass that ultimately turned out to be harmful, maybe deregulation isn’t such a bad thing after all.
And if you Leftists doubt me, riddle me this. Why aren’t there snacks with Olestra in them anymore? Two words: anal leakage.
So, for Trump to even float the idea of an entity to audit government spending is a pretty big step, and it’s a step too far for Leftists out there. To rub a Great Salt Lake’s worth of salt into the wound, he picked Elon Musk to head it up. Now, Musk isn’t on too many Leftist Christmas card lists anymore because he decided the Left was nuttier than squirrel shit and wasn’t afraid to say it. He even went so far as to buy the Social Media Platform Formerly Known As Twitter and made it open for more free expression, unlike the pre-Musk days when Leftists could get people kicked off the platform for daring to exist in their space! The absolute nerve!
The other part of the power couple from Deregulation Hell is Vivek Ramaswamy, former Presidential candidate and by all accounts not to the Left of Ronald Reagan a smart and friendly guy. Although the Left will give us plenty of explanations as to why the Department of Government Efficiency won’t work, I think it’s clear why the Left doesn’t like it.
Leftists don’t want an African-American man and a person of color to succeed, and that’s racist.
Seriously (or at least as seriously as I can make it), the Left fear the Department of Government Efficiency might actually work and root out the kind of cost overruns and unnecessary spending that would put a lot of politicians out of a job…at least until they got a lobbying gig, but you see the point. Donald Trump has mastered the game of politics. Yes, he’ll still make boneheaded decisions, but when it comes to beating the Left at their own game, he is Bobby Fischer and they are Bobby Boucher, only not as good at football.
And that’s why there’s a part of me that thinks the Department of Government Efficiency may be the biggest troll in modern history.
Trump loves to needle his critics, which they aren’t used to because they’re thin-skinned little pussies who live in communities where their ideas are never challenged. As such, he has become the Trollmaster In Chief, throwing rhetorical jabs like Mike Tyson in his prime. Or Jake Paul when the fight is rigged.
The thing that makes me think the Department of Government Efficiency is one of these rhetorical jabs is in the first letters of the department, DOGE. For those of you who have lives, Dogecoin is a cryptocurrency made popular by…drumroll please…Elon Musk. And what else is it known as in some circles? Doge.
I wouldn’t put it past Trump to have created this department as a joke just to see Leftists’ heads explode. It is just too fucking perfect and a way to make his detractors lose their collectivist minds. And if it is a troll, I will stand up and give him a slow clap because it’s that awesome of a troll.
On the other hand, if it’s a serious proposal, I am all for it. Government waste caused by bad spending decisions and worse regulatory decisions needs to be addressed while we might be able to not spend ourselves into oblivion. With a lofty goal of $2 trillion in spending cuts, it’s a definite start towards fiscal responsibility. Having said that, I will be keeping tabs on the government waste and verifying if there is more to be cut elsewhere that wasn’t on the chopping block. (I’m looking at you, Department of Defense.)
In the meantime, I will be buying up a lot of popcorn stock because the next four years are gonna be fun.