To call President Brick Tamland’s performance during his first debate with Donald Trump a disaster would be an understatement of Godzilla-like proportions. And not the good Godzilla, either. I’m talking the shitty 90s version of Godzilla with Matthew Broderick that sucked ass.
Anyway, the Left is in panic mode and throwing out ideas on what to do from here, and one of those involves throwing out President Tamland off the ticket for 2024. As much fun and chaos that would ensue from this, I have to put on my conspiratorial hat for a bit to wonder if this wasn’t a plot to get the President off the ticket and find a replacement that would fare better against Trump.
At this point, I will warn you this is pure speculation on my part. I have no inside sources speaking on terms of protecting their identities and I’m not clever enough to invent such sources myself, so take what I’m about to say with as big a grain of salt as you want. Just make sure you take your blood pressure meds before you do.
Anyone with functioning eyes, ears, and brain can see President Tamland isn’t quite as lucid as he seemed to be in 2020. Part of this can be attributed to him being Methuselah with hair extensions. As we age, our mental faculties may take a bit of a dip. This isn’t always the case, but with the President, I think the dip is much more pronounced than it was a few years ago. And let’s not kid ourselves. Being the President adds years to your life, even after only a little bit of time in the position. If you take up the mantle, you had best be ready for the toll it will have on you.
Granted, I’ve never seen President Tamland as particularly bright before now. He’s always come off to me as a used car salesman with a broad smile, a welcoming demeanor, and the ability to schmooze his way into a deal that will leave you heaving off the lot in a rusted out Yugo with a transmission being held together by bubble gum, some chicken wire, and a blessing from the Pope. He’s definitely a people person, which will take you far in politics.
But this year, being Not Trump isn’t going to cut it.
Under the guidance of President Tamland, we’ve had severe inflation, an economy that can’t seem to make up its mind whether to be shitty or super shitty, and the bungling of issues here and abroad. His track record as President has been arguably one of the worst in modern history on many levels, so much so that we’re willing to give a convicted felon another shot at the White House because he doesn’t seem that bad compared to the dumpster fire we’re currently experience.
In political terms, President Tamland has served his purpose, which was to defeat Trump. If he did a couple of good things here and there, it was gravy. But now, he’s becoming more of a liability than Hunter Biden, and that’s saying something!
Here’s where the numbskullery…I mean skullduggery comes into play. President Tamland wants to be President again, not because he’s particularly good at it, but because he really can’t do anything else. The dude has been in public office for almost all of my life, and I am not a young man at this point. If he were to leave the White House voluntarily or otherwise, what could he realistically do? Teach a class on how to be a fuck-up and get paid big money for it?
By the way, I think that course is already being offered next semester at Harvard.
As a result, President Tamland has dug in his heels and refused to accept any advice to pack it in, retire to Connecticut, and regale his grandkids with stories about how Corn Pop was a bad dude. Early on in this election cycle, the Left were okay with it for the most part, aside from the usual rabble rousing from the Squad and other like-hiveminded Leftists. Even the media got involved and tried to downplay what we were seeing as nothing major. The President is as sharp as he ever was (see my previous comments about him and why that’s not a compliment). Anybody who says otherwise is ageist, a right wing smear monger, or out and out lying to you.
After the debate, these same folks were singing a completely different tune.
And that’s all part of the plan. Remember, President Tamland’s team set the ground rules for the first debate, so there’s a part of me thinking it was a set up from the jump. Even the people closest to the President have to have seen his decline, even if they don’t want to admit it. In order to keep their jobs in what they hope would be a Tamland-in-name-only Administration, they needed an out. The debate was that out.
And the best thing about it for them is it was a no-lose situation. If Tamland performed the way he did, they could make the argument he shouldn’t be the nominee anymore. If he did better than expected, they could run to the media and say “We told you so!” without missing a beat or raising even the slightest doubt as to his capabilities.
Now, thanks to President Tamland making Kamala Harris look brilliant, the door is wide open for new faces to throw their hats into the ring. And with the right amount of prodding, President Tamland might even step down of his own volition. A perfect solution to an imperfect problem right?
Yeah, not so much.
The current Democrat Party is a loose-knit coalition of special interest groups who are willing to set aside personal differences to achieve an ideological goal, at least in theory. In current practice, however, the party has more cracks than Hunter can smoke in a weekend. With morons like the Squad squabbling with the party leadership over candidates who don’t meet their progressive litmus tests, getting a new candidate to replace President Tamland is going to be daunting. And the rank and file are starting to agree more with the Socialist Socialite than Nancy Pelosi, which means the possibility of there being a political turf war that results in the nomination of a candidate nobody likes, but has to run to preserve democracy or some shit.
That means Kamala still has a chance to be the Presidential nominee!
This also opens up a lot of questions about the quality of candidates willing to step up and most likely lose. The only thing bigger than a politician’s closet full of skeletons is his or her ego. Any Democrat who decides to try to win the nomination is going to have to be able to deal with President Tamland’s fuck-ups in a way that doesn’t affect future potential runs. And with the bozos on deck, from California Governor Gavin Newsom to Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, I’m not sure they have a viable Plan B. Their best course of victory might be to forfeit.
Or they could just run Hillary Clinton again.
Even after all of that, even if they find a candidate willing to be the whipping boy (or girl) to Trump, there may be convention headaches not related to partying with Nancy Pelosi. The way Democrats run their conventions makes as much sense as Calvinball. The states have delegates, but the party also has superdelegates who can override the will of the delegates. After all, we can’t have people actually affect who gets to be the nominee, amirite?
If there is a fight between a candidate chosen by the delegates and a candidate preferred by the superdelegates, there is going to be chaos on the level of a Michael Bay movie, possibly with fewer unnecessary explosions. Hopefully, the party leadership is smart enough to find a way out of this…I can’t even type the rest of that sentence with a straight face. If they were smart enough in the first place, they would have convinced President Tamland to serve only one term.
