In case you’ve been living under a rock or on the campus of UC Berkeley, you’ve heard President Brick Tamland is old. How old? I wish I could say this is a set up to a Johnny Carson-esque joke, but I can’t. He really is old, and it shows.
Or, it would show if Leftists were honest about it. Instead of admitting President Tamland is so old he makes Strom Thurmond look like a newborn (and, to be honest, I’m not sure the President wasn’t at his baptism), they’re going with a different approach: pretending everything we’re seeing isn’t real. In fact, the Tamland Administration has come up with a new term to describe it, that being “cheap fakes.”
Given the inflation caused by the Administration, I’m surprised anything is cheap. But it’s a good jumping on point for this week’s Lexicon.
cheap fakes
What the Left thinks it means – the results of right wing media distorting videos to give the impression the President is feeble and not capable of being President
What it really means – Leftists trying to gaslight us more than Victorian times
The Left knows the President has issues, and by issues I mean subscriptions. He mumbles incoherently like he’s taking diction lessons from Ozzy Osbourne. He loses track of where he is in speeches, even reading directly off the teleprompter when it was more instructional. He freezes in the middle of sentences and stares blankly into space. He wanders off and has to have others help him get to where he’s supposed to go. He’s even fallen up stairs. Not down, up!
But Orange Man Bad, amirite?
No matter what video evidence there is (and how many videos show the same deteriorating conditions), the Left has an answer. They provide statements from numerous sources, including Republicans, saying President Tamland is as mentally sharp as ever. They compare the President’s mental ability to Donald Trump’s. And now, they’re saying it’s all fake.
It’s at this point I’m throwing the brown bullshit flag. It’s one thing to have it happened once in a while. We all get old and occasionally forgetful. It’s another thing altogether to dismiss multiple televised and live instances to consider it to be a total right wing conspiracy with altered footage, distorted camera angles, and selective still shots to make President Tamland look bad. He’s doing that well enough all on his own, so he doesn’t need the Right’s help.
But the Left’s response to people noticing President Tamland is shakier than Rosie O’Donnell eating Jello on the San Andreas Fault during a 7.8 earthquake is a tell. As you’ve seen in previous Lexicon entries, the Left has no problem doing what they’re accusing the Right of doing. Fuck, Media Matters has made a tidy career of doing just that. Then, there’s documentarian/all-you-can-eat-buffet enthusiast Michael Moore, a reliable Leftist liar.
And don’t get me started on the Left’s “very fine people on both sides” lie.
The Left has no problem lying when it suits them, so when they call actual video footage of President Tamland acting like a broken down animatronic robot from the Hall of Presidents a cheap fake, it’s pure drive in movie level projection, baby!
That’s not to say the right-leaning news organizations aren’t prone to distortion when it suits a narrative, mind you. Fox News has seen legal repercussions from lying, as has Alex Jones. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t trust either of them (although the video of an Alex Jones rant turned into a folk song is pretty funny). But it’s Hank Johnson opinions on Guam levels of stupid to say the Right is on par with the Left when it comes to distorting the truth. Dishonesty against political opponents is the coin of their realm.
Oh, and being absolute fucking idiots.
And they’re being absolute fucking idiots here. Instead of saying “Yeah, President Tamland is a PR disaster that shits himself on the regular, but he’s the best candidate we have,” the Left will continue to blame right wing disinformation and expect us to either cower in fear or question what we clearly see time after time after time.
What they don’t expect is for people across the ideological spectrum to see President Tamland’s decline and express concern he may be too old and incapable of being President. It’s getting harder and harder for the Tamland Administration and its lapdog media sources to tell us what we clearly see isn’t what we’re seeing and there’s a perfectly rational explanation for everything. They haven’t come up with this rational explanation, mind you, but they insist there is one.
Of course, this wouldn’t be a Leftist Lexicon entry without exposing at least some Leftist hypocrisy. Back in the mid-to-late 80s there was another President who was accused of being in cognitive decline while in office. That man was Ronald Reagan. Media outlets at the time questioned his mental acuity and there is some debate as to whether Reagan had Alzheimer’s Disease while in the White House. At that time, more than a few of the Leftists now saying President Tamland isn’t experiencing any decline in his faculties were suggesting Reagan was incompetent. They’ll deny it, of course, but it happened. I was fucking there. And they continue to do it.
But when it’s one of theirs (or two if you count Dianne Feinstein), such concerns are brushed aside. All for political gain.
Fuck that shit! We are seeing a man who shouldn’t be running a lemonade stand let alone have access to the nuclear codes getting worse and worse at a job that has physical and mental strains attached to it. And the worst part is I can’t even be mad at President Tamland for it. He’s being used by others as a figurehead while the real shitty work is being done behind the scenes when it’s not being done in his pants. This is elder abuse, but with global implications.
And the people using President Tamland as a meat-shield don’t care. They care about us noticing his mental decline repeatedly and deciding he should be home, not in the White House. And that’s utterly fucked up when you think about it.
So, save me the “cheap fakes” bullshit. Not only is a stupid turn of a phrase, but it reveals how little you really think of the President as a human being. The more you run interference for the guy, the worse it gets for you.
But look at the bright side. After this Administration gets tossed out on its asses and all the bullshit gets exposed, they will always have a seat on any panel on MSNBC.
Category: Humor
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
It’s been a busy couple of weeks as political figures and politically adjacent figures have had their days in court and come out with convictions (the legal kind, not the moral kind). First, we had former President Donald Trump get convicted on 34 felony counts in a trial even Stevie Wonder could see was legally shaky. Because he’s a legal scholar, you guys. Surely, there’s not another way you can interpret…ohhhhhhh! Moving on before I get in more trouble.
Then, President Brick Tamland’s son, Hunter Biden, caught three felony convictions for lying on federal gun forms to illegally obtain a firearm while being a drug abuser. Wait a minute…I thought stricter gun laws were supposed to prevent this kind of thing! But that’s a blog post for another time.
In both cases, the Left cheered the rule of law. After all, both had their days in court and they met their fates. So, there’s nothing more to say, right?
