You may not have known this, but we were on the brink of disaster on October 1st. While most people’s minds are focused on Halloween, which is a holiday where scary fun can be had by all. But Leftists focused on this recent scary date where the government could have shut down. To a Leftist, that concept is scarier than every “Saw” movie combined.
When there’s even a hint of a government shutdown, Leftists lose their minds and start coming up with all sorts of doomsday scenarios. Our military will be scaled back, leaving us defenseless. Old people won’t get their monthly checks, causing them to starve and die. Worst of all, though…”The View” might get renewed for another season!
But if it weren’t for the actions of some plucky political officials, we would be running around with pollution everywhere, cities on fire, and utter chaos. In other words, San Francisco on any given day.
Since the can got kicked down the road until mid-November, we have some time to relax and think more about what a government shutdown actually means.
government shutdown
What the Left thinks it means – holding the country hostage fiscally so a group of right wing extremists get what they want
What it really means – an exercise showing how bloated the federal government has gotten and what can/should be cut without affecting our everyday lives
In the interests of transparency, I am a small government advocate. I know! Shocking, isn’t it? The reason for my position is pretty simple: a smaller government is an accountable government. Right now, Congresscritters can pass whatever bills they want so full of pork both the B’nai B’rith and Muslim organizations reject it on religious grounds. Try pulling that shit when the only thing between you and an angry mob is a receptionist’s desk.
Since I seem to be in the minority on this, I’ve come to understand why some people want a larger government. I don’t like it, but I understand it. And it really comes down to one thing: people today want to be ruled rather than governed. It’s easier to let someone else tackle the big stuff so we can go back to obsessing about pumpkin spice this and TikTok that and celebrity gossip the other thing. Keeping informed is just too hard, guys! And it’s boring! So, why not just let the government run everything so we can focus on the really important stuff?
Because, ladies and gentlemen, we’re being run by powerful idiots who make bad decisions on the regular. Like not having an actual budget for, oh, decades now. That’s right! Our federal government has not passed a budget since 1996. The way we’ve kept the lights on in Washington, DC, has been through either Continuing Resolutions (basically a legislative method to kick the can down the road in the hopes someone else will pass a budget) or through omnibus spending bills (basically a legislative method to kick the can down the road in the hopes someone else will pick up the tab for their expenditures).
In short, we’re fucked. And neither the Left nor the Right have any plans to unfuck us. But only one side really goes out of its way to turn their collective fiscal irresponsibility into a horror show where everyone is a victim. I’ll give you three guesses, and all three are “Leftists.”
See, Leftists have this unshakable faith in the government as the source of all good in the world. If the government doesn’t do a particular task, Leftists will find a way to wedge the government in there, which creates layer upon layer of bureaucracy. And over time, that bureaucracy grows and becomes more essential to the task until the two are permanently stuck together like my fingers when I try to use Crazy Glue.
And with that Amazing Colossal Bureaucracy comes job opportunities for Leftists, as well as money from said government drones and power over the rest of us. So, when there’s the threat of the government shutting down, it starves the bureaucracy and curtails the power it wields. To the Left, that’s the worst possible thing that could happen. To me, it’s threatening me with a good time.
It should be pointed out government shutdowns have become a political football for the Left and the Right for the past several years. Of these, 13 occurred under a Republican President, while the remaining 8 happened with a Democrat in the White House. Although both major parties shared the blame early on, Republicans took the majority of the blame for the more recent shutdowns because, well, the Left told us they were to blame and enough people believed them.
And because they were right, even if only half so. Both parties are to blame for not being able to pay the country’s bills, mainly because they’re the ones running up the budget to pay for things like non-existent aircraft, wrenches and toilet seats that cost more than the GDP of most of Africa, and really stupid expenditures.
Like more money going to Ukraine.
Yes, kids, the House Democrats weren’t willing to bend much on sending more money to a country we’re supporting in a war between two countries where their leaders are corrupt, dishonest men. Meanwhile, House Republicans wanted money to go towards disaster relief because, as the residents of East Palestine and Maui will tell you, the Puddin’ Head Joe Administration hasn’t done jack shit to help them.
Whenever government shutdowns loom larger than Michael Moore’s shadow, both sides always call for “clean bills,” which is a euphemism for “a bill that pays for everything we want while fucking over the other side.” Between that and the complaints about how many pages the proposed spending bill is, it’s amazing anything gets done at all because both sides would rather play chicken with our tax dollars than come up with an actual budget to constrain costs as much as any federal budget can.
But in the end, both sides know a government shutdown is more theatrical than fiscal. The Left will run sob story after sob story about some lower level drone who won’t get paid and, thus, will go hungry. The Right will complain about how little was cut, but how they had to surrender like the French when there was a minute amount of pushback from the Left.
