As much as I like ripping into Leftists, there are times when I have to take the Right out to the woodshed for being dumbasses. And this is one of those times. Otherwise, you’d just be watching me typing nonsense and wasting your time. I mean, more than usual.
The “Red Wave” most people were expecting turned out to be just a trickle, with Republicans mostly underperforming in races that shouldn’t have even been close. Although there are still some unresolved election issues (namely alleged misconduct affecting Republicans in Arizona, surprise surprise), the fact remains Republicans did not do as well as expected. Electile dysfunction, if you will.
Or even if you won’t, that’s what I’m sticking with.
Although the “Red Trickle” has been analyzed more than Donald Trump eating a salad with Russian dressing, there’s a problem even the smart pundits on the Right seem to have missed. Right now, the Republican Party has a serious identity crisis.
Unlike the Left, who has a loose coalition of voting blocs united by the idea “Republicans Bad, Democrats Good,” the Right has a diverse pool of voters, but doesn’t have a single rallying cry. Under Presidents like Ronald Reagan, that wasn’t the case, but since then it’s been the political version of Whose Line Is It Anyway, the political party where everything is made up and the percentage points don’t matter.
I’ve narrowed down the various factions vying for control of the GOP to these groups.
Evangelicals – These are men and women of faith who want to take America in a positive moral/religious direction and believe politics is the means to that end. To me, that’s like a Luddite computer repair shop, but who am I to begrudge these folks?
Fair Weather Republicans – These are your Mitt Romneys, Mitch McConnells, Susan Collinses, Marco Rubios, and such who talk a good game, but don’t have the track record to back it up. If these folks were a rap album from the early 90s, they would be “As Wishy Washy As We Wanna Be.”
MAGA Republicans – These are the politically-minded voters energized by former President Donald Trump. And when I say “energized,” I mean you could run the Texas power grid if you were to tap into their enthusiasm over all things Trump. Again, not bad people.
The Intelligentsia – These are the former conservative talking heads and consultants who were taken very seriously until Donald Trump came into the picture. Now, they’re too busy trying to “preserve conservatism” to notice their relevance is lower than the trading price of FTX right now.
Old School Conservatives – These are the Republicans who long for the days of Ronald Reagan and want to try to be his second coming. I would put Rand Paul and Ted Cruz in this category, and to be fair I almost voted for Zombie Ronald Reagan in 2020. I guess I would be in this category, too, even though I don’t see myself as a Republican.
Talking Heads – This group runs the gamut from Sean Hannity to Glenn Beck to even Tulsi Gabbard (still not a Republican, but I’m including her here to make a point). They command a lot of attention and viewership/listenership when they speak about what conservatism and Republican values mean.
Big Business Republicans – These are Republicans who are beholden to Corporate America and will do anything to please their corporate masters. Although there is the potential for overlap, usually these Republicans defer to whatever the business world wants, no matter how it betrays the party line.
The Rank and File – This group represents most Republicans, but ironically it has the least amount of power because it lacks the money, insider connections, and media presence of the others. Whether they’re life-long Republicans or Johnny-Come-Lately Republicans doesn’t matter.
Minority Republicans – This group is different from the others in that they’re also part of other groups that may or may not normally associate with the GOP. Gay, black, Hispanic, and so forth.
There may be others I’ve overlooked, but I think you get the idea. With so many voices talking about their version of Republican ideas, it’s hard to find a single unifying idea. Plus, it doesn’t help that some of these groups are less friendly than the reception Nick Fuentes gets at the Apollo. This is a byproduct of the many voices at play here. With so many groups trying to become The One True Voice of Republicans, there will be conflict.
If you doubt me, I have three words for you: The Lincoln Project.
