I’ve said it before that I’m not a Trump man, but there is one thing that I will always admire about him: his ability to piss off Leftists. And, to borrow a phrase from the President, he does it yugely.
The latest incident involved him sneaking off Air Force One prior to lifting off from Turkey due to an apparent threat on his life. That alone was enough to get the Left’s perpetual anger machine going, but it got even better when it came out there were reporters on Air Force One at the time. I haven’t seen that many people losing their shit since Chipotle had their “All the Food Poisoning You Can Get for $5” promotion.
Now, the Left tends to have some of the most artistic people in their numbers, but their Trump insults miss the mark more than Stevie Wonder at the gun range. My favorite so far due to the utter cringe factor comes from Seth Abramson, who called for Trump to be impeached over what he termed “Operation Orange Chicken.”
Yeah. So, that’s not a thing, but it is a thing we’re going to talk about this week!
Operation Orange Chicken
What the Left thinks it means – a clever way to describe how President Trump cowered in fear
What it really means – proof Trump Derangement Syndrome is real
It’s hard to deny Donald Trump is a polarizing figure, even within the Right (or in the case of Never Trumpers, the Grifter Right). I mean, it’s not like he’s survived actual attempts on his life or anything…oh, wait.
Regardless of how you feel about the man, Donald Trump is still the President of the United States, and any person in that role needs to heed security warnings, no matter how small or unlikely. You can disagree with the details, but it’s a fact of life as the Commander In Chief.
And it’s a fact of life Leftist influencers can’t stand. Take social media whore…I mean political commentator JoJoFromJerz, for example. For those of you who aren’t on the Social Media Platform Formerly Known as Twitter (or who don’t want to give her the clicks), here’s what she said:
Joe Biden never hid in a food truck like a scared little bitch.
And we can trust her because she uses more filters than a water treatment center on the Ganges River. But she can speak extensively about being a bitch, so there’s that.
Of course, there were plenty of other X users to set Temu Kellyanne Conway straight about how she supported a man who was more secluded on the campaign trail than Boo Radley with agoraphobia, not to be confused with algoreaphobia, which is the fear of ManBearPig. And I’m super cereal about that.
But what Temu Kellyanne Conway fails to realize is heeding the advise of the Secret Service isn’t being a scared little bitch. It’s following basic safety protocols for one of the most powerful men in the world. Granted, she hasn’t faced any legitimate threats on her life since coming out as being stupid, so she may lack the perspective to understand why the President and the Secret Service take the steps they do. Unless you count hurt fee-fees and being George Conway’s second choice as potentially lethal.
However, we can learn something from her reaction, as well as the reactions of other Leftists taking rhetorical pot shots at the President. The most obvious is they legitimately want Trump to be hurt or killed because tolerance. (Don’t ask me. I’m still trying to figure that shit out.) The Left has become more comfortable with violence against political rivals, perceived or otherwise. Anyone outside of their hugbox is literally Hitler, thus proving a) they aren’t serious thinkers, and b) they don’t know what the fuck “literally” means.
But going back to the original message that started this Lexicon entry, the Left wants any and all bad things to happen to Trump and his family, regardless of whether they make sense. This may come as a surprise to Mr. Abramson, but impeachment over hurt fee-fees isn’t in the Constitution, mainly because the Founding Fathers didn’t get offended that easily because, well, they were men. Mr. Abramson even makes J. Edgar Hoover look like Chuck Norris here.
And that’s saying something when a dead man in a dress is more butch than you’ll ever be.
The thing is the calls for impeachment aren’t really because Trump did anything illegal. It’s to cause more rhetorical pain to him. Another impeachment means more time spent on defending the President in what will ultimately be a fruitless effort right now, and possibly after the midterms. And Trump will rightly laugh it off, as will anyone with the brain capacity of a chick pea. Sorry, woman pea.
This is where the Left excels in pettiness. Since they have a working knowledge of bureaucracy and lawfare, they know how to punish those who dare to not follow the beat of their drum through those processes. Whether you’re the President of the United States for a Christian baker in Colorado, the attack strategy is always the same: grind down the opposition to force obedience and discourage others from fighting back.
Spoiler Alert: Trump, like Homey the Clown, don’t play dat.
Which makes their impotent rage and flailing at anything to get Trump all the more enjoyable.
There is another element to the story that would explain the Left’s sperg-out over this situation, that being the number of DNC stenographers…I mean reporters on Air Force One at the time. The Leftists in the media (but I repeat myself) got their collectivist panties in a bunch, going so far as to claim the reporters were in danger and Air Force One was a “decoy.”
Okay, time-fucking-out here. We have some Leftists claiming Trump was a coward, and then we have other Leftists clutching their pearls at the danger the reporters were in because of the ruse. I know you Leftists have the self-awareness of President Brick Tamland on a bad day, but you can’t simultaneously say Trump was afraid of getting hurt and say the reporters were in danger. Not that it’s going to stop you, mind you, but there’s a logical disconnect here that’s hard to explain away without looking like fucking morons.
To be fair, I’ve never been one to jump on anything the Left does as evidence of Trump Derangement Syndrome, but after this latest round of sperg-outs, I’m starting to believe. And don’t get me started on the Left’s attempt to change TDS from “Trump Derangement Syndrome” to “Trump Delusion Syndrome.” It’s cringy as hell and utterly unoriginal. Like Err America, but less entertaining.
Regardless, the Left simply cannot let Trump have a win under any circumstances, and it’s starting to cost them politically. From the possibility of trans athletes in the WNBA (the W standing for “Whatever” these days) to immigration enforcement, TDS has turned a major political party into the embodiment of constantly being on the wrong side of 80-20 issues. At this rate, Democrats will be lucky to lose in the midterms and in future Presidential elections because they can’t stop being batshit insane and/or defining their platform beyond “get Trump.”
Although it’s typical Leftist bullshit in lieu of anything that might make voters consider pulling their levers for Democrat candidates. Or voting for them, for that matter. (Sorry. Obvious double entendre. Had to be done.)
Operation Orange Chicken will be red meat for the Leftists (which is odd considering chicken is white meat), but it’s not going to resonate beyond the faithful because most people understand the importance of keeping the President alive while in office by any means necessary. That, and we’re not partisan assholes.
Well, except for me. You folks are golden.
This latest Leftist squawking point will fade away soon enough, only to be replaced by something even less important because that’s what the Left has become. They’re no longer in control of the overall narrative, so they’re forced to react to what’s happening. And with their fingers firmly up the ass of the electorate, their reactions will probably be less accurate than a Media Matters fact check.