Wrong, because if there wasn’t anything more to say, this would be a really short Leftist Lexicon entry.
rule of law
What the Left thinks it means – a fundamental principle where everyone is treated the same in the eyes of the law
What it really means – a fundamental principle where everyone should be treated the same in the eyes of the law, but isn’t
For all of their faults, the Founding Fathers understood the potential for dishonest people to put their thumbs on the scales of justice. That’s why they included specific limitations in the US Constitution and Bill of Rights to mitigate those instances whenever possible. Granted, I’m not sure they could have foreseen the sheer scumbaggery of some legal “professionals” (I’m looking at you, Michael Avenatti), but they did the best they could with the scumbags of their era.
What they didn’t foresee was the power of politics and wealth on judicial proceedings. In some cases, the guilty are set free because they could afford better lawyers. In others, the innocent get railroaded because of factors beyond the facts of the case.
And then we have the Donald Trump and Hunter Biden cases. Since I’m not a lawyer, I won’t pretend to know all the ins and outs of the proceedings, but I can speak to what I know.
You can stop giggling now.
With the Trump trial, there was a clear bias against him starting with Alvin “Not One of the Chipmunks” Bragg. Bragg is one of those District Attorneys that has to be elected rather than appointed, and he ran on a platform of holding Trump accountable, as did the other candidates he ran against. New York Attorney General Letitia “I’m Not Rick” James, who was also elected on a platform of getting Trump, didn’t help alleviate questions of impartiality.
Of course, there was Bragg’s move to elevate Trump’s crimes, which were misdemeanors under the law, to felonies because…reasons, I guess? Actually, I’m not even sure he knows why other than it’s what he promised to do when he ran for District Attorney. All I know for sure is there were shortcuts taken to achieve the end goal. And gain the fawning adoration of Leftists and media folks (sorry, for repeating myself). Of course, those shortcuts may lead to not only an appeal, but the entire verdict being overturned, but hey. Bragg and James made good on their campaign promises, so all’s good, right?
I quote the great philosopher Lana Kane from “Archer”: Noooooooooope!
The thing about the rule of law that sticks with me is it isn’t about the final verdict so much as it is about how that verdict is reached. There is a process that has to be followed to ensure there is as level a playing field as possible for all parties. When political and media parties get involved, that playing field gets less even than highway lines painted during a 5.8 earthquake.
But it isn’t a one-way street. While rushing to prosecute a former President because he happened to beat an unlikable candidate in 2016 certainly shows the effects of political biases on legal proceedings, the same can be seen when political biases are used to slow down proceedings. That brings us to Hunter Biden’s recent convictions.
The Constitution guarantees the accused the right to a speedy trial, but when your daddy is the President, that speedy trial gets slower than Al Gore’s speech on Ambien. And it’s even worse if you’re the one taking the Ambien.
Although Hunter’s gun case is the one we’ve just experienced, he’s also on the hook for possible tax crimes. And thanks to his daddy and his lackeys in the IRS and Department of Justice, there were delays in prosecuting the Huntster. Oh, but that didn’t stop that same DOJ from dragging its feet of clay in prosecuting Hunter’s federal gun charges as well.
Does that sound like the rule of law being respected to you? If so, seek help.
Although the delays are humorous in a way because President Brick Tamland is bragging about pushing for stronger gun laws, it doesn’t speak well of his efforts or the rule of law when people under his…well, I wouldn’t call it leadership so much as being lead-ership are throwing a Sahara Desert’s worth of sand in the legal machinery to avoid embarrassment. Of course, if these folks really cared about not causing President Tamland to be embarrassed, they wouldn’t have allowed him to run for a first term, let alone a second term. Oh, and here’s another tip for the President: if you want to avoid embarrassment from your family, don’t let your son be a fucking crackhead!
What the Left’s approach to the rule of law is if you make the laws you make the rules, which is admittedly the way things have gone in recent years. From a political perspective, it’s ruthless, cutthroat, and devoid of a moral framework, which means it’s perfect for today’s government. But when the political makes a move into the judicial, it doesn’t work so well because invariably you are going to run into people who try to stay true to the words and the meanings of the law. That’s why Leftists hate originalist Supreme Court Justices. If you believe the law is written in stone, there isn’t any wiggle room. If you believe the law is written in erasable marker, you can create your own wiggle room and get rid of it when it’s no longer necessary.
The Left does have respect for the rule of law when it comes to precedent, namely any precedent they agree with. For decades, the Left relied on precedent to force through whatever it wants from abortion to gay rights to Affirmative Action. After all, if you get a court to agree with your interpretation of the way things should be, it’s all the Left needs to turn it into 50 more things tangentally related to the original decision because precedent.
The problem with precedent, though, is it can be overturned by later rulings. Take Plessey v Ferguson, for example. The court wrongly decided state discrimination laws did not violate the Fourteenth Amendment as long as things were “separate but equal.” Of course, they never were, but still. Just because Plessey was precedent doesn’t mean it was good precedent. Then, Brown v Board of Education pimp-slapped “separate but equal,” thus relegating it to law texts, history books, and the occasional blog post by some asshole trying to make a point about the rule of law.
The Left’s situational love of the rule of law is telling, and it’s not telling us anything good. When an ideology bases its appreciation for it on whether it gives them a desired result, the rule of law becomes more of a club than a scale, which cheapens it. The good news is the highest court of the land is in the hands of people more inclined to respect it than use it like a cheap hooker. And the greatest part of it all? Leftists paved the way to make it happen!
Thanks, Harry Reid!
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
With the Presidential election a little under 5 months away (I’m surprised I didn’t hear more about this), all eyes are on the election process as much as the two major party candidates running (or in President Brick Tamland’s case, stumbling). While the Left has been repeating “Trump is a convicted felon” until their face turns blue…r, they’ve also been raising concerns about election interference. After all, our elections are sacrosanct and it’s clear Trump and the GOP is trying to weaken our faith in the election process by questioning the results.
You know, like these same Leftists did in 2000, 2004, 2016…
This raises the question of what constitutes election interference. A good question, but one with some really bad answers.
election interference
What the Left thinks it means – steps taken to question or derail our elections
What it really means – a nebulous term that covers a lot of ground without providing consistent and concrete examples
Elections used to be easy to handle. You show up, show ID, go into a booth with a curtain like a small shower, and pull your levers or mark your ballots. Or in some cases, mark your ballots while pulling your lever. And even when we disagreed with the outcomes, we lived with them without discord.