And the rest of us go on living life as normal for the most part. I’ve been alive for each of the government shutdowns I mentioned above, and not once have the doomsday scenarios painted by the Left ever happened. Even the longer ones didn’t affect most people.
That’s one of the dirty secrets of government shutdowns: the programs the Left always paint as being on the verge of collapse due to the shutdown are usually scheduled to be paid without interruption. And the government employees who lose their jobs when there’s a shutdown? They still get paid after the fact.
Which means…it’s all a show that we’re paying for, but not really enjoying. So, like “Two and a Half Men” on demand, only without the demand part.
The thing to remember whenever a government shutdown is threatened is most people know how to get by even better without the government than they do with it. This may be my small government bias talking (or just common sense), but the fact we don’t need much government should tell both sides maybe we don’t need to spend so much on their services. But that would mean they would have to willingly give up the money and power they get by having the government’s tentacles in every aspect of our lives, sometimes several times over.
Anything short of a full scale fire-and-rehire movement on Capitol Hill won’t prevent a government shutdown going forward. However, I do have a way for us to save some money doing something both sides like to do, but don’t like to admit.
That’s right. Outsourcing Congress to India.
At this point, anything’s worth a shot.
Tag: federal budget
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
There’s a little word starting with the letter D that has Leftists up in arms more than usual. No, it’s not “domestic terrorism” or “DeSantis” or even “D-Student President.” The word is “default” and Leftists are sounding the alarm that unless those evil mean ole Republicans approve a bunch of spending (which is totally related to running the country and isn’t related to a bunch of partisan bullshit designed to help Leftists buy… I mean earn votes). And those evil mean dagnasty Republicans want to…horror of horrors…spend less! Those monsters!
While talks between President Puddin’ Head Joe and House Speaker Kevin “Not Charlie” McCarthy have broken down more often than the car I bought from a sleazy used car salesman (i.e. a used car salesman), it seems more and more people on the Left are afraid we aren’t going to pay our bills and Grandma Gertrude will lose her Social Security, Medicare, and all means to survive. It’s going to be worse than January 6th!
Yeah, not so much. Let’s dive in
default
What the Left thinks it means – what will happen right now unless House Republicans agree to keeping proposed expenditures at higher rates
What it really means – a condition that hasn’t happened yet, but will become a reality in the near future
First off, a bit of insider baseball. Congressional budgeting isn’t the same thing as personal budgeting because the government can always print more money. If you or I did that, we’d be thrown in jail.
Come to think of it, that would be an ideal solution to the problems I have with Congress…
Anyway, because of this federal ability to print money, you’re more likely to find a happy Bud Light drinker than the government is to default on our debts. There are risks tied to this, namely the US Dollar becoming more worthless than Kanye West’s 2024 Presidential campaign coffers, but our elected officials aren’t stupid enough to let that happen, right?
Considering there is a sitting Representative who expressed fear that Guam would capsize if there were too many people, I’m not betting the farm on that.
But what I am betting the farm on is a lot of histrionics from people who don’t know the first thing about how economics works, even those who boast of having economics degrees but couldn’t make change.
Or toast, for that matter.
At the heart of this current kurfluffle is the Left’s insistence we raise the debt ceiling to ensure expenditures get paid. Put another way, Leftists are “just trying to pay America’s bills.”
One tiny problem (well, more than one, but we’ll get into that a bit later). The spending being done now is for the next fiscal year, which doesn’t start until…October 1, 2023. The shit we’re dealing with now is from the fiscal year that began October 1, 2022, when Democrats controlled the House and, thus, controlled spending.
Waitaminute…wouldn’t that give Leftists a vested interest in raising the debt ceiling (which is like getting a credit line increase on the federal Visa card)? Why…yes, yes it would!
It also gives them a manmade…womanmade…wymynmade…transmade…whatever made line 0f attack against House Republicans. After all, they’re standing in the way of paying America’s bills, right?
Not so much. The House passed a debt bill waaaaaaaay back on April 26th, a bill that Senate Majority Leader Chuck “Not Amy” Schumer called “dead on arrival” and President Puddin’ Head Joe said he would veto the House bill if it passed the Senate. Compare this to his comments from a few weeks ago (and a few days after he made the veto comment) trying to spin the situation to his advantage.
Hmmm…kinda makes you wonder who’s really forcing the default issue, doesn’t it?
But it’s not like the Left doesn’t have solutions. Members of the Congressional Progressive Caucus sent Puddin’ Head Joe a letter suggesting he invoke the 14th Amendment as a means to resolve the debt ceiling issue and avoid default. Although this may seem like a stretch that would make Reed Richards look like a block of stone, Section 4 gives at least somewhat of a framework.
The validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law, including debts incurred for payment of pensions and bounties for services in suppressing insurrection or rebellion, shall not be questioned. But neither the United States nor any state shall assume or pay any debt or obligation incurred in aid of insurrection or rebellion against the United States, or any claim for the loss or emancipation of any slave; but all such debts, obligations and claims shall be held illegal and void.
Now, I didn’t say the Left had good solutions.
The Left’s argument relies on the “validity of the public debt…shall not be questioned” part. Thanks to our good friends at Merrium Webster, we have two definitions of “validity” that maybe kinda sorta works.
the quality or state of being valid: such as
a: the state of being acceptable according to the law
b: the quality of being well-grounded, sound, or correct
Now, I’m giving the Left more credit than usual for deep thinking, but just because they put a little more thought into it than how they want their steaks cooked doesn’t mean they’re on the right track. Even with the most liberal (see what I did there) interpretation of the definitions, you’re still left with the “so what” question. How does this apply to the debt ceiling?
According to Al Jazeera (because I love to be an equal opportunity mocker of bad ideas), invoking the 14th would eliminate the debt limit and allow the nation’s bills to be paid. Now, this may solve the short term issues, but astute readers and students of history know how this is likely to end.
Spoiler Alert for you Leftists out there: it doesn’t end well for anyone, especially you.
Even though the Left is almost completely wrong here, they have inadvertently stumbled into a real issue: we aren’t taking federal spending seriously. I would say the government spends money like drunken sailors, but that would be insulting inebriated members of the Navy and I won’t stand for that. I don’t have any reason to believe we’d ever go into default, but only because of the power the federal government has to create money out of thin air. And we’re not talking about bills that have anything backing it, mind you. Right now the only thing backing the US Dollar is…our word.
Any Native American readers want to chime in on how much the government’s word is worth?
More to the point, our government’s spending makes the possibility of an actual default more and more likely unless we get a handle on it. As anyone who has had to take our a second mortgage to buy eggs this week can attest, inflation is a real issue affecting us all on some level. The more money we print, the less value it has. Before you know it, we’re post-WWI Germany without the pointy helmets.
And the thing is we keep running into this game of economic chicken every fucking year. The party in power of Congress and the party out of power always jockey for position in the weeks and months before the government can’t pay its bills and chaos ensues (according to the Left). Then, we might have to…shut down the government until a deal can be reached! Then, people might realized just how big, cumbersome, and mostly useless government actually is, and that’s going to hurt Leftists!
Wait. I’m not sure there’s a downside here. Oh, wait, I see one: this brinkmanship is tired, as well as tiring. But we will keep seeing it as long as both major parties prefer it to fiscal responsibility. Democrats and Republicans don’t want to think about what happens when the interest payment on the national debt exceeds our ability to pay since they’re too busy trying to figure out how to blame it on each other.
I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating (for no other reason than to pad out this piece a bit more). America has a spending problem. We are a shopaholic with the world’s most elite credit card, and we keep upping the credit limit because our elected officials are more than willing to sign off on it. And as long as the dipshits in Washington DC fail to grasp even basic accounting practices (i.e. being too far in the red is a bad thing), we’re going to keep playing chicken with the can being kicked down the road so a new group of dipshits can play.
Well, there’s a line from the movie “War Games” that applies here: “The only winning move is not to play.” Granted, we’re not dealing with Global Thermonuclear War or even chess, but we are hurtling towards a different point of no return, one where default is all but guaranteed. Cutting proposed spending while still increasing spending doesn’t help. Our national debt is in the trillions of dollars, and nobody on either side really wants to do the one thing that will help.
STOP FUCKING SPENDING!
While Republicans don’t seem to have any answers, at least they’re not really dumb ideas, which is what the Left has to offer right now. So, expect more chicken in DC and less in your refrigerator.
Speaking of which, could you help me out? I need to buy some chicken and I’m short by, oh, a few thousand dollars. Thanks in advance!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
To all of you from all of, well, me, I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kickin’ Kwanza, Fabulous Festivus, Cool Yule, a Spectacular Solstice, or for those who don’t celebrate anything this time of year, happy Sunday.
And for a number of people who just so happen not to be us, Congress gave them a very generous holiday bonus to the tune of, oh, $1.7 trillion. It was part of an omnibus spending bill whisking its way to President Joe Biden’s desk as of this writing, where there is no doubt he will sign it. Where the doubt lies is whether he’ll sign it in pen or purple crayon.
Another issue not in doubt is your favorite blogger is going to cover it this week. And I will, too!
omnibus spending bill
What the Left thinks it means – a necessary spending bill that helps America and Americans
What it really means – a bill so full of pork Jews and Muslims can’t partake of it for religious reasons
In my lifetime, Congress has always been the home of big spenders, as the National Debt Clock continues to show. More on that later, but I wanted to give you an idea of the numbers we’re dealing with here before giving more details. Plus, it will give you a chance to get a stiff drink or fifty to steel your nerves.