Now, we get a little further into the weeds, so I’ll try to be brief here. When there is a convention where candidates are voted in, there is a process that has to be followed. If there needs to be a deviation of that process, the majority body has to agree to it. Before any speeches are given or video montages rolled, there needs to be a vote. Otherwise, it’ll just be night after night of “Trump Bad!” So, you know, pretty much the entire Tamland campaign strategy to date. Without agreement, there can be no nomination. No nomination means no candidate. But it doesn’t mean we won’t get night after night of boring speeches that will only appeal to the faithful. I don’t foresee this part being a big problem under the circumstances, but it could still happen.
And perhaps the biggest headache facing Democrats if they go through with replacing President Tamland: state election laws. Each state sets up its own laws regarding how elections are run, how one qualifies to be on the ballot, and the like. And, yes, there are time limits to these things. If a candidate isn’t officially a nominee by the time these deadlines come and go (as what almost happened to President Tamland in Ohio), the states may have to revisit whether he or she qualifies to be on the ballot.
And guess which party controls the majority of the gubernatorial seats in this country. Can you say “Republicans,” boys and girls? I knew you could. Add into the fact many of these Republican Governors also have Republican majorities in their legislatures, there might not be a lot of leeway given to the potential Democrat nominee if it’s not President Tamland.
But simply, this is a problem that would make Rube Goldberg and M.C. Escher scratch their heads in confusion and disbelief. All because a man in serious mental decline wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Sucks to be you!
Tag: joe biden
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
In case you’ve been living under a rock or on the campus of UC Berkeley, you’ve heard President Brick Tamland is old. How old? I wish I could say this is a set up to a Johnny Carson-esque joke, but I can’t. He really is old, and it shows.
Or, it would show if Leftists were honest about it. Instead of admitting President Tamland is so old he makes Strom Thurmond look like a newborn (and, to be honest, I’m not sure the President wasn’t at his baptism), they’re going with a different approach: pretending everything we’re seeing isn’t real. In fact, the Tamland Administration has come up with a new term to describe it, that being “cheap fakes.”
Given the inflation caused by the Administration, I’m surprised anything is cheap. But it’s a good jumping on point for this week’s Lexicon.
cheap fakes
What the Left thinks it means – the results of right wing media distorting videos to give the impression the President is feeble and not capable of being President
What it really means – Leftists trying to gaslight us more than Victorian times
The Left knows the President has issues, and by issues I mean subscriptions. He mumbles incoherently like he’s taking diction lessons from Ozzy Osbourne. He loses track of where he is in speeches, even reading directly off the teleprompter when it was more instructional. He freezes in the middle of sentences and stares blankly into space. He wanders off and has to have others help him get to where he’s supposed to go. He’s even fallen up stairs. Not down, up!
But Orange Man Bad, amirite?
No matter what video evidence there is (and how many videos show the same deteriorating conditions), the Left has an answer. They provide statements from numerous sources, including Republicans, saying President Tamland is as mentally sharp as ever. They compare the President’s mental ability to Donald Trump’s. And now, they’re saying it’s all fake.
It’s at this point I’m throwing the brown bullshit flag. It’s one thing to have it happened once in a while. We all get old and occasionally forgetful. It’s another thing altogether to dismiss multiple televised and live instances to consider it to be a total right wing conspiracy with altered footage, distorted camera angles, and selective still shots to make President Tamland look bad. He’s doing that well enough all on his own, so he doesn’t need the Right’s help.
But the Left’s response to people noticing President Tamland is shakier than Rosie O’Donnell eating Jello on the San Andreas Fault during a 7.8 earthquake is a tell. As you’ve seen in previous Lexicon entries, the Left has no problem doing what they’re accusing the Right of doing. Fuck, Media Matters has made a tidy career of doing just that. Then, there’s documentarian/all-you-can-eat-buffet enthusiast Michael Moore, a reliable Leftist liar.
And don’t get me started on the Left’s “very fine people on both sides” lie.
The Left has no problem lying when it suits them, so when they call actual video footage of President Tamland acting like a broken down animatronic robot from the Hall of Presidents a cheap fake, it’s pure drive in movie level projection, baby!
That’s not to say the right-leaning news organizations aren’t prone to distortion when it suits a narrative, mind you. Fox News has seen legal repercussions from lying, as has Alex Jones. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t trust either of them (although the video of an Alex Jones rant turned into a folk song is pretty funny). But it’s Hank Johnson opinions on Guam levels of stupid to say the Right is on par with the Left when it comes to distorting the truth. Dishonesty against political opponents is the coin of their realm.
Oh, and being absolute fucking idiots.
And they’re being absolute fucking idiots here. Instead of saying “Yeah, President Tamland is a PR disaster that shits himself on the regular, but he’s the best candidate we have,” the Left will continue to blame right wing disinformation and expect us to either cower in fear or question what we clearly see time after time after time.
What they don’t expect is for people across the ideological spectrum to see President Tamland’s decline and express concern he may be too old and incapable of being President. It’s getting harder and harder for the Tamland Administration and its lapdog media sources to tell us what we clearly see isn’t what we’re seeing and there’s a perfectly rational explanation for everything. They haven’t come up with this rational explanation, mind you, but they insist there is one.
Of course, this wouldn’t be a Leftist Lexicon entry without exposing at least some Leftist hypocrisy. Back in the mid-to-late 80s there was another President who was accused of being in cognitive decline while in office. That man was Ronald Reagan. Media outlets at the time questioned his mental acuity and there is some debate as to whether Reagan had Alzheimer’s Disease while in the White House. At that time, more than a few of the Leftists now saying President Tamland isn’t experiencing any decline in his faculties were suggesting Reagan was incompetent. They’ll deny it, of course, but it happened. I was fucking there. And they continue to do it.