Then, the political parties realized they could cheat. Whether it was Chicago Mayor Richard Daley delivering votes for John F. Kennedy or the whole hanging chad controversy from the 2000 Presidential election, it became more commonplace to think our elections could be rigged through underhanded means. But surely two major political parties with decades of shadowy meetings and more vices than Sodom and Gomorrah with an all you can eat buffet would never sink to fucking with the election process, right?
Nevermind.
When you think about it (and I have because our Internet was down for a couple of hours), election interference as a concept has a pretty wide scope. Even with the various state election laws and federal election laws, there are a lot of gray areas. Just like my hair these days.
But the existence of laws themselves doesn’t make partisans any less tempted to break them. And when you consider election law violations are investigated as infrequently as the media covering anything involving Hunter Biden, there’s a good chance any election crimes are going to go unpunished. If anything, I’m surprised more people haven’t started questioning whether our elections aren’t as staged as pro wrestling.
Actually, that’s not a fair comparison. Pro wrestling is much more on the level.
Now, that’s going to get me branded as an election denier by the Left, which is fine. I’ve been insulted worse by better people. But if you’re going to tell me my questioning of election results that make less sense than a Kamala Harris sentence is threatening the integrity of elections, you’d better come with evidence beyond “we’re uncomfortable with you telling the truth about our election crimes.”
In fact, Leftists consider what they consider to be “misinformation” to be election interference. Considering these Leftists can’t figure out what a woman is, I’m not going to take them that seriously.
And it’s this same attitude I’m taking towards the Left’s sudden concern with election integrity and preventing interference. From where I sit (in my living room in my comfy chair as I write this), this concern is based not on acknowledging the screamingly obvious, but hiding the election interference that has already occurred and may be gearing up again to help President Tamland limp across the finish line in November.
One safeguard the Right has asked to be put in place to reduce election interference is voter ID laws. Actually showing identification and having a poll worker confirm you are who you say you are is a good way to better ensure election integrity.
Which is why the Left opposes it. Not only do they consider them to be burdensome, but racist! After all, it might make minorities actually have to do something outrageous, like…getting a driver’s license!
Yet, voter ID laws could easily fit under the Left’s umbrella for election interference because it doesn’t fit in with the overall plan: electing more Leftists. And with the election of more Leftists come the appointment of more Leftists into positions that you’d need an act of God, an edict from the Vatican, and a signed note from your mother to get them out of.
To go along with this, Leftists could consider laws against electioneering to fall under that designation. Fortunately, we’ve never had a major party offer food and water to people in line to vote, like, ever, right? Also, consider laws restricting mail in ballots. Certainly, the Left would consider that election interference. In fact, as it currently sits, election interference could mean just about anything.
Except for the shit they do. Like…oh I don’t know…getting their favorite rich relative Uncle George Soros to push for Leftists to be responsible for counting the votes in various states? And if these people are aligned with one side or the other, what safeguards are there to prevent them from miscounting votes or tossing out valid ballots while excusing invalid ones? And if there appear to be boxes and boxes of ballots that mysteriously show up at the 13th hour, it’s up to these folks to determine if they’re valid, even if there are discrepancies.
Call me a cynic, but I’ve seen too much election-related fuckery because of dishonest bullshit from partisan players. And with how vague and contradictory the Left’s definition of election interference is, I have zero faith in their professed desire to tackle it.
However, there is a method to their madness, that being holding the Right accountable to the rules. Thank you, Saul Alinsky. The only difference is the rules are being set by the Left and the Right is going along with them because, well, they’re the rules. The Left has no intention of following the rules they make, but they’ll be sticklers whenever the Right deviates from them.
That is, until the Right decides to force the issue. Voter ID laws, restrictions on mail-in ballots, and other options on the table are not only reasonable, but doable. And they put the Left in a difficult position: support laws that will go a long way to ensuring election integrity (and cut down on the amount of bitching from everyone except the Left), or admit they’re full of shit.
Guess which one I’m betting on.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
As you might have noticed, Leftists have this tendency to overblow some things (not using the correct pronouns leads to trans genocide) and underplay others (the Green New Deal is all about green energy…and enriching green companies who could drive a kid’s lemonade stand into Chapter 11 bankruptcy). Recently in Leftist circles online, the latest buzz is around Project 2025, a little something the kids at the Heritage Foundation put together in preparation of a Republican becoming President in 2025. To hear the Left talk about it, it’s a blueprint for an oppressive conservative government. You know, just like the Trump Presidency was?
By the way, Leftists, that was sarcasm.
What isn’t sarcasm is how Leftists are losing their shit over Project 2025, so that means it’s a worthy topic for this week’s Lexicon.
Project 2025
What the Left thinks it means – a plan by extreme right wingers to destroy the federal government
What it really means – a wish list of conservative expectations should a Republican become President sooner rather than later
The Heritage Foundation describes its mission as:
Heritage’s mission is to formulate and promote public policies based on the principles of free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense.
No wonder the Left thinks they’re worse than bathing, holding down a steady job, and not hating Jews.
Although this would be enough to outrage any Leftist, the existence of Project 2025 sets them off more than assuming their genders. (Pro Tip: still 2) In fact, Leftists have been screeching about it being a template for Donald Trump to get revenge for his 2020 loss, a means to bring about “widespread, wholesale policy violence“, a “movement that could erode black equality“, and other hyperbolic statements that would make hypochondriacs look sober and rational.
So, what is it exactly? In one form, it’s a nearly-1000 page book outlining different areas the Heritage Foundation would like the next Republican President would enact. There are five major legs to this policy stool:
Taking the Reins of Government
The Common Defense
The General Welfare
The Economy
Independent Regulatory Agencies
Given what the Heritage Foundation’s mission statement referenced above says, some of these are “no fucking duh” policy areas. Of course, this sort of thing is confusing to Leftists and, thus, evil! But for others who can read and write at beyond the Socialist Socialite level, it shouldn’t be so much of a mystery to get Scooby and the Gang to figure out. And they don’t even have to talk to Old Man Jenkins, the guy who runs the haunted Washington think tank!
After looking at some of the proposals (since I didn’t have time to read the whole thing due to having to work for a living), most of them don’t sound so bad. Some of them, like suggesting dismantling the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, have me giddy with delight for reasons I won’t get into here. But that I did get into here.