And the worst part about Operation Orange Chicken? An hour later, I’m hungry again.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
As we near the end of summer (check local listings for the season in your area), I’m reminded of a time when big budget and ultra-hyped movies would dominate the theaters during the summer months. Some of these films would be sequels to previous movies (because that’s how you get sequels in the first place). Some were good (“Empire Strikes Back”) and some sucked ass (the “Twilight” movies).
I bring this up because there’s another sequel in the works on the Left. Remember “woke,” kids? Well, thanks to some Leftists, they’re coming out with a new version, “Woke 2.0.” Well, when the Left serves up such a steaming hot pile of dogshit, it’s my duty to mock it mercilessly!
Woke 2.0
What the Left thinks it means – unapologetically standing up for more progressive policies
What it really means – same shit, different version
When “woke” became a thing, I wrote about it here, but to give you the short version, it was a bunch of Leftist bullshit to virtue signal how wonderful and inclusive they are (unless, of course, you disagree with them). Now, I could recycle all of my previous points and jokes and it would still be relevant, but I’d rather take this on with a fresh perspective.
But don’t be surprised if the new boss sounds the same as the old boss.
Virtue signaling isn’t anything new for the Left, but woke was virtue signaling on Bane-style steroids. And, by and large, it worked to a point. People didn’t want to look like they were intolerant and backwards, so they went along with the woke agenda. From big companies to small groups of friends, everyone seemed to be on board to stay out of the negative crosshairs of woke advocates. I mean, who would want to be attacked by 96 cats?
The problem with this shame-based approach is it doesn’t work with people who don’t care about how people they don’t even know think about them. Call it the “Who the Fuck Are You?” defense. That’s kinda where I’m at right now with the various parts of woke culture these days. I can see a need to diversity if only so our personal horizons can expand, but I don’t think it’s a requirement that I adopt ideas that make no fucking sense. I’m from Gen X. I’m used to being considered an outsider and I’ve made peace with it. And since I’ve been online since you needed a hamster wheel and two paper cups connected by a string to get online, I’ve been called any number of things by people who didn’t know me. Your weak-ass shit is nothing.
And it’s still nothing under Woke 2.0.
So far, what I’ve seen included in Woke 2.0 is the same 80/20 issues the Left have been on the wrong side of since, well, ever. For example, they’re trying to pull in the anti-ICE crowd as part of their happy little movement full of perpetually pissed-off dumbasses. After all, who could ever be against the deportation of illegal immigrants?
Answer: the dipshits supporting Woke 2.0.
I’m curious to see what else Woke 2.0 is going to try to co-opt to make it seem bigger than it actually is. The funny thing is the Left has already tried to do this. Since the 1990s, Democrats have created a patchwork coalition of different social and economic interests that managed to win elections by playing their only card in the deck, “Republicans are far worse.”
Over time, though, that patchwork started to fray as the members of it grew dissatisfied by what party “leaders” did and didn’t do to keep their promises. That, and the Democrats became the batshit insane party. This left the disillusioned with a few choices:
– stick with the party in the hopes the “leadership” would listen to them (Spoiler Alert: they never will because all they want are your votes and money.)
– try to get in positions of power within the party ranks (This is where the Democratic Socialists of America are.)
– go even further to the Left (This is what caused the DSA to get so much traction recently.)
– move to the Right, if not out and out join them
Intelligent people would consider doing that last one, but since we’re dealing with Leftists here, we’re not dealing with intelligent people. Although this causes headaches for the DNC, it makes for great content for me. So, yay!
Unfortunately, it means the first woke crowd may become the foot soldiers for Woke 2.0, up to and including preaching to us from a position of presumed moral superiority. You know, the Religious Right did that in the 80s and all it ever got me was the Satanic Panic and the Parents Music Resource Center. And neither one was that great.
But here we are on the verge of watching the woke evolution try to become the woke revolution by being just like Tipper Gore. Fucking brilliant! If it gets physical arcades at shopping malls back, I’m willing to give it a pass, but I doubt that’s going to happen.
After all, there are more important things than Galaga (counterpoint: no, no there isn’t). We have ICE agents shooting and killing innocent bystanders exercising their First Amendment rights to protest. And by protest I mean attempt to kill ICE agents because fee-fees.
I also get the sense Woke 2.0 won’t just go after people for disagreeing with them because they tend to be the group that tries to beat people up Antifa style. Leftists are more and more okay with political violence, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility they would agree with Go Woke, Get Broke(n). And when dealing with such persuasive violence…I mean rhetoric, who could resist?
Oddly and appropriately enough, it’s the people who mocked them for their attempts to “Resist.”
From my perspective, the Left has a lot of impotent rage issues over everything from pronoun usage to ICE deployment. A big part of that stems from times when they’ve had control over different aspects of life and social media because they were the ones to hold themselves accountable. And, surprise surprise, they investigated themselves and found they did nothing wrong!
Since Woke 2.0 is just starting out, I can’t say for certain it’s going to be a repeat of the Resist movement or any other Leftist movement we’ve experienced in the past decade, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s going to end the same way. For all of their talk of being highly educated (just ask them), they fail at the most important part of being educated: applying what they’ve learned.
Here’s an example. You know how Leftists are jumping on the Democratic Socialist bandwagon? If you notice, they come from a position of financial and social privilege. Much like in the former Soviet Union, those in higher positions can afford to live in a way contradictory to their rhetoric because the people beneath them can’t afford to rebel.
Spoiler Alert: We ain’t the former Soviet Union.
For all of its faults (like electing Democratic Socialists), America is still a global economic powerhouse. We may not produce as much as we did, but we still consume, which makes us an attractive market for anyone wanting to be successful. There are enough people who will push back if only to cause you to lose your collectivist brain cells in disbelief.
The same thing will happen with Woke 2.0 as it did with Woke 1.0. After a while, the concept of woke became a joke and, except for some parts of the perpetually pissed-off sections of the Interwebs, isn’t taken seriously. Woke 2.0 has all the makings of New Coke, but with fewer fans. And when it eventually flops like the most recent “Supergirl” movie, or the original for that matter, there will be more laughing at the Left’s expense. Which will eventually lead to Woke 3.0, and so on.
So, I’m not getting my hopes up that Woke 2.0 is going to shock the world, but it may wind up to be a Shockmaster event.
And if you got that reference, you are my kind of people.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
After sifting through the ones and ones of the emails from my tens and tens of fans, I figured I’d better get cracking on an actual submission this week. And boy was it a target-rich environment.
This week I want to venture into a topic I delved into previously because it’s gained a lot more attention recently. Plus, I’m big into recycling, especially if it’s my own writing. In recent weeks, the Democratic Socialists of America have found their way into political relevancy, both because of winning primaries and because of politicians supporting them. But a recent Fox News interview with a DSA co-chair leaves the Left in a precarious situation.
