Now that Election 2024 is pretty much over (I’m looking at you, Arizona), people who get paid a lot of money to be wrong about political subjects are going to offer up their opinions of why Donald Trump won and/or why Queen Kamala the Appointed lost. (The short answer: Kamala took the wrong pages from the Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton books on running a political campaign.) And these overpaid idiots will come up with all sorts of excuses about white women this and black men that, and they will be completely wrong and yet still keep getting paid to recite the same bullshit.
So, instead of listening to overpaid idiots, listen to this unpaid idiot!
As with any political campaign or storyline, there is a familiar story that runs through it. Some are as old as Bernie Sanders, while others are fresh and new like the ink on the mortgage of his fifth vacation home. Ain’t democratic socialism great, kids?
This year’s election started out a little on the familiar side with Donald Trump winning the Republican nomination. The only question was whether President Brick Tamland would run against him. And by run, I mean stumble off in one direction and then another while looking more confused than the Socialist Socialite ordering Starbucks with only three possible options.
After President Tamland dropped out, Queen Kamala the Appointed took over and began stinking up the campaign trail with her tone-deaf rhetoric. The more she talked, the more she came off like a moralizing rich kid. Her surrogates on the campaign and in the media (which is pretty much the same thing) echoed the smug, “look at us, we’re so decent” attitude their candidate recited (when she wasn’t reminding us she grew up in a middle class household).
And what were they saying about the Trump campaign and its supporters? They were the worst of the worst! Crude, immoral, disgusting people whose opinions shouldn’t matter to good people like those on the other side trying to preserve democracy from them! They even tried to get Trump in trouble through any means necessary, including a radical use of the rules to try to get him out of the campaign! Even through these means, they just couldn’t get rid of Trump! He and his merry band of miscreants got their revenge and ultimately defeated the forces of Queen Kamala the Appointed!
That’s when it hit me. I’ve seen this story before. It took me a while to figure it out, but after a little thought, I remembered! And the more I thought about it, the more it fit this election cycle.
Election 2024 was “Animal House.”
Think about it! Trump was Bluto. JD Vance was Otter (and he’s damn glad to meet you). President Tamland was Dean Wormer. Tim Walz was Doug Neidermeyer. Queen Kamala the Appointed was a race and gender-swapped Greg Marmalard. Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine was Flounder. If you really wanted to draw out this premise more, I’m sure you could find parallels with the mainstream media pundits all acting as Kevin Bacon’s character crying “All is well!”
Even if it doesn’t work all the way, it’s in your heads now. You’re welcome. And at the very worst, you got your money’s worth out of this Election 2024 analysis!
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