So, why are Leftists losing their collectivist shit over Project 2025? The most obvious reason is, if implemented, it will undo a lot of what they’ve been able to do under President Brick Tamland and even further back. The Left loves bureaucracy because it’s easy and well-paying work. You could put an elderly guy with an affinity for lying and not being able to string together full sentences at the head of such an agency and Leftists wouldn’t bat an eye. Good thing America isn’t so stupid as to let that kind of person have any kind of power, amirite?
Beyond the surface, though, there is an air of the Right picking up on tactics the Left have been using for decades. Like creating training courses for future conservative leaders, for example. Teaching potential leaders on how to advance a political agenda is a horrible practice…that Democrats have been doing for a while now. And Progressives. But it’s not like the Left has a think tank backing them…oh, shit, yes they do! In fact, the Left has a network of groups that do what they’re afraid the Heritage Foundation wants to do.
And that’s the operative word here, kids: afraid. The Right has one major advantage over the Left in that the Right tends to understand how things work. With modern technology, not so much, but with more concrete concepts, absolutely. When the Right decides to do something the Left does, they tend to do it better and more successfully. When the Left tries to do something the Right does, it tends to be a disaster. The former gave us Fox News Channel. The latter gave us Err America.
It’s this fear the Left is manifesting in shrieking harpy-esque ways. If the Heritage Foundation’s plans are successful, the Left will have to fight on a little more even ground than they’ve had to previously. And if things aren’t tilted in their favor, it’s just not fair, dammit!
But this fear manifests itself in another way, that being creating doomsday scenarios where we’re living in a Handmaid’s Tale dystopia. Or a Hunger Games dystopia. Or some other fictional dystopia that the kids are hip to these days. Remember how Donald Trump was going to turn America into Nazi Germany? Contrary to the Leftist protests to the contrary, that didn’t happen. Women weren’t relegated to second-class citizens (they had to wait until Brick Tamland became President for that to happen). People who disagreed didn’t get rounded up and put into camps. In fact, little, if any, of the dire predictions the Left invented over the Trump Presidency came true.
That’s another advantage the Right has over the Left. They don’t have a no-contact order against reality.
But the thing about Project 2025 that scares Leftists more shitless than eating an ExLax Enchilada from Taco Bell? People might actually agree with the proposals in the current political environment. Leftists suck when it comes to arguing ideas since they tend not to have two functioning brain cells to rub together. That’s why they appeal so often to emotions. When someone comes up with a better way to do things, the self-professed progressives tend to be a lot less receptive to change, especially if the better way disrupts the way the Left likes to do things. And anything that disrupts their status quo gets the Left really pissed off.
The one knock I have against Project 2025 is its implementation hinges upon the will of the Republican in the Oval Office. Although former President Trump did listen to the Heritage Foundation on some matters, they were at loggerheads on others. This puts Republicans and conservatives into a no-win situation. Either you support a candidate who agrees with 90% of an agenda and can win or a candidate who agrees 100% and can’t win. And then watch as that 90% gets whittled down bit by bit because reasons.
And people wonder why I left the GOP?
The larger point here is Project 2025 is ambitious even by Republican standards, but it doesn’t mean shit without the will to bring it about. Leftists are going to scream and cry because that’s what they do, but the Right needs to put some muscle behind the ideas. Given how spineless Republican “leaders” have been in recent decades, I don’t think the Left has to worry about Project 2025 becoming a reality. That will give them more time to deal in fantasy, like convincing people a man in a dress is actually a woman in spite of having a dick as big as a four-year-old’s arm.
Here We Go Again!
If there’s been one policy idea that President Brick Tamland has been trying to get off the ground, it’s student loan debt forgiveness. Even after the Supreme Court smacked it down, our boy Brick has continued to push for it. Recently, he rolled out new initiatives to help those with student loan debt to the tune of a measly $7.7 billion. In spite of the fact the Supreme Court said he doesn’t have the power to do it, as Nancy Pelosi noted.
But that’s not what this piece is about.
When announcing these new initiatives, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona said the following:
We must continue to protect borrowers from predatory institutions—and work toward a higher education system that is affordable to students and taxpayers.
Hmmm…now, where have I heard the term “predatory” used before…oh, yeah, the mortgage bank crisis!
Without going into the gory details, I was in the mortgage industry when the shit hit the fan. Through government fuck-ups disguised as helping people, lenders skirting the law to make sales, house-flippers whose only motivation was to make a quick buck, and borrowers being dumber than a bag of hammers about Economics 101 for Dummies, the mortgage industry was in a world of hurt. Naturally, people started looking for any kind of help.
Enter Big Daddy Government! They would fix the problem by going after the easiest of targets: the lenders themselves. Now, I’m not saying all of the lenders were working above board and even some of the more reputable ones had hinky loan terms that you would need to be careful to read and understand before signing on the dotted line. But speaking from what I saw more often than not, the problems blamed solely on the banks were (or at least should have been) a shared responsibility.
That’s one of the reasons I didn’t like “The Big Short” as much as everyone else did. In an attempt to create an entertaining movie-going experience, it left out a LOT of shady shit and utter incompetence. And that’s just within the federal government!
Anyway, the point is people looked to the government to help bring those predatory lenders to heel, and the government responded by…expanding itself. Up until the mortgage crisis, mortgage complaints fell under the umbrella of the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency. But those DC galaxy-brain thinkers didn’t think it was enough to make every mortgage bank jump through the OCC’s hoops, so they created a new agency, the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, thanks in part to Chief Running Mouth, Elizabeth Warren.
And having dealt with them on numerous occasions, we were better off with just the OCC. Of course, we would be even better off with monkeys and typewriters, but that’s neither here nor there.
At this point, you might be wondering what in the Wide World of Fuck this has to do with student loan debt. It’s all in the approach. Since Leftists had success in convincing people the mortgage loans they signed their names to were all a part of the evil cabal of Big Banking, they’re trying the same thing with student loan debt. They’re even using the same language. On the plus side, it’s one of the rare times Leftists actually recycle, so yay, I guess.
If the Social Media Platform Known As Twitter is any indication, this tactic is working again. Young adults who know there are 90 gajillion genders but think 2 + 2 equals potato (hat tip to Simon Miller for that turn of a phrase, by the way) are being allowed to straddle the line between being competence and incompetence simultaneously. You know, just like Kamala Harris. And invariably, they’re going to get what they want because Leftists are never ones to let a crisis (especially one of their own creation) go to waste.