And by precarious, I mean utterly mockable.
Democratic Socialists of America
What the Left thinks it means – a new and long overdue progressive movement that will bring equality and justice to America
What it really means – a new and very underdone progressive movement that sucks ass
The concept of democratic socialism sounds good on paper. The way the DSA explains it makes it sound so logical and appealing. I mean, who wouldn’t want more of a say in government and how it wastes…I mean spends our tax dollars? We should really take back our power from the greedy corporations who are running everything into the ground and join with our neighbors so we can build a better tomorrow.
Yeah, that and $5 will gets you a hand job from a crack whore…not that I know anything about that, mind you.
The problem with what the DSA promotes is it’s all bullshit. And it’s not even good quality bullshit, either. It’s Temu/Great Value bullshit, if that.
The core of DSA’s platform is anti-capitalism. In their own words:
Capitalism is a system designed by the owning class to exploit the rest of us for their own profit. We must replace it with democratic socialism, a system where ordinary people have a real voice in our workplaces, neighborhoods, and society….
We want a democracy powered by everyday people. The capitalist class tells us we are powerless, but together we can take back control.
Where do I begin with this? Well, first off, the DSA has a below rudimentary understanding of just what capitalism is. Here’s a very simple definition of capitalism from Investopedia.
Capitalism is an economic system based on private ownership, voluntary exchange, and profit-driven activity.
Now, if you’re observant and have an IQ higher than that of table salt, you’ll notice there’s an important word in the definition of capitalism that undercuts the DSA’s description of it. And if you’re a Leftist, I’ll tell you so you don’t spend the next few weeks trying to figure it out.
It’s the word “voluntary.”
Capitalism isn’t a system where people are forced to take any action whatsoever. Everything done under capitalism is done by choice. If you have a job, you choose to go there. If you buy groceries, you choose to do that. If a company puts out a certain type of widget, that’s a choice. Seems to this humble observer that’s…freedom.
Compare that to the DSA’s description. Based on them, all commerce is forced by the producers. In order to create a Democratic Socialistic society, the DSA would have to take from the producers and give it to the consumers. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think that’s freedom, kids.
Not to mention, the DSA overlooks the power consumers already have. Remember Crystal Pepsi? I do. You know why it’s no longer prominently sold? Because enough people thought it fucking sucked. New Coke? Same thing. Potato chips made with Olestra? Off to the great outhouse in the sky, along with a lot of Taco Bell meals. (Too soon?) All of these (except for the Taco Bell) is a direct result of consumers not wanting the products the corporations put out for consumption.
You know what’s still on the market? Mountain Fucking Dew! And that’s because people like it and keep buying it in all of its multicolored variations. Imagine an economic and political movement whose core beliefs can be destroyed by Mountain Fucking Dew. And that includes Caffeine Free Diet Mountain Dew, which takes away two of the reasons people buy Mountain Dew in the first place.
Now, let’s talk about the platform itself. Or more specifically, the shit they think is important. For their “Socialist Summit” which will be going on when this piece goes live, here is a short list of programming tracks.
– how the DSA can win elections
– promoting a general workers’ strike on May Day
– Palestine
– abolishing ICE
– organizing so more DSA candidates win
And the best part? Registration for the Socialists Summit is $200. Oh, and they suggest bringing food and water for yourself because a meal won’t be provided. But if you need childcare, you can let them know!
And they have an online merch store.
And they have membership tiers, complete with increasing prices.
And it’s not voluntary. If you want to join the DSA, you have to pay.
See what I’m getting at here? The DSA is a marching contradiction. They can talk all about how they’re for the common person, but they’re just as invested in capitalism as those they want to topple.
Now, here’s the really funny part. The DSA is making electoral strides only because Democrats are so pathetically weak right now. Let me put it this way: in the face of the DSA, the DNC would surrender before the French would. Part of this is because Democrat leadership is a contradiction in terms. More to the point, though, this void in leadership has left an opening for fringe players unhappy with the aforementioned void to step in and be loud, giving the illusion of popularity.
As of July 2026, there are over 120,000 members of the DSA. In comparison, there are 45.4 million registered Democrats as of April 2026. Granted there may be some crossover voters, but let’s assume for the purposes of this sketch the numbers are right. A major political party of 45 million is kissing the ring of a group that represents less than 1% of its own voting base.
Pardon my French, but WHAT IN THE WILD WORLD OF FUCK? You literally have the numbers to make the DSA your bitches, but you can’t.
Or won’t.
Modern Democrat politics and Leftist politics revolve around the same thing: capitalizing on buzzwords they think voters want to hear. That’s why Bernie “Three Houses” Sanders and the Socialist Socialite continue to blabber on about the oligarchy (which is ironic given the fact they are the oligarchy and rarely vote against their peers who are also the oligarchy). It’s never about actual policy anymore. Trying to pin down a Leftist on a policy position is like trying to staple Jello to the wall using a banana. It might work at Lutheran potlucks, but not where it counts.
While Democrats struggle with how to handle the influx of Democratic Socialists, their indecision/silence is speaking volumes. The leadership is flummoxed, the party faithful are either staying quiet or supporting the DSA, and the rest of us are noticing what’s going on. In this case, my Democrat friends, silence is consent. Or is it violence? Maybe it’s infrastructure. Either way, you have to say or do something to not look like cowards, fence-sitters, or comrades. (Yes, I know that’s more communism than Democratic Socialism, but they’re not that far away from each other.)
One final note on Democratic Socialism that has always bothered me. The term makes it sound like we can vote in socialism, which I don’t mind necessarily because it’s still the will of the people. Stupid people, I grant you, but people nonetheless. If we can vote in socialism via Democratic Socialism, can we vote it out again?
Still not getting a line on that question from the DSA, so I’m assuming the answer is “we haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”
While I continue to prime my cryogenic chamber to wait for the answer, I suggest keeping an eye out for the Democratic Socialists of America. Partially because they seem to be gathering steam and may take over the Democrat Party relatively soon. But mostly because it’s fun watching them saying capitalism is bad while posting on social media using the latest smartphones.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week – Mailbag Edition
Hello again folks! Since nothing has really piqued my interest this week and everything I could talk about I’ve beaten to death so much I’d have to hire a necromancer to bring it back, I decided to dive into the mailbag and see what my tens and tens of fans have to say.
Dear Thomas, why do you pick on Leftists so much? Surely, there are people on the Right who deserve your scorn.
There are, and when the need arises, I pull no punches for the Right. But more to the point, the Left are the ones doing and saying the stupid shit, so they get my attention. Think of it like this. What are you going to pay attention to more, a single sparkler or a massive fireworks display in the sky?