But when it’s one of theirs (or two if you count Dianne Feinstein), such concerns are brushed aside. All for political gain.
Fuck that shit! We are seeing a man who shouldn’t be running a lemonade stand let alone have access to the nuclear codes getting worse and worse at a job that has physical and mental strains attached to it. And the worst part is I can’t even be mad at President Tamland for it. He’s being used by others as a figurehead while the real shitty work is being done behind the scenes when it’s not being done in his pants. This is elder abuse, but with global implications.
And the people using President Tamland as a meat-shield don’t care. They care about us noticing his mental decline repeatedly and deciding he should be home, not in the White House. And that’s utterly fucked up when you think about it.
So, save me the “cheap fakes” bullshit. Not only is a stupid turn of a phrase, but it reveals how little you really think of the President as a human being. The more you run interference for the guy, the worse it gets for you.
But look at the bright side. After this Administration gets tossed out on its asses and all the bullshit gets exposed, they will always have a seat on any panel on MSNBC.
Here We Go Again!
If there’s been one policy idea that President Brick Tamland has been trying to get off the ground, it’s student loan debt forgiveness. Even after the Supreme Court smacked it down, our boy Brick has continued to push for it. Recently, he rolled out new initiatives to help those with student loan debt to the tune of a measly $7.7 billion. In spite of the fact the Supreme Court said he doesn’t have the power to do it, as Nancy Pelosi noted.
But that’s not what this piece is about.
When announcing these new initiatives, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona said the following:
We must continue to protect borrowers from predatory institutions—and work toward a higher education system that is affordable to students and taxpayers.
Hmmm…now, where have I heard the term “predatory” used before…oh, yeah, the mortgage bank crisis!
Without going into the gory details, I was in the mortgage industry when the shit hit the fan. Through government fuck-ups disguised as helping people, lenders skirting the law to make sales, house-flippers whose only motivation was to make a quick buck, and borrowers being dumber than a bag of hammers about Economics 101 for Dummies, the mortgage industry was in a world of hurt. Naturally, people started looking for any kind of help.
Enter Big Daddy Government! They would fix the problem by going after the easiest of targets: the lenders themselves. Now, I’m not saying all of the lenders were working above board and even some of the more reputable ones had hinky loan terms that you would need to be careful to read and understand before signing on the dotted line. But speaking from what I saw more often than not, the problems blamed solely on the banks were (or at least should have been) a shared responsibility.
That’s one of the reasons I didn’t like “The Big Short” as much as everyone else did. In an attempt to create an entertaining movie-going experience, it left out a LOT of shady shit and utter incompetence. And that’s just within the federal government!
Anyway, the point is people looked to the government to help bring those predatory lenders to heel, and the government responded by…expanding itself. Up until the mortgage crisis, mortgage complaints fell under the umbrella of the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency. But those DC galaxy-brain thinkers didn’t think it was enough to make every mortgage bank jump through the OCC’s hoops, so they created a new agency, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, thanks in part to Chief Running Mouth, Elizabeth Warren.
And having dealt with them on numerous occasions, we were better off with just the OCC. Of course, we would be even better off with monkeys and typewriters, but that’s neither here nor there.
At this point, you might be wondering what in the Wide World of Fuck this has to do with student loan debt. It’s all in the approach. Since Leftists had success in convincing people the mortgage loans they signed their names to were all a part of the evil cabal of Big Banking, they’re trying the same thing with student loan debt. They’re even using the same language. On the plus side, it’s one of the rare times Leftists actually recycle, so yay, I guess.
If the Social Media Platform Known As Twitter is any indication, this tactic is working again. Young adults who know there are 90 gajillion genders but think 2 + 2 equals potato (hat tip to Simon Miller for that turn of a phrase, by the way) are being allowed to straddle the line between being competence and incompetence simultaneously. You know, just like Kamala Harris. And invariably, they’re going to get what they want because Leftists are never ones to let a crisis (especially one of their own creation) go to waste.
Others have astutely pointed out President Tamland’s student loan forgiveness is a big gift to the banks who lent the money in the first place, which it most certainly is. And others have also pointed out the loan isn’t forgiven so much as being pushed onto other people. This is also correct. But what I don’t see too many people talking about is what the next step could be.
And having seen this shit play out before, I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s next.
I see this playing out in one of two ways. First, some DC douchebag with more vices than brains may try to put student loan debt under the umbrella of the CFPB. In a demented kind of way, this makes sense. After all, the CFPB is charged with holding big banks accountable for predatory loan practices (even if they don’t understand regular loan practices), so it’s not that much of a leap to suggest they devote a portion of their efforts on student loans.
Second, and the one I think is more likely, some DC douchebag is going to suggest the creation of a brand new federal agency like the CFPB, but with a focus on student loan practices. Remember, one of my Immutable Laws of Life is a bureaucracy’s sole purpose is to find ways to make itself more expansive and incapable of being removed. So, what’s to say a CFPB II: Electric Boogaloo is out of the question?
I mean, aside from me, of course.
In either case, expect the federal government to get more involved with fucking up student loans in the near future. Just try to act surprised when it happens.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Election years can be wilder than a Motley Crue after party with Charlie Sheen, Willie Nelson, and Lindsay Lohan. This year’s election, though, makes that scenario look like a Mormon church picnic combined with an IBM leadership forum. From the Left cheering the legal process preventing presumed Republican candidate Donald Trump from campaigning (and having it backfire on them in ways they have yet to fathom) to telling people the flaming shitstorm of an economy brought to you by Bidenomics isn’t really that bad, we are seeing a lot of chicanery before the first ballot is cast.
Or before the first 5 billion ballots for Biden can be fabricated by Leftist groups, as the case may be.