Others have astutely pointed out President Tamland’s student loan forgiveness is a big gift to the banks who lent the money in the first place, which it most certainly is. And others have also pointed out the loan isn’t forgiven so much as being pushed onto other people. This is also correct. But what I don’t see too many people talking about is what the next step could be.
And having seen this shit play out before, I think I have a pretty good idea of what’s next.
I see this playing out in one of two ways. First, some DC douchebag with more vices than brains may try to put student loan debt under the umbrella of the CFPB. In a demented kind of way, this makes sense. After all, the CFPB is charged with holding big banks accountable for predatory loan practices (even if they don’t understand regular loan practices), so it’s not that much of a leap to suggest they devote a portion of their efforts on student loans.
Second, and the one I think is more likely, some DC douchebag is going to suggest the creation of a brand new federal agency like the CFPB, but with a focus on student loan practices. Remember, one of my Immutable Laws of Life is a bureaucracy’s sole purpose is to find ways to make itself more expansive and incapable of being removed. So, what’s to say a CFPB II: Electric Boogaloo is out of the question?
I mean, aside from me, of course.
In either case, expect the federal government to get more involved with fucking up student loans in the near future. Just try to act surprised when it happens.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Election years can be wilder than a Motley Crue after party with Charlie Sheen, Willie Nelson, and Lindsay Lohan. This year’s election, though, makes that scenario look like a Mormon church picnic combined with an IBM leadership forum. From the Left cheering the legal process preventing presumed Republican candidate Donald Trump from campaigning (and having it backfire on them in ways they have yet to fathom) to telling people the flaming shitstorm of an economy brought to you by Bidenomics isn’t really that bad, we are seeing a lot of chicanery before the first ballot is cast.
Or before the first 5 billion ballots for Biden can be fabricated by Leftist groups, as the case may be.
In recent decades, there’s been a concern that non-residents are allowed to vot, a concern that’s been raised this year as well. And Leftists, using all the logic and knowledge at their disposal, have said “Nuh-uh!” So, what is the truth of the matter? Well, let’s just say the Left doth protest too much.
non-resident voting
What the Left thinks it means – a conspiracy theory dreamed up by Republicans to stir up anger and fear of immigrants
What it really means – something the Left has been allowing to happen because it helps them
There are a number of criteria that must be met in order to vote in most elections, as dictated by the federal government. And in case you don’t want to open the link yourself, the one at the very top is…you must be a citizen to vote. Of course, Leftists are quick to point out it’s already illegal for non-residents to vote in state and federal elections, so we don’t need more laws.
Remember these are the same assholes who believe more gun laws are needed to protect people after every shooting.
Anyway, I do have to give the Left credit. They are correct non-residents can’t vote in state or federal elections. However, they are allowed to vote in local elections in some places. So, if they’re only voting in local elections, what’s the harm?
Because it’s only a matter of time before Leftists start demanding non-residents be allowed to vote in state and federal elections because “they live here, too.” Normally, this might fall under the slippery slope fallacy (and, to be honest, it still might), but when you consider this sort of thing has happened more than a couple of times in my lifetime, I’m going to call bullshit on anyone saying it’s a fallacy in this case. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago Leftists went from gays just wanting to be treated like everyone else to gays being allowed to dictate how other people live under fear of public humiliation.
Because tolerance, you bigot!
The push to allow non-residents to vote is similar to another movement Leftists have tried to advance, that being allowing felons to vote once they’re out of prison. Most states have a restriction on felons voting until their sentences are complete or after a probation period, but in Maine, Vermont, and the District of Columbia, felons never lose their right to vote. Granted, the most hardened criminals in Vermont are maple syrup traffickers, but the point is still there. What was once a “no voting ever again” sentence has been turned into a “well, maybe we will let you vote again if you promise to be good boys and girls, m’kay.”
And we’re not supposed to think this will happen with non-residents why exactly? Oh, yeah, because we’re not supposed to notice this shit.
Just like we’re not supposed to notice how state and local agencies aren’t exactly following the laws on the books. Recently, a South Caroline Medicare office gave a non-resident a packet which included…a voter registration form. Leftists will be quick to point out getting the form doesn’t mean the non-resident was going to register to vote or even vote. Then, why would the packet include it automatically? Granted, it could be an oversight or the way the bureaucracy runs because Lord knows they can’t be allowed to make exceptions.
Then, there’s California’s “Motor Voter” Law. For those of you unfamiliar with it because you have lives outside the Interwebs, this law allows people to register to vote when they get a driver’s license. It’s super convenient…and also a good way to get non-residents registered to vote without so much as a first glance, let alone a second one. And with California being a sanctuary state (meaning they won’t check for citizenship if a non-resident is caught after a crime or in general), that means there is no check on whether non-residents are voting in more than local elections.
And if you think I’m picking on California, I am, but it’s not just a problem there. In our nation’s capitol, it’s estimated there are over 42,000 non-citizens eligible to vote in city elections as of 2021, thanks to a bill passed by the DC City Council. Granted, it’s unlikely these non-residents could sway the elections in a district where the choices are Democrat or other Democrat, but it has a symbolic significance.
After all, if the area where we house most of our degenerates, idiots, and psychopaths allows non-residents to vote (but enough about the DC Mayor’s office), it’s only a matter of time before Leftists make the case more communities should be open to the idea.
Sure, if you want to make Mos Eisley look like an Amish village.
It’s at this point I get to introduce a concept Leftists don’t get yet: a law is only as effective as its ability and/or desire to be enforced. When there’s a vested interest in a law not being enforced, it gets easier to overlook criminals, which makes it a lot easier to break the law with impunity. Just ask Californians. The good ones, not those who complain major companies are leaving California after being looted on the regular. And when no one’s enforcing the law…more people will be tempted to break the law.
Funny how that works, isn’t it?
There is an argument to be made for non-residents being allowed to vote in local and school board elections, but it will require a commitment to enforce the laws on the books. Since that’s not going to happen thanks to Leftists, that argument is a non-starter with me. Not because the Leftists are shitheads, but because it sullies the election process.
And because Leftists are shitheads.