Things are really getting chippy out there. How close do you think we are to another civil war?
Heavy question, but one worth exploring. I’ve felt we’ve been heading down the civil war road for the better part of a decade, mainly because there are people on both sides of the equation more than willing to take up arms against their enemies, perceived or otherwise. As long as violence is on the table for either side, civil war is never off the table.
Are you MAGA or not? I can never tell from your writing.
I am not MAGA in the sense I follow President Trump on everything he does. When he does well, I acknowledge it. When he fucks up, I also acknowledge it. To me, Make America Great Again is far bigger than Trump or his supporters. It’s a mindset. Even when President Brick Tamland and Queen Kamala the Appointed were running things, I never wanted America to fail; I wanted it to be as good as it could be. The best I can say is I’m MAGS-adjasent if for no other reason than Leftists always say I’m MAGA in lieu of arguing the points I make.
And speaking of Leftist dipshits…
Trump is a proven pedophile rapist who is destroying the country and installing his fascist regime with the help of Russia and Israel. How can you support a pedophile rapist loser like Trump?
Simple. Because it pisses off people like you. Your side is frothing at the mouth over anything Trump does, so if there is any way for me to tweak you in the nose to get you to keep frothing, I’m going to do it and back up whatever I say with facts and logic. Oh, and switch to decaf.
What are your thoughts on the war with Iran?
The war with Iran is both a war of choice and a war that was destined to happen at some point. We have let Iran slide on a lot of shit for almost 50 years with Democrat and Republican Presidents. Trump pulled what Ronald Reagan did with the now-former Soviet Union: he called their bluff. Unlike Reagan, Trump had to use military force to drive the point (and more than a few bombs) home. The issue is how we proceed. We haven’t done the best job in securing the Strait of Hormuz, and we’re still pussyfooting around with whether we go full bore attack mode or if we’re happy with attacking in dribs and drabs. The Iranian people want freedom by and large, but they are either still afraid of the current regime or incapable of taking on the task themselves. Either way, it’s becoming evident we have to shit or get off the pot.
We have been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.
And I’ve been ignoring you because you keep trying to reach me. Moving on…
Is transphobia a thing?
It is, but it’s not nearly as widespread as those with a vested interest in there being a lot of it want us to believe. Really, it comes down to the “ick factor” for me. If you’re trans and you just want to live your life, good on ya! You’ll get no pushback from me. If you’re someone like Lily Tino? Get the fuck outta here! You’re just making things worse for trans people across the board by being creepy motherfuckers. But saying we don’t agree with you being creepy motherfuckers isn’t transphobia. It’s creepy-motherfucker-phobia.
The officiating in the WNBA sucks balls. What would you do to fix it?
I am toying with the idea of doing an Extremist Makeover – WNBA Edition or redoing it depending on whether I did one in the first place. Not to tip my hand too much, I would start with finding referees who know the damn rules. No matter whether it’s a player I like or don’t like, no player should be subjected to clotheslines, eye pokes, eye rakes, tripping, elbows to the chest area and above, and, oh yeah, fucking choking. Stevie Wonder could make more accurate calls than these refs, and he’s a pianist! (Thought I was going for the blind joke, huh?) More to come.
I’m a young conservative, but I’m afraid to speak out because of what Leftists would do to me. What would you suggest?
Be your true self, even if the rest of your peers might not agree. The real people will respect you for staying true to yourself and your ideology. The fake ones will peel off faster than a driver in a Fast and Furious movie. It’s going to be rough, but you’re better off being real than pretending to be something you’re not. Besides, if your peers hate you for being conservative, it’s a them problem, not a you problem.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
The best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten is from Ayn Rand: “Check your premise.” When I think I know the answer to something for a witty retort or a lame attempt at a joke, I always look into it further to see whether I’m on the right track or just following the prevailing idea. Sometimes my gut instinct is right, and other times it’s wrong and I adjust my thinking and approach accordingly. You know, the exact opposite of what Leftists do?
You were so sure Zohran Mamdani was going to suck as Mayor of New York City, but he’s doing great things! When are you going to admit you were wrong?
First off, I wished him the best of luck when he was elected while acknowledging his ideology doesn’t actually work. And since then, I still wish him well. And I’ve been right about his ideology not actually working. His budget got “balanced” thanks to an inflow of money from…New York State. Or more specifically, New York taxpayers. He’s causing more economic chaos in less than a year than Karl Marx did with Das Kapital, a book you can buy from Amazon, I might add. Give him time, though. He’s only begun to fuck shit up.
Where do you think President Trump will land on the list of best Presidents?
That’s a good question! Most of our recent Presidents (and by recent I mean since 2000) have been mediocre and that’s being verrrrrrrrrry generous. To me, Trump is ahead of the rest of the pack if only because the previous ones sucked so badly. Along a longer timeline, though, he’s in the B to C tier for me. He’s done some good things, some stupid things, and some head-shakingly bizarre things. Your mileage may vary.
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Weird question, but I’ll field it. I’d say an oak because of deez nuts!
Why do people still think climate change is a thing?
It’s a multi-tiered reason. First, Leftists can’t admit they’re wrong about anything, no matter what the facts, history, and common sense think. Second, the Left doesn’t know shit about science, which is ironic given how often they said “trust the science” during COVID. Third, they’re dumb fucks. Fourth, they’re really dumb fucks. And fifth, did I mention they were dumb fucks?
Hey, Thomas. Long time reader, first time writer. You’ve talked about your political and comedy influences, but who are your literary influences?
Great question! I’m a big fan of cutting through the bullshit to get to the truth. That puts me in the camp of Ernest Hemingway and Mark Twain. On the more creative storytelling side, I lean towards Edgar Allen Poe. For absurdist yet clever humor, I go with Douglas Adams. But I’m always on the lookout for great writers!
I wanted to let you know your test results are in and it’s not good news. You have come down with…
Well, that’s all the time we have for the mailbag. Join me next week for more fun!
In the Meme Time
We are having a two-for-one special today in the idiot department. These two memes against the SAVE Act are full of false information that a fifth grader could spot after reading the SAVE Act.
Hitting the first one, not only is the information false and misleading, it has been said over and over again. Hallmarks of the Left. Use the useful idiots to spread false information since they actually wont read the SAVE Act itself. And repeat a lie over and over again until it is believed.
No, the Left is not fine with voter ID in any way shape or form. Several states have already passed Voter ID laws and it’s just your drivers license that is needed. And the Left calls it racist and challenges voter ID laws in court.
A drivers license is easy to get or if you don’t drive, just a state issued ID. It’s required to open a bank account, get a job, buy a home, rent an apartment, see a doctor, and so many other every day tasks. Just an ID in my state is only $8 and it’s good for 8 years. It’s not expensive at all. A free issued government ID is a socialists wet dream.