In recent decades, there’s been a concern that non-residents are allowed to vot, a concern that’s been raised this year as well. And Leftists, using all the logic and knowledge at their disposal, have said “Nuh-uh!” So, what is the truth of the matter? Well, let’s just say the Left doth protest too much.
non-resident voting
What the Left thinks it means – a conspiracy theory dreamed up by Republicans to stir up anger and fear of immigrants
What it really means – something the Left has been allowing to happen because it helps them
There are a number of criteria that must be met in order to vote in most elections, as dictated by the federal government. And in case you don’t want to open the link yourself, the one at the very top is…you must be a citizen to vote. Of course, Leftists are quick to point out it’s already illegal for non-residents to vote in state and federal elections, so we don’t need more laws.
Remember these are the same assholes who believe more gun laws are needed to protect people after every shooting.
Anyway, I do have to give the Left credit. They are correct non-residents can’t vote in state or federal elections. However, they are allowed to vote in local elections in some places. So, if they’re only voting in local elections, what’s the harm?
Because it’s only a matter of time before Leftists start demanding non-residents be allowed to vote in state and federal elections because “they live here, too.” Normally, this might fall under the slippery slope fallacy (and, to be honest, it still might), but when you consider this sort of thing has happened more than a couple of times in my lifetime, I’m going to call bullshit on anyone saying it’s a fallacy in this case. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago Leftists went from gays just wanting to be treated like everyone else to gays being allowed to dictate how other people live under fear of public humiliation.
Because tolerance, you bigot!
The push to allow non-residents to vote is similar to another movement Leftists have tried to advance, that being allowing felons to vote once they’re out of prison. Most states have a restriction on felons voting until their sentences are complete or after a probation period, but in Maine, Vermont, and the District of Columbia, felons never lose their right to vote. Granted, the most hardened criminals in Vermont are maple syrup traffickers, but the point is still there. What was once a “no voting ever again” sentence has been turned into a “well, maybe we will let you vote again if you promise to be good boys and girls, m’kay.”
And we’re not supposed to think this will happen with non-residents why exactly? Oh, yeah, because we’re not supposed to notice this shit.
Just like we’re not supposed to notice how state and local agencies aren’t exactly following the laws on the books. Recently, a South Caroline Medicare office gave a non-resident a packet which included…a voter registration form. Leftists will be quick to point out getting the form doesn’t mean the non-resident was going to register to vote or even vote. Then, why would the packet include it automatically? Granted, it could be an oversight or the way the bureaucracy runs because Lord knows they can’t be allowed to make exceptions.
Then, there’s California’s “Motor Voter” Law. For those of you unfamiliar with it because you have lives outside the Interwebs, this law allows people to register to vote when they get a driver’s license. It’s super convenient…and also a good way to get non-residents registered to vote without so much as a first glance, let alone a second one. And with California being a sanctuary state (meaning they won’t check for citizenship if a non-resident is caught after a crime or in general), that means there is no check on whether non-residents are voting in more than local elections.
And if you think I’m picking on California, I am, but it’s not just a problem there. In our nation’s capitol, it’s estimated there are over 42,000 non-citizens eligible to vote in city elections as of 2021, thanks to a bill passed by the DC City Council. Granted, it’s unlikely these non-residents could sway the elections in a district where the choices are Democrat or other Democrat, but it has a symbolic significance.
After all, if the area where we house most of our degenerates, idiots, and psychopaths allows non-residents to vote (but enough about the DC Mayor’s office), it’s only a matter of time before Leftists make the case more communities should be open to the idea.
Sure, if you want to make Mos Eisley look like an Amish village.
It’s at this point I get to introduce a concept Leftists don’t get yet: a law is only as effective as its ability and/or desire to be enforced. When there’s a vested interest in a law not being enforced, it gets easier to overlook criminals, which makes it a lot easier to break the law with impunity. Just ask Californians. The good ones, not those who complain major companies are leaving California after being looted on the regular. And when no one’s enforcing the law…more people will be tempted to break the law.
Funny how that works, isn’t it?
There is an argument to be made for non-residents being allowed to vote in local and school board elections, but it will require a commitment to enforce the laws on the books. Since that’s not going to happen thanks to Leftists, that argument is a non-starter with me. Not because the Leftists are shitheads, but because it sullies the election process.
And because Leftists are shitheads.
Allowing non-residents to vote for anything more than what new Lays potato chip flavor should be produced is a recipe for disaster and many Donald Trump Truth Social posts about election interference. And the sad part is he’s right, albeit with a lot of exaggeration. When we can’t even verify the people casting votes in an election are eligible under federal law, it makes our elections less secure than a crack rock near Hunter Biden. When you consider the number of votes separating Donald Trump and President Brick Tamland in 2020 in Arizona, Georgia, and Wisconsin, even 15,000 illegally cast votes can make the difference between a winner and a loser.
Or a decent economy and a flaming shitshow of an economy.
Unless you like having to take out a third mortgage to buy a carton of milk, maybe you might want to take non-residents voting a lot more seriously.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
In a post-COVID world where the world went nuttier than elephant shit, I thought nothing could shock me. Today, I was shocked by CNN of all things.
You see, Anderson Cooper admitted Michael Cohen, a witness in the ongoing show railroading…I mean trial of former President Donald Trump, may have lied in his testimony. I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaws off the floor.
After years of holding the former President accountable for every statement that could be construed as untrue, it seems the Left seems to have lost its taste for finding the truth. Of course, I’m sure that’s just a complete coincidence, though. I mean, you would have to be complete assholes to demand the truth from only one side of the political aisle!
Oh, wait…
lying
What the Left thinks it means – something the Right does to advance their agenda
What it really means – something both sides do to advance their agendas
To borrow a phrase from some former President whose name escapes me at the moment, “Let me be clear.” Both sides of the aisle lie. In fact, lying is the coin of the realm in Washington. Where the Left and the Right differ, at least to me, is only the Left swings back and forth between demanding the truth and excusing the lies.