Allowing non-residents to vote for anything more than what new Lays potato chip flavor should be produced is a recipe for disaster and many Donald Trump Truth Social posts about election interference. And the sad part is he’s right, albeit with a lot of exaggeration. When we can’t even verify the people casting votes in an election are eligible under federal law, it makes our elections less secure than a crack rock near Hunter Biden. When you consider the number of votes separating Donald Trump and President Brick Tamland in 2020 in Arizona, Georgia, and Wisconsin, even 15,000 illegally cast votes can make the difference between a winner and a loser.
Or a decent economy and a flaming shitshow of an economy.
Unless you like having to take out a third mortgage to buy a carton of milk, maybe you might want to take non-residents voting a lot more seriously.
Extremist Makeover – Media Matters Edition
Recently, Media Matters for America had to let go of a number of employees because inflation made Uncle George’s checks not stretch as far as they used to. At least they can still stretch the truth as good as they ever could!
As often happens with any layoffs, there needs to be a look inward to see what went wrong and how to improve. Since we’re dealing with Media Matters here, it’s unlikely they’ll do it or if they do they’ll blame those evil right wing liars. However, as an outsider, I’m willing to give them my thoughts and I won’t even expect a paycheck from Uncle George for it!
Let’s deal with the elephant…or donkey in this case in the room: Media Matters is a joke. And I’m not talking a good one. I’m talking Hannah Gadsby doing a knock knock joke on a double bill with Dane Cook bad. So bad, Carlos Mencia and Amy Schumer refuse to steal it.
A lot of that stems from the fact your perception of the world is similar to almost every other so-called fact-checker out there: Republicans always lie even when they’re telling the truth, and Democrats never lie even when they’re using the truth like a moist towelette at a rib joint. Media Matters may not have been the first to do this, but they were certainly the most well-heeled in doing it. And now, everybody and their grandmother is a fact-checker and with a similar track record of failure.
Put simply, fact-checking Republicans is stale, and in the post-COVID world where the people on the same side as Media Matters were caught wrong, lying, or worst yet ignoring the rules they set for everyone else, kinda pointless. If I wanted slanted fact checks with a restraining order against interacting with reality, I’d watch MSNBC. Of course, I’d also be a raging alcoholic because I’d be watching MSNBC, but that’s not the point.
The point is Media Matters needs rebranding. If you’re not going to turn away Uncle George’s money, at least you could lean into the humorous aspects of your fact checks. Granted, this humor is unintentional, so why not make it intentional? There is always room for more parody news sites, and when your only other competition is The Babylon Bee and The Onion, you have an opportunity here. You probably won’t topple the Bee because, well, they’re funny, but you can take a chunk out of The Onion’s readership by being funnier than the past few seasons of “Saturday Night Live.”
And that’s not even that high of a bar when you think about it.
Replace some of your hard-as-a-Nerf-bat-hitting researchers with comedy writers. I mean, Leftists keep telling us how much funnier they are than Conservatives, so let’s see their chops. Hire Jon Stewart and some of his old “Daily Show” writers. At worst, you’ll fail, but you’ll still be somewhat funny in the process.
Now, I’m sure the hardcore Media Matters suckers…I mean Soros trust fund recipients…I mean employees will balk at not only my characterization of their work, but also my proposed solution. After all, in the decades they’ve been in existence, they’ve done a solid 10-15 minutes of good work. You know, give or take an hour. To you I say this: you’re the problem. You take this crusade of exposing right wing lies so seriously it’s clouding your judgments. The reality of the situation is you’re only appealing to a core demographic who are inclined to agree with you.
Ask the former hosts of Air America how that turned out. Provided you can catch them during their break from asking people if they want fries with their burgers. Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t work unless your core audience is willing to part with their hard-earned money to buy the stuff you advertise. That’s where Air America failed, even with some well-heeled donors including Uncle George. If your target demographic is so poor they can’t afford to pay attention, you are in a money pit.
At some point, you will be there, if you aren’t already. Media Matters is a sinking ship, no longer the cutting edge of Leftist thought and research. Granted, it was more like a dull butter spreader than a cutting edge, but you get the point. You’re obsolete. So, you can either stay obsolete or make changes that will keep your brand viable. The choice is yours, but in either case I will laugh, whether it’s with you or at you.
So, win-win, I guess?
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
In a post-COVID world where the world went nuttier than elephant shit, I thought nothing could shock me. Today, I was shocked by CNN of all things.
You see, Anderson Cooper admitted Michael Cohen, a witness in the ongoing show railroading…I mean trial of former President Donald Trump, may have lied in his testimony. I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaws off the floor.
After years of holding the former President accountable for every statement that could be construed as untrue, it seems the Left seems to have lost its taste for finding the truth. Of course, I’m sure that’s just a complete coincidence, though. I mean, you would have to be complete assholes to demand the truth from only one side of the political aisle!
Oh, wait…
lying
What the Left thinks it means – something the Right does to advance their agenda
What it really means – something both sides do to advance their agendas
To borrow a phrase from some former President whose name escapes me at the moment, “Let me be clear.” Both sides of the aisle lie. In fact, lying is the coin of the realm in Washington. Where the Left and the Right differ, at least to me, is only the Left swings back and forth between demanding the truth and excusing the lies.
And one way the Left loves to lie is through the use of “fact-checkers.” The Washington Post claimed Trump made over 30,000 “false or misleading” claims. Of course, they don’t come out and show their math because, well, it’s fact-checked, so it has to be true, right?
Well, that depends on what the definition of false or misleading claims is. I got that from a different former President whose name escapes me at the moment. Turns out the fact checkers were stretching the truth on what they considered false or misleading. Why, it’s almost like these self-important assholes had a Paul Bunyan-sized axe to grind!
And this can be seen by watching the utter lack of fact-checking done for the current Administration under President Brick Tamland. First off, there’s the President, who recently told 15 lies in a 17 minute interview with CNN. And if you can figure out what Vice President Kamala Harris says, she doesn’t have a notarized tongue either. Just ask Willie Brown.
Then, we get to White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. To put it bluntly, she is as trustworthy as Hunter Biden’s accountability buddy. And when she gets caught in a lie, she doesn’t take it well. In fact, Fox News reporter Peter Doocy has proven to be Jean-Pierre’s version of Jim Acosta. I’m sorry. That is insulting. For that horrible and utterly demeaning comparison, I apologize to you, Mr. Doocy.