If you don’t want to vote or participate in society, you don’t need an ID. You can go live under a bridge with no job or any sort of meaningful life. It’s a free country.
All IDs are easy to update. I’ve lived in several states and never had any trouble updating my ID when moving or for any other reason. And already noted it’s already required to vote in some states.
Like many Leftist memes there are always some true statements. Here is an example from this first meme. “That’s not what the SAVE Act does.” This is a true statement. It doesn’t provide a free ID and the reason the currant Driver’s License isn’t the best idea is because anyone can get one. You don’t have to be a US Citizen to get a Driver’s License. And that is exactly what the SAVE Act fixes.
It creates an ID that does prove citizenship at a glance.
And now we are at the end of that first meme where it goes off into the deep end lie the Left keeps retelling hoping people will believe it. And of course some do because they are useful idiots or maybe they are just idiots.
To prove that you are a citizen you need some documentation. An Original Birth Certificate. This has the proper signatures and raised seal on them. Everyone has a copy of this somewhere. It was needed for that first job, first bank account, first drivers license. To show proof of age and citizenship on the good old I-9 form. It’s also needed if you decide to get a passport for the same reasons and it may be needed for the Real ID (the star on your Driver’s License.)
Now over time that birth certificate can get lost, destroyed, or misplaced. But it’s easy to get another copy from the the state or county of your birth. Yes there is a fee, research takes time and money as does reprinting the document and mailing it to you. No one works for free nor should they.
The SAVE Act does NOT require everyone to produce a US Passport. This is one acceptable document in place of others. Read the Act and it becomes abundantly clear. If you have one, that’s fantastic and will be helpful when registering to vote under the SAVE Act. If you don’t have one, it’s not a big deal, you just need other documentation.
Then we get to the “big scare”. Married women wont be able to register to vote because their name doesn’t match their birth certificate. Oh no!
Well no shit. They didn’t have their husband’s name before they married so of course it’s not going to be the same. But there is a marriage license that clearly shows their maiden name and married name being linked together. This establishes the chain and is an accepted document. Now the Left doesn’t think ahead when it comes up with these scare tactics. How many couples out there where the husband has also changed his name? Perhaps they both adopted a hyphenated name, or changed it completely to something else when they married. Or maybe he took her name instead. All of these things happen. What about a divorce name change or a court ordered name change?
So many different ways a name can be changed from one’s birth name. Yet the Left only pushes that married women wont be able to vote. It just goes to show the falseness of the logic.
Sure those documents exist. Yes, like your birth certificate, they can be lost, misplaced, or destroyed and need to be recreated. Again that takes time and a minor free from the state, county, or court system. But it’s completely do able.
Federal funding, ie taxpayer money, ie MY MONEY, wont be set aside for those irresponsible enough to loose important documents. Keep your records safe so there aren’t any issues in the future. You never know when you might need to dig them out again. But the process is easy to replace them. Especially in our AI driven information age.
And more lies. The SAVE Act is about Security. The security of our votes. Insuring than only living US Citizens are voting and on the voting rolls. It is plain and simple in that goal.
Lastly for this first meme. Another hint of truth. Yes it is about who votes and who doesn’t. US Citizens vote. No one else does.
Now we are on to the 2nd meme in our double header. It starts off with the familiar lies. Voting doesn’t require anyone to get a passport. Thus the whole “poll tax” nonsense deflates instantly. If you have lost all of your identity documents then yes you will have to replace those and you should. But that’s not a poll tax. That is stewardship of your identity.
Yes again we have some truth. The SAVE Act does indeed suppress the votes of non-citizens who slip through and vote in our elections. But it doesn’t suppress the vote of any US Citizen.
The Platner Problem
In spite of my desire to have him stay in the Maine Senate race just to see how much he could fuck up his chances, Graham Platner officially dropped out. And now Leftists want us to forget some of their progressive superstars backed him so they can move on to other things, like choosing a replacement and/or blaming Donald Trump for Platner’s downfall.
So, that’s it, right?
Not so much. Graham Platner may have gone the way of any coherent thought in Queen Kamala the Appointed’s brain, but the damage he’s caused is going to resonate for quite a while, and the Left doesn’t even realize it yet. To be fair, they might not realize it after they read this piece, so there’s that.
The first problem the Left faces PP (Post-Platner) is optics. Our favorite oyster farmer with a Nazi tattoo managed to get a lot of high-profile progressives on his side. Bernie “Fight the Oligarchy, But Not Me” Sanders, Elizabeth “Chief Running Mouth” Warren, Ro “Yer Boat” Khanna, Ruben “Not Cool Enough For a Nickname” Gallego, and many others. The Left may try to memoryhole this, but the Internet is forever and it’s undefeated. The pictures, the statements, the videos, the tweets (or Xs if you prefer), and all of that will be around for a while and dog these assholes for a long time.
Not to mention, it gives the GOP campaign ad fodder for the midterms, the 2028 Presidential election, and any time these nozzleheads try to stick their heads out of their asses to support another candidate. I can see the ad copy now…
[Insert name of Leftist who supported Platner] wants to run for [insert name of office]. This is the same person who didn’t see anything wrong with an accused rapist with a Nazi tattoo before withdrawing support. Is this the kind of person you want representing you?
By the way, if there are any Republicans looking for someone to write ad copy, give a brother a hook up!
That means let me have a job. I’m not sure how hip Republican leadership is these days, so I figured I’d better explain it.
And then there’s the scramble to find a new candidate to run against Susan “I Totally Didn’t Get That Last Reference” Collins. The Democrats are on the clock to find someone to replace Platner, and…how can I put this delicately…the pickings are slimmer than Kate Moss on Ozempic. The recent debate with the 8 contenders made a carnival freak show look Amish. One had a brain freeze rivaling President Brick Tamland, another has a past that rivals Platner, and one was just…yeah, I’m not going there.
Remember, kids, these are the candidates Maine Democrats think would be better than a guy with a literal Nazi tattoo and multiple sexual assault allegations.
Which brings us to the Left’s attitude towards sexual assault. Sure, they hate it when it comes to allegations about Donald Trump, but with Platner? Apparently their limit on such allegations is 10 because they didn’t try to flush his ass (which I understand he might enjoy) until the 11th accusation, this time from a Democrat supporter with a story flimsier than E. Jean Carroll’s.
But up until then, they were all sweeping for Platner.
Now, tell me how that gives them any credibility on sexual assault going forward. Let me save you some breath and brain power: it doesn’t. It shows you’re willing to let women be victims if a politician has the “right” political positions. Of course, anyone who was around when these same asshats were sweeping for Bill Clinton could see history repeating itself. But, yeah, keep telling us about how Donald Trump is a rapist.