First, let’s dig into the details. Thanks to Senator Rand Paul and Congressman Chip Roy, we have an idea of just what Leftists were telling us were vital expenditures necessary to keep the government from shutting down. Here are a few examples.
– $4.5 billion in COVID Economic Injury Disaster Grants to people who weren’t eligible to get them in the first place
– $1.7 billion for upkeep of federal office buildings not currently in use
– $140 million in COVID funds used to build a spa
– $31.5 million in COVID funds to buy luxury cars
– $3 million on watching ‘roided-up hamsters fight
– $2.1 million to encourage Ethiopians to wear shoes
– $1.1 million to teach mice to binge drink (could have just sent them to college)
– $69 million in overpayments to government contractors for a terminated contract
– $77 million in mismanaged and untracked fuel purchases by the State Department
And so on and so on.
Granted, you could make an argument for some of the spending ($3 million to build a Gandhi museum, almost $500 million to redevelop our hard cider industry, $200,000 for radio spots telling drivers to stop at railroad crossings), but most of it is USDA Certified Lean Bullshit. Out of all the bad financial decisions that makes Arthur Andersen look like Warren Buffett, possibly the worst was almost $120,000 going towards…and I wish I was making this up…a grant to research whether Thanos could actually snap his fingers while wearing the Infinity Gauntlet.
The short answer? No. My answer? No, because Thanos is a fucking fictional character.
Where is that stiff drink?
Okay, I’m ready to continue.
Remember when Ukrainian President and Vogue photo subject Volodymyr Zelensky recently told Puddin’ Head Joe he would need more money? Well, surprise surprise surprise, the omnibus spending bill has nearly $45 billion in aid earmarked for Ukraine. And that’s on top of the $68 billion we’ve already given them in 2022. For the math challenged out there, that will be in the neighborhood of $113 billion.
Of course Leftists and some self-described “real conservatives” tell us this money is essential and if we don’t agree, we’re anti-Ukraine and, thus, anti-American. In fact, to them it’s a no-brainer. After all, if we fund the Ukrainians well enough, they’ll beat the Russians and hinder their ability to influence the world
No. That’s really what they believe.
And if it hadn’t been for 18 Senate Republicans voting with Senate Democrats and two Independents in favor of the omnibus bill, we might not be having this conversation. As of this writing, only one of these 14 asshats, Mitt Romney of Utah, has even attempted to explain his reasoning.
Put simply, the Senate Republican support was a no-brainer because no brains went into their votes.
Bartender, hit me!
Now, for the fun part. All of this spending is being done without being in a budget. Since 1996, the federal government has been spending money through Continuing Resolutions (basically, an IOU Congress writes to itself promising to spend more money without any rhyme or reason) or…drum roll please…omnibus spending bills. The reason is simple: no budget means no budget limits. I’ve seen inebriated sailors with more restraint than Congress.
Speaking of inebriation…bartender!
Let me lay my cards on the table here. I’m not a fan of omnibus spending bills, not just the ones Puddin’ Head Joe will sign. Congress has a spending problem, and omnibus spending bills are blank checks backed up with the promise of professional liars that they’ll pay it back with interest.
By the way, $475 billion of the omnibus bill is for interest on the national debt.
Yeah, we’re never going to see a balanced budget anytime soon, not when it’s so easy to pass spending bills that have no fiscal strings attached.
Even if you’re in favor of the bill, you’re going to have a hard time convincing me spending any money on Thanos research, luxury cars, or building a spa advances anything in the national interest. Personal interests, sure, but national? Give me a fucking break!
Speaking of which, I’d better take a break from drinking long enough to wrap this up.
The very fact supporters of the omnibus spending bill have to rely on faux patriotism, a backdrop of Ukraine fighting for freedom, and the idea the government has to stay open or things won’t get done should give us pause to drink…I mean think. As Americans struggle to make ends meet due to inflation being higher than Tommy Chong on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, our elected officials continue to make matters worse by making our money more worthless than an abstinence talk by Bill Clinton.
The sad thing is there’s nothing we can do about it. Aside from a wholesale house (and Senate) cleaning and starting over, we’re stuck paying for someone else getting a luxury car, thanks to Daddy Government. The sad truth is there are so many Democrats and Republicans, both elected and governed, who have no problem with the current state of affairs. After all, they’re not going to pay the tab; we are.
And with that, I bring this Lexicon entry to a close. Which is good timing because I’m about to passdkjladkahdfadjf;dajkl;
[Editor’s Note: We found Thomas slumped over his laptop after getting blackout drunk writing this piece. We cleaned up his entry and his computer as well as we could. We are giving him coffee intravenously in the hopes he’ll be awake in time for next week’s Lexicon.]