And one way the Left loves to lie is through the use of “fact-checkers.” The Washington Post claimed Trump made over 30,000 “false or misleading” claims. Of course, they don’t come out and show their math because, well, it’s fact-checked, so it has to be true, right?
Well, that depends on what the definition of false or misleading claims is. I got that from a different former President whose name escapes me at the moment. Turns out the fact checkers were stretching the truth on what they considered false or misleading. Why, it’s almost like these self-important assholes had a Paul Bunyan-sized axe to grind!
And this can be seen by watching the utter lack of fact-checking done for the current Administration under President Brick Tamland. First off, there’s the President, who recently told 15 lies in a 17 minute interview with CNN. And if you can figure out what Vice President Kamala Harris says, she doesn’t have a notarized tongue either. Just ask Willie Brown.
Then, we get to White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. To put it bluntly, she is as trustworthy as Hunter Biden’s accountability buddy. And when she gets caught in a lie, she doesn’t take it well. In fact, Fox News reporter Peter Doocy has proven to be Jean-Pierre’s version of Jim Acosta. I’m sorry. That is insulting. For that horrible and utterly demeaning comparison, I apologize to you, Mr. Doocy.
Anyway, the Left’s on-again/off-again love of the truth is hypocritical, yet utterly amusing. I mean, how can you legitimately take Leftists seriously when their commitment to the truth is as spotty as dial-up Internet? The problem is there are people out there either willing to swallow the bullshit or not informed enough to see through the lies, which encourages Leftists to continue to lie. And when they can’t lie their way out of a situation, they’ll gaslight you. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, gaslighting is lying, but a lot meaner.
So, this is where we come in. The fact the Left lies with such ease and without consequence makes it a lot harder to reach people, but it’s worth it. Expose the lies and have backup from multiple sources. Know your shit, and be unafraid to express it.
Yes, this is going to get you in trouble with the Left, but let’s be honest. Most Leftists are as dangerous as a Nerf marshmallow. And those who are dangerous tend to be dumber than the plot of a Michael Bay movie, so the likelihood of running into a Leftist badass is less than finding Hunter Biden not doing drugs. Still, you have to weigh your options and pick your battles accordingly. Remember, your goal isn’t to convince a Leftist to change his/her/its mind, but to convince a non-Leftist that you’re not full of shit.
And given how Leftists are trying to push the idea the economy is just fine in spite of having to take out a third mortgage to get a cup of Mostly Okay, But Possibly Inedible Raman (spelled differently because it’s a cheap knockoff of Mostly Okay, But Possibly Inedible Ramen), it may not be as hard as you think.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
The buzz around Washington DC this week was around the Congressional testimony from Special Counsel Robert Hur and his report about President Brick Tamland. The report itself is here, but the short version is the President violated the law, but the Department of Justice didn’t think he could be convicted because he’s a sympathetic doddering old fuck.
The Left has done a great job in making it seem like the Hur Report exonerated President Tamland, even going so far as to make the case Hur overstated the President’s memory problems, among other failed attempts to discredit the report and the Special Counsel. Regardless, the Hur Report and its impact on President Tamland’s Presidency (as well as Leftist sanity) is worth exploring further.
the Hur Report
What the Left thinks it means – a report from a moron that exonerates the President from hiding classified documents in various locations
What it really means – a disappointing political paradox that we should have seen coming
The life cycle of a modern political scandal is as predictable as the ending of a mystery novel written by your average social media “star.” The politician breaks laws that would get anyone else outside the ruling class thrown in prison for years. The media find out about the crimes committed and either attempts to hold the politician accountable (if he/she is a Republican or conservative) or downplay it in the hopes the scandal goes away (if he/she is a Democrat or a Leftist). People outside the media bubble find out and start asking questions. The politician and his/her handlers hold off on explaining anything until the questions get too close for comfort. Then, the politician and his/her handlers address it without actually addressing it, thus pissing off some people (namely those who think the laws should apply to everyone) and pleasing others (namely people who are a short skirt and pom-poms away from being full-blown cheerleaders). And after a little while, it all goes away, save for the gnashing of teeth who really wanted something done.
There are some variations to this framework that pop up from time to time, but it’s pretty much the same from Ronald Reagan to Brick Tamland. I mean, how long have we known Eric Swalwell slept with a suspected Chinese spy and he’s still not spending his days getting a tan at Gitmo? How many politicians wound up on Epstein Island and are still running around free? That may be the most disturbing, disgusting, and disheartening thing about all of it: no matter what, you’re more likely to get Dylan Mulvaney to stop being an attention whore than you are to get a politician to see any time on the business end of a conviction.
That brings us to the Hur Report. First off, how dare you assume the report’s gender? More importantly, th0ugh, is what the report lays out in stunning detail is just how fucked we are with President Tamland at the helm of the ship of state. Here are some choice cuts.
– The President remembered the month and day of his son’s death, but aides had to provide him with the year.
– Aides would provide information when the President seemed to be having trouble.
– The President admitted to having documents he wasn’t authorized to have, albeit with some chronological difficulty.
– He forgot when he served as Vice President.
– The President admitted to memory issues after the fact, citing his long history in government as the reason.
But I’m sure it was just his stutter.
Wait, why does the ship of state say Exxon Valdez on the side?
Seriously, these issues (among the several he’s had this year alone) paint a vivid picture of a man well past his prime trying to do a job that taxes men decades his junior. If there were ever a case for invoking the 25th Amendment, the last year or so of President Tamland’s performance would be it. On the one hand, it would get spun as a political move (which it would be anyway because Leftists). On the other it would lead to President Word Salad (which would make for worse decisions, but a better 2024 outcome for Republicans). So, pick your partisan poison, I guess.