The biggest takeaway from the Platner implosion is just how scared the Left is by the rise of the Democratic Socialists of America from their even further left flank. DSA members are running and mostly winning seats that would have been Democrat cakewalks in previous years. This shows me there’s a civil war brewing on the Left and the more mainstream Leftists aren’t ready for it. And let me just say the DSA would be perfectly fine with a Platner-esque candidate if it meant getting rid of a Democrat do-nothing.
So even though Graham Platner is gone, his impact is going to be felt for a long time. Meanwhile, I would invest heavily in popcorn futures.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
This week’s Lexicon entry takes us from the national and international stages to something a little closer to home. As can be expected from the day after Election Day until the next Election Day, there are politicians running for office, and their ads are more ubiquitous than the bad reviews for “Supergirl.” (Too soon?) One of the ads is for a Republican running for reelection in my home state of Iowa, and in that ad a lot of time is spent on how this candidate wants to end the “death tax.” More on that in a bit.
While cruising Facebook (since I have the social media skills of a rock), I saw a Leftist post about this effort, basically saying it’s pointless since Iowa has already done away with the death tax…all the while missing the point this candidate is running for reelection to the House of Representatives, as in the one in Washington, DC. Nobody said Leftists were smart, and if they did, they were lying. Or Leftists themselves, but I repeat myself.
Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to avoid talking about immigration for at least a week and focus on one of the tepid-button issues of our time.
death tax
What the Left thinks it means – a necessary tax to prevent wealthy families from hoarding money
What it really means – government taking more money from people simply for inheriting valuables
Although it has an ominous, yet totally kick-ass, name, the death tax is more commonly known by two more mundane names, the inheritance tax and the estate tax. There are important differences between the two, but they both operate on the same premise: government wants a cut of anything you get. Well, except for your crazy Aunt Freida’s erotic Hummel collection. That shit goes on eBay!
Not that I know anything about that, mind you…
Meanwhile back at the main point, I’m not a big fan of taxation in general, but the death tax in any of its forms is particularly shitty to me. Not only is any money or value taxed while the original owner is alive, but then it gets taxed again because the owner died and wanted someone else to have it. And when you consider the extent of the government’s involvement in the situation is holding out its hands like beggars, it makes a fucked up situation even more fucked up.
Which is why the Left loves death taxes so much. Granted, they’ve never met a tax they haven’t loved, but the death tax is special. It combines two of their favorite things in the world: taking money from people, and class warfare.
And, yes, I see the humor in “class” and “Leftist” appearing in such close proximity.
Which leads us into a topic joined at the hip with the death tax, class warfare. Without turning this into a Leftist Lexicon entry within a Leftist Lexicon entry (Lexception, in other words), this refers to a Leftist tactic driven by jealousy at people who do better than others. After all, Leftists believe any rich person’s success comes through exploitation of the workers.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to wealthy Leftists like our good friend, Uncle George Soros…
The point is Leftists believe the only way to get people to pissed off enough to go after those rich assholes is to stoke resentment with those who aren’t rich. Hence, we have class warfare.
But there’s a tiny problem with that: most rich people don’t do anything for or against the rest of society. Rarely will you find a billionaire with a secret lair hidden within a volcano and plotting world domination with a death ray (for peaceful purposes only). Most of the time, those with that kind of wealth don’t rub shoulders with John Q. Public, so there really isn’t a logical basis for there to be hard feelings towards the Elon Musks of the world.
But the Left doesn’t operate in the world of logic. Instead, they want you to feel something, usually hatred, depression, and other things that make you a fucking drag at parties. I know this because I used to be a Leftist, and it was one of the most miserable times of my life. When you’re a Leftist, you’re perpetually pissed off at something that’s outside of your control, which leads to more impotent rage, which then leads to stupid protests.
Which leads to me pointing, laughing, and hopefully making you laugh at the absurdity.
The same pissed-offedness works behind the scenes with death tax. After all, it’s not fair someone would give you money simply for not dying yet when that money could have gone to a real world issue, like increasing LGBTQIA+THISDAMNACRONYMGETSFUCKINGLONGERBYTHEFUCKINGDAY visibility in [insert movement, hobby, or other activity where people are having too much fun]. So, because your favorite Leftist movement isn’t getting a penny, they have to force you to give up some of it under threat of governmental enforcement.
So, they’re nice people…
And before you can say “taxation is theft” you’re going to get pushback from the Left talking about all the great things that could be funded with the death tax. In response, let me point out the fact we’re dealing with billions of dollars in taxpayer fraud, so that tells me the government is spending the money like a coke fiend with a dealer on speed dial and a black Amex card. In other words, Hunter Biden. It also tells me the government doesn’t need the money from the death tax as much as it needs one hell of an intervention.
And one way we can kick that off is to eliminate the death tax. It makes no literal sense to punish a family by taking money away from them because it comes into an inheritance. Unless that inheritance came from a mattress, it was already taxed at some point. And if it was stuffed in a mattress, it wouldn’t be very comfortable, which is only marginally worse than an IRS audit, so I’d call it square.
Even if we’d be lucky to get a wooden nickel from our eccentric Uncle Throckmorton, the government has no business getting even that much. If a relative dying is good enough for Leftist assholes to hold out their hands waiting for their “fair share,” it’s an even better reason to deny them their payday because it makes them no better than stereotypical relatives at a will reading waiting for their payout.
In other words, the Biden family.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
Before I delve into this week’s Leftist batshittery, I do want to apologize for going into another immigration piece. I didn’t plan for it, but it just so happened birthright citizenship exploded last week, so I felt it needed some attention. Going forward I will do my best to vary the topics and give my slightly undercooked takes and marginal humor a chance to bore you with more variety.
So until then, let’s dive right in!
Immigration has provided America with a rich tapestry of cultures and traditions because we have opened our arms to so many people throughout the years. Even with this, many immigrants (and recent visitors, for that matter) have grown to love our little country and want to be more like us. As a result, these people assimilate to our culture.
Which Leftists don’t like, yet claim every immigrant assimilates to our country and culture. So, I figured we’re due for a little lesson in assimilation.
assimilation
What the Left thinks it means – what every immigrant does
What it really means – what some immigrants do, but not enough
At the turn of the 20th Century, we had an influx of immigrants looking to start a new life in America. This started a concept called the American melting pot where these multiple cultures came together to make our country stronger.
Well, except for the Irish. They had a slightly less cordial greeting in some sections.