Anyway, the Left’s on-again/off-again love of the truth is hypocritical, yet utterly amusing. I mean, how can you legitimately take Leftists seriously when their commitment to the truth is as spotty as dial-up Internet? The problem is there are people out there either willing to swallow the bullshit or not informed enough to see through the lies, which encourages Leftists to continue to lie. And when they can’t lie their way out of a situation, they’ll gaslight you. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, gaslighting is lying, but a lot meaner.
So, this is where we come in. The fact the Left lies with such ease and without consequence makes it a lot harder to reach people, but it’s worth it. Expose the lies and have backup from multiple sources. Know your shit, and be unafraid to express it.
Yes, this is going to get you in trouble with the Left, but let’s be honest. Most Leftists are as dangerous as a Nerf marshmallow. And those who are dangerous tend to be dumber than the plot of a Michael Bay movie, so the likelihood of running into a Leftist badass is less than finding Hunter Biden not doing drugs. Still, you have to weigh your options and pick your battles accordingly. Remember, your goal isn’t to convince a Leftist to change his/her/its mind, but to convince a non-Leftist that you’re not full of shit.
And given how Leftists are trying to push the idea the economy is just fine in spite of having to take out a third mortgage to get a cup of Mostly Okay, But Possibly Inedible Raman (spelled differently because it’s a cheap knockoff of Mostly Okay, But Possibly Inedible Ramen), it may not be as hard as you think.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Recently, the Boy Scouts of America announced it would change its name to Scouting America effective February 2025. Although there are reasons and speculation as to why, one of the main reasons came from the President and CEO Roger Krone. In an attempt to get with the times and promote inclusion, Krone said the name change would allow Scouts to “bring their authentic self” to the organization.
Because as we all know, the Boy Scouts have a merit badge for being inauthentic.
Although the idea of increasing membership to the Boy Scouts isn’t a bad idea, the Leftist underpinnings of the concept of an authentic self making their way into the organization is. More after the break.
authentic self
What the Left thinks it means – who you really are outside of the constraints the world puts on you
What it really means – enabling self-delusion
There was a concept in the 70s where people had to “find themselves,” which often meant adults would leave their families to chase their dreams (i.e. act irresponsibly without fear of familial interference). This lead to a lot of broken homes, hard feelings, and an entire generation of kids who had to grow up without one of their parents. (Shout out to my fellow Gen Xers!)
Like bell bottoms, disco, and only 3 channels on TV, finding ourselves fell out of favor. And like two out of the three of these things, finding ourselves came back. Only this time, finding ourselves took on a whole new dimension. No longer were we restricted to what the kids like to call reality. We could find ourselves in whatever the fuck we wanted! And if we tried to point out you can’t really be a character from your favorite cartoon because it’s a fucking cartoon, well we’re just preventing you from being your authentic self.
And now you know why I’m not a fan of recycling, especially recycling really bad ideas.
At the heart of the concept of an authentic self is a lie people tell themselves. There are some things we can’t change through science, ideology, or self-delusion. For example, if you’re a 6’6″ 390 pound lineman from the Chicago Bears, you’re bound to know what it’s like not to reach the Super Bowl. But along with that, you are a tall, heavy man. You cannot will your way into becoming a 6 inch fairy named SparklyAss. The best you can do is pretend.
And that’s the operative word, Mr. Spock: pretend. As in not real. As in make believe. As in the approval numbers for President Brick Tamland.
So many of the “authentic self” crowd have bought into the lie for any number of reasons. One of the most prevalent ones I think is the need for attention. Thanks to the great enabler that is social media, narcissism is becoming a major issue in our society. And what better way to make yourself the center of attention than to insist the world cater to your whims? If you don’t like the way your life is, create a better one and make the world adopt it, even as they adopt their own. Before you know it, we had to come up with new pronouns, more genders than Baskin Robbins has flavors, and an increasing level of self-importance and entitlement.
And you don’t even have to be someone who promotes the concept of an authentic self. Just go to YouTube and look up arrest videos with entitled people. But that’s a flaming dumpster fire for another time.
The point is it’s impossible to have an authentic self if you have to lie to make it authentic. But societal pressures make that kind of lying acceptable. After all, if you’re not hurting anyone, it should be okay, right?
Wellllll…not so much.
The problem with narcissism is it’s never sated. The minute your star doesn’t shine as brightly as someone else’s, your world goes into freefall. And I’m not talking major incidents like a loved one dying, an accident with injuries, or a Madonna concert. I’m talking shit as minor as…getting your order wrong at Starbucks.
Apparently, a lot of people’s authentic selves are whiny bitches.
More to the point, though, is self-delusion and narcissism aren’t healthy traits. Granted, today’s version of health includes people so fat their shadows have triple chins, so healthy is a relative term. However, there are psychological aspects to both that can be long term and hard to overcome. The problem is people don’t want to overcome it. Ego is like crack, except it doesn’t show up on a drug screen. And thank God for that or I would be…in no trouble whatsoever. In fact, let’s never speak of the McDonalds interview where I asked the hiring manager when I could start slinging kangaroo burgers.
Meanwhile back at the point I was making, ego is a powerful drug that is just as habit-forming as crack. Although you can have a little ego without going all Charlie Sheen imitating Keith Richards, it’s important to keep a level head on your shoulders. A little ego boost can make your head swell pretty quickly. Then, before you know it, you’ll be looking for any excuse to satisfy your jones for attention.
And then you’ll look more and more like an asshole.
Some of the “authentic selves” advocates have reached peak assholery, but some just want to add a little spice to their lives. If you fall into the latter category, I have a question and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. Have you considered getting a hobby? You know, something that will get you outside the house and allows you to meet actual people? Sure, you run the risk of having your personal fantasy disrupted by reality, but it’s worth it in the long run. Connecting with people, learning more about them and they about you, sharing genuine human contact, that shit’s good for you! And you can find the real you, not the “authentic self” you wish you could be.
The problem with that, to Leftists, is it empowers people to accept reality. A lot of Leftist rhetoric involves stretching the truth like Reed Richards in yoga pants, so anything that allows people to opt out of their reality is bad for them. So, they agree with everything and anything that will get suckers…I mean voters to agree with them.
