Day: December 1, 2024

As is the case when one party takes over the Presidency from the opposing party, there are going to be some changes. Some changes, like Cabinet appointees, are normal. Some changes, like the ones President Brick Tamland made so absolute freaks could join the military…not so much.

But there is one group the Left is freaking out about (you know, in between their freak outs over Donald Trump being President again). Headed up by Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, will attempt to do something near and dear to my heart: root out inefficiencies within the federal government behemoth and find ways to save money.

Which is why the Left is freaking out about it.

So, why all the fuss over a government entity, something Leftists love more than they love free cash from our old buddy Uncle George Soros? Well, let’s find out together!

the Department of Government Efficiency

What the Left thinks it means – a government entity that will threaten life, healthcare, and other needed social programs in the name of curtailing spending

What it really means – either a long-overdue government auditor or a fucking awesome troll

There’s an old saying: never fry bacon naked. More appropriately to this context, there is another old saying: money is power. And nowhere is this old saying more true than in the halls of government. As far as the other one, I’m not going to inquire whether it applies to government. Just…leave it be.

As odd as it sounds, the Left understands this much better than the Right does. They just don’t spend money well, as Queen Kamala the Appointed’s campaign proved. Still, they understand the power that comes with having wealth, which is why they tend to do what the wealthy want.

Sorry, Leftists. The only way you get a seat at the Adults’ Table is if your bankroll has more zeroes than the ones in your ranks.

Two of the ways government Leftists get money from you and me are taxes and regulations. Taxes are somewhat excusable because that’s how we should be funding out country. Regulations, on the other hand…well, that’s a whole different kettle of overpriced fish.

Regulatory agencies are like HOA boards. They write rules that everyone has to follow, even if they are contrary to what the people want and fly in the face of what most people would consider common sense. And if you violate those rules in any way? Fines up the ass. And who gets to handle any appeals? Usually…it’s the assholes who made the rules in the first place.

That means the natural enemy of the government Leftist is anyone who wants to change the grift…I mean system. Ron Paul to his credit (and to the chagrin of big government types) stayed pretty consistent when it came to wanting government to make sense, especially when it came to the Federal Reserve. His son Rand Paul is also a fan of reducing government waste, relating it to the Airing of Grievances from as a part of Festivus from “Seinfeld.” Others have also taken up the mantle ensuring government waste gets the attention it so richly deserves.

And guess who else has made it a priority? Donald Muthafuckin’ Trump.

While Democrats understand the power of money, Republicans in recent years have come to understand the power of not wasting money. This hasn’t always been the case, unfortunately, as there are more than a few Republicans okay with spending money we don’t have on shit we don’t need or that could be obtained at a lower cost.

And it’s not the cranks on the Right with zero influence. Deregulation has been a cornerstone issue for many Republicans like Ted Cruz for the same reason fiscally responsible adults don’t go out and buy a new Ferrari every two weeks: it’s ultimately a waste of money, no matter how good you look in it. If a product or service is required to go through unnecessary rounds of regulatory trials, it costs money. And when you consider some of the things the federal government let pass that ultimately turned out to be harmful, maybe deregulation isn’t such a bad thing after all.

And if you Leftists doubt me, riddle me this. Why aren’t there snacks with Olestra in them anymore? Two words: anal leakage.

So, for Trump to even float the idea of an entity to audit government spending is a pretty big step, and it’s a step too far for Leftists out there. To rub a Great Salt Lake’s worth of salt into the wound, he picked Elon Musk to head it up. Now, Musk isn’t on too many Leftist Christmas card lists anymore because he decided the Left was nuttier than squirrel shit and wasn’t afraid to say it. He even went so far as to buy the Social Media Platform Formerly Known As Twitter and made it open for more free expression, unlike the pre-Musk days when Leftists could get people kicked off the platform for daring to exist in their space! The absolute nerve!

The other part of the power couple from Deregulation Hell is Vivek Ramaswamy, former Presidential candidate and by all accounts not to the Left of Ronald Reagan a smart and friendly guy. Although the Left will give us plenty of explanations as to why the Department of Government Efficiency won’t work, I think it’s clear why the Left doesn’t like it.

Leftists don’t want an African-American man and a person of color to succeed, and that’s racist.

Seriously (or at least as seriously as I can make it), the Left fear the Department of Government Efficiency might actually work and root out the kind of cost overruns and unnecessary spending that would put a lot of politicians out of a job…at least until they got a lobbying gig, but you see the point. Donald Trump has mastered the game of politics. Yes, he’ll still make boneheaded decisions, but when it comes to beating the Left at their own game, he is Bobby Fischer and they are Bobby Boucher, only not as good at football.

And that’s why there’s a part of me that thinks the Department of Government Efficiency may be the biggest troll in modern history.

Trump loves to needle his critics, which they aren’t used to because they’re thin-skinned little pussies who live in communities where their ideas are never challenged. As such, he has become the Trollmaster In Chief, throwing rhetorical jabs like Mike Tyson in his prime. Or Jake Paul when the fight is rigged.

The thing that makes me think the Department of Government Efficiency is one of these rhetorical jabs is in the first letters of the department, DOGE. For those of you who have lives, Dogecoin is a cryptocurrency made popular by…drumroll please…Elon Musk. And what else is it known as in some circles? Doge.

I wouldn’t put it past Trump to have created this department as a joke just to see Leftists’ heads explode. It is just too fucking perfect and a way to make his detractors lose their collectivist minds. And if it is a troll, I will stand up and give him a slow clap because it’s that awesome of a troll.

On the other hand, if it’s a serious proposal, I am all for it. Government waste caused by bad spending decisions and worse regulatory decisions needs to be addressed while we might be able to not spend ourselves into oblivion. With a lofty goal of $2 trillion in spending cuts, it’s a definite start towards fiscal responsibility. Having said that, I will be keeping tabs on the government waste and verifying if there is more to be cut elsewhere that wasn’t on the chopping block. (I’m looking at you, Department of Defense.)

In the meantime, I will be buying up a lot of popcorn stock because the next four years are gonna be fun.