For the most part, America remained a melting pot for generations, with each new one assimilating to our culture while Americans adopted some of the cultural aspects of the old world, as it were. It didn’t mean these new Americans abandoned their old ways; they integrated those ways into the American experience.
Then, somewhere in the late 20th Century, some people got it in their heads that being American wasn’t all that great and that the best way to become an American was to force the people here to adopt your ways. I think it might have been Jerry Lewis. Or Menudo.
Regardless of who started the idea that assimilation wasn’t necessary to be an American, it started the expectation that America would bend over backwards to welcome them. And by expectation, I mean demand. Before you could say “Habla Ingles” we started seeing government documents written in multiple languages, having to press 2 to continue in English, and other signs that the people coming into the country had no interest in assimilating to our country. That’s not just a dick move, but as we’ve seen in the past year or so, it’s becoming deadly.
On the other hand, Americans are expected to assimilate to the norms of foreign countries even when on vacation. And if we don’t, we’re called “ugly Americans.” Speaking as an ugly American, I say I was born looking this way, so back off man!
But more to the point, these foreign countries have a point. Even if it’s for a short period, we should try to blend in as much as we can.
Let’s say I’m moving to France for my retirement. (To the French people reading this, I’m not actually coming, so you don’t have to pull out your surrender flags.) Before I even filled out my change of address card, the very least I would do is learn to speak French. After all, it’s hard to pantomime you have to take a shit without people looking at you funny.
Not that I know anything about that, mind you…
Along with picking up the native language, I would pick up as much of the French and local culture as I could to make sure I could function. Sure, I might still get called an ugly American, but at least I made the effort.
Is that so much to ask of people coming to America?
Apparently it is because to many (especially on the Left) adapting your original culture in favor of the American culture is betrayal. And the Left is more than willing to enable you to defy norms (and not just the guy from “Cheers” or the late Mr. Macdonald). After all, your culture is bound to be better than ours right?
Not so much.
For all of its faults, America is the place to be. I don’t see too many people trying to escape America to head to Cuba, CODEPINK notwithstanding. And let’s face it, those who would are dumbasses, so we would actually gain by losing. The only downside is Cuba may haul us before The Hague for war crimes by sending too many dumbass Leftists (but I repeat myself) to their country.
If we want more immigrants to want to assimilate, we have to lean into the fact America is pretty awesome. So, maybe we make some changes to the current immigration policy, which makes less sense than a Kamala Harris speech.
I’m not big on loyalty oaths, but I am big on Ameri-countability Buddies! That’s right, kids, every immigrant gets an America to keep tabs on them to acclimate our new proto-Americans to what we have to offer. This will be a 12 month commitment, but it’s essential to help them go from new kid in town to pure 100% USDA grade A Murkan.
The Ameri-countability Buddy will work with the immigrants to help them get on their feet with mastering the language, or at least getting them to the point they can hold a longer conversation than “I’ll take a #5 Burger Meal with a Coke.” Within that 12 months, the Ameri-countability Buddy will help the new immigrants find gainful employment, a home of their own, how to find and utilize civic and mercantile entities, and give them a sense of what is means to be American.
But it’s not all work! Once a month, the immigrant and the Ameri-countability Buddy get to go to a quintessentially American experience. Like monster truck rallies. Of course, we’ll kick in a few bucks to help things along because Murka. There will be opportunities for cross-cultural exchanges because assimilation requires a willingness on both sides of the ledger to share joy, company, and food.
So how does one become an Ameri-countabilty Buddy? It’s simple. You have to meet a few conditions.
1. You must love America.
2. You can’t be a Leftist. (Although I’m pretty sure number 1 would weed out most of them.)
3. You must be willing to open your home to an immigrant.
As far as the immigrants are concerned, we have a few conditions as well.
1. You must want to be an American.
2. No criminal behavior or you get a ride in the Deportation Catapult with a helmet, pads, and a pillow.
3. You must be willing to share your culture with us while adopting ours in the process.
Pretty simple, really. This is only a rough draft at this point (mainly because we’re still trying to get the patent on the Deportation Catapult), but it’s a good start.
Look, I know assimilation is a hard road, but if you’re driven to become an American, it’s worth it. We have people on waiting lists around the world wanting to live here even for a couple of years. If that doesn’t tell you how awesome America is as a country, nothing will.
Plus, we kick ass when it comes to fast food.
Leftist Lexicon Word of the Week
To put it mildly, the US Supreme Court has been at the center of a lot of controversy over the past few decades. From the various rulings around Roe v Wade to however the fuck Ketanji Brown Jackson got a seat with the High Court while simultaneously being one-tenth of a halfwit, it’s a miracle there aren’t more protests.
After the recent rulings about birthright citizenship, though, there might be a few more coming down the pike. Immigration debates are already highly charged in the first place, and the Right hoped the 6-3 conservative majority would rule the practice would go the way of former President Brick Tamland’s sway over the Left.
Wellllll…it didn’t go that way. In Trump v Barbara, the Supreme Court voted 6-3 to strike President Trump’s Executive Order banning birthright citizenship. The Left were happy in spite of convincing themselves the court would uphold it. The Right were unhappy because they thought the 6-3 majority would guarantee it.
As for me…well, I have a headache thinking about the concept, so in lieu of aspirin, I decided to look into it further.
You’re welcome…I guess.
birthright citizenship
What the Left thinks it means – a way for newborns from foreign parents to become American citizens that should be maintained
What the Right thinks it means – a way for newborns from illegal immigrant parents to become American citizens that should be eliminated
What it really means – a simple idea complicated by politics
So, we’re all on the same page before moving into the sexy part of this controversy, we have to define what birthright citizenship actually is. Basically, it’s the idea if you’re born on American soil, that makes you an American. That’s going to piss off more than a few Leftists, but that’s not important right now. The crux of the idea comes from the 14th Amendment, which states in part as follows:
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
Seems pretty straightforward, right? And it was for a lot of years until someone got it in his/her (still 2 genders for those of you playing along at home) head that this would cover the children of illegal immigrants. And based on a plain reading of the 14th Amendment, I can’t find fault with that conclusion from a logical standpoint.
Until we add that little thing the kids today like to call context. The author of the section of the 14th Amendment quoted above was a man named John Bingham. His history prior to writing the 14th Amendment is interesting, so you might want to read about it using this link. For those who don’t, let me break it down.
Bingham saw racial injustice towards blacks and wanted to end it through targeted legislation. He failed at first, but eventually got it done.
Now, what does this have to do with the current state of birthright citizenship? Glad you asked because if not I would have had to come up with something witty to put here, and we know how well that works!