Including the lineman who wants to be called SparklyAss.
And that’s all the “authentic self” crowd needs to keep their delusions alive. These people don’t need validation; they need emotional fulfillment in the real world. They need someone to say “I like you for you, not for who you wish to be.” Or at the very least they need someone to say “As great as your fantasy world is, the real world has much better graphics.”
Granted, some people will be harder to reach with this message than others. Just work on the ones you can and let the more extreme cases go, at least until they do something to harm themselves and others. Then, no amount of “authentic self” talk will save them from an authentic ass-whuppin.
Although I’ve never been a member of the Boy Scouts, I grew up respecting their basic tenets as a foundation for a good productive life. I want every child to experience scouting in one form or another, but doing it by violating the Boy Scouts’ basic principles isn’t the way to do it. That’s selling out in the hopes it attracts more potential Scouts. And it’s not going to work because a) it will turn off people who would have sent their boys to the Boy Scouts before the more inclusive version took over, and b) it will turn off secular parents who might be attracted to the inclusion, but turned off by the religious overtones.
Quite the knot you’ve tied there, Boy Scouts. Is there a merit badge for fucking shit up so badly it ruins your brand in perpetuity? If not, you might want to make one. Just put a picture of Dylan Mulvaney holding a Bud Light on it and, boom, you’re done!
My 2024 Commencement Address
After years of trying and failing to get selected as a commencement speaker at an institute of learning, I finally got a response. Granted, it was a restraining order, but I count that as a victory.
Aside from that legal paperwork, I am still waiting for that call, email, text, note tied to a rock thrown through a window, etc., so I can wow them with my rhetorical prowess. Or just get a nice check for talking for a few minutes.
Hello, soon-to-be-graduates of [insert name of educational institution]! As you prepare for the next stage of your lives, I’ve been asked to give you some words of inspiration to send you off in style, ready to take on the world. But instead, I’m going to level with you.
As the great philosophers Three 6 Mafia once said, “it’s hard out there for a pimp.” And when you consider pimping is selling sex, you know if it’s hard for them, it’s bad. I mean, really bad. And you know who’s to blame?
Taylor Swift.
I mean, she’s being blamed for everything else, so why not throw her under the bus for this?
Seriously, the world you’re about to enter is vastly different than what you may believe it to be. Up until now, you’ve been on Easy Mode. Sure, you may have had some hiccups along the way, but nothing you (or your parents) couldn’t overcome. Once you graduate, the difficulty level goes up.
Now, you’ll be expected to fend for yourselves, whether it be in college, the military, the trades, or the corporate world. While it could be done in previous years, it’s not quite as easy as it once was. Prices have gone up, wages have been stagnant, and any starting position won’t be as glamorous or as fulfilling as you’d like.
As the great philosopher Norm Peterson once said, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.” That’s what the outside world is like, kids. Constantly having to make decisions that will have short and long-term implications. Pay for a night out, or pay for a week’s groceries? Hang out with friends at a bar, or hang out with friends at a cramped apartment? Take in a movie, or take in the sights? A lot of adult decisions crammed into a brain that is still developing.
So, no pressure.
And that’s on top of the other stuff that’s going through your minds. Things like politics, climate change, the war in Gaza, the economy, growing tensions here and abroad, I could go on and on, but I won’t because I don’t want the school to void the check before I can cash it. So, let me throw in a bit of hope.
All the big stuff you think you have to deal with? All of it is beyond your control.
Now, you can look at that revelation in one of two ways. You can either be monumentally depressed and close yourselves off from the world, or you can be glad the weight of the world is off your shoulders. As you take the next steps in your lives, you have to decide which perspective you want to have and plan accordingly. One path will lead you into dark, angry places where you have no joy. The other path will open up new avenues to find your joy.
And the best part about it? You have time to figure it out. You’re young and, hopefully, have a long life ahead of you. Not everything is going to make sense yet. It took me two years of working at a dead-end telemarketing job to realize how much the government takes from your paycheck and how little you get in return. Sure, you can get active in politics and vote like an adult, or at the very least a slightly more mature child, but as the great philosopher Tripper from the movie “Meatballs” once said, “It just doesn’t matter!”
Kinda selling the joyless life, aren’t I?
Maybe, but it’s with a twist. One of the hardest lessons I learned in my young adult life was to pick my battles. Figure out what you can control and what you can’t. Unless you’re going to volunteer for the war in Ukraine and move to the front lines, you aren’t going to move the needle on ending it. But, if you focus on putting away a little money here and there and live frugally until you get on your feet, you still won’t have an impact on the war effort, but you might set yourself up for a better future.
That’s what I mean by picking your battles. Knowing when your efforts are going to make a difference in your life. If you need emotional fulfillment, try volunteering. Take up a hobby or two. Spend time reflecting on what you want to do, how you want to do it, and what you believe. Tomorrow’s bumper crop starts with today’s planting. Once the seeds are planted, it’s up to you to figure out how to make them grow.
And failing that you could always get into politics, where some of the biggest dunces on God’s green earth get paid handsome sums of money for being mediocre at best. You don’t even need experience being a dunce, either! They will train you on the job! Granted, you might have to leave your integrity and anything resembling a soul at the door, but if you’re willing to aim for the middle, I’m there for you!
To everyone else, all I can ask is to aim higher than the middle. Sure, you will miss a lot of the time, but that’s how we learn. Nothing in life is supposed to be easy. If it were, everyone would have astronomical starting salaries, a company car, an expense account, and opportunities for advancement just waiting for you. But not everybody can have that. I mean, what would the children of rich parents do in that case?
What I’m trying to say is don’t sell yourselves short. You are going to screw up because you’re human, and young humans at that. As the great philosopher Pete Townsend once said, “Don’t try to run before you’ve figured how to crawl.” Take your time, look around, and enjoy those little moments we all have. Take in a sunset or a sunrise. Smell the flowers. Reflect on the simple beauty that’s all around us if we just open our eyes wide enough. And most of all, stop looking at your phones and start looking up. Not only will you gain a better perspective on the world, but you’ll be less likely to run into me at the grocery store.
So, let me close with a saying that’s held me in good stead all of my years. As my grandpa used to say, “Hey you kids! Stay off my lawn!”
Congratulations, Class of 2024!