Normally, infighting is par for the course with political parties, but in this case, it’s starting to become counterproductive. You might be able to get a couple of groups to gang up on one of the others, but such coalitions don’t last because Republicans and conservatives deeply care about issues. Leftists may say they do, but they care only as far as it takes to get stupid people to vote for them. Conservatives, on the other hand, tend to have bedrock principles on which they will not bend. For some, it’s defending the Constitution. For others, it’s Christian values. For others, it’s recognition. Whatever the motivation, conservatives will draw a line in the sand at some point.
And if you dare cross that line, you’re an enemy.
Not a great way to win elections, kids.
No matter how bat-shit insane the Left gets (and, believe me, they’re going for the record), expecting people to vote for the Right because they’re not Leftists only works for so long. Eventually, potential voters are going to ask “So, what do you stand for exactly?” And if you don’t have a good answer aside from “the Left is bat-shit insane” you will lose potential voters.
Believe it or not, some of us actually want to be courted. Give us ideas, principles, goals, actual substance for the love of Pete! Just because you’re not as crazy as the Left doesn’t mean you’re not crazy. After all, the Left says the same thing about the Right and you can guess how I think they are.
This is where a unifying theme is essential. The thing many conservatives and Republicans forget about Ronald Reagan is the fact he found a way to bring people together through the unifying theme that America was worthy of being respected and loved by its people. That helped peel off a number of people who might not have normally voted Republican and helped The Gipper win two terms. These days, Republicans might be lucky to win one term in the White House because while each of the groups believes they are carrying on Reagan’s vision, few of them remember the important essence of the vision itself.
Remember Reagan’s Eleventh Commandment. No matter how distasteful you may find one of the other groups, a unified front is what is needed going forward. In 2024, Republicans have a chance to make the argument their Presidential candidate is up to the task. And with Puddin’ Head Joe and Kamala “Word Salad” Harris, you could drool on yourselves and make a better case.
Yet, this should be the starting point, not the only point. If Republicans want to make Puddin’ Head Joe a former President, it has to be done with one voice. Yes, you can have opinions and you don’t need my permission to express them, but keep in mind a split party makes it easier for Biden to win again. Find common ground and hold onto it no matter what.
Otherwise, get used to seeing Puddin’ Head Joe embarrass us on the world stage.
Tag: rand paul
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
To all of you from all of, well, me, I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kickin’ Kwanza, Fabulous Festivus, Cool Yule, a Spectacular Solstice, or for those who don’t celebrate anything this time of year, happy Sunday.
And for a number of people who just so happen not to be us, Congress gave them a very generous holiday bonus to the tune of, oh, $1.7 trillion. It was part of an omnibus spending bill whisking its way to President Joe Biden’s desk as of this writing, where there is no doubt he will sign it. Where the doubt lies is whether he’ll sign it in pen or purple crayon.
Another issue not in doubt is your favorite blogger is going to cover it this week. And I will, too!
omnibus spending bill
What the Left thinks it means – a necessary spending bill that helps America and Americans
What it really means – a bill so full of pork Jews and Muslims can’t partake of it for religious reasons
In my lifetime, Congress has always been the home of big spenders, as the National Debt Clock continues to show. More on that later, but I wanted to give you an idea of the numbers we’re dealing with here before giving more details. Plus, it will give you a chance to get a stiff drink or fifty to steel your nerves.
First, let’s dig into the details. Thanks to Senator Rand Paul and Congressman Chip Roy, we have an idea of just what Leftists were telling us were vital expenditures necessary to keep the government from shutting down. Here are a few examples.
– $4.5 billion in COVID Economic Injury Disaster Grants to people who weren’t eligible to get them in the first place
– $1.7 billion for upkeep of federal office buildings not currently in use
– $140 million in COVID funds used to build a spa
– $31.5 million in COVID funds to buy luxury cars
– $3 million on watching ‘roided-up hamsters fight
– $2.1 million to encourage Ethiopians to wear shoes
– $1.1 million to teach mice to binge drink (could have just sent them to college)
– $69 million in overpayments to government contractors for a terminated contract
– $77 million in mismanaged and untracked fuel purchases by the State Department
And so on and so on.