In his speech introducing the 14th Amendment, Bingham anticipated how future/current generations would try to adapt it to their needs, but focused primarily on how it would impact blacks, who had just experienced a painful history of being treated as less than human. Although this is a limited focus, it’s essential to understanding the context. Bingham didn’t want this to become a means for states to treat blacks as non-citizens under their laws, but a baseline for Congress to enact new laws to expand on the concepts within the Amendment. And they did.
And then they didn’t when it came to illegal immigration.
This is when President Trump took action, and when the Left lost their collectivist minds. One Supreme Court decision later, and here we are.
You may be asking “Thomas, what do you think of the decision?” You may also be asking “Thomas, why are you dressed like Ernest Borgnine in a tutu?” First off, don’t kink-shame me. Second of all, how did you get in my house?
But to answer the first question, as much as it will piss off the Right, the Supreme Court made the right decision, kinda. Here’s what I mean.
Section 5 of the 14th Amendment reads as follows:
The Congress shall have power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
As the big fan of the Constitution as I am, I can see the fundamental flaw with this section, namely being the Executive Branch is the enforcement arm of the government. Having said that, the 14th Amendment puts the onus on Congress to enforce it, so unfortunately any enforcement of the provisions falls on them.
Which means they’ll get around to it by the time we celebrate America’s 300th birthday.
The Executive Order President Trump made circumvented the process established with the 14th ratification. It asserted the power of the Executive Branch to do the job it’s been doing since 1787, but it also violated the Constitution, leading to the Supreme Court decision and the subsequent freakout.
The dissents on Trump v Barbara are worth reading if you have the time and a lot of coffee and truck stop speed because the history lesson and intent were laid out pretty thoroughly. You might want to read Justice Jackson’s dissent if only for the comedic concept that she calls out Justice Clarence Thomas by name to try to give him a dressing down. That’s like Dylan Mulvaney calling out Danny Trejo for not being as badass as he is.
So, what happens now? A lot of bitching and moaning without anything getting done. At the very least, Trump allies in Congress have a path forward to write legislation to address birthright citizenship. The problem is time is short, the problem continues to grow, and Leftists will call them racist. So, any Tuesday on Capitol Hill, pretty much.
To me, the concept of birthright citizenship has merit, but it also has a loophole that allows people to abuse it. Until that loophole gets fixed through the aforementioned legislative action, it’s going to continue to be a problem. It also raises a point about how far Constitutional provisions extend to illegal immigrants. Even as I write this, I see numerous touchpoints that intersect with birthright citizenship.
What’s the solution? I got nothing. We have allowed politicians to warp the Constitution so this matter can’t be undone without a lot of work, a united front willing to discuss it, and the courage to fix it once and for all so the loophole is closed tighter than a little black dress.
Well, I’m off to my cryogenic chamber to wait for the day this happens. Wake me when shit goes down.
America the Still Pretty Nifty
America turned 250, and you don’t look a day over 249!
Many, many years ago, your humble correspondent wrote a piece called “America the Pretty Nifty” which has been lost to time, and probably for the best. From what I can remember of it, it was a combination of a genuine appreciation for my country and occasional humorous and culturally relevant asides.
You know, like this, but funnier.
Although I’ve gotten older (as have my jokes), I still haven’t lost my love for America. Granted, when it comes to America, I’m a bit of a “homer” as the sports-minded might say. The most exotic location I’ve traveled to outside our borders was…Canada, which is basically Minnesota with more donut places. (By the way, Tim Horton’s kicks butt!)
But aside from my homertude, I can see a lot of good things about America. And, yes, I see we have some work to do, but like I did when I first broached the subject the plusses outweigh the minuses.
For example, America still has at least a concept of free speech, even if we don’t always practice it well. Still, we have it, among many other rights outlined in the Bill of Rights, the US Constitution, and if you can believe it, the secret recipe for KFC chicken. (Which is like saying Kentucky Fried Chicken chicken, but work with me here.) There are people in Europe getting in trouble for speaking out against immigration among other issues who could really benefit from our freedom of speech.
Connected to freedom of speech is freedom of the press. Granted, most of the press are pretty much stenographers for the Left, but for those handful of journalists who still understand the difference between a news article and an op-ed, it’s good we have it.
And speaking of the Left, we have a healthy-ish political system that welcomes the Left, the Right, and every ideology in between. Now, if we could only figure out how to get better quality politicians…
As we’ve seen from numerous online videos from Europeans visiting for the World Cup, we still have things the rest of the world doesn’t. Like truck stops that double as mini malls. And WalMarts. And food that shortens your life, but leaves you with a smile on your face as you see St. Peter.
Which brings us (albeit indirectly) to American health care. People talk about how bad it is (and that’s not without reason), but there’s only one Mayo Clinic, where people from around the world come and get exceptional care. Throw in Johns Hopkins, the Centers for Disease Control (as long as Dr. Fauci is required to stay at least 1000 feet from the entrance), MIT, and many other medical and technological institutions of higher learning.
And people willingly come here for that kind of education because it has heft to it. Sure, you may be able to get your medical degree from the University of South Padre Island and Spay and Neuter Clinic, but you’ll lose out on every job opportunity from someone who came to America and got the same degree.
I’m a driver at heart, and one of the best things about America is its scenery. Whether you’re traveling down the historic Route 66 or making your way through the Heartland on a two-lane highway, there are some amazing vistas to be seen if you take the time to appreciate them.
And then there are the cities! Such bustling hubs of commerce where you can buy everything from legal firearms and illegal drugs, often from the same people. Now that’s convenience, kids!
One of the most fascinating aspects of America is we don’t have a single national identity, per se. At the beginning of the 20th Century, America became a melting pot where different cultures added to our mutt-like existence. As of today, we still have that. Not everyone who comes here integrates into the culture as much as others, but those who do make us richer by extension.
And that explains why there are different “vibes” throughout the country. If you like an active, edge-of-a-knife lifestyle, there’s New York City. If you’re into more mellowness, there’s Southern California. If you want a more sylvan environment, head to the Pacific Northwest. Mountains, prairies, valleys, deserts, swamps, we have it all and then some!
And perhaps the best part of America? We can disagree on how great America is! I know there’s a segment of our population who absolutely hates everything about America and thinks if we did things their way we would be far better. We call these people Leftists, and we can make fun of them to our hearts’ content. And I do as frequently as I can! Try doing that in China. Not only will you be hungry and hour later, but you might find yourself in prison or worse.
That’s right. I’m talking about a one-way ticket to UC Berkeley.
No matter what the naysayers nay-say, I love America because it’s one of the best places in the world. I mean, we have two Disney-named theme parks, and the rest of the world has…well, they have a couple more, but the point is they wouldn’t have had their if we didn’t start the trend.
And who does the world call on to fix things around the globe? Here’s a hint: it ain’t France.
Happy 250th America!