The problem the Hur Report creates for Republicans is how weak the aftershocks make them look. President Tamland is clearly mentally diminished due to age, the onset of Alzheimer’s, or him just being dumb as a stump to begin with. Yet, Leftists keep saying he’s mentally sharp as ever. So, either he shouldn’t be President because he’s no longer capable of performing “Three Blind Mice” on a children’s toy flute let alone the country, or he shouldn’t be President because he’s corrupt as fuck.
And Republicans can’t stop tripping over their own dicks to make either case, which gives the Left an open field to make whatever case they want, such as the bullshit “he was exonerated” line that’s been repeated ad nauseum.
More to the point, though, the Hur Report and Hur himself makes the argument why President Tamland shouldn’t be allowed to be in an Office Depot, let alone the Oval Office. For all the talk he’s done about white supremacists being a major threat to the country, the biggest threat is Tamland himself. Think back to the days when Leftists called out Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump for being mentally unfit during their respective Presidencies. I’m not sure how many fucks they gave at the time, but I’m guessing it was pretty close to zero.
Now, their past is coming back to haunt them. That is, if the GOP would hold them to the standards they set. The Hur Report gives them the tools they need to put away a pretty big tool, but for some reason they’re happier making broad statements in Congressional hearings and creating viral moments than putting on their Big Congresscritter Pants and doing something other than voting for more money for Ukraine and Israel.
And people wonder why I’m voting for C’thulu/Sweet Meteor of Death 2024.
The State of the Onion Address 2024
My fellow Americans,
After listening to parts of the most recent State of the Union Address, I came to a startling revelation, and I must apologize. For years, I have been calling the President “Puddin’ Head Joe” and even wrote a parody song about it. I was wrong, and I am sorry. From this point on, I shall refrain from calling the President Puddin’ Head Joe.
Because I found a much more appropriate name.
If you remember the film “Anchorman,” you should remember the character of Brick Tamland, the weatherman as played by Steve Carrell. To put it mildly, Brick was only a step or two from being a drooling idiot. If that doesn’t describe Joe Biden right now, I don’t know what does.
Anyway, President Tamland’s SOTU Address was full of shouting, gaslighting, divisiveness, and general what-in-the-Wide-World-of-Fuck that we’ve come to expect out of the guy. But at this point I have to ask whether he’s even up to be President of the HOA, let alone the United States.
This thought by itself would get be branded as ageist, ableist, or any other -ist the Left could muster to defend their guy, but it’s time we had an intervention. President Tamland is no longer capable of being President and no amount of water-carrying by the media will change that.
Especially when you consider the same assholes telling us how sharp President Tamland is were finding any excuse they could to make former President Donald Trump look like, well, the current President.
To be fair, though, Trump may not necessarily be the best alternative, either. By the time he would take the Oath of Office for a second time (should he be reelected), he would be 78 years old, only three years younger than President Tamland is now. Although Trump hasn’t exhibited the rate of mental decline his opponent has yet, maybe it’s time we start trending younger for Presidential candidates.
Not that the next generation of Presidential hopefuls is any great intellectual leap from the current crop, mind you. As our politicians skew younger, I swear they get dumber, as evidenced by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Greene. You could combine the two and still not come up with a half-wit.
But in today’s political environment, it doesn’t matter if you’re dumber than Brittany Spears’ current social media manager. All that matters is you vote “the right way.” Then, you will get the public support of your party, even if it’s through gritted teeth and reddened faces.
This leads to the great paradox of leadership. Those who would be great at it don’t want to do it, and those who suck at it are always the first in line to run for higher office. And once they get into office, you need an act of God (or in the case of Leftists, an act of Soros) to get them out, which means the worst of the worst become our problems year after year, election after election.
And by problems, I mean embarrassments. Between Rep. Eric Swalwell sleeping with a Chinese spy (and still getting to keep his position on the House Committee on Homeland Security) and Rep. Lauren Boebert giving out handies during a musical version of “Beetlejuice,” I’m surprised we don’t need to supply DC with more cold showers or at least lengths of hose to keep these horndogs thinking more about their jobs than about getting lucky. Then again, if they’re too busy fucking each other, they won’t have time to fuck us over, so there’s that.
What I’m trying to say is America is being run by people who could limbo under the lowest of standards with plenty of room to spare. While we’re busy worrying about how to make our dollars stretch more than Amy Schumer’s yoga pants, we tend to let things like candidate quality slide. We need to do a better job of holding our elected officials accountable at every level instead of shrugging and saying, “well, the other side is worse.” Remember, the lesser of two evils is still evil, and the lesser of two incompetents is still incompetent, even if the incompetent is on “our side.”
And people wonder why I’m voting for the C’thulu/Sweet Meteor of Death 2024 ticket.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
By the time you read this, Puddin’ Head Joe will have given his latest State of the Union Address where he will say we’re doing great under Bidenomics while calling out one of the biggest issues we face in America today.
Shrinkflation.
Not illegal immigration. Not the national debt ballooning to Rosie-O’Donnell-and-Michael-Moore-at-an-all-you-can-eat-buffet levels. Not fentanyl addiction, the price of goods and services, or our involvement in two wars. Getting less for the same price we paid for the same item previously.
At least Puddin’ Head Joe has his thumb firmly up his own ass or else he might be tempted to do something. In the meantime, we can talk about shrinkflation in terms even Puddin’ Head Joe can understand.
shrinkflation
What the Left thinks it means – when greedy companies charge the same price, but give consumers less
What it really means – when companies try to balance customer demand and production costs
I will warn you this is some economics talk, so if it’s not your bag, you may not want to continue. Unless you want to see me use the word “fuck” a lot. I bear no responsibility for any boredom or drowsiness you feel reading this week’s Lexicon.
With that out of the way, fuck.
When costs go up due to…oh I don’t know…a fucking idiot using our budget like the ATM at a strip club for compulsive people, companies have to figure out a way to continue doing business. Since most companies are run by people who have even a fleeting understanding of the laws of supply and demand, this sets into motion a series of decisions. Raise prices to compensate for the cost of doing business, offer less and try to keep prices lower, or do a combination of the two?