Granted, you could make an argument for some of the spending ($3 million to build a Gandhi museum, almost $500 million to redevelop our hard cider industry, $200,000 for radio spots telling drivers to stop at railroad crossings), but most of it is USDA Certified Lean Bullshit. Out of all the bad financial decisions that makes Arthur Andersen look like Warren Buffett, possibly the worst was almost $120,000 going towards…and I wish I was making this up…a grant to research whether Thanos could actually snap his fingers while wearing the Infinity Gauntlet.
The short answer? No. My answer? No, because Thanos is a fucking fictional character.
Where is that stiff drink?
Okay, I’m ready to continue.
Remember when Ukrainian President and Vogue photo subject Volodymyr Zelensky recently told Puddin’ Head Joe he would need more money? Well, surprise surprise surprise, the omnibus spending bill has nearly $45 billion in aid earmarked for Ukraine. And that’s on top of the $68 billion we’ve already given them in 2022. For the math challenged out there, that will be in the neighborhood of $113 billion.
Of course Leftists and some self-described “real conservatives” tell us this money is essential and if we don’t agree, we’re anti-Ukraine and, thus, anti-American. In fact, to them it’s a no-brainer. After all, if we fund the Ukrainians well enough, they’ll beat the Russians and hinder their ability to influence the world
No. That’s really what they believe.
And if it hadn’t been for 18 Senate Republicans voting with Senate Democrats and two Independents in favor of the omnibus bill, we might not be having this conversation. As of this writing, only one of these 14 asshats, Mitt Romney of Utah, has even attempted to explain his reasoning.
Put simply, the Senate Republican support was a no-brainer because no brains went into their votes.
Bartender, hit me!
Now, for the fun part. All of this spending is being done without being in a budget. Since 1996, the federal government has been spending money through Continuing Resolutions (basically, an IOU Congress writes to itself promising to spend more money without any rhyme or reason) or…drum roll please…omnibus spending bills. The reason is simple: no budget means no budget limits. I’ve seen inebriated sailors with more restraint than Congress.
Speaking of inebriation…bartender!
Let me lay my cards on the table here. I’m not a fan of omnibus spending bills, not just the ones Puddin’ Head Joe will sign. Congress has a spending problem, and omnibus spending bills are blank checks backed up with the promise of professional liars that they’ll pay it back with interest.
By the way, $475 billion of the omnibus bill is for interest on the national debt.
Yeah, we’re never going to see a balanced budget anytime soon, not when it’s so easy to pass spending bills that have no fiscal strings attached.
Even if you’re in favor of the bill, you’re going to have a hard time convincing me spending any money on Thanos research, luxury cars, or building a spa advances anything in the national interest. Personal interests, sure, but national? Give me a fucking break!
Speaking of which, I’d better take a break from drinking long enough to wrap this up.
The very fact supporters of the omnibus spending bill have to rely on faux patriotism, a backdrop of Ukraine fighting for freedom, and the idea the government has to stay open or things won’t get done should give us pause to drink…I mean think. As Americans struggle to make ends meet due to inflation being higher than Tommy Chong on Willie Nelson’s tour bus, our elected officials continue to make matters worse by making our money more worthless than an abstinence talk by Bill Clinton.
The sad thing is there’s nothing we can do about it. Aside from a wholesale house (and Senate) cleaning and starting over, we’re stuck paying for someone else getting a luxury car, thanks to Daddy Government. The sad truth is there are so many Democrats and Republicans, both elected and governed, who have no problem with the current state of affairs. After all, they’re not going to pay the tab; we are.
And with that, I bring this Lexicon entry to a close. Which is good timing because I’m about to passdkjladkahdfadjf;dajkl;
[Editor’s Note: We found Thomas slumped over his laptop after getting blackout drunk writing this piece. We cleaned up his entry and his computer as well as we could. We are giving him coffee intravenously in the hopes he’ll be awake in time for next week’s Lexicon.]