Shrinkflation is the combination of the two. Instead of charging the actual price of a good or service (which may negatively impact demand), companies will keep the price at the same level as before the cost hike, but they have to find a way to balance the cost with the price point. That usually means giving people less or taking a loss.
The other option on the shrinkflation table is to reduce the size of the packaging, thus reducing the amount you get. Granted, it’s usually a little bit here and there, but it can make all the difference if you get to the end of your package of Oreos and you’re missing one or two. And since we’re dealing with milk’s favorite cookie, that’s a sin against Man and Nature.
Now, for the people who don’t even have a Cliff’s Notes idea of the law of supply and demand (i.e. Leftists), the obvious solution is for the company to take a loss. After all, it’s just money and these companies make tons of it. The issue at hand for them is greed. In their hivemind, greed is immoral (except when it’s done to advance Leftist causes), so there is a moral obligation for companies to not make any more money than necessary.
Sound familiar? If not, let me give you a clue: it’s the entire fucking idea behind Puddin’ Head Joe’s push to deal with shrinkflation.
But wait, there’s more! Puddin’ Head Joe announced he was launching a task force to combat…“unfair and illegal pricing.” Yep, government has to get involved to help consumers. And I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong with that. Look at the success of Obamacare!
On second thought, let’s not.
The thing is government can’t fight greed. Greed is a human trait, so combating it means fighting human nature. Of course, the government has been fighting wars on drugs and poverty for decades, so maybe the powers that be stupid think following the same script will work this time. It just needs time and money…no, wait, that’s Ukraine.
Regardless, it’s a fundamentally stupid idea that doesn’t attack the real issue. It’s not necessarily the greed of the companies that needs to be addressed, but the greed of the consumers. Whether you clip coupons like a rabbi performing brises on straight commission or look for sales and deals on items you want or need, we are all trying to get our dollars to stretch as much as we can. Especially these days when inflation is higher than Hunter Biden on any day ending in, well, “day.” That puts the producer and the buyer at an impasse, as the producer is trying to make as much money as possible without pricing themselves into oblivion.
But here’s the part the Left doesn’t understand: that’s a part of the law of supply and demand. It’s not like if a company makes one penny more than it “should” the buyer is fucked. It just means in that particular transaction, the producer (i.e. the one accepting all the risk) made a penny. Having some no-name, no-brain bureaucrat with a shiny new office and a meaningless title take that penny away isn’t going to fix the problem, but it may start a whole new problem: government taking more than just that one penny.
One of my immutable truths is “The sole purpose of any bureaucracy is to grow itself to the point it becomes irremovable.” If Puddin’ Head Joe’s task force can take away one penny of profit in the name of unfair business practices, what’s to stop it from taking another penny and another and another and so on using the same rationale? As long as there are people who believe businesses are fucking them over, there will always be a line outside the door of people willing to “stick it to The Man.”
But there comes a point where “sticking it to The Man” results in negative consequences. Just ask Walgreens and CVS, who have been plagued by continuous shoplifting in California and are pulling out of some areas only to get shamed by community leaders for trying to cut the company’s losses and closing stores in these areas. Of course, if these same community leaders gave two shits about the shoplifting and tried fixing that problem instead of bitching to Walgreens and CVS, maybe those locations wouldn’t be trying to get out in the first place.
Nahhhhh. That’s too simple. Has to be racism because…fuck you racists!
As consumers, we have to understand as prices go up for the things we buy and use, those same prices are going up to get us these things. The way Puddin’ Head Joe wants us to think ignores that reality and creates a straw man that would put Ray Bolger to shame. And, yes, if there is a company that charges the same price before Inflationpalooza but delivers only 1/100 of the product, that company should get the shit kicked out of them. But not through violence or government interference. In the place where it really matters, the free market.
And that’s where any shrinkflation should be addressed, to be honest. Money talks, bullshit walks, and Leftists balk, and it’s the best way to balance the needs and wants of all parties directly involved. And it will piss off people who don’t like the free market, so win-win!
Seriously, shrinkflation is only a problem for those who don’t get how free market capitalism works. Which means Puddin’ Head Joe is going to make it a problem, and we’re all going to feel the impact of his attempts to “fix” it.
Oh joy.
Our Brother-In-Law
This is your annual reminder the war between Russia and Ukraine is still going on and we still don’t have any idea of what the fuck we’re doing in it yet. I mean, aside from giving billions of American tax dollars to a cause that’s ill-defined outside of “Putin Bad” and has no clear end date in sight.
Oh, and did I mention we’re backing the losing side?
Actually, that’s a bit premature. They haven’t lost yet, so there’s always a chance Ukraine can turn things around…provided, of course, we send more money and arms.
It was at this point I came to a realization: Ukraine is like the stereotypical lazy brother-in-law. They don’t do much, spend what little money they have on shit they don’t need, and always come around when they need just a few bucks to get them through until they can get on their feet. And, because they’re related by marriage, we tend to relent in order to keep the peace within the family.
That doesn’t work so well when an entire country is the brother-in-law and we’re strapped for cash ourselves. Regardless of what Leftist squawking head tells you, the economy isn’t so rosy. Inflation continues to rise (although at a much lower rate than the previous 2 years, so yay, I guess?), and Puddin’ Head Joe keeps finding ways to make the US Dollar worth less than the acknowledgements section of a narcissist’s autobiography.
Like, oh I don’t know…giving billions to a foreign country without asking for any of it back?
Of course, the Leftist warmongers will mention Ukraine is fighting for freedom and we should support it or we’re Russian assets. Which is why so many of these same warmongers are trying to tie aid to Israel to aid to Ukraine because…freedom, I guess?
Actually, the two are not connected in any way. And if you’ve been following the events in Ukraine prior to the war with Russia, you can see why, but for those who haven’t let’s just say Ukraine has…a bit of a neo-Nazi problem. Which means we have a bit of a neo-Nazi problem because we’re funding them in the name of freedom, all the while telling us neo-Nazis are all over the US and evil, nasty people who can’t be reasoned with.
You know, just like Antifa!
This contradiction doesn’t seem to bother the Left that much, but it bothers me. We cannot hold Ukraine to a different standard than we hold our own citizens, even if we don’t like the implications. This is the kind of idiocy that got both Iran and Iraq hating our guts in the early 80s when they were having their own war. We tried playing both sides at different points and we got fucked as a result.
Now, we’re repeating the same mistake. After trying to be buddy-buddy with Russia as far back as the Obama Administration (remember Hillary Clinton’s “Reset” button?), we’re now blaming them for everything from inflation to supply line issues to the fact Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelce. And when you consider Russia and China are getting along like the aforementioned Swift and Kelce, that doesn’t bode well for us.
But freedom…I guess?
So, it looks like we’re going to be letting Ukraine sleep on our couch for the foreseeable future. But I’m sure they’ll find a job…I mean win the war with Russia soon. They just need a few billion to tide them over until they win…
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
With almost every election in the past 25 years or so, there have been accusations of one side or the other trying to get an unfair advantage though what is loosely called “election interference.” This can take on many forms, but the Left seems to be particularly concerned with election interference this year.
Maybe it has something to do with their Presidential candidate being only slightly more coherent than a piece of burnt toast…naaaaaah. If we’ve learned anything from Leftists, it’s that they’re honest brokers truly looking out for the best interests of their ideological cult…I mean country. Regardless, we have a tough nut to crack, so let’s get cracking.
No, Hunter, I’m not talking real crack here, buddy.
election interference
What the Left thinks it means – outside parties influencing American politics through underhanded and illegal means
What it really means – election shit Leftists do, but never get held accountable for doing
One of the bedrock principles America’s had throughout its existence is fair elections. Voters across the country would spend more time in local libraries and churches than they would the rest of the year and cast ballots for candidates they felt would do the best job in a given role. When we started electing incompetents, though, that dynamic shifted to whichever scumbag we liked more.
Anyway, this came into question in 2000 in the election between George W. Bush and Al Gore. I won’t go into a lot of detail here because I’m still going to therapy over it, but for those of you who weren’t there, the Readers Digest Condensed Version is Al Gore tried to use recounts in select Florida counties to win the state’s electoral votes and failed. This sent shockwaves throughout the political landscape. I mean, who could have imagined a thoroughly unlikable and out-of-touch former Vice President would lose?
I mean, aside from anyone who paid attention to Al Gore.
In the aftermath of Hurricane Hanging Chads, Leftists decided Bush cheated, thus he wasn’t legitimately President. This lead to conspiracy theories involving then-Florida Governor and W’s brother Jeb, Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, the US Supreme Court, and several boy bands getting their hands dirty while installing George W. Bush. Never mind the fact most, if not all, media-generated recounts repeatedly showed Bush won Florida. It was a conspiracy, dammit!
Then, before you could say “Not My President,” the election interference disappeared in 2008, even though not much in the lines of election security had changed. Hmmm…now who won the Presidency in 2008? Surely the fact the Left’s choice for President winning had no bearing on whether the Left thought election was tampered with, right? I mean that would be totally be a dick move to selectively call out election interference based on who was in office!
And it was just such a dick move they did in 2016 when Donald Trump beat Hillary Clinton. The only difference between the 2000 conspiracy theories and the 2016 ones was the particular parties involved. And election security? Still not that different than it was back then.
Then, before you could say “Orange Man Bad,” election integrity wasn’t an issue in 2020…except where it was and glossed over by Leftists and turned into treason if you dared not accept one of the most fucked-up elections in history as totally legit. And now Puddin’ Head Joe is fucking everything else up and is in jeopardy of losing the White House to Trump, guess what’s coming back? That’s right, election interference!
But what does that actually look like? Depends on who you ask. To a normal person, a lot of the shit that’s been going on since 2000 has been election interference, ranging from potential threats of violence (Black Panthers outside polling places in 2008) to irregular counting procedures (counting ballots after the counting was supposed to be concluded in 2020). In other words, Leftist Election Strategy 101.
To Leftists, it’s anything Republicans and conservatives do to prevent the Left from cheating. Pass a law preventing campaign volunteers from handing out bottles of water to people in line, which could be considered electioneering? That’s election interference! Call for Voter ID laws? Election interference! In fact, I think you can count on the one hand of the world’s worst shop teacher the number of things the Left wouldn’t consider election interference.
To put it mildly, Leftists care about election interference like they care about the gay community: only when it suits their larger political ends. Otherwise, it’s issue non grata. The way you can tell? Leftists aren’t overtly spending money on election security. If they were really concerned about Russia, China, or even Nickelback affecting the 2024 election, they would be coming up with all sorts of election integrity boondoggles where Leftists could get rich..er and nothing would get done.
See what I mean?
The Left’s ideal version of election integrity is one where they’re the only ones allowed to cheat and win. But by taking this approach, they’ve ensured they can never be taken seriously on this subject by anyone who has a brain, which means anyone who isn’t a Leftist. Meanwhile, real election integrity is eroding before our eyes because few Republicans care to even touch the issue, let alone take the heat from the Left for trying to do something to restore faith in the system. If we want to see a return to the good old days where we can accept election results without all the bullshit, we have to take the heat and pack a lunch. Just avoid mayonnaise and cole slaw.
In the meantime, call out the Left’s bullshit when they bring up election integrity as an issue. Ask them what they intend to do the next time one of their preferred candidates win to ensure outside forces don’t tip the scales. And be prepared not to get an answer. Or have them call you a bigot. Or have their heads explode. You know